One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.

The ant asked, "What do I get in return?"

The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."

So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".

The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head.

"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all bitch."

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, " Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, " Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

A preganant woman has taken her little boy to the zoo. As they are walkign around they come to the elephant cage, where a rather large bull is hagning around.

The little boy points to it and says "Mommy, what is that thing hanging off the elephant?

The mom looks and says "thats his trunk".

The little boy says "no, the thing by his backside"

"Oh, that is his tail."

"no no, whats the thing infront of that?'
The mother's eyes get wide and she gets emnerrased. "Oh, thats nothing".

A few months later, mom is in the hospital with the new baby, and dad is now aty the zoo with the boy. They end up at the elephants again. Now the boy thinks he willget some answers.

The little boy points to it and says "Daddy, what is that thing hanging off the elephant?

The dad says "thats his trunk".

The little boy says "no, the thing by his backside"

"Oh, that is his tail."

"no no, whats the thing infront of that?'
"Oh that? Thats his penis"

The little boy goes "oh. Mommy said it was nothing."

The dad says "well, she's just spoiled. " :)

Two peanuts were walking down an alley in New York. One was assaulted.

...

Vod...

No.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."

The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

HA!

A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.

He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.

He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love......

He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to tell it all is the only way to tell truth.

The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know about sex?"

"Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

LOL!

That makes up for my peanut joke.

The sister joke, i mean