MOUSEBENDER:
Good Morning.
WENSLEYDALE:
Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.
MOUSEBENDER:
Ah, thank you my good man.
WENSLEYDALE:
What can I do for you, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmond Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herries by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
WENSLEYDALE:
Peckish, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Esurient.
WENSLEYDALE:
Eh?
MOUSEBENDER:
(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Eee I were all hungry, like.
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah, hungry.
MOUSEBENDER:
In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
WENSLEYDALE:
Come again?
MOUSEBENDER:
I want to buy some cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.
MOUSEBENDER:
Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.
WENSLEYDALE:
Sorry?
MOUSEBENDER:
(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Ooo, I like a nice tune - you're forced to.
WENSLEYDALE:
So he can go on playing, can he?
MOUSEBENDER:
Most certainly. Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
WENSLEYDALE:
Certainly, sir. What would you like?
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester?
WENSLEYDALE:
I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Oh never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
WENSLEYDALE:
I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. We get it fresh on Monday.
MOUSEBENDER:
Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah. It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?
WENSLEYDALE:
Sorry, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Red Windsor?
WENSLEYDALE:
Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
MOUSEBENDER:
Ah. Stilton?
WENSLEYDALE:
Sorry.
MOUSEBENDER:
Emmental? Gruyère?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Liptauer?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Lancashire?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
White Stilton?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Danish Blue?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Double Gloucester?
WENSLEYDALE:
..... No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Cheshire?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Dorset Blue Vinney?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l'Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Bresse-Bleu, Boursin?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Camembert, perhaps?
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah! We have Camembert, yes sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
You do! Excellent.
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes, sir. It's, ah ..... it's a bit runny.
MOUSEBENDER:
Oh, I like it runny.
WENSLEYDALE:
Well, it's very runny, actually, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
No matter. Fetch hither le fromage de la Belle France! M-mmm!
WENSLEYDALE:
I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
WENSLEYDALE:
Oh .....
MOUSEBENDER:
What now?
WENSLEYDALE:
The cat's eaten it.
MOUSEBENDER:
Has he?
WENSLEYDALE:
She, sir.

(pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
Gouda?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Edam?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Caithness?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Smoked Austrian?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Japanese Sage Darby?
WENSLEYDALE:
No, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
You do have some cheese, do you?
WENSLEYDALE:
Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got .....
MOUSEBENDER:
No, no, don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
WENSLEYDALE:
Fair enough.
MOUSEBENDER:
Er, Wensleydale?
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes?
MOUSEBENDER:
Ah, well, I'll have some of that.
WENSLEYDALE:
Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mr Wensleydale, that's my name.

(pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
Greek Feta?
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah, not as such.
MOUSEBENDER:
Er, Gorgonzola?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Parmesan?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Mozzarella?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Pippo Crème?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Danish Fimboe?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Czech sheep's milk?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?.
WENSLEYDALE:
Not today, sir, no.

(pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
Ah, how about Cheddar?
WENSLEYDALE:
Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Not much ca- It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
WENSLEYDALE:
Not round here, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
And what is the most popular cheese round here?
WENSLEYDALE:
Ilchester, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Is it.
WENSLEYDALE:
Oh yes, sir. It's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
MOUSEBENDER:
Is it.
WENSLEYDALE:
It's our number-one best seller, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
I see. Ah, Ilchester, eh?
WENSLEYDALE:
Right, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
All right. Okay. Have you got any, he asked expecting the answer no?
WENSLEYDALE:
I'll have a look, sir ..... nnnnnnooooooooo.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
WENSLEYDALE:
Finest in the district, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
WENSLEYDALE:
Well, it's so clean, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Is it worth it?
WENSLEYDALE:
Could be.
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you- SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI UP!
WENSLEYDALE:
(To dancers) Told you so.
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you got any Limburger?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
That figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Really?

(pause)
WENSLEYDALE:
No. Not really, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
You haven't.
WENSLEYDALE:
No, sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
WENSLEYDALE:
Right-O, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
(Shoots him) What a senseless waste of human life.

So who's going to start quoting the Descendants first?


Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?

Billion Dollar Babies is a amazing album. I haven't listened to it in a really long time. I love the LP cover how it comes with the dollar bill fold out and cards. They just don't put the effort in with covers these days..... I guess you can't do much with a CD.

I really like Welcome To My Nightmare aswell especially for the song Devil's Food. Probably the last really good album he ever did. He never should've dropped his band and gone solo but I guess people just stop getting along after awhile. I've been meaning to watch the concert movie of Welcome To My Nightmare again.

Oh, sorry, I forgot to add my disclaimer.

"I'd like to state, for the record that the lyrics posted within this thread are in no way representative of my views towards ladies, women, girls, skanks, sluts, ho's or any of those other bitches out there that feel degraded, like those dirty, DIRTY worthless bitches should.":rolleyes:

C'mon...
I posted it because it made me snicker, hence the title.
Jokes aside, it's just a dirty rap song. In fact, many more rap songs with less explicit lyrics are WAY more condescending and derogatory towards women than this example.
I'm not saying it's right to objectify women in such a manner...and I'd never do so myself (I'd just watch some porn instead), but you DO have the right to refrain from reading and/or listening to this kind of music yourself.
Complaining about the lyrical content of modern rap is quite simply a waste of time. It's like bitching about McDonalds for having poor quality ingredients and/or fatty food.
Therefore, my advice to anyone that has issues with this kind of music is to exercise the abovementioned right, and simply ignore that which would otherwise offend you.
I would like to say that if this thread has indeed offended you personally, that I sincerely apologise.
However...IF by chance you're just playing the nice guy card, in order to score points with the chicks, well...that's a shortcoming that I hope you can get over one day.;)

- B.

Blah...Blahhhhh you really fuckin' like the sound of your own voice don't you?

Easy Elvis, You don't wanna get banned.

When did you get banned?

.... but this thread just pissed me off but I probably should have ignored it. But yeh I'll leave it alone.

Re: *snicker*
 

You old romantic fool, you. :rolleyes:

I totally get where you're coming from man, and I can understand your concerns...I just thought for a moment you weren't differentiating between my own beliefs and actions, and the views expressed in the lyrics you were referring to, and thought I'd kinda jokingly make the point...I hadn't really taken what you'd said to heart or anything, we're cool, man. I'm well aware of your views regarding women, and they are all good by me.

Especially if and when it annoys wanks like you...get over yourself - your opinion is worth less than a handfull of shit to me.
You got a problem with the stuff I say? Whys that? 'cos it made some sense? went over your head some? What else is new...:rolleyes:
I think you should, at least until you get some better material.

And neither do you, again. I told you to stay outta my face...got the urge to get thrown outta here again? Yeah yeah, we all know you got banned, you can stop making the same ol' statement every thread...friggin' sympathy hound - I think you'll find the majority just didn't care, accept that you were banned for stepping right where I wanted you to...and let it go.

Now, since this thread started out as...well...nothing really, but some mild entertainment on a boring night, and it's turned into something else, I can't see it going anyplace good from here, so I'll request that it's locked before this goes down the obvious path.

- B.