OK, my two favourite jokes:

There's a guy crawling through the desert, close to death from lack of water. He crawls over a dune and looks down to see... 3 tents, together on the desert floor.

With his last ounces of strength, he manages to reach them. In a cracked, parched voice he asks at the first tent 'Water, water, please'

'Sorry mate,' came the reply, 'we have no water here. Only custard.'

So the guy goes to the next tent. Desperately, he croaks 'Water, I need water'.

'Very sorry my friend, we only have sponge fingers here.'

Getting pretty annoyed, he then goes to the third tent. 'Water, water, please, you must have some water to give me.'

'No, sorry, only jelly (jello) here.'

What, three tents out in the middle of the desert, and you have no water, only custard, sponge fingers and jelly (jello)? Doesn't that strike you as a little weird?'

'Yes, it is a trifle bazaar!'










How many Tourette's sufferers does it take to change a lighbulb?
...Fuck off!




(Sorry!)

True story?

My last girlfriend was really pretty when she was angry. Amazing eyes.
She damn near knocked me outta my shoes when I told her that tho haha :D