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This is the funniest shit I've seen in months.

Quote:

Originally posted by Zero
oh junior. . . let's get a few things clear here.

First, ordering from the waitress at Denny's does not constitue a romantic exchange with a "girl your own age." She's only talking to you because she gets PAID TO DO SO (you'll understand this when you're mom finally kicks you out of the house - oh, give her my best by the way). If she smiles at you or gives a half fake-laugh to your stupid comment, its BECAUSE SHE WANTS A TIP.

Though, in fairness, having seen your picture, you should probably get used to the idea of paying to interact with women.

As for getting older, well it does happen. Once you enter puberty you'll get a better sense of how the body changes (watch out, eventually you'll get 'hair down there!' - this may scare you at first, but whatever you do DON'T TRY TO PLUCK THEM. . . you might grab the wrong thing and end whatever unlikely sexual opportunities you may eventually run into).

Going crazy talking to inanimate objects am I? Well, you could be right. . . i must be crazy if I'm wasting my valuable time trading barbs with someone who spends most of his time watching beastiality porn on the internet - but more on that later. In all honesty, the kleenex was, indeed, funnier than you and the eggplant, though now covered in mold, was far more interesting.

So, you were watching my wife on the internet (in all fairness, i've never been married. . . but i'll roll with it). Funny how the guy who was busy "talking to girls" instead of "masturbating at a distance" ends up back with Rosy and her Five Sisters. . . I guess the Denny's manager threw you out after he saw what your hand was doing under the table. Of course, I can understand your interest in human- animal sexual relations - being from Iowa your only real chance for losing your virginity is finding a farmer willing to pimp out his horse. But don't worry IA - I'm a romantic at heart and I'm firmly convinced that somewhere out there is a big horse-schlong meant just for you. And, as for my wife, she assures me that the horses were small stakes after sex with me! (and don't worry you'll understand once that whole puberty thing kicks in).

And, while you're munching on your left over Grand Slam Breakfast just remember, one day once you've finished racking up student loans and sucking off your momma's ample bosom (oh, and they are ample - trust me on that - hairy, yes, but ample as well), you're going to have to enter the real world and make enough money to pay for your own internet porn charges and horse feed.

Let me just start by saying that the best jokes have a thematic element that run throughout them, something that ties them all together. You can tell when you're going up against a brilliant guy because he uses that technique. And let me say to YOU Zero, making Denny's jokes throughout your ENTIRE barrage of insults... mwa! Perfection! Larry the Cable Guy would be proud of you...

And I will say again, YES if you talk to inanimate objects you ARE A CRAZY PERSON. No more joking, if you thought that talking to Kleenex was more enjoyable than talking to a person that deems you as crazy.

Never married? Really? Shit, I gave you too much credit...

And it's true, Iowa does suck... you're right about that. Man, a midwest college town full of 18-21year old girls. Did you know we were ranked #1 out of schools in terms of having girls in Playboy? I... I can't think of a Denny's joke for that, but I still like the sound of it. How many young attractive girls are you surrounded by every day of your life? And NO, your cum-caked magazine cutouts of hentai girls don't count as beautiful women (much like your wife doesn't, apparently).

So, now that this is done, QUICK! Think up another rousing joke-filled tyraid filled with more insults about hair on my mother! Oh, and throw in some insults about the town I live in but wasn't born in (thereby removing me from feeling "burned"). Hell, you could tie em' all together with some Steak N' Shake comments, or a couple NASCAR quips.

Git r' done, Zero!

Bruce Lee would demolish the angry chimp.

That is all.

Quote:

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Let me just start by saying that the best jokes have a thematic element that run throughout them, something that ties them all together. You can tell when you're going up against a brilliant guy because he uses that technique. And let me say to YOU Zero, making Denny's jokes throughout your ENTIRE barrage of insults... mwa! Perfection! Larry the Cable Guy would be proud of you...

And I will say again, YES if you talk to inanimate objects you ARE A CRAZY PERSON. No more joking, if you thought that talking to Kleenex was more enjoyable than talking to a person that deems you as crazy.

Never married? Really? Shit, I gave you too much credit...

And it's true, Iowa does suck... you're right about that. Man, a midwest college town full of 18-21year old girls. Did you know we were ranked #1 out of schools in terms of having girls in Playboy? I... I can't think of a Denny's joke for that, but I still like the sound of it. How many young attractive girls are you surrounded by every day of your life? And NO, your cum-caked magazine cutouts of hentai girls don't count as beautiful women (much like your wife doesn't, apparently).

So, now that this is done, QUICK! Think up another rousing joke-filled tyraid filled with more insults about hair on my mother! Oh, and throw in some insults about the town I live in but wasn't born in (thereby removing me from feeling "burned"). Hell, you could tie em' all together with some Steak N' Shake comments, or a couple NASCAR quips.

Git r' done, Zero!

hmm - IA - the phrase "water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink" comes to mind as I think of you surrounded by college girls. And let's be absolutely clear, when women stare at you and shake their heads, avert their eyes and shudder slightly, or just say "ewww" in your presence - they are NOT interested in anything except your absence.

So, as you get off of the short yellow bus, take off your head-gear and adjust your retainer, I'd like to recommend a few classes that might help you in your later life. First, consider a course in "witty banter" or even "humorous insults" because - to be perfectly honest - I'd need a magnifying glass to find the 'funny' in your last post (ok, in fairness, there was plenty of "funny-sad" but very little "funny- ha ha"). Second, you might consider a course in "when to know that your ass has been thoroughly kicked" because . . . well, let's just say you could use that insight right about now. Third, "personal hygiene," because well, let's just be honest, you could use a good disinfecting.

As for Larry the Cable Guy, well he's not exactly my cup of tea. Of course I obviously didn't learn the art of trading barbs in the same place you did (which apparently was either a third-grade playground or the parking lot of a Steak 'n Shake). Seriously, is your next 'witty' response going to be "Uhn Uhn" or "I know you are but what am I?" Or, perhaps some more stinging remarks about the place you were actually born (EARTH TO IA: NO ONE CARES!). In fact, your NASCAR reference is appropriate - because I feel like I'm Dale Earnhart Jr racing a second grader on his Big Wheel at the moment and to be perfectly honest i'm getting bored lapping your pathetic ass.

So I think its probably time for you to get off the big-boy track, put your retainer back in your mouth and go cry to your hirsute mama. . . oh, and next time you want to engage in a battle of wits, I'd recommend you practice on my Kleenex first.

Quote:

Originally posted by Zero
hmm - IA - the phrase "water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink" comes to mind as I think of you surrounded by college girls. And let's be absolutely clear, when women stare at you and shake their heads, avert their eyes and shudder slightly, or just say "ewww" in your presence - they are NOT interested in anything except your absence.

So, as you get off of the short yellow bus, take off your head-gear and adjust your retainer, I'd like to recommend a few classes that might help you in your later life. First, consider a course in "witty banter" or even "humorous insults" because - to be perfectly honest - I'd need a magnifying glass to find the 'funny' in your last post (ok, in fairness, there was plenty of "funny-sad" but very little "funny- ha ha"). Second, you might consider a course in "when to know that your ass has been thoroughly kicked" because . . . well, let's just say you could use that insight right about now. Third, "personal hygiene," because well, let's just be honest, you could use a good disinfecting.

As for Larry the Cable Guy, well he's not exactly my cup of tea. Of course I obviously didn't learn the art of trading barbs in the same place you did (which apparently was either a third-grade playground or the parking lot of a Steak 'n Shake). Seriously, is your next 'witty' response going to be "Uhn Uhn" or "I know you are but what am I?" Or, perhaps some more stinging remarks about the place you were actually born (EARTH TO IA: NO ONE CARES!). In fact, your NASCAR reference is appropriate - because I feel like I'm Dale Earnhart Jr racing a second grader on his Big Wheel at the moment and to be perfectly honest i'm getting bored lapping your pathetic ass.

So I think its probably time for you to get off the big-boy track, put your retainer back in your mouth and go cry to your hirsute mama. . . oh, and next time you want to engage in a battle of wits, I'd recommend you practice on my Kleenex first.

Well, I think this all leads to an interesting question; just what IS funny? Let's backtrack...

Zero has called my mother an extremely hairy woman, yet he seems willing (even eager) to put his lips on her breasts as WELL as ejaculate on her back hair. I refrain from making a fetish joke because I don't think such a fetish exists yet.

He's also said I hang out at Denny's or something, I honestly didn't understand that part... but even third graders on a playground would have to stop and stare at a group of insults like those.

Now come the retard jokes. I've always considered those to be the last gasp, maybe right before calling me a "fag". These "rips" of your seem to be regressing to the very type of argument you said you were trying to avoid, that of the juvenile. So either you're trying to dumb your jokes down to meet my so called "playground" humor, or your tank is just running empty.

But I'm going to use my time right now to addresss a different issue... a serious one. All this time, the entire time we've known Zero, he's had a strange obsession with monkeys. Monkeys as avatars, monkey pictures, monkey jokes... they're not even placed with subtlety, they're just always there. This coming from the man who claimed I was dick-deep in bestiality, by the way (at least a horse would have a big dick, why would you want a little monkey penis). So I was curious as to whether Zero's lack of a wife at his age is not so much due to the fact that he's a 30-something loser computer nerd, but that he just prefers monkey pussy? Perhaps he's spent all of his back-packing time going to different countries and fucking different types of monkeys; small monkeys, large monkeys, howlers and spiders and marmosets, great apes, orangutans and the like... I would make a joke about AIDS spreading because of Zero fucking monkeys then people, but I honestly don't think Zero's done the latter.

-------------------------------------------------------------

And on THAT note, Zero and I close up our August Arguments... yes, that's the end of Zero VS ItsAlive. We'd like to thank everybody for sticking around and enjoying our childishness.

Take a bow, Zero... don't pull a muscle.:D

"thank you very much thank you very much"

(for the record, IA and I don't hate each other. . . I feel too sorry for him to hate him, i'd call it pity. And the really pathetic part is that IA is just jealous that he's not a 30 something computer nerd making fun of someone else's mother. . . but don't worry my boy, one day you'll cut that apron string (or is that a tangle of hair?? - not sure) and get out there and pay for your own beer, your own internet porn, your own prostitutes, and if you are very, very luck. . . one day you'll grow your very own little monkey penis.)

as for me and my monkey-ass I say:

Thanks for the fun guys, you both should take a bow :D

personally i think the funniest comment was Newb's reference to Mel Gibson. . . and the funniest post has to be the monkey/dog video from pressure. . . i'm just glad IA and I could do our part to make this place slightly less boring

oh, an IA's mother has agreed to enter a nearby hair removal outreach program.

kudos guys.....your both very entertaining and its posters like you that keep me coming back.........and the occasional boob shot.

what....hammmerfan hasen't pmed anybody else boob shots?

:D