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Its awesome so far! I sooooooo can't wait until Screech comes in! :D
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As a person or two may have noticed I included Roderick Usher in a small part even though he never submitted a character. I'm going to try that with Kemal this time. Another quickie.
CHAPTER 4 FADE IN: INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASLYUM, JAMES MACKY'S CELL - DAY James Macky awakes in his cell, dazed. He's clearly been drugged. His clothes have been replaced by a white t-shirt and white sweatpants. He stands and weakly walks toward the door that is completely covered in rubber. There is a knock from the outside followed by a deep voice. KEMAL (O.S.) (laughs) You up, Dynamo? MACKY Is that you, Kemal? KEMAL (O.S.) Yep. You know what that means, right? MACKY Lunch. KEMAL (O.S. You've been out longer than you thought. It's dinner time. A small plastic tube feeds out of the wall and pours in a gas that puts Macky right to sleep. He hits the rubber floor of his cell. The tube goes back into the wall. Kemal opens the door and enters. He's a large, intimidating black man. He's holding a dinner tray and wearing a gas mask. He places it by Macky's face and walks out. Kemal pushes forward a rack, two trays sit atop it. He stops outside of the next cell, removes his gas mask and bangs on the door. KEMAL It's 4:30. Supper time, Mr. Romero! INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASYLUM, JASON ROMERO'S CELL - DAY Sitting in the corner of the room is what looks to be a corpse. But it lifts it's head, this is Jason Romero, the ZOMBIE MAN. His hair is in tufts, long and thin. His eyes are the shame shade of yellow that his teeth are. His skin is browned, dried, and cracked. The lower-right bit of his jaw is missing, as he turns his head his tongue swings out of the opening. The door opens and Kemal walks in. Jason leaps forward. Pulled back by a chain attached to the wall. Kemal laughs at him. KEMAL You never learn do you. Saliva begins to pour out of the opening of Romero's mouth. He speaks, his voice slurred. ROMERO I've been thinking about this since I got here. KEMAL What's that? The apple cobbler? ROMERO The second your flesh touches my tongue. KEMAL Well, the apple cobbler's close enough. Kemal exits the cell. INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASYLUM, HALLWAY - DAY Kemal pushes the cart to the last cell, it seems less secure than the rest. It's clearly a trusted resident's cell. Kemal opens the door and steps back. He looks in at a dead body of an inmate. He quickly grabs his walkie-talkie. KEMAL (into walkie talkie) We need help, Mr. Lee is- Kemal stops moving, drops to his knees. Then becomes alert again, he looks around, his body now seems strange to him. He gets worried. KEMAL No, no, no. He grabs his name-tag and reads it. KEMAL No! It was supposed to be an inmate! |
Hm. I'm gonna give this a selfish little bump.
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Great so far Mass.
Out of curiosity when does my guy get introduced? |
I can't give an exact chapter he'll be introduced but he's getting at least one chapter devoted to him and he plays a crucial part toward the end.
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Wow! it's a pleasure to see Romero'r first appearance!:)
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A very nice introduction for Lee. I'm having fun reading this.
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As usual, very good, MM.
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sweetness!
love it. :cool: |
Any chance of another chapter? I need my fix!
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How about Haunted/Rose McGowan?
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My apologies for the delay, before I posted up the last chapter a storm knocked my power out and I've had final exams all week. It will be up soon. Sorry again.
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Take your time. I know how annoying these things can sometimes be when you want to write but you have other responsibilities.
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Well, that's it. Done with high school. I have a Christian Bale day planned. "The Machinist," "American Psycho," "Harsh Times," and "Rescue Dawn" all ready to be watched for the first time, so here's the chapter before I set sail.
CHAPTER 5 EXT. BLAKE CITY, WAYNE LUCAS'S APARTMENT - DAY We enter the home of Wayne Lucas a.k.a Blur, a modestly-sized apartment decorated in movie posters and images of comic book characters. He has a couch and a nice-sized television and a shelf with a large DVD collection next to it. There's nobody inside, until the door opens and Wayne enters in a blue T-shirt and denim shorts holding a newspaper and a sub sandwich wrapped in paper. He sets them both down and walks to his DVD collection, he pulls out a copy of "Die Hard" and puts it in. He grabs the sandwich and sits down. He gets a single bite before there's a knock at his door, he sets the sandwich down and walks to the door, it BURSTS OPEN. Renegade was on the other end, he grabs Wayne's wrists and takes him to the ground, the angry expression on his face turns to confusion when he realizes he isn't holding Wayne. He quickly stands up and draws one of his .45s. He starts to walk around the apartment looking for him when a blue Blur suddenly speeds by and throws him against the wall. Renegade regains himself and the blue Blur nears him again, he's prepared this time. He fires a shot, it hits Wayne in the shoulder, he stumbles to the floor. Renegade nears Wayne again, grabs his arm and flips him over, he vanishes into a blue blur again, it spins around Renegade leaving him tied up. Another punch sends him flying into the wall again, he bounces off of the wall and onto the floor, Wayne gets over top of him. WAYNE What are you doing!? RENEGADE You let the maniac live! WAYNE He deserves a second chance, he can reform. He can become a good person. RENEGADE And how many people have to die while he's "reforming?" WAYNE How many people did you kill to catch him? RENEGADE They were all just as deserving to have their throats slit as he is and you are! WAYNE Why do you think I deserve a slit throat? RENEGADE You're the reason he's going to kill again. You're the reason I have to get him tonight and leave Twilight City unprotected. WAYNE I'm the reason he's going to get better. RENEGADE You're too trusting. You trust criminals to reform and you trust me to not- BANG! A shotgun blast through his chest throws Wayne into the air, he hits the ground. We reveal that Renegade had managed to free himself from the lower half of the ropes and get his shotgun. Renegade stands up and looks at Wayne's body, the shot went all the way through and out the other side. He's still breathing faintly, Renegade leaves him to suffer. Close-up of the shoulder on which Wayne was shot, we reveal that the wound has already healed. EXT. WAYNE LUCAS'S APARTMENT - DAY A woman, about Wayne's age, cute, wearing a green skirt, a white button-up shirt, and stockings walks barefoot toward his apartment. She notices the door shattered and peaks in. WOMAN Oh my God, Wayne! You can sense a hint of Irish in her voice, this is Moira O' Reilly, she runs in and grabs his shoulders, the wound has already begun to heal. The rib cage and internal organs have formed back, only the flesh remains. Moira drags him out of plain view. INT. WAYNE LUCAS'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - AN HOUR LATER Wayne's passed out on his bed. Moira is sitting next to him waiting for him to wake up. The wound is healed, only small scars leave a sign that there was ever a wound. His eyes open, he sits up in a daze, wondering where he is. He gathers in his surroundings and looks at Moira. MOIRA Are you okay? WAYNE Now. Where is he? MOIRA The one who shot you? I don't know, he was gone when I got here. WAYNE We have to find him. MOIRA Why? WAYNE He's going to break into the Asylum and kill The Red Dynamo tonight. And who knows, when he gets in there with the other criminals, Zombie Man, Baren, he might just go on a killing spree. Orderlies, therapists, the whole building. I think I'm going to have to give up the patrol for tonight to find him. Do you think you can watch Blake City alone tonight? MOIRA Yeah, I'm new to all of this, but I think I can handle it. WAYNE Good, I'm sure you'll do just fine. |
great dramatic development and tension - can't wait to see the payoff!
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Oooh exciting. Good job MM, and have fun with your Bale marathon.
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Sounds like a fun movie night. And congrats on finishing school, dude.
As for the story: WOW! You're doing really well so far, can't fault it. And with all of the characters you were given with all of the different powers nand backstories. Man, you got a tough job, but I'm confident in your ability to handle it! |
Ooo, nice to see a bit of plot starting to develop. This is looking intense man, I can't wait to read more!
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that is just unbelievable! its awesome!
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CHAPTER 6
INT. TWILIGHT CITY, WESTWARD POST, ERIC'S OFFICE - DAY Eric sits in his office, covered in red decorative wallpaper and pirate-themed merchandise, paintings and photos of ships, a black flag with a skull and crossbone design. He's reclining in his swivel chair wearing a swashbuckler's hat and looking at scans of the day's paper on his computer. He looks at the time, it reads "4:16." Eric reaches for the intercom to contact Sydney, his finger stops just before it pushes the button. He stands up, walks to the door and opens it. He looks at her for a moment before speaking. ERIC Sydney. Sydney turns to him. SYDNEY Yes, Mr. Westward? ERIC Any word from my 4 'o clock? SYDNEY No, sir. Would you like me to call him to reschedule? ERIC Yes, please- Eric breathes in heavily. ERIC (cont'd.) Say, since I'm not doing anything and I know that means you aren't doing anything. What say we go out and grab a bite, coffee maybe? Sydney smiles brightly. SYDNEY Sure! I'd love to! Just let me call Ms. Fret and we can go. ERIC I think Gabriel is a boy's name. SYDNEY Oh. Aren't I embarrassed! ERIC Not like he can hear you, right? Sydney looks in Eric's book of appointments. SYDNEY I'm not finding a phone number or any information other than his name. Erick walks over to Sydney and looks at the books. ERIC Did you put this appointment down? SYDNEY I didn't. I would have gotten his information. ERIC Must be Eli or another one of those Assholes then. Alright. Let me shut off my computer and we can- Eric spots what seems to be a shadow in the corner of his eye, it's going into his office. It completely snatches all of his attention. SYDNEY Are you OK? Eric snaps back to attention. ERIC Yeah, I'll be back in a few. Eric slowly walks back to his office, he walks in and spots a slightly shorter-than-average man sitting in a chair by his desk, nude. This is GABRIEL FRET. ERIC Um. Are you looking for your parents? GABRIEL I'm twenty. He has an English accent. ERIC Oh, then it's not weird that you're naked. GABRIEL I'm Gabriel Fret. Your four 'o clock. ERIC Right. I notice your accent and I'm curious. Is this the natural dress code for business meetings in... GABRIEL No, I just don't have clothes that can shift into a spectral state with me. ERIC ... Me neither. GABRIEL Can I tell you a story? About why I'm sitting in front of you like this? ERIC Yeah, give me a minute, please. Just sit tight and make yourself at home. Just leave me at least one disinfectant wipe for the chair. Eric gets up and goes to the door. ERIC Sydney. Sydney excitedly turns to him. ERIC I'm going to take a bit longer than thought. I have something I forgot about that I have to catch up on. Just give me a bit, OK? SYDNEY Oh, sure. That's OK. ERIC Great. See you in a few! Eric closes the door, Sydney looks down at her desk disappointed. Eric sits back down. ERIC Alright, question first. Who did you make your appointment with? Who set you up for this? Was it Eli? GABRIEL No, I scheduled the appointment myself. I've been here since last night. I thought you could help me, Volpone. Surprised, Eric raises an eyebrow. ERIC What are you talking about? GABRIEL I followed one of your robots. I know that they're yours. Eric is speechless. GABRIEL Don't worry, I don't want to tell anyone. I want you to help me. ERIC Blackmail? GABRIEL No, I want to help people and since you know how to design all of these robots and gadgets you might be able to assist me in that. ERIC What do you mean help people? GABRIEL Well, I became this way- Gabriel VANISHES, leaving only a translucent shadow, he then changes back. GABRIEL (cont'd.) On a trip to Greece, I bungee jumped into a cave and the cord snapped. I wounded my head at the bottom of the cavern. I became covered in black scabs and when they chipped off I could switch between this and the spectral state. ERIC I see... GABRIEL I was using it for... certain things. When I noticed a girl being mugged, I tried to help but I was just too scared to return to normal and do anything. ERIC And you want what from me? GABRIEL A weapon and clothes that will change with me so I don't always have to strip down before. ERIC Right. I guess I could try. But no guarantees. So is the secret of Volpone safe with you? GABRIEL Sure. Sure. ERIC But let me ask, why weren't you on time for the meeting if you were in the building? GABRIEL I was watching your secretary. She's quite the looker if I do say so myself. ERIC (beat) Thanks. As you know, I've got an appointment to keep. GABRIEL I don't know that. ERIC You were right there listening. GABRIEL I can't hear when I'm in that state. The air around me doesn't vibrate, so I can't hear or speak. But light effects me, I can still see. ERIC Oh. Well, I've a lunch date with my secretary so come back another time and we can work on getting you your gear, OK? I can work on the clothes but we'll see soon enough whether or not I trust you enough to give you a weapon. GABRIEL Great, thank you very much. You can trust me. ERIC We'll see. GABRIEL Thanks for your time. ERIC Thanks for yours. Gabriel returns to a spectral state and Eric watches the shadow leave his office. He shuts off his computer and walks out to Sydney. ERIC Let's go. |
Great episode, MM! Can't wait for another. :)
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Very Nice. I very much enjoyed the "He can't hear you" line!
You got the character perfect! Looking forward to the next part, my friend! |
Thanks for the kind words and
...BUMP! :D |
Good work. You've kept up strong characterization for everyone.
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CHAPTER 7
FADE IN: INT. TWILIGHT CITY, DAVID ARTAUD'S APARTMENT - DAY David sits in his computer chair hunched over with his right arm across his knees supporting his face and in his left hand is his telephone. ARTAUD (In phone) Hey, it's David. I've been- (beat) David Artaud and I've been trying to reach your office all day but I guess you're closed by now. I wanted to get you in person, but I guess I can leave a message. I slept through our appointment and I'd like to reschedule. I understand that i wasted your time and am more than willing to pay for both appointments. Please return my call I'll be here. Waiting. Thank you. David hangs up his phone and places it on the desk, he sits back and spots Dr. Keller's pen. He picks it up and examines it with a puzzled look. CUT TO: EXT. TWILIGHT CITY, PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY David pokes around the outside of the office trying to peak into the windows, the blinds cover them all. He walks to the front door, turns the knob, it's unlocked. David closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before walking inside. ARTAUD Dr. Keller? Dr. Keller? David opens the door to Dr. Keller's office, it's empty. He turns and walks toward the doorway. On the back of the front door there is a sticky note. It reads "OFFICE CLOSET, DAVID." He crumbles it up and puts it in his pocket. David's eyes have begun to get red and tear up as he walks toward the closet. Before opening it he turns around and leaves. CUT TO: INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASYLUM - DAY David walks in looking extremely desperate. He finds a trashcan and drops the piece of paper into it. He looks around until he spots an orderly. He nervously wipes the sweat from his forehead and tears from his eyes and approaches him. ORDERLY Can I help you? ARTAUD Yes. What do i have to do- (beat) I'd like to check myself in. FADE OUT. |
more - more - more!!! we are impatient monkeys and want more of this great story!!
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Totally agree. Whatever it is you are doing, stop. This is your one and only priority now, we want more. ;) |
things are getting pretty intense...nice going, MM. :)
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Nice! I was wondering how Artaud would fit in to the plot - glad to see he's found his way to the asylum.
I'll second everyone else though: more! |
Love it. You have a very good skill of building things up in a gradual but still gripping way.
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I agree with what everyone else is saying: MORE! WE WANT MORE! This is your life for the rest of the summer. :p
Seriously, you are doing a good job, but you're making snails look fast at this pace. :D |
CHAPTER 8
INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASYLUM, RECREATION ROOM - DAY The recreation room, a place for the non-violent residents to spend their days. The walls are a calm sky blue. There are finger-painting supplies and puzzles to occupy the inmates. A TV is sat in front of several chairs, a few people in inmate clothing are in a few front row seats, two guards are sitting next to each other in the back. On the TV is an old cartoon that looks to be from the '80s, it features a police commissioner speaking to a giant red gorilla in a green cape and face-mask. The title of the show is "PRIME8" PRIME8 (On TV) What is it, Commissioner? COMMISSIONER (On TV) It's Screech! He's escaped from Bananaville Asylum! He's used his Shockwave Clap to break into the First Bank of Kong and has taken everyone hostage! PRIME8 (On TV) Great Mighty Joe Young's Ghost! I'm on it! The two guards in the back have their arms crossed, one laughs at the absurdity of the program while the other raises his eyebrow and looks to the other. GUARD #1 They're trying to cure the people here, right? How do they expect to subjecting them to this shit? David Artaud enters the room, now dressed like the other inmates. He looks around and sees that there is nothing to be used as a weapon. He sighs in relief and spots the TV. He sits in front of it. PRIME8 (On TV) His darkness shields are blocking my punches! SCREECH (On TV) Muahahaha! I will soon have all of the town's money and I can fund the release of my Gargoyle! PRIME8 (On TV) You care about something... You are human... David gets up and walks away, he is stopped by an older inmate, he has a long beard and short hair. He goes by the name, Boon. BOON Howdy. They call me Boon. ARTAUD Oh, hello. I'm David. BOON How'd ya end up in here? ARTAUD I checked myself in. BOON What'd ya do that for, stupid? ARTAUD I was having blackouts for non-physical issues. I had to get a job working on my computer at home since I felt travelig wasn't safe. In fact, the only times I left were to visit my psychiatrist. What about you? BOON They said I wasn't right in the head. ARTAUD I figured that much, what specif- Boon walks away. David watches him walk away, he sits on one of the chairs bolted to the floor at the puzzle table. He reaches for a puzzle box and blacks out again. INT. BLAKE CITY INSANE ASYLUM, ARTAUD'S ROOM - NIGHT David wakes up in the bed of his room, it's very small, containing only a bed, a desk, a light in the ceiling, and a window. The light is turned off and the room is illuminated only by the light from the hallway shining through his door and the moonlight shining through his window. David walks toward the desk and finds files on all of the violent residents scattered on it. They have small red stains on them. David looks at his hands, there are small bits of red paint on his fingertips. He notices a large folded piece of paper with the files, he opens it and it reads "I'VE GOT A PLAN!" David stares at the paper in shock but is pulled back into reality by the hallway light going out and a loud crash outside of his room. |
Ooooh, intriguing. And I especially liked the Cartoon. A very nice touch, I could almost hear the cheesy voices and see the faded colours.
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a cartoon - hmmmph
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seriously - good job MM
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Ron Perlman has been cast as PRIME8!
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