realy bad joke, dont look.

[ShankS]

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf." says Little Red Riding hood. Then the wolf jumps up and runs away.



Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf." says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.



About two miles down the track. Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he's crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf." taunts Little Red Riding Hood.



With that, the big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,



"Will you FUCKOFF!!!!!...... I'm trying to take a Shit!!!!!!"



:D :D

[ShankS]

A man walks into his local pub with a big smile on his face. The barman, who is used to seeing him scowling and miserable, asks him why he's so happy.

"I had sex last night," the man replies. "Fifty-two years I've been alive and I've finally lost my virginity."

"Really?" the barman asks. "So who was the lucky girl?"

"Well you wouldn't believe it," the man said, "but I was out walking last night by the railway tracks and I saw this girl tied to the tracks. You know, just like in the movies. Anyway, I decided I was going to be her hero, so I untied her and took her home and we had sex all night long."

"Wow," the barman says. "That's an amazing story. Tell me, was she good looking?"

"Don't know," the man replied. "I never did find the head."


:D

[Preacher]

Ha ha. That second one was funny as fuck!!

Heres a text i was sent t'other day.....

THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS:
I've only one eye, my hair is a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an arsehole, my best friends a cunt and my owners a wanker.

Thought it was quite funny.

In a bit....p

[wufong]

a teenager walks up to his father and tells him excitedly that he has just lost his virginity.
Great! says his father sit down and tell me all about it....
I can't says the son....my arse is too sore

[Vodstok]

I guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila. The bartender asks what the occasion is. the guy says "I had my first blowjob tonight!"

The bartender says "Well, that is a big deal, how about an 11th shot on the house?"

The guy shakes his head and says "Thanks, but if 10 doesnt get the tatse out of my mouth, nothing will."

[Preacher]

An inflatable kid goes to an inflatable school and is in a lesson taken by an inflatable teacher.

Now the kid is really pissed off with life so he walks up to the teacher, pulls a blade and stabs her. She deflates falling to the floor.

The lad runs out the room, down the corridor and out of the school. At the inflatable school entrance he shouts 'i hate this fuckin school' and stabs the wall. With that the school begins to deflate and fall to the ground.

The lad runs home and locks himself in the bedroom. Feelin shit about himself and what he'd done he decides 'thats it, i'm gonna end it' and turns the knife on himself.

He wakes up hours later in hospital. The inflatable school teacher is in the bed next to him. She turns to her student and says..........

........'Not only have you let me down, you've let the school down, but most of all, you've let yourself down'. :p P

[Vodstok]

*BANG!*



*thump....*


That was awful preacher.... and yet, it still made me smile :)

[Preacher]

I knew you'd like that one.

I got thousands of em like that. Trend is i have to tell every one of em after a few beers. You lot better hope to god i'm never drinkin when i'm on here.

Hee hee

Px

[fattybluetit]

i used to make beak warmers for ducks it wasnt a very good job but it covered the bills

[fattybluetit]

19 people on a bus
9 male
9 female and a monkey
the bus crashed and everyone died except the monkey
the police took him in for questioning
they said what were the men doing and he motion to dominoes
they said what did the women do and he motione dto knitting
then they said what did u do and he motioned to driving

[ShankS]

Heard about the magic tractor?

It was going down the road one day, and turned into a field!

[ShankS]

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"

:D :D

[Vodstok]

I knwo i have posted this one before.......but...


Two peanuts went to new york for vacation.

While walking down an alley, one was assaulted.

[wufong]

lol that was funny. im gonna tell people at work that joke tomorrow and take all the credit

[ShankS]

What's brown and sticky?












































A stick :D

[bloodrayne]

Okay, there have been about 6 different joke threads here...BUT, since this is a "Really BAD Jokes" thread...I can finally tell THIS one:p



A guy is standing on the sidewalk tapping an apple...His friend walks up and asks him what he's doing...The guy says, "I've developed a special technique to do something very unusual with apples...Take a bite"...The friend takes a bite and says, "HEY...It tastes like a BANANA"...The guy says, "Yeah...I know...Now, flip it over and take a bite of the other side"...His friend flips it over, takes a bite and says, "WOW!...That side tastes like a strawberry!"...The guy says "It IS pretty amazing, huh?...But what use is it really?"...So, they stand and contemplate possible advantages to this newly acquired skill, when the friend perks up and exclaims, "HEY!...If you could make an apple taste like pussy you'd make a fortune!"...The guy looks at his friend and says, "Hmmm...Give me 2 weeks and meet me back here"...

2 Weeks pass...They meet up again...The guy is tapping another apple...The friend says, "So...Did you do it"...Then the guy says with a big grin on his face, "Oh...I don't know...Why don't YOU tell ME?"...So, the friend takes a bite, makes a horrid face and spits the apple out onto the ground...He says, "Oh man...You SERIOUSLY fucked up...That tastes like SHIT!"...Then his friend says, "Oh...I'm sorry man...Flip it over":D

[dantehorrorfan]

:D

[Preacher]

That was good bloodrayne.

would love to stay an chat but gonna go home now. Talk to y'all monday. Will leave you with an oldy.....

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
































Cos he was dead!

Thankyou and good night!

P

[ShankS]

bloodrayne... I dont know wether to laugh or cry

:D hahah a shitty apple :D


here's another one

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!."

Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

:D

[bloodrayne]

LOL...That was a good one, Shanks...Now, how about another BAD one?...


A man walks into a bar with a little 1 foot tall guy on his shoulder...He sits down on a stool, and the little guy jumps onto the bar...The girls don't seem to mind this oddity as they instantly flock around the man...Meanwhile, the littly guy is walking down the bar kicking peoples' drinks into their laps...People are getting pissed off and bitching, so the man says, "Oh, hey...I apologize for him...Bartender give everyone all the drinks that they want, I'll take care of it"...He reaches into his pocket, and gives the bartender a wad of cash...So, everyone goes about their business...Then the little guy walks from one end of the bar to the other, insulting people and pissing in one guy's drink...So, the guy with the pissed in drink says, "What the fuck is going on here?...If you don't think I'll kill this little Son of a Bitch, you better think again...Why would you even take him anywhere if he's gonna be this way?...Why even let him hang around with you?...He's gonna end up getting YOUR ass kicked, too"...The man sighs and says, "Here's $500, I'm really sorry about your drink, and the aggravation, but I really can't get rid of him...Let me explain...A genie granted me 3 wishes...First I wished that I would always be surrounded by beautiful women, next I wished that my pockets would always be full of cash, but...For my 3rd wish, I sorta fucked up...I wished for a 12 inch dick"...The little guy grinned

[zwoti]

bad taste

[bloodrayne]

LMAO @ Zwoti:D

And I thought MINE were bad:o

[ShankS]

^^ lol :D








An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

"Incredible!," said the Englishman, "do you mean this actually happened to you?"

"Naw, not meself personally" said the Irishman "but it did happen to me sister."

:D

[bloodrayne]

I'm stealin' that one, Shanks;)

Okay...Another REALLY bad joke...


A man sneaks into the witch's castle to try to steal her jewels...As he is passing by her bedroom, he hears her voice and peeks inside...She is standing in front of a mirror attached to her closet door, she takes off her shirt and says, "Mirror, Mirror on the door...Make my chest a 44"...The man watches with astonishment as her boobs get bigger, and bigger, and bigger...He says to himself, "Fuck the jewels, with that mirror, I can have whatever I want!"...He waits for the queen to fall asleep, sneaks into her room, and takes the mirror...When he gets home, he realizes that he isn't entirely certain how it works, but decides to try it anyway...He attaches it to the door and contemplates what to ask for first...After he has decided, he takes off his pants, looks in the mirror, and says, "Mirror, Mirror on the door...Make my penis touch the floor"...Then he looks down and watches wide-eyed, and open mouthed...as his legs get shorter, and shorter, and shorter...


HEY!...I said it was bad:p

[Mr. Nash]

Those are some of the funniest damn things I've ever herd.

Heres some horrible jokes.

What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.


What's silver and red and waddles into walls?
A hungry zombie baby with forks in its eyes and coverd in blood.



Ever hear about that three legged dog that walked in the saloon and say "what one of you shot my paw?"



So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."
The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers."

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, "What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?"

So the man opens his wallet and says, "The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets."


There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"



10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.


A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''


A married man and woman are going on a robe trip. THe man is skinny and his wife is real big. He says "honey, you better use the bathroom now because I am not stopping this time." She said "ok, whatever, lets go." After a while of driving she says "oh honey stop the truck, I gotta go bad." He said "no, I told you I wasn't stopping." She said "you better stop or I'll shit all over your seat!" Well they're driving down the highway pretty fast so two biker cops start following them. The man says "look, just stick your fanny out of that window and go." So she did. A huge hunk of shit flys into one of the coppers face and he says to the other cop "man! What kind of tobacco is that guy chewing?!" Then the other cop goes "I don't know but did you see the side of his jaws?!"


Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."


One day the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.

Little Johnny says "It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth."

The teacher says "that is correct, but why?"

Little Johnny answers "I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad "turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!"


The teacher's trying to get all of her students to buy a copy of the class picture.

She says, "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you're all grown up. You'll say, There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or, 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

Dirty Johnny says, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."