Jesus man.... With one line, you blew away my entire post... ewww...... :)

how's this:
"Just so you know, before i finish, i usually shit myself"

Anything cheesy like asking you if you're loving it, or the horrible is it in yet?!

Never been a victim of "is it in yet"

But "Ow" is a good mood killer, or "sorry".

I get this a lot " GET THAT MASSIVE MEMBER AWAY FROM ME"
Really.........NO...........really I do.













snff,sniff....not really:(

True story, from the first time with my fiance:

"Where do youplan on putting THAT thing?" Said with awe. I'm serious. :D

From some girl I had sex with (I don't even remember her name...)..

"That's it?"

She was a little on the slutty side. I'm pretty sure she could have taken on a barber pole.

Also, you know you're doing good when the girl says "you're not done YET?"

I'm definitely not a 5 minute man.. more like 5 hours.

"I've had better."
"Wait, didn't you say your husband was working lait?"
"That was fun. I'm still hard. Wheres your sister?"
"Why is there a a chicken bone inside your... nevermind, I don't want to know."
"Damn, you're loose."
"You need to do something about that hair on your upper lip."
"Hey, you're not Cindey!"
"Heres a breeth ment."
"I told you if you pulled away it'll get in your eye."

oh mom

I think the ultimate to end all intimacy happened to me.

So me and my now ex, were getting in to it and all, then she starts giving me a BJ. So a few minutes in to it, she burps. Like, one of those giant, throat rattling burps.

Instant mood killer. Needless to say, she fell over laughing her ass off for the next ten minutes, I'm laying there, split on whether to laugh or be pissed off.

Yeah.

Better than Oh Dad....


A freind of mine knew alady that would freak her husband out by pretending to be talking to someone while having sex. Their marriage was having some problems, i assume.

ROFL!! Jesus christ, that is funny. I got in some trouble one time when my lady and i were in the "Canine" position, and she made a feminine sound, AKA, Queef. I laughed, mostly because it was just absurd, but she was quite emberrased.

Does telling something you told an ex you would never tell, on line, count as some sort of recvenge? Because if it does, I jst did :)