I'm Getting a Little Sister...

[ChronoGrl]

... No, not the biological kind... I just got accepted into the Big Brother/Big Sister organization. :D

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm

Truth is, I applied back in August so there was a part of me that honestly thought I'd get rejected for some reason or other. Plus, it had been a pretty shitty day so when I got the envelope from BBBS I already started throwing myself a little pity party thinking, "Oh, well isn't THIS just the icing..."

One of those times it's good to be wrong. :D

I'm ridiculously happy about this. Pretty psyched to get "matched" with my "Little" (and, yes, they actually do call them "Littles"). heh


Anyone else join the program? Or know someone who has? I'm not sure if it exists outside of the US, but I'd imagine that other countries have something similar.

[Straker]

Looks like an awesome initiative and something you should be proud to be a part of. Good luck with it, I'm sure you'll do great. :cool:

Not sure if anything like this exists over here, but if it does I'm sure its under funded and more of a niche thing. I can't think that I've ever heard of anything similar. Were it to even be attempted over here, I'm sure the criminal record checks and general bureaucracy involved in an initiative like this would put off pretty much everyone who would be eligable.... We mostly leave social care and community welfare in the hands of under paid, under educated and over worked social workers and teachers.

[neverending]

Congrats Chrono... have fun warping the next generation!

[TheWickerFan]

That's wonderful.:) I'm sure you'll have loads of fun.

[ferretchucker]

Influence your little to be a cat lady! You can start "The Order of Ripley" wherein a child is picked from each generation to be the guardian of the cats.

[Ferox13]

That seems pretty cool...

What age are they and how often do u get to spend time with them?

[ChronoGrl]

Thanks, everyone! This is a really big deal to me.

I already told the boyfriend that we need to get this apartment clean... Or shove everything into a closet and lock it.

Influence your little to be a cat lady! You can start "The Order of Ripley" wherein a child is picked from each generation to be the guardian of the cats.

bwahaha - I actually wonder how she'll react to them. Hope she's not afraid... :o



That seems pretty cool...

What age are they and how often do u get to spend time with them?

The ages range from 6 - 12, and they "match" you based on your preference and also the child's preference (it was a pretty lengthy interview process where they asked you everything from What are your interests? to What are your friends like?).

In terms of time spend together, they encourage "at least a night a week"... Ultimately, I'd like to do a night a week and a weekend day... Or a week night and every other weekend day... It depends on your schedule and the schedule of the family.

[newb]

good for you Chrono.

I tried to be a Big Brother but they kind of frown on child slavery in R.I.


just wanted someone to fetch my beers....is that so bad?

[bwind22]

Anyone else join the program? Or know someone who has? I'm not sure if it exists outside of the US, but I'd imagine that other countries have something similar.

I've seen Role Models..... That's all I got.

Congrats though. Sounds like you're looking forward to it so right on! Good going!

[ferretchucker]

So how does it work? Do people just send there kids into some centre and let them have fun with (safety checked) adults once a week? Or is it kids specifically from tough backgrounds?

[ChronoGrl]

So how does it work? Do people just send there kids into some centre and let them have fun with (safety checked) adults once a week? Or is it kids specifically from tough backgrounds?

With the branch that I'm working with, essentially kids become part of the program mostly through their parents signing them up. Parents recognize that they can't always spend enough time with their kids and see that this is a great opportunity to add a positive influence into their life.

Kids can also be "recommended" through social workers and school guidance councilors, but ultimately it has to be the parents who take the step to sign their kid(s) up with the program.

Most of the kids come from tough backgrounds - A pretty common scenario is a single parent with multiple children who doesn't want their son/daughter to be ignored while the parent focuses on, say, a new baby or younger sibling, so they sign them up to the program. It's all voluntary, though, so it's not like I represent an organization like the Department of Social Services who's taking kids away from their parents.

In terms of the actual scenario, it's all about one-on-one time with you and your Little, so while they'll have the occasional group activity (like picnics, that sort of thing), BBBS really wants you to take your Little out and spend quality time like them. So, it's not like you just go to a Center or YMCA and partner up... BBBS actually anticipates you bringing your Little to your house or apartment a lot to bond with them there. The activity really depends on what your Little is interested in.

Personally, I would LOVE to be paired with a little sister who wants to swim - There's a YMCA close by and I'd love to give her swim lessons. I did that with my parents when I was small. :D

[Despare]

Good to hear, I hope you have a BLAST. You're only the second person I know to join this program and the first didn't have a great experience. Keep us posted.

[ferretchucker]

Sounds like a really good thing you're doing here. Be sure to introduce your little to us! :p

[Elvis_Christ]

This is awesome. Hope it works out well for the two of you and lots of fun is had.

[johnbrown]

Wow! pretty much good initiative made by you. Go ahead. Best wished from my side.

[ChronoGrl]

Thanks again for all of the support!!

I finally got matched with my Little - Her name is Dolly, she's 9, and a twin! I met her last week and took her out last night to a laser tag place called LASER ZONE (for the record we TOTALLY schooled two teenage boys in laser tag)... She definitely plays tough, but I think she had a lot of fun with me.

Going pretty well so far... :D

[Ferox13]

Excellent...

:-)

[hammerfan]

Glad to hear your first outing with her went well. I hope it continues. You're a good person, Chrono.

[Diabolical]

Can you be a violent felon and do that? And who is AI? Is she gonna fuck those kids up???

[Fearonsarms]

This seems like a really great idea-I wish there was something like this here-anything to save kids from the real horrors of the "care" system *shudders at flashbacks*

[ferretchucker]

I wish I was a part of this programme (as a child)...and had Laser Tag near me. :(

I'm glad she likes you...so far. Who knows, she could be eeeevil.

[FreddyMyers]

Congrats, your doing and wonderful thing. I believe Hammmerfan put it the best, and Laser Tag: Friggin awesome! Good choice for a fun day.

[Diabolical]

You should bury it alive.

[TheWickerFan]

Thanks again for all of the support!!

I finally got matched with my Little - Her name is Dolly, she's 9, and a twin! I met her last week and took her out last night to a laser tag place called LASER ZONE (for the record we TOTALLY schooled two teenage boys in laser tag)... She definitely plays tough, but I think she had a lot of fun with me.

Going pretty well so far... :D

Good for you.:) 9 is a good age; past the temper tantrum phase and before the surly teen years. I hope you have many more enjoyable outings.

[hammerfan]

So, Chrono, have you spent any more time with her? How's it going?

[ChronoGrl]

It's going ok... My big problem is that I SUCK at setting rules and boundaries... So last time I saw her, we played Mini Glow Golf (which is indoor mini golf that glows in the dark)... And she didn't want to play by the rules; just wanted to hit the ball whenever, she would smack her club against the walls, and I would let her. She would also just give up at a hole if she got frustrated or if I sunk my ball.

We're doing bowling next week and I'm worried that she's just going to want to give up 1/2 way through, honest.

Also (and this is going to sound really awful), I'm convinced that she doesn't like me. I have NO IDEA what to talk to her about. I'm trying not to stress about it too much, but it is top of mind...

[TheWickerFan]

It's going ok... My big problem is that I SUCK at setting rules and boundaries... So last time I saw her, we played Mini Glow Golf (which is indoor mini golf that glows in the dark)... And she didn't want to play by the rules; just wanted to hit the ball whenever, she would smack her club against the walls, and I would let her. She would also just give up at a hole if she got frustrated or if I sunk my ball.

We're doing bowling next week and I'm worried that she's just going to want to give up 1/2 way through, honest.

Also (and this is going to sound really awful), I'm convinced that she doesn't like me. I have NO IDEA what to talk to her about. I'm trying not to stress about it too much, but it is top of mind...

Welcome to motherhood.:rolleyes:

[hammerfan]

It's going ok... My big problem is that I SUCK at setting rules and boundaries... So last time I saw her, we played Mini Glow Golf (which is indoor mini golf that glows in the dark)... And she didn't want to play by the rules; just wanted to hit the ball whenever, she would smack her club against the walls, and I would let her. She would also just give up at a hole if she got frustrated or if I sunk my ball.

We're doing bowling next week and I'm worried that she's just going to want to give up 1/2 way through, honest.

Also (and this is going to sound really awful), I'm convinced that she doesn't like me. I have NO IDEA what to talk to her about. I'm trying not to stress about it too much, but it is top of mind...

I was going to say the same thing as WickerFan. Any older women in your life that you can get some advice from? I'm not a Mom, so I can't provide any, sorry. I will say that I firmly believe that all children should have boundaries, rules, and they need to know that there will be consequences for bad behavior, i.e., discipline. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[neverending]

Well, of course she's going to act out and test you- that's why she needs a big sister. But you're NOT Mom. You're not expected to be perfect. Tell her you're not sure what to talk to her about. She'll appreciate the honesty.

[newb]

Brush up on your Justin Beiber knowledge and you should be ok.

[ChronoGrl]

Welcome to motherhood.:rolleyes:

Well, Mrs. Mom - Any advice?


[ok - Snarky comment aside - I honestly would appreciate advice - I know you have daughters]

I was going to say the same thing as WickerFan. Any older women in your life that you can get some advice from? I'm not a Mom, so I can't provide any, sorry. I will say that I firmly believe that all children should have boundaries, rules, and they need to know that there will be consequences for bad behavior, i.e., discipline. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

I need to reach out to my friends/coworkers who have kids around that age and see what they say. I also have a friend who is a social worker and I'm hoping she can give me some insight on how to relate my Little. I also need to stop taking things waaaaaaay to personally.

I totally agree with you - Learning that your actions have consequences is SO IMPORTANT. And I'd imagine that she's totally testing me right now, so if I don't correct it, I'm screwed. It's just hard, because I want to be the "nice guy" but at the same times, she does have some behavioral problems that I think need to be addressed - I just need to learn how to do it positively.

Well, of course she's going to act out and test you- that's why she needs a big sister. But you're NOT Mom. You're not expected to be perfect. Tell her you're not sure what to talk to her about. She'll appreciate the honesty.

Totally - And that's a good approach. I'll try that next time I see her.


...

And, honestly everyone: I appreciate the advice and feedback. I really want to be a good role model, but I also REALLY need advice on how to set rules and guidelines.

To parents/older siblings/aunts/uncles - Any advice would be super-helpful!

Thanks.

[TheWickerFan]

I would repeat what's already been said about controlling how she behaves in public. If she becomes destructive, loud, or generally annoying to other people in a public place I would give one warning and if she doesn't heed it, take her out of there. Kids get bored and/or stressed out pretty easily, and when they do they tend to act out.

Do you have a Dave And Busters or Chuck E Cheese near you? They're arcade style places where you win tickets from the machines and when you're done, you can trade the tickets for little prizes. my kids loved doing that for the longest time (even at the ages of 19 and 16, they'd probably still go:D). The set-up is a little less rigid than a round of golf or bowling so if she decides she's fed up, it's easier to pick up and go.

Sometimes the simplest things are the best. My daughter loved to play board and card games. They can take up as much or as little time as you want and you won't have a scene on your hands if she gets testy.

Don't worry about her liking you. I'm sure she does. She's probably a bit shy and still a little unsure of herself when she's with you. I think after a few more visits, you'll both be more relaxed and used to each other. You can try light topics of conversation. School is normally a good place to start; what she likes, doesn't like, what experiences you had in school at her age etc. If all else fails, there's always movies and video games.

[ferretchucker]

Try asking about her school life? To a kid that age it's such a huge aspect of their being - their friends, their lessons, their teachers etc. Establish some facts and then when you see her the next time you can ask about the specific things that you learned. Gradually you build a picture of her life which you can confidently talk to her about; offer advice, give opinions etc.