As tight as a mouse's ear

As dry as Gandi's flip-flop (usually said when thirsting for a pint)

I have heard my mom say
"I'm outtta here like a herd of turtles."
:confused: :confused: :confused:

I like to say "I'm not gonna lie" a lot... actually I don't like to say it, I just usually do.

he/she don't know their arse from their elbows...

- "You fuck the chicken, I'll number the feathers" (You do it, but i'll help)

-I'll fuck that goat, you raise the tail" (I'll take care of it, but you help me)

- "I'll ram my fist down your throat, grab 'hold of your asshole, and turn you inside out!"

-"I'll body slam you so hard, your soul will fall out!"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't min" - Dr. Seuss

You're welcome BR:p

"Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering"

"Useless as tits on boar hog"

"Well, slap me and call me silly"

"Just for shits and giggles"

"I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers!"

"Come hell or high water."

"There's no fool like an old fool."

"Kick your ass/arse so hard you can wear it for a hat."

"As dumb as the day is long."

"You/he/she/they don't know rat shit from rice krispies."

"What goes around comes around."

"Happier than a mule eating huckleberries."

"If assholes had wings this place would be an airport."

"Same dog different fleas."

"Jesus Christ on a crutch."

"Does a bear shit in the woods."

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick
Cold as a well diggers ass
As hot as a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire- one of my dad's.
I'm getting fehklempt
Fuck you and the horse you road in on
Get fucked!
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
Nervous as a long tailed/sore tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Rode hard and put away wet. (Describes bad luck)
As funny as a fart in a diver's helmet. (Another one of my dad's).