Help with a film

[FrankRabbit]

I've got the basic structure of a short story to be adapted to film. But It's a fair bit rough around the edges and lacks the detail I desire. A basic summary is as follows: Two brothers (the only characters in the entire film/short story) are playing baseball one cloud streaked afternoon when the oldest brother (whom shall remain un-named) knocks the ball into the woods and orders the younger brother to find it. The younger brother is an insomniac whose sleep deprivation at the young age of seven has caused him to have vivid daytime hallucinations of both the auditory and visual persuasion. Once so far into the brush that his brother's eyes can't seek him, the youngest brother begins to see an odd man (hallucination) The man is cloaked in dark garb and very tall (thinking seven feet here) The man has a very nosferatu style with an exagerated nose (very long) and a top hat etc. Anyways he see's this man many times through the next few days and his sleep deprivation worsens. Then one night the man calls to the boy from his closet. The door swings open to reveal the boy's brother. But the younger brother see's his brother as the man and stabs him to death. (...) yeah that's all I got and like I said the concept is still very vague and I haven't pulled my thoughts together just yet. Tell me what you think/ improvements/ criticism. I realize it's not that great but I think I could easily mold it inot something quite pleasent.

[allmykids]

I thought it sounded Pretty cool. I am no writer. But it sounds like you are. I like the Daytime Halluciations consept.

[last bad move]

ya it sounds good i once had a story i wrote of so class few years back. it was about this kid that had split personalitys and when he became the other person he would kill people, it was bassed in my school so alot of my teachers had died in it well it didnt go over to well with them so they gave me a 3 day suppsion and 2 week detion. but any way back to the point thats what the story reminds me of.

[last bad move]

o ya i just thought up a good ending type thing you could have the boy that seen his brother get killed in the eyes of the old man and have him try to kill the man but due to halunasations he kills his brother instead and thats what he say when he saw through the mans eyes. buts its your story. so you do what you want i just thought it was a kool consept.

[JoeVsJason]

Sounds like a neat idea, but what do you need help with?