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View Full Version : My tryst with a razor-wielding maniac!


_____V_____
04-29-2010, 02:50 AM
He came at me with a razor.

I sat numbed with fear, too terrified to speak or run. He looked at me and an evil grin broke on his lips, in anticipation of my fear of him. He took a small step forward, left arm slowly extending towards my face, right hand clutching the wicked-looking razor tightly.

I gulped without moving, rooted to my place with sheer fright. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out of it. His eyes teased me, as if saying "Come, come...don't make this hard for us!"

My nerves were on fire as he reached for the side of my face, the razor following his hand. Inside, I was screaming, shouting, pleading for help as his razor started to tear at my face from all sides - up and down the cheeks, the chin, the upper lip, below the lower lip, the cheekbones, the sides of the forehead. I felt huge gushes of blood running below the skin to the parts of my face where his razor was ripping through. My brain was urging me to fight him off and dash out, but my legs had turned to lead. I closed my eyes tightly in a silent prayer to God, to finish my ordeal as painlessly as possible. I was too afraid to open them, because I knew that the sight of my own blood and my horribly disfigured, bloody scarred face will surely make me faint in fright.

A noiseless whimper escaped my lips, as he drew back and examined me closely. I opened my eyes and searched his face for any signs of remorse. He had none. Satisfied at his sadistic artistry, he smiled at me again. His voice broke the silence between us.

"That will be 30 rupees, please."

I stared disbelievingly into the mirror at my clean-shaven reflection, then back at the barber, who had suddenly stopped smiling.

"Is there a problem?" his voice sounded sincere and anxious.

"I-I th-think," I stammered in-between a couple of gulps, "I h-have forgott-ten my wallet at home!"

neverending
04-29-2010, 03:06 AM
Haha- that was great! Very well done. Very descriptive- I could see every image you describe and I could feel the emotions you describe as well. I was surprised by the ending.

This could stand alone as a "mini-story" and it would also make a great beginning of a longer story or novel.

Job well done, man. Keep at it!

roshiq
04-29-2010, 04:46 AM
Wow! that's very wonderfully written! Man...I have noticed it several times before that you have a fantastic talent of writing. Fully agree with NE, keep it up...and wish to read some more twisted little short stories from you in coming days.:)

_____V_____
04-29-2010, 08:51 AM
Thanks for the very generous feedback, guys. :)

I am no talent when it comes to writing - just an avid reader I guess. Went to the barber's today to get hair trimmed military-style. (not exactly, but trimmed VERY small) Always do it when summer is on, keeps me feeling light and cool.

Noticed his way of conducting his trade and naturally, being a horror fan, the idea sparked.

Then it was back here, and putting it into words.

Glad you both liked it! :D

neverending
04-29-2010, 09:01 AM
Well, that's exactly how a writer goes about things- he has an experience, and then his imagination starts working...

You have more talent than you think!

Doc Faustus
04-29-2010, 11:43 AM
Very good prose. Sharp, humorous. I myself am scared to death of haircuts and being shaved by other people.

_____V_____
04-30-2010, 03:36 AM
Thanks, Doc. Coming from you, that's a pretty BIG compliment for me. I stand humbled! :)

milktoaste
04-30-2010, 03:04 PM
Your character was believable very easy to relate to, and I loved how you took an everyday situation and turned it around inside your characters head-good job :)

ChronoGrl
05-14-2010, 06:06 AM
hahaha - That was awesome, V - Very descriptive without being too wordy. I can just picture you sweating there (mwahahahahahahahahaha) - Keep it up!

_____V_____
05-15-2010, 11:40 AM
Thanks, darlin'! Glad you enjoyed it. :)

The_Return
05-15-2010, 12:37 PM
Hahaha...cant believe I'm just reading this now! Great stuff man.