Dr.Kelvinstein
08-05-2004, 09:25 AM
In 1987, back when I wore ripped jeans and still wanted to bang Diane Franklin and Betsy Russell, Stephen King responded to a request from Joe Bob Briggs to name his top-five under-the-stars exploitation gems. For some strange reason he even aped Joe Bob's writing style. His picks...
Numero Uno: Evil Dead. Spam in a cabin.
Numero Two-O: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ain't nothin' as good as Saw.
Numero Three-O: Zombie. The spaghetti western version of NotLD. Chick with great garbonzas battles killer shark. Dead zombies come up from deeper down and eat the shark. Also a great eyeball-squishing scene. Make sure Wanda's not in the car when this happens or you're goinna have to get new seat-covers.
Numero Four-O: Night Warning. Two very good garbonzas. Several slashings. And a spectacular head-removal. Also a very good picture to go to the head, buy popcorn, do the horizontal bop, etc.
Numero Five-O: Blood Feast. This is an oldie and not exactly a goodie, but it is to the drive-in what Neanderthal Man was to the Cro-Magnon. Shot in four days. Main set is a Florida motel room. The main character, a mad Egyptian named Fuad Ramses, who runs a catering service, carves up a lot of girls. Best exchange:
DETECTIVE: To your knowledge, did the dead girl have any friends?
LANDLADY: No. She only belonged to a book-club.
Not bad, huh? See you at the drive-in.
Best Wishes,
Big Steve
Joe Bob's response:
You're the king, big guy, but NIGHT WARNING!?
Numero Uno: Evil Dead. Spam in a cabin.
Numero Two-O: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ain't nothin' as good as Saw.
Numero Three-O: Zombie. The spaghetti western version of NotLD. Chick with great garbonzas battles killer shark. Dead zombies come up from deeper down and eat the shark. Also a great eyeball-squishing scene. Make sure Wanda's not in the car when this happens or you're goinna have to get new seat-covers.
Numero Four-O: Night Warning. Two very good garbonzas. Several slashings. And a spectacular head-removal. Also a very good picture to go to the head, buy popcorn, do the horizontal bop, etc.
Numero Five-O: Blood Feast. This is an oldie and not exactly a goodie, but it is to the drive-in what Neanderthal Man was to the Cro-Magnon. Shot in four days. Main set is a Florida motel room. The main character, a mad Egyptian named Fuad Ramses, who runs a catering service, carves up a lot of girls. Best exchange:
DETECTIVE: To your knowledge, did the dead girl have any friends?
LANDLADY: No. She only belonged to a book-club.
Not bad, huh? See you at the drive-in.
Best Wishes,
Big Steve
Joe Bob's response:
You're the king, big guy, but NIGHT WARNING!?