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LMAO @ claim my farts!! (rolling on the floor) :D :D :D |
Wow, and here I thought I was the only one who ripped one in the candle department. Was glad none of the candles were lit.
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my most embarrasing fart was a few years back when I was on stage at my local carnegie hall. Around 1000 people in there and I was about 8. It was a musical performance from all the local schools. Well, to close it all off, I had to play a solo on my recorder. after the first few notes, those butterflies in my stoumach decided to fly to safety via my poop hole. there worst part was I couldn't stop it. I had a mic in front of me so it was a continous BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM for about 7 seconds. The first three rows burst out laughing, soon it spread across the hall until everyone was in hysterics. I first tried to start again but laughed whenever I tried. Never did the solo in the end. Apparently, the stink went backstage and to the 5th row.
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Oh, I have another one that was pretty funny...But, it wasn't US this time:
We were shopping...Seri was only 2 years old...All of a sudden, she yelled real loud, "Hey, Who farted?!" (at 2, she couldn't say her 'r's well, so it came out like 'fawted'...It was so freakin' cute...Even though I had to tell her "shhhh").....Weeellll...There was only ONE woman in the aisle with us, and she VERY quickly exitted the aisle...hahaha I just remembered another one (that wasn't us :p)...We were at the store, and there was this guy who farted...But, it was really funny because it was like a lot of little farts...Every time he took a step, one would slip out...So, it was like step, rrt...step, rrt...step,rrt...For about 8 steps...It was fricken hilarious...Seri was in a stroller, no way I could keep her from laughing because she was so little...lol That last one is much funnier when we tell it in person, cuz we can act it out :D |
My husband is one of those who will fart anywhere. One day we were in the grocery store and apparently the urge hit him. We were in an aisle that had a few people in it. He was standing beside this little old lady and everyone else was a few feet away. He let out a loud FAARRRT, then glares at the old lady and exclaims, "Oh my god! How dare you!" and walks away. The horrified look on her face was priceless. I am standing at the end of the aisle laughing my ass off. He is so bad.:rolleyes:
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I once stood behind a fat sweaty, smoking man and i heard a rumble. Next thing I knew, I couldn't breathe at all.
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Actually since my wife's first out-burst, she has become more conservative. She will actually deny being the culprit when its just her and I in the car.Of course being the discreet one that I am.....I will usually open the window and hang out whilst yelling "ARRGHHH...IT STINKS".
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Fart in front of her? Hell I fart ON her! And she does to me too.
The Dutch Oven is a favorite passtime - when you fart in bead and then throw the covers over your partner's head. Good times. But the gas is for intimates, friends, family and such. As for public gassing - it is quite rude, so I usually walk past and old person when I do it and then look at them funny. They usually don't remember if they farted or not. If there's no old people present, find a baby...or a dog and blame it:D |
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Oh, and one time when I was at work on a construction site (a LONG time ago, before I had kids), one of the guys said, "OMG...Did you just fart?!"...I said, "No"...He said, "Oh...It must have been ME then...We better get the hell outta here"...hahaha And anytime that anyone asks me if I farted, Dustin always says, "No, it wasn't her...cuz...she isn't laughing"...:D |
if your partner farts purpousely near you, do this. when you're in bed, force one out then quickly pull the covers up over both your faces. PURE EVIL!
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