Getting to know me better

[Freak]

I realized the other day that why I know alot about alot of you none of you know anything me me really. So i thought I would give you guys and gals a journey into who I am.

My name is Bobby Joe Howard. I was born April 27, 1982 at about 4 a.m. I currently live in Fairfield, Ohio. I've lived here about two months. I'm the department manager of Lawn and Garden at a Sears Hardware and Appliance. I'm single(get in line ladies) and have been for about a year now. I'm a nice guy for the most part. I'm prone to fits of intense anger where I've been told I can become real dark. some of you that I was friends with on Facebook for a brief time may already know. I was diagnosed ( by a person I'm not sure was qualified to call themselves a therapist) with severe depression. But I honestly think I'm bi-polar. I should be on meds but I refuse to take them.


I'm almost 30 and just moved out of my parents basement 2 months ago.I'm very anti social. Not because I hate be but because I dont trust people. I rarely leave my house for fear of be putting in a social situation where I tend to panic.But I like to bitch and complain of never having nothing to do or somewhere to go. I very self destructive. I have sabotage almost every realtionship with someone I care about with my issues. I tend to push people that care about me away. I tend to screw myself at work also.

I'm not a educated person by any means. I'm sure this is littered with bad grammar and spelling. I dropped out of high school my junior year. I did manage to get my GED two years later though. Math is like kryptonite to me.

My hobbies include movies, music, video games,the internet and self pity. Most of the music I listen is metal, rap and rock. But I'm open tp almost any type of music. I like horror movies of course but also really enjoy a good comedy or action movie. I'm about 5'9 224lbs. Black hair green eyes and glasses. I've noticed my hair on top has started thinning lately. I'll probably just shave it bald here soon.

While I do have dreams and goals, I feel that I'll never achieve them so I don't bother trying. I'm very neagtive but have been trying to change that. there's been alot of set backs the last few weeks.

Well I guess that's it for now. Now you almost everything there is to know about me. Drink it all in.

[The Villain]

I commend you for having the guts to reveal that much personal info about yourself. I also think its great you can admit your faults like that. Most people refuse to see the bad in them. I hope that you can overcome your problems and be happy, from what i've seen of you here, you seem like a cool dude. Good luck with everything man.

[cheebacheeba]

I'll play.

I'm a guy from Sydney Australia. 30 years old 'til January.
Not big on throwing my name out there, but generally speaking I am "B".
I've never had/kept a "group" of friends...maybe one or two people...perhaps in part due to the fact I was from a single parent family that just moved and moved and moved and moved and moved. I never had a home base for more than about a year, and when we moved it wasn't just a town/suburb over, it tended to be interstate.
I have no long term friends, I know nobody from childhood.
My family has been in constant disputes - one half lives across the other side of the country, the other half doesn't want to know me because I'm related to their own shunned relative, my mother, who cannot seem to go a day without some kind of conflict or erratic behaviour occurring.
I am crowd phobic.

I was, as was popular in the 90s "diagnosed" with A.D.D though I have always wondered if I actually have anything more than an unwillingness to conform and yield to any other expectations that my own...I mean nothing ever seemed "wrong" with me, I just seemed to rub authority figures the wrong way.
I played the "clown" bit for a large part of my life, and I think maybe I did it because I thought I wasn't interesting or fun enough for people to want to have anything to do with, it's always been a fallback and to an extent it still is.

I've only ever had what I'd refer to as shitty jobs, my education has been varied but sporadic and completion hasn't always been achieved mainly due to being circumstantially sidetracked or loss of interest.

Earlier this year I tried my hand at what I was convinced was my actual calling, I'd finally settled on something that I was proud of myself for doing, something I found interest in and seemed to me was altruistic in nature...only to find that it wasn't what I thought it would be, and an organisation I thought would be supportive and reflective of my views simply was not.
This is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and I was, and am still completely dissilusioned by it.
I still don't know if I wanted to do it in the first place to try and be a better person.

I have zero passion for any kind of job/employment I should happen to fall into at this stage, I can't see anything other than I wanted and it's gone now.
Right now the only thing I care about is "it pays".
I don't even aim high there. If it pays legally, and I don't have to handle any kind of body fluid or garbage, I'm fine with it - unless it's customer service, sales or some kind of call centre work, I've had enough of that soul crushing.

Right now, I work in a warehouse where I unload shipping containers full of their stock, mainly kitchenware. I also drive a forklift at the same place, which has I suppose afforded me work on a more ongoing basis - though I am still considered a temp, while I've been assured my stay will be long term, my employment could simply evaporate at any time.
I don't actually dread this job though I find it rather monotonous.
However, I can always view it as an 8-hour chat and workout if I were to look at slightly more optimistically.

I don't value myself at all really. The friends I have now only seem to annoy me and let me down...and I kind've feel like even though I don't percieve myself to have any negative or "bad friend" traits, even though I'm reliable and help people wherever and however I can, that this is somehow reflective of my own personality.
I try to be "nice" and get treated like a pushover.
I try to be assertive, and people act like I've suddenly turned into an asshole.

I can't connect with my family, and for the most part I feel bad about it even though I can't see it as my fault.

That's the bad stuff...the good, or at least the neutral...

Outside of work, I enjoy gardening, cooking, the occasional videogame even though I'm a bit pressed for time, spending time at home and "doing nothing".

I'm not religious, though I was raised Catholic in my schooling...perhaps it was Christian, I don't know...one of the Jesus-y ones.
I have found many religions to be hypocritical and self serving, and above all self contradictory. Probably on account of being established by humans, the same imperfections come through.
Right now I follow more a system of ethics and conduct...I figure that's good enough. I have no thoughts on the afterlife, though I personally believe there's something more to us than the biological - I just don't care to define that which I will never understand in this lifetime.

I have a partner who I'm marrying in March next year, we're doing this on our 13th anniversary.
I feel like we know eachother better than I ever thought possible, and I can't really rememeber how it was to feel like the guy I was before we met.
We're planning on having a child (hoping for one only) in 2013.
The child is named already, will be called "River" regardless of sex, as it's the only name we've remotely agreed on, and it's kind've cool...life giving, peaceful etc. Perhaps we will consider foreign dialect for the name if anything seems half decent.
I, this is going to sound pretty lame, have actually written some letters to this future child...nothing incredibly deep, probably not even useful information, I just thought it would be cool to throw a few thoughts his/her way from the future "guy that their dad used to be".

I shoot from the hip and speak plainly, even though this has and probably will continue to be potentially detrimental, but it's how I have to be...I've been repressed before and it hasn't paid off, so fuck it.

I don't much like beer, though Germans know their shit.
I love tequila.

I always have pet/s, currently have two cats and a dog.

I don't fear spiders, I grew up in a town known for funnel web population, after that nothing really makes the grade.

I don't smoke, and I'm frankly annoyingly festidious about avoiding it.
I use weed on an ongoing though moderate basis, and being a non smoker I've decided to vapourise only.

Myself and partner have taken up gym this year, and in the last 2 months I've dropped 13 kilos. That's 28.6 pounds, or about 2.05 stone.
Doing this simply because it's about time etc, I've been unfit for the majority of my 20's and I can say that right now I'm in better shape than I have been for at least 8 years, and everything is still a work in progress.
I'm doing this for my/our lengetivity and so that when I have this kid I'll be able to keep up with them and set a good example.

I've recently come upon the realisation though, that really you don't have to do something great with your life to be a good, or even a great person...sure there's dreams, there's ideals, but there's also life waiting to kick you in the face, and I really believe that it's about how you pick yourself up and treat those around you that makes who and what you are count in the ways that matter. At least, that's my self concilatory theory.

I really dislike time limits in videogames, and love the 16-bit era more than any other prior or since.

There you go.

[ZombieDrone]

Okay...my turn.

I'm just shy of turning 22.

I was born five weeks premature (had I been born "on time" I would've been born in the 90's, as it is I'm an 80's child) when I was born, there was a sever lack of incubators so I had to be transported to a hospital that was a 90 minute drive away. I was also, at one point in this ordeal, declared clinically dead. So I guess I could be a zombie.

When I was a child I was diagnosed with DAMP Syndrome. DAMP isn't often recognised as a condition outside of Sweden (I'm in the UK, though) although those who believe that it "exists" say it's quite common.

It's not such a matter that there may not be an actual condition, it's more that it's several conditions piled on top of eachother. Seperately it consists of ADHD, Dyspraxia (a condition that affects motor skills, so my balance and hand-writing are terrible.) and mild Autism (possibly Aspergers, but I'm not too sure) like many dyspraxics I'm also hyptonic which means I like muscle tone and so I'm rather weak, physically...I'm also only 5'4 so I'm rather weedy.

I don't like to use the term "suffering" from my condition or any negative conotations. I honestly believe it's no more an issue to me than my gender, race or sexuality. It's something I was born with and whilst I admit it has it's difficutlies (my aformentioned lack of physical prowess, my rather strained social skills and frequent, sometimes crippling, anxiety) it has it's strengths such as my rather unique perception of the world and my very strong focus on my interests (given this, I can become highly knowledgable on a subject of interest in a short space of time). I have the philosophy that I was born the way I am so I can't change it, so I'm not bitter about it.

I know there's a strong movement for a cure to such things, and whilst I don't begrudge people for wanting a cure (some are far worse off from such things than I am) I wouldn't have a cure if it were available because it'd probably change who I am almost completely.

My condition is also responsible for my strong social consciense. I was born into a politically left-wing family (my paternal great-grandfather was a trade-unionist) and that, mixed with my own experiences (my hatred of being made to feel inferior because I'm different) has made me passionate about equality. In short I'm a liberal/democratic-socialist and I describe my social views as a white, heterosexual male in favour of multiculturalism, gay rights and feminism.

I take immense pride in the fact that I started off in Special Education and have now ended up with a 2:1 Univeristy Degree.

In terms of religion, I'm agnostic. I slide more towards atheism, but I don't completely deny the idea that "something" exists as I don't see any concrete evidence on either side of the God debate. I also find that whilst I have strong dislike of having people "force-fed" religious ideas, I have an equal dislike for people who use atheism as a tool to sneer at what other people believe.

I was raised in a Protestant family of varying degrees of devoutness. Some relatives are atheists, some have a bible and celebrate Christian holidays in a secular manner, that's about their extent, whilst others regularly attend church and are rather devout. My first school (the special education school) was in an area where there is a high Pakistani population and, as such, I learnt in my early years about Islam and even celebrated Eid, the feast at the end of Ramadan. As a result of this and the Muslim friends I made in childhood and beyond I openly scoff at those who characterise Islam as completely violent or hateful.

I later attended Catholic school, like my sisters, not on religious grounds but simply because Catholic schools are often regarded to be of a high-standard. I always did well in school. My grades were good (except maths, I hate maths) and I was always looked upon as a well-behaved and polite student (I admit I'm something of a goody-two-shoes) but I don't really care for the rather dogmatic and conservative approach the schools had.

I don't drink (caffiene is my strongest vice) and I'm interested in travelling much of the world and learning about other cultures. I've seen a fair amount of Europe and I plan on, before I die, seeing all 50 states of America (So far, I've only seen Florida) and the 12 Candian provinces as well as travel East-Asia, more specifically Seoul, Hong Kong and Tokyo (probably all Japan, for that matter)

In social situations I can be very shy around strangers and often don't say much. However, after a while (a few weeks or so) I don't so much come out of my shell, rather I burst. I can become overly extroverted (probably my DAMP syndrome mixed with nerves) and go from completly shy silence to never shutting up. However, I dislike the usual social things that young men enjoy. I don't go out to clubs and usually only have walks at night-time (my fear of the outside world of night, mixed with my love of it's beauty is one big anti-Darwinian contradiction)

On the negative side, I'm often incredibly neurotic, socially awkward, overly naive in many ways and often find myself lacking in motivation and can be quite lazy (I'm one of those people who don't go mad from simply sitting doing nothing)

That's me putting the Nut into Nutshell.

[TheWickerFan]

You guys are incredibly brave to write all this down. I wish everyone the best of luck with all their endeavors.

Let's see:

My name is Amy. I am 42. I will have been married for 24 years on December 5th, and I have 2 children (a girl - 20yr. and a boy - 17 yr.)

I have always been painfully shy and socially awkward. School was a nightmare. I've suffered from clinical depression since I was 12, and it got so bad when I entered high school, that my parents feared I would commit suicide and had me taken out. I was 15, so I needed a note from a psychiatrist saying I was unfit to attend school, and the school provided home tutoring until the end of the school year. I quit the next year, and went to GED classes. I got my equivalency diploma about 6 months before I would have graduated. I worked at an animal shelter until I was 17, when I met my white knight.:)

Bouts of depression come and go. I'd managed to avoid meds until quite recently when I started getting panic attacks. If you've ever had one of those, you know they're impossible to ignore. Prozac seems to be working quite well for the long term.

I am a liberal, an atheist, and a total non-conformist. I'm not good in social situations, but when it comes to business matters (getting things done, reminding others to get things done, pointing out how it would be in everyone's best interest to do your job in a timely and satisfactory manner) I'm pretty darn good.

I suppose I have the stereotypical interests of a horror fan: metal, serial killers, history of torture and execution, Marquis De Sade, Satanism, Paganism etc. There's nothing about my personal appearance that would indicate this though. I like to keep the conservative suburbanites around me fooled.:D

I guess that's it.

[Fearonsarms]

I agree with wicker and villain you are all very brave putting all this out there-it's sad how much we all suffer in life but one hopes through helping each other (even if its just talking horror which I actually find uplifting) out we can make life a bit more bearable :) Take good care everyone.

[Straker]

I think we made real progress this week group.... Same time next week.