A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When
I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck... get the fuck away from me.'

A man in Topeka , Kansas decided to write a book about Churches around the
country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east
from there.

Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making
notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was
intrigued with a sign, which read 'Calls: $10,000 a minute.'

Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The
pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven
and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued
to visit churches in Seattle , Dallas, St. Louis, Chicago, Milwaukee, and
around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and the
same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Massachusetts. Upon entering a church in
Boston, MA .. ..........Behold - he saw the usual golden telephone.

But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: .35 cents."

Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in
cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden
telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I
could talk to God, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute.
Your sign reads only .35 cents a call. Why? Why?"

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied :

"Son, you're in Boston, Massachusetts now, home of the Boston Red Sox, the
Patriots, Celtics, Bruins and Boston College ! "

You're in God's Country, It's a local call.

hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Why Men Have Better Friends

Friendship between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he
was still there.

Damn Skippy

Did you hear the joke about the deaf man?







































Neither did he.

A man returned home from the night shift at 8 am, went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, feigning sleep. Not to be denied, the horny fellow pulled up the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.

Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down here so fast?", he asked, "we were just making love." "Oh my God", his wife gasped, "that's my mother up there! She came over with a headache. I told her to lie down for a while!"

Rushing upstairs, the woman ran into the bedroom. "Why didn't you say something!", she asked her mother. "I haven't spoken to that jerk in fifteen years", she huffed, "and I wasn't about to start now!"

A man was found drown in a pool of milk with a banana in his ear. The police suspect a cereal killer. :D

How are a horse with a hurt leg and Missmacabre's joke the same?


They're both lame. :cool: :D

Can get some wine to go along with Psycom's cheesy joke?

:D that just so happens to be my sense of humour for ya.