I'm having sex with a manufactured hole in both of your dead, dug-up grandparents right now.

It's oily.

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

very nice comeback.

first round - scores anyone?

Seems pretty tight, but the whole scalding porn might throw my vote toward the young 'un

BRUCE cant be beaten!!!!!
JACAAAAA

Believe it or not there is a whole thread on this.

http://www.horror.com/forum/showthre...vs+angry+chimp


Tough to call the first round.....we may need some impartial judges.

Zero--sperm in mom's backhair.

IA75--wife horse banging.

I'd call the first round for Zero by a hair, because the "old" reference in defense of mom was a tad on the lame side compared to spermy back hair. Mom insults count for more points than wife insults. Kind of like paper-rock-scissors. Pretty close match so far though.

JMO.

I'm pretty new to this, and I don't anything about what took place before.
Opening Paragraph: I thought that Zero's opening was better than IA's. IA's first paragraph wasn't too funny, while Zero's opening paragraph was great with the whole mom and backhair thing. Winner : Zero

Second Paragraph: I also liked the Iowa reference in the second paragraph. He managed to incoporate his home state into the joke, while IA's second paragraph went after his old age. I don't know how old Zero is, but it was kinda lame. Winner : Zero

On the third portion: I have to agree with IA. The whole debate with inanimate objects was not good. I think wet kleenexs go well with strength insults, not intellegence insults. The moldy eggplant, while descriptive, didn't work either. Winner : IA

Fourth Paragraph: The whole wife thing was me cringe more than laugh. I think the whole beastiality and scalding masturbation crossed the unfunny line for ME. I don't know about anyone else. At the same time I thought the whole hitting on underage HDC members was kinda lame, although you tied it in nicely with the Iowa insult again. Winner : Draw

Closing paragraph: Going out to drink with my friends is pretty unimpressive. I mean anyone of age can go out drinking with his/her friends. I mean what else is there to do in Iowa (sorry I hate driving through that state, not as much as Nebraska though). Also the whole paying bills, watching TV, or typin on the internet alone was stating things everyone does. Most adults pay bills, watch TV, and surf the internet alone(I don't like having someone looking over my shoulder). Anyways, sometimes I would rather stay home with my significant other and watch movies on a Friday night, then get drunk with my friends. As for Zero, I thought the inbreeding and ability to type insult was a nice close, and he also managed to bring his mom into it again. I like how you tied it into previous insults. Although IA also did tie it in with the whole violent wife porn at the end too. (Although that joke didn't work for me originally so it was less effective). Winner: Zero


Overall winner this round:

Zero

I'll agree that Zero's insults were better than IA75 - mom insults do score better - but no monkey pics to back them up....disappointing :(

So i'm gonna call this round......


DRAW

oh junior. . . let's get a few things clear here.

First, ordering from the waitress at Denny's does not constitue a romantic exchange with a "girl your own age." She's only talking to you because she gets PAID TO DO SO (you'll understand this when you're mom finally kicks you out of the house - oh, give her my best by the way). If she smiles at you or gives a half fake-laugh to your stupid comment, its BECAUSE SHE WANTS A TIP.

Though, in fairness, having seen your picture, you should probably get used to the idea of paying to interact with women.

As for getting older, well it does happen. Once you enter puberty you'll get a better sense of how the body changes (watch out, eventually you'll get 'hair down there!' - this may scare you at first, but whatever you do DON'T TRY TO PLUCK THEM. . . you might grab the wrong thing and end whatever unlikely sexual opportunities you may eventually run into).

Going crazy talking to inanimate objects am I? Well, you could be right. . . i must be crazy if I'm wasting my valuable time trading barbs with someone who spends most of his time watching beastiality porn on the internet - but more on that later. In all honesty, the kleenex was, indeed, funnier than you and the eggplant, though now covered in mold, was far more interesting.

So, you were watching my wife on the internet (in all fairness, i've never been married. . . but i'll roll with it). Funny how the guy who was busy "talking to girls" instead of "masturbating at a distance" ends up back with Rosy and her Five Sisters. . . I guess the Denny's manager threw you out after he saw what your hand was doing under the table. Of course, I can understand your interest in human- animal sexual relations - being from Iowa your only real chance for losing your virginity is finding a farmer willing to pimp out his horse. But don't worry IA - I'm a romantic at heart and I'm firmly convinced that somewhere out there is a big horse-schlong meant just for you. And, as for my wife, she assures me that the horses were small stakes after sex with me! (and don't worry you'll understand once that whole puberty thing kicks in).

And, while you're munching on your left over Grand Slam Breakfast just remember, one day once you've finished racking up student loans and sucking off your momma's ample bosom (oh, and they are ample - trust me on that - hairy, yes, but ample as well), you're going to have to enter the real world and make enough money to pay for your own internet porn charges and horse feed.

Yaay...monkey pic...think that constitutes a WIN




:D