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this is more of a joke>
a school installed elevators for students to use. but so there wpuld be no goofing off, they had 2 elevators, one to go up, and one to go down. the elevators worked perfectly one time each, then they never worked again...! =) get it? |
Yeah I've heard sooooo many of these but some are still funny. They're all over like "Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?".
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: 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain:
1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure? 4. What's another word for synonym? 5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do: 'practice'? 6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? 7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? 8. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'? 9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? 10. Why do they report power outages on TV? 11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? 12. Is it possible to be totally partial? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? 17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? 18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? 19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless? 20. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? 22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? 24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? |
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The comedian, dude. Sledgehammer. Suspenders. Lousy jokes. |
I always thought Gallagher was underrated as a comedian. He gets shit on as "the guy who smashes watermellons with a hammer" but I don't think he actually smashed watermellons on that many of his stand up shows. Seems like the worst/cheesiest of his stuff gets all the exposure
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Sledgehammer was a fuckin' cool show
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Why is it that if something is transported by truck it's called a Shipment but if it's transported by a Ship it's called Cargo?
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ok someone has to know the answer to this!
OK I worked in Retail for 5 years and this has always bugged me! Why is whenever you give people change they always say "Just like Mcdonalds" Where do you shop that they dont give you your change back? I always ask where did this phrase come from and what does it mean, and they never have an answer they just roll their eyes or laugh and keep walking! I want a fucking answer!!!!!! |
i ahve enver heard of the phrase before ..
but i tell you what..if ppl walk away ..laughing and rolling thier eyes at me i would throw a whole handful of coins at them..aim for the back of thier heads...'roll ure eyes now u fucking commedien' why couldn't our hands be called feet and your feet be called hands.. why is it a man is called a stud and a woman a slut . is there really life ater death.. is there really a god who invented the word 'racist' are we supposed to have this many fingers and toes id the chicken came before the egg ...then where did the egg come from. How much wood could a wood chuck really chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. |
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