Kokujo
07-27-2011, 12:52 AM
This is a story that I wrote recently. Its contents, in my opinion, fall roughly on the line of horror. It's about nine college students who must spend a night in a castle rumored to be haunted, but when one discovered a cursed locket, each student starts to commit suicide one by one. Please, tell me what you think.
It was a cool day. The clouds were the perfect shape, the sun wasn’t boiling skin, and the perfect amount of wildlife was out and about. Despite all of this, she was unhappy with everything. Mimi, a young lady aged at around twenty two years old. She’d lost her entire family in a car accident just six months ago, and she hasn’t been the same since then. “Damaged, that is what I am…” is all she could think about herself. She was failing out of college, nearly getting kicked out due to her most recent failing grade. She couldn’t concentrate on her home life, either. Her best friend, who was away for the weekend, had to take all of her pets so they could survive. Mimi even needed her friend Victoria to come over and clean for her. The girl was a total mess, and everything was about to be thrown away.
She had finally made it home with Victoria after unsuccessfully making a trip to see a therapist about her problem. As the two made their way inside of Mimi’s home, Victoria locked the door behind them and began to walk off. “I have to make a quick phone call hun, stay safe while I’m gone.” Victoria said as she slowly walked away from the depressed girl. Mimi slowly walked into her kitchen and opened a drawer where she kept several utensils. Inside of the drawer was a kitchen knife which was six inches in length. She glared at her reflection on the knife as she gripped the handle and pulled it closer to her throat. She lightly pressed the tip against her throat with slight force before hearing a scream behind her. “No!” Victoria screamed at the girl before grabbing her arm and jerking the knife from her hand.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You do not need to do this!” Victoria had started crying as she screamed at her friend. “I know you are hurting, but you still have a wonderful life ahead of you…” Tears slowly slid down Mimi’s face as she turned to face her friend. “I… I am… sorry Victoria…” Mimi’s eyes watered up as she apologized only to receive a big bear hug from Victoria. “It’s alright sweetie, it’s alright.” After a couple of minutes of holding each other in their arms, the girls had calmed down enough for Victoria to tell Mimi about the phone call she had made. “That was Scott; I went ahead and told him we’d be going with him to get the extra credit. I could use it a little bit more, but you really need it to stay in school.” At first Mimi wasn’t too happy about this, but she decided that a little time away from home would do her some good and she needed the credit.
“When will they arrive?” Mimi softly asked Victoria. “He had to pick up the others, so it’ll probably be another ten minutes.” Victoria responded to Mimi’s question and then continued to speak. “Megan, Ronald, Ed, Rachelle, Mick, and Martin, along with both you and me, we’ll all be going on this extra credit assignment with Scott. We should both get ready.” Mimi nodded slowly as she headed upstairs to her room to change. Whilst she was gone, Victoria decided to slip into some different clothes downstairs. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Mimi almost did, and she was dead terrified of her attempting it again. She slipped on a black sweater while wearing a white tank top under it and a pair of blue skinny jeans. She had flowing brown hair falling down her back over her sweater.
Just a few minutes after that, Mimi had returned back downstairs wearing a blue jean skirt that went down to just above her knees, a matching jacket, and a white T-shirt under it. She had medium length black hair which went half way down her neck. The two walked towards the door as Victoria unlocked it and then locked it back once they exited the house. Victoria watched Mimi and could tell the girl was still mixed up just by looking at her; she would need to keep a good eye on her during this trip. Before the girls knew it, a large black van approached Mimi’s driveway. It held seven people in it and would also be holding the both of them. In the driver’s seat was Scott: he had short blonde hair and was wearing blue jeans and a white and black striped shirt. The girls crawled into the back where four were already seated.
One of the four was wearing an all black dress with black hair pulled into a bun. Her name was Megan and she was a friend of Mimi and Victoria’s. Sitting next to her was a guy who had short brown hair and was wearing a tight white T-shirt and a pair of blue shorts. His name was Mick and he was a friend of Scott’s. Sitting next to Mick was two other guys: one with long black hair that stretched halfway down his back who was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a button-up black shirt and the other who had no hair and was wearing a white tank top and a pair of black jeans. Their names were Ronald and Ed, and they were also friends of Scott’s. The two girls didn’t know any of these three guys, but they did know the guy and the girl who were sitting up front with Scott. Rachelle and Martin, they were in a relationship and were mutual friends between both of the girls along with Scott. Rachelle had blonde hair that went just past her shoulders and was wearing a pair of white shorts and a blue sleeveless shirt. Martin was wearing a pair of ripped up blue jeans and a dark blue T-shirt.
The group was traveling to an old and abandoned castle just outside of the town they all lived in. Their goal was simple: while staying at this castle, they had to disprove the rumor that it’s haunted. They were all spending the night inside of the castle and they were each expecting this to be an easy assignment, all except for Mimi. She didn’t know how difficult this task would be, and she was hardly prepared for anything. But as the group approached the castle, she was ready to follow her friends into the corridors of this eerie looking place. Each person stepped out of the van and gazed at the incredible building. Unlike most castles seen in movies or in fairy tales, this castle had a door. Scott slowly approached the door and cracked it open which allowed some of the sunlight to shine inside of the castle. He could see that it was pretty dirty inside and also spooky, but opened the door completely and proceeded in anyway.
One by one, the rest of the group followed him inside of the castle. It seemed as though they had walked right into the living room. There were several pieces of furniture which were covered by sheets, and empty fireplace that looked as though it hadn’t been used in years, and several portraits lined across the walls of people who were long dead by this point. “Well, we’re here guys. I guess just spending the night will be enough to prove that it’s not haunted.” Scott spoke out as he threw his bag of supplies on a dusty chair with a sheet over it. “We will need to explore this place and make sure it’s not haunted or else we’ll be fakes.” Mick replied to Scott while also putting his bag down. As Mick walked through a doorway, Rachelle, Martin, and Ed followed him. Scott and Victoria walked through a different doorway while Megan and Ronald were sitting on the old furniture and talking to each other.
Mimi, now pretty much on her own for a bit while inside of the castle, decided to take a look around and see what the castle had inside of it. She opened up a large door and walked through it, closing it on the other side. She’d found herself in a bedroom with a huge bed that had been previously made. The blanket was full of dust, but that didn’t surprise her; the entire room was covered in both dust and cob webs. She approached the dresser in the room which contained an un-opened jewelry box. She lightly lifted up the box, only to find a pendant lying in the center of it. The pendant looked exactly like the one her mother used to wear, but this one obviously didn’t belong to anyone so she picked it up and placed it around her neck. She took a liking to it rather quickly and tucked it under her shirt so nobody would see her wearing it. She then exited the room through a different doorway.
As she left, the ghostly white image of an old woman could be seen standing right beside the jewelry box, only to disappear within seconds. Mimi headed down a very long hallway, looking at all of the portraits hanging on the walls. She then came to two very large doors and became curious about what was behind them, so she slowly pushed them open. She crept inside, unsure of what was in the room, but was surprised when she saw several dining tables. “This must be where the people who lived in this castle ate their meals,” she thought to herself. As she slowly walked further into the room, suddenly a pair of hands came up from behind and a loud yell could be heard behind her. Terrified, Mimi quickly spun around and pushed the person away.
“Hey! Watch it!” The voice of a man yelled at Mimi. She recognized him as Ed, who had apparently followed behind her in secret just to pull this prank on her. She slapped him on the chest and yelled at him “you jerk!” She then turned around and stormed off while Ed simply watched her walk away. Ed couldn’t help but laugh about the whole thing, but in almost an instant, his expression turned serious as he proceeded through a doorway which led to the kitchen. Ed blankly stared at the kitchen as he moved further in, finally approaching a window which had long and dirty curtains by it. He pulled the curtains off and stepped up on a counter where he then tied the curtain around a hook that had been stuck in the ceiling and then tied the other end around his own neck. Without hesitation, Ed jumped from the counter and simply hanged there until his own death.
It was a cool day. The clouds were the perfect shape, the sun wasn’t boiling skin, and the perfect amount of wildlife was out and about. Despite all of this, she was unhappy with everything. Mimi, a young lady aged at around twenty two years old. She’d lost her entire family in a car accident just six months ago, and she hasn’t been the same since then. “Damaged, that is what I am…” is all she could think about herself. She was failing out of college, nearly getting kicked out due to her most recent failing grade. She couldn’t concentrate on her home life, either. Her best friend, who was away for the weekend, had to take all of her pets so they could survive. Mimi even needed her friend Victoria to come over and clean for her. The girl was a total mess, and everything was about to be thrown away.
She had finally made it home with Victoria after unsuccessfully making a trip to see a therapist about her problem. As the two made their way inside of Mimi’s home, Victoria locked the door behind them and began to walk off. “I have to make a quick phone call hun, stay safe while I’m gone.” Victoria said as she slowly walked away from the depressed girl. Mimi slowly walked into her kitchen and opened a drawer where she kept several utensils. Inside of the drawer was a kitchen knife which was six inches in length. She glared at her reflection on the knife as she gripped the handle and pulled it closer to her throat. She lightly pressed the tip against her throat with slight force before hearing a scream behind her. “No!” Victoria screamed at the girl before grabbing her arm and jerking the knife from her hand.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You do not need to do this!” Victoria had started crying as she screamed at her friend. “I know you are hurting, but you still have a wonderful life ahead of you…” Tears slowly slid down Mimi’s face as she turned to face her friend. “I… I am… sorry Victoria…” Mimi’s eyes watered up as she apologized only to receive a big bear hug from Victoria. “It’s alright sweetie, it’s alright.” After a couple of minutes of holding each other in their arms, the girls had calmed down enough for Victoria to tell Mimi about the phone call she had made. “That was Scott; I went ahead and told him we’d be going with him to get the extra credit. I could use it a little bit more, but you really need it to stay in school.” At first Mimi wasn’t too happy about this, but she decided that a little time away from home would do her some good and she needed the credit.
“When will they arrive?” Mimi softly asked Victoria. “He had to pick up the others, so it’ll probably be another ten minutes.” Victoria responded to Mimi’s question and then continued to speak. “Megan, Ronald, Ed, Rachelle, Mick, and Martin, along with both you and me, we’ll all be going on this extra credit assignment with Scott. We should both get ready.” Mimi nodded slowly as she headed upstairs to her room to change. Whilst she was gone, Victoria decided to slip into some different clothes downstairs. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Mimi almost did, and she was dead terrified of her attempting it again. She slipped on a black sweater while wearing a white tank top under it and a pair of blue skinny jeans. She had flowing brown hair falling down her back over her sweater.
Just a few minutes after that, Mimi had returned back downstairs wearing a blue jean skirt that went down to just above her knees, a matching jacket, and a white T-shirt under it. She had medium length black hair which went half way down her neck. The two walked towards the door as Victoria unlocked it and then locked it back once they exited the house. Victoria watched Mimi and could tell the girl was still mixed up just by looking at her; she would need to keep a good eye on her during this trip. Before the girls knew it, a large black van approached Mimi’s driveway. It held seven people in it and would also be holding the both of them. In the driver’s seat was Scott: he had short blonde hair and was wearing blue jeans and a white and black striped shirt. The girls crawled into the back where four were already seated.
One of the four was wearing an all black dress with black hair pulled into a bun. Her name was Megan and she was a friend of Mimi and Victoria’s. Sitting next to her was a guy who had short brown hair and was wearing a tight white T-shirt and a pair of blue shorts. His name was Mick and he was a friend of Scott’s. Sitting next to Mick was two other guys: one with long black hair that stretched halfway down his back who was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a button-up black shirt and the other who had no hair and was wearing a white tank top and a pair of black jeans. Their names were Ronald and Ed, and they were also friends of Scott’s. The two girls didn’t know any of these three guys, but they did know the guy and the girl who were sitting up front with Scott. Rachelle and Martin, they were in a relationship and were mutual friends between both of the girls along with Scott. Rachelle had blonde hair that went just past her shoulders and was wearing a pair of white shorts and a blue sleeveless shirt. Martin was wearing a pair of ripped up blue jeans and a dark blue T-shirt.
The group was traveling to an old and abandoned castle just outside of the town they all lived in. Their goal was simple: while staying at this castle, they had to disprove the rumor that it’s haunted. They were all spending the night inside of the castle and they were each expecting this to be an easy assignment, all except for Mimi. She didn’t know how difficult this task would be, and she was hardly prepared for anything. But as the group approached the castle, she was ready to follow her friends into the corridors of this eerie looking place. Each person stepped out of the van and gazed at the incredible building. Unlike most castles seen in movies or in fairy tales, this castle had a door. Scott slowly approached the door and cracked it open which allowed some of the sunlight to shine inside of the castle. He could see that it was pretty dirty inside and also spooky, but opened the door completely and proceeded in anyway.
One by one, the rest of the group followed him inside of the castle. It seemed as though they had walked right into the living room. There were several pieces of furniture which were covered by sheets, and empty fireplace that looked as though it hadn’t been used in years, and several portraits lined across the walls of people who were long dead by this point. “Well, we’re here guys. I guess just spending the night will be enough to prove that it’s not haunted.” Scott spoke out as he threw his bag of supplies on a dusty chair with a sheet over it. “We will need to explore this place and make sure it’s not haunted or else we’ll be fakes.” Mick replied to Scott while also putting his bag down. As Mick walked through a doorway, Rachelle, Martin, and Ed followed him. Scott and Victoria walked through a different doorway while Megan and Ronald were sitting on the old furniture and talking to each other.
Mimi, now pretty much on her own for a bit while inside of the castle, decided to take a look around and see what the castle had inside of it. She opened up a large door and walked through it, closing it on the other side. She’d found herself in a bedroom with a huge bed that had been previously made. The blanket was full of dust, but that didn’t surprise her; the entire room was covered in both dust and cob webs. She approached the dresser in the room which contained an un-opened jewelry box. She lightly lifted up the box, only to find a pendant lying in the center of it. The pendant looked exactly like the one her mother used to wear, but this one obviously didn’t belong to anyone so she picked it up and placed it around her neck. She took a liking to it rather quickly and tucked it under her shirt so nobody would see her wearing it. She then exited the room through a different doorway.
As she left, the ghostly white image of an old woman could be seen standing right beside the jewelry box, only to disappear within seconds. Mimi headed down a very long hallway, looking at all of the portraits hanging on the walls. She then came to two very large doors and became curious about what was behind them, so she slowly pushed them open. She crept inside, unsure of what was in the room, but was surprised when she saw several dining tables. “This must be where the people who lived in this castle ate their meals,” she thought to herself. As she slowly walked further into the room, suddenly a pair of hands came up from behind and a loud yell could be heard behind her. Terrified, Mimi quickly spun around and pushed the person away.
“Hey! Watch it!” The voice of a man yelled at Mimi. She recognized him as Ed, who had apparently followed behind her in secret just to pull this prank on her. She slapped him on the chest and yelled at him “you jerk!” She then turned around and stormed off while Ed simply watched her walk away. Ed couldn’t help but laugh about the whole thing, but in almost an instant, his expression turned serious as he proceeded through a doorway which led to the kitchen. Ed blankly stared at the kitchen as he moved further in, finally approaching a window which had long and dirty curtains by it. He pulled the curtains off and stepped up on a counter where he then tied the curtain around a hook that had been stuck in the ceiling and then tied the other end around his own neck. Without hesitation, Ed jumped from the counter and simply hanged there until his own death.