LOL..
after 20 reads
i got it ~~

Q How do you know when a Auto Mechanic has just had sex?


A One of his fingers are clean!!!:p

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if
you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you
like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about
nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer
excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have
no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
shit?"

Hhmm,........

how do you say sixtynine in chineese?



two can chew.









:(

So a man walks into a bar...
and says ouch.


:D



Yeah... thats the best I can do for now...

Ghandi was a great man but here is a few details about him. He walked every where he went so he had very bad feet. Also, because he was an ascetic, he ate very little and was frail and weak. Because of his poor diet he was often the victim of very bad breath. I guess you could say he was a . . .

Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis


Yes I know it's a groaner but had to throw it in.:o

Clear Day

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet
behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.
Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the
woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, I know now is
a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband
when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

Sooo... an irish guy walks out of a bar right?



LOL. get it? I liked it

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now....

When I was in chapel at my school, one of the new, younger male teachers stated this in a somber tone. The entire audience was so quiet.


I'm not sure you may have heard, but there was a tragic accident on the 101 (a local freeway)

A little boy was playing on an overpass with a fishing pole; just dangling it over the edge.
Then a Semi sped past. The hook caught, and the boy's arms were ripped off.

(Gasp i the audience, a couple confused looks, and a couple snickers)

They found and arrested the driver.
He was charged with armed robbery.








I thought it was gay, but alot of people were laughing, and even more were pissed.