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Top Ten Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down... by David Letterman
10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.. 6. Elvis is leaving the building. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction. 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. Men may be From Mars... but I can see something that rhymes with Venus. And the ..#1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped... 1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts. |
Counting down to the NFL draft. I really hope the Raiders have some sense and don't draft a QB. Anyways, I'll be travelling to the parents to watch it with my old man. The drink will be on.
Unfortunately, I'm a bit strapped for cash, so I'll have to drink his beer, which is the reprehensible Coor's Lite. It'll take me about 15 to get buzzed, and then I'll feel bloated. I think I might purchase a 6er of: http://www.geocities.com/smhoward2/m...ideMickeys.jpg and slam them. That oughta cure what ails me;) Anyone else watching the draft? |
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Sorry, IA. I'm not a Coor's man. If I've offended you, I'll buy a six of it and drink it with you next time we hang out.;)
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Yeah....sorry IA.....didn't mean to laugh....i'll buy a sixpack and pour it down the toilet .
hell, it all ends up in there anyway. |
Now that right there, that's comedy.
newb wins at INTERNET today!:D |
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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!" |
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have enough time Why were men put on earth? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to put them in What do electric trains and breasts have in common? They're intended for children, but men usually play with them Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties |
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