i was taking a safety approach - your talking about taking chances - i'm all for that ...

i was meaning - dont drive like an asshole...etc...

it's my mid life crisis ..

i decided not to go the earing, teenage girlfriend, and convertable route.

42


don't you all read


it is

42

I keep thinking I get it..the whole big picture thing, and I am moving along through life, trying very hard to forgive the bullshit and doing my part to smile and recycle when out of nowhere my depression shatters me into a million pieces and I realize I know nothing, I am nothing, nothing I do makes a damn bit of difference and I wish I could just lay down on something soft and fade away.
Not even looking at my beautiful children sleeping can take it away tonight.
Not even the best fucking anti-depressant can save me from this suffering that I'd rip off an arm to escape from.

So, I don't know...if there's nothing after life? I don't think at this point it sounds so bad.

Oh yeah. In our basic interactions with the world--with people, with the air, the trees, the animals, the ground, the street, the sky, in these everyday experiences is the chance to feel joy, pain, enlightenment, harmony, disillusionment, hope, despair, happiness, the spectrum of emotions and feelings that we feel. And it's only by going out there and seeing what's out there that we can experience these things.

I have had those moments a few times where you think about it when you are alone and what not and have like a panic attack because of it. After thinking long and hard and becoming scared and upset because I am still young and don't want to leave this Earth until I feel I have fullfilled my dreams and help others fullfill theirs I have come to the conclusion that it must not be THAT bad. If you don't remember what you were before you were alive for all those years then after won't be as bad also.

I just hope that time doesn't come until I am ready fully and that is like 50-60 years from now maybe hopefully longer if I am lucky. I am a big kid, over weight with some issues so I know if I don't change soon then my time will come quicker then it should but life is a series of moments and those moments can end at a blink of an eye. Live life to the fullest and just have fun doing it.

what is best in life?


To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!

i know depression is a very real thing ... but i cant get my head around it.
i get pleasure from so many things that the month of introspective soul searching didnt leave me feeling empty at all ... it made me realize that there was still so much to do - tons of fun still to be had.
I want to do and see and experience everything possible before i run out of steam.

and at that point, i'll catch up on my reading and movies, and grabbing the asses of any pretty nurse i can reach. and if i cant reach, i'll just lie back and admire the view :D

You are a dirty bastard. ;) :eek: :cool: :o

it keeps me moving forward