whats the worst thing you can say when having sex [Archive] - Horror.com Forums

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 04:59 AM

Have you put on weight?

Is it supposed to look like that?

Your sister never complained about anal.

Your brother never complained about anal.

Your Dad never (nevermind, you get it)

If i close my eyes, i'm just fantasizing about Prince.

*Dry Heave*

God I wish I was drunk....

The joke was right, I do need flour.

Usually I like breasts on women, but you have a nice ass.

(while having sex with a porno on) I wish you looked like her.

If you loved me, you would put this tennis ballup your ass.

Here, wear this mask.

Here, wear this paper bag.

If you loved me, you would let me wrap this belt around your neck.

Sorry, it slipped.

c'mon, I cant finish if i dont throw up.

I didnt know women could have so much hair on their ass...

meetthecreeper

07-08-2004, 05:15 AM

Originally posted by HappyCamper
calling out the wrong girl's name

Did this twice, once with my wife when I was drunk before we were married, funny she still married me. This can be a fatal mistake.

By the way love the sig. Suicide Kings is a great film.

Gravegirl666

07-08-2004, 05:35 AM

ROFLOL*@vod

Egekrusher

07-08-2004, 05:38 AM

"What's that awful smell?"

No, seriously, I've said that before when my girlfriend was on her period. I'm lucky I still have me nuts.

Stingy Jack

07-08-2004, 05:48 AM

"If it feels a little scratchy, those are just the scabs."

Egekrusher

07-08-2004, 05:49 AM

Originally posted by Stingy Jack
"If it feels a little scratchy, those are just the scabs."

Oh god... that's gross.

*rip*
*tear*
*SCREAM*

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 06:02 AM

Originally posted by Stingy Jack
"If it feels a little scratchy, those are just the scabs."

Jesus man.... With one line, you blew away my entire post... ewww...... :)

how's this:
"Just so you know, before i finish, i usually shit myself"

nakedinthedark

07-08-2004, 06:25 AM

Anything cheesy like asking you if you're loving it, or the horrible is it in yet?!

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 06:29 AM

Originally posted by nakedinthedark
Anything cheesy like asking you if you're loving it, or the horrible is it in yet?!
Never been a victim of "is it in yet"

But "Ow" is a good mood killer, or "sorry".

newb

07-08-2004, 06:47 AM

I get this a lot " GET THAT MASSIVE MEMBER AWAY FROM ME"
Really.........NO...........really I do.

snff,sniff....not really:(

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 06:50 AM

True story, from the first time with my fiance:

"Where do youplan on putting THAT thing?" Said with awe. I'm serious. :D

Egekrusher

07-08-2004, 06:54 AM

From some girl I had sex with (I don't even remember her name...)..

"That's it?"

She was a little on the slutty side. I'm pretty sure she could have taken on a barber pole.

Also, you know you're doing good when the girl says "you're not done YET?"

I'm definitely not a 5 minute man.. more like 5 hours.

Freddy Krueger.

07-08-2004, 09:54 AM

"I've had better."
"Wait, didn't you say your husband was working lait?"
"That was fun. I'm still hard. Wheres your sister?"
"Why is there a a chicken bone inside your... nevermind, I don't want to know."
"Damn, you're loose."
"You need to do something about that hair on your upper lip."
"Hey, you're not Cindey!"
"Heres a breeth ment."
"I told you if you pulled away it'll get in your eye."

jay o2 waster

07-08-2004, 11:12 AM

oh mom

Evis™

07-08-2004, 11:16 AM

I think the ultimate to end all intimacy happened to me.

So me and my now ex, were getting in to it and all, then she starts giving me a BJ. So a few minutes in to it, she burps. Like, one of those giant, throat rattling burps.

Instant mood killer. Needless to say, she fell over laughing her ass off for the next ten minutes, I'm laying there, split on whether to laugh or be pissed off.

Yeah.

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 11:17 AM

Originally posted by jay o2 waster
oh mom

Better than Oh Dad....

A freind of mine knew alady that would freak her husband out by pretending to be talking to someone while having sex. Their marriage was having some problems, i assume.

Originally posted by Evis™
I think the ultimate to end all intimacy happened to me.

So me and my now ex, were getting in to it and all, then she starts giving me a BJ. So a few minutes in to it, she burps. Like, one of those giant, throat rattling burps.

Instant mood killer. Needless to say, she fell over laughing her ass off for the next ten minutes, I'm laying there, split on whether to laugh or be pissed off.

Yeah.
ROFL!! Jesus christ, that is funny. I got in some trouble one time when my lady and i were in the "Canine" position, and she made a feminine sound, AKA, Queef. I laughed, mostly because it was just absurd, but she was quite emberrased.

Does telling something you told an ex you would never tell, on line, count as some sort of recvenge? Because if it does, I jst did :)

ShankS

07-08-2004, 11:25 AM

whats the worst thing you can say when having sex

way into giving her some real lovin and having to say..

"oh...... I need a shit."

zwoti

07-08-2004, 11:35 AM

Originally posted by ShankS
way into giving her some real lovin and having to say..

"oh...... I need a shit."

nasty

jay o2 waster

07-08-2004, 11:39 AM

Originally posted by Vodstok
Better than Oh Dad....

true

kpropain

07-08-2004, 12:07 PM

Not so much as someting I said, but something I did, and have done it a few times....

My gf was giving me head and I was all relaxed and just couldn't help myself but to let out a big ole fart....

That's happened a few times.... Instant mood killer for her....

fluffho

07-08-2004, 12:11 PM

kpro that is DISGUTSTING!!!

hellfire1

07-08-2004, 12:11 PM

...

and there goes my dinner :mad:

kpropain

07-08-2004, 12:14 PM

HAHAHAHA what can I say....

Hell It's not like I could help it anyway, there's just something about a warm mouth that relaxes the body....

Ok well I'll shut up now:D

Egekrusher

07-08-2004, 12:15 PM

Hey, it DOES happen. It really sucks, but it's unpreventable. When you're that relaxed, you don't even feel it coming most of the time.

Heh, I said "coming".

Vodstok

07-08-2004, 12:16 PM

Wow, so Mallrats was based on actual events.... ;)

Rebel Yell

07-08-2004, 03:04 PM

Hahahahaha. This thread is beautiful. I thought about Mallrats with the whole farting duing oral thing. That hasn't ever happened to me, but I would prabably puke if it did.

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 03:15 PM

"LORD NO! I PEE OUTA THAT THING!!"

"I thought you were only my 3rd cousin"

"wrong hole fuckoo"

"Thats it? Your Done?"

"I hope it gets bigger than that!"

Alright im done

Miss Britt

07-08-2004, 03:24 PM

"Whose that with the camera"

kpropain

07-08-2004, 03:32 PM

Originally posted by Miss Britt
"Whose that with the camera"

That would be me http://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/evil/220.gifhttp://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/evil/509.gifLOL JK

yourlastmistake

07-08-2004, 03:52 PM

Originally posted by Vodstok
Have you put on weight?

Is it supposed to look like that?

Your sister never complained about anal.

Your brother never complained about anal.

Your Dad never (nevermind, you get it)

If i close my eyes, i'm just fantasizing about Prince.

*Dry Heave*

God I wish I was drunk....

The joke was right, I do need flour.

Usually I like breasts on women, but you have a nice ass.

(while having sex with a porno on) I wish you looked like her.

If you loved me, you would put this tennis ballup your ass.

Here, wear this mask.

Here, wear this paper bag.

If you loved me, you would let me wrap this belt around your neck.

Sorry, it slipped.

c'mon, I cant finish if i dont throw up.

I didnt know women could have so much hair on their ass... yeah...I say that about covers it. LMAO

Steelsymth

07-08-2004, 04:09 PM

I'm sad to say this happened to me when I was a teen and it almost scared me for life. When I was getting a BJ the girl went down to far and gagged and threw up all over me and everthing else.....took me forever to get over it. I think thats one reason I'm more of a giver than a reciver.

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 04:12 PM

Originally posted by Steelsymth
I'm sad to say this happened to me when I was a teen and it almost scared me for life. When I was getting a BJ the girl went down to far and gagged and threw up all over me and everthing else.....took me forever to get over it. I think thats one reason I'm more of a giver than a reciver.

*ergh*

kpropain

07-08-2004, 04:12 PM

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 08:16 PM

Originally posted by kpropain
HAHAHAHA that's fucking hilarious, though I'm sure it sucked for you...

funny yet disgusting

bwind22

07-08-2004, 08:56 PM

Originally posted by kpropain
Not so much as someting I said, but something I did, and have done it a few times....

My gf was giving me head and I was all relaxed and just couldn't help myself but to let out a big ole fart....

That's happened a few times.... Instant mood killer for her....

That is the single funniest post I've seen on here since I joined the site. It is the only one that actually made laugh out loud.

So, in return... Here is something funny I found while searching for a completely different image! It's completely unrelated, but funny just the same.

http://www.jbelectric.us/ot/stolemytv/tyson.jpg

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 09:02 PM

Originally posted by bwind22
That is the single funniest post I've seen on here since I joined the site. It is the only one that actually made laugh out loud.

So, in return... Here is something funny I found while searching for a completely different image! It's completely unrelated, but funny just the same.

http://www.jbelectric.us/ot/stolemytv/tyson.jpg

The reason why that made me laugh is because the white guy looks so damn happy hahahaha

kpropain

07-08-2004, 09:04 PM

Originally posted by bwind22
That is the single funniest post I've seen on here since I joined the site. It is the only one that actually made laugh out loud.

So, in return... Here is something funny I found while searching for a completely different image! It's completely unrelated, but funny just the same.

http://www.jbelectric.us/ot/stolemytv/tyson.jpg

Glad I could bring some humor into your life bwind :D

bloodygurl02

07-08-2004, 09:07 PM

wow it looks smaller then u described

I had better and bigger

r u in yet?????

that was quick

bloodrayne

07-08-2004, 09:33 PM

Halfway through the middle, you say..."Let me know when you are ready to start":p

bloodygurl02

07-08-2004, 09:36 PM

after a min of being in to it saying ur done already
man that was quick and then say looks like u shrunk too and then offer viagra to him

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 09:39 PM

Originally posted by bloodygurl02
after a min of being in to it saying ur done already
man that was quick and then say looks like u shrunk too and then offer viagra to him

ouch, very ouch

bloodygurl02

07-08-2004, 09:42 PM

Originally posted by Hate_Breeder
ouch, very ouch

i know but i wouldn't say that to a guy lol unless it was true but i never have so.......

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 10:38 PM

Originally posted by bloodygurl02
i know but i wouldn't say that to a guy lol unless it was true but i never have so.......

never have what?

bloodygurl02

07-08-2004, 10:39 PM

Originally posted by Hate_Breeder
never have what?

said that to a guy during sex

Hate_Breeder

07-08-2004, 10:53 PM

Originally posted by bloodygurl02
said that to a guy during sex

Oh sorry you lost me somewhere back there

WUF0NGTAN

07-09-2004, 02:38 AM

i'm sorry but i can't afford to pay you!!!1

Vodstok

07-09-2004, 03:44 AM

A comedian said this happened to him. Having sex with a woman, and about halfway through she goes "*sigh* ANYway......."

And some more originals:

If you loved me, you would go down there even if i smell.

Are you sure all three fingers are up my ass?

Dont worry, you can masturbate once im done.

Since we're making requests, i once saw this video with a chick and a horse....

Your mom's tits look bigger than your's

Wow, your nipples are way different in size and shape!

You know, I'm glad your sister said no.

If you scream, I will kill you. Just kidding :)! Shut up.......

Why is it called "missionary" when you are being a slut?

Well, i do like them big, but not saggy. Dont worry, i'll probably finish anyway.

fattybluetit

07-09-2004, 03:48 AM

or even worse you could say whats for tea

bloodrayne

07-09-2004, 03:54 AM

Could you move your head a little to the left?...You are blocking the television...Yeah...Right there...Thanks

...lol

Vodstok

07-09-2004, 03:58 AM

Bloodrayne, that reminds me of a joke we told a lot when i went to school with canadians:

Why do Canadians have sex doggy style?

So they can both watch the Hockey game.

Here is something terrible a woman can say when a guy finishes:
Look down and say "Oh god, that is fucking gross, i think i'm going to puke"

Stingy Jack

07-09-2004, 04:09 AM

"Oh, you go moist cunt nougat on me!"

bloodrayne

07-09-2004, 04:17 AM

Originally posted by Stingy Jack
"Oh, you go moist cunt nougat on me!" Eww...I thought (hoped) that you had forgotten about that :eek: :D

Vodstok

07-09-2004, 04:18 AM

Originally posted by Stingy Jack
"Oh, you go moist cunt nougat on me!"

HAHA! I had forgotten too! Thank you for bringing this back... My poll was deleted a while ago :D

Stingy Jack

07-09-2004, 04:36 AM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Eww...I thought (hoped) that you had forgotten about that :eek: :D

Bloodrayne, you changed your avatar! That reminds me that I need to change mine, too! Thanks again for those avatars you sent me. You're too kind. :D