What do you call a blind deer?
No idear.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
Still no idear.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no balls?
Still no fucking idear!

this one is kid-safe, but i always liked it.


A duck goes into a hardware store, tracks down an employee and asks "Do you have any duct tape?"

the employee gets mad and says "We dont allow ducks in here. Get the hell out."

The duck shrugs and leaves.

the next day, he comes back in, and runs into the same employee and asks "Do you have any duct tape?"

the employee shouts again "I told you, we dont serve ducks here. Get lost!"

again, the duck shrugs and leaves.

the next day, same scenario, except that the employee is losing his mind now. "If i see you again, i am going to nail your little webbed feet to the floor!"

The duck hurries out.

The next day, he sneaks into the store, finds the employee, and coughs. "Ahem. Do you have any nails?"

"Noo......"

"Do you have a hammer?"

"NO!"

"Good. Do you have any duct tape?"

Congratulations. That was the first one in the thread to legitimately make me laugh.

Keep your lips away from my ass.

What's the difference between love & herpes?











Herpes lasts forever

One of my better halfs favourites...

Q Why do men get great ideas in bed?

A Because they're plugged into a genius!

I've never crashed a blonde

a wife who is sick and dying calls for her husband to come to her side...the wife whispers softly"i have to admit i have been unfaithful" the husband whispers even more softly "i know thats why i poisened you"

:D :D :D

There's a have a masochist, a sadist, a zoophilic, a necrophile, a coprophilic and a fetichist in jail. So suddenly, the zoophilic says “Hey guys, lets fuck a cat!” And everybody is like “FUCK YES!”, but suddenly, the coprophilic says “After we fuck it, we shit on it!” Everybody applauds. And the necrophile then says “Then, we kill it. And after that, WE FUCK IT!”. The sadist then says “Before we kill it, lets fucking torture it!” So the fetichist is like “And then, we dildo fuck it!” Everybody is like “YEAH MAN LETS DO IT!”



















To which the masochist says “Meow”

i admit to nothing :cool: