Tales from the Dumb Side

[Festered]

http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk111/serenacce/tftds.gif

Last night, I caught the tail end of Craig Fergusen's show, and he had brought a member of the audience up on stage. This lady gets celebrity signatures tattooed on her arms. Craig writes his name on her, and asks her to promise not to use it to forge checks.

On the closing credits, the cameraman zooms in on the signature...on national TV...for every forger to see. Wonder if he still had a job the next day?

I used to work with a "carpenter" who had 8 fingers. One day, I asked him how he'd lost them. He replied that he had chopped his thumb off on a table saw, and 4 months later, did the same with another finger. Who was dumber- him, or his boss, for letting him near power tools a second time?

Got any tales of monumental stupidity?

[Vodstok]

Very similar to the "carpenter" story. I was a woodworker for 4 years a while back, and my uncle, who I worked for, had MANY friends in the business. We got a visit one day from a friend of his who had moved to california and was an assistant foreman or something for a construction company. one of the day-laborers rushed over to the boss one day because one of them had hurt himself with a table saw. they got there to find out that he had cut his thumb off.

When the boss asked him how, he proceeded to demonstrate, literally, with the other hand. I guess you cant blame the guy, he was trying to keep his job, and he performed admirably :)


I have many MANY from my days working on a helpdesk, more to come :D

[Nella]

That sounds awful and painful! I've read about some sort of disorder, that lots of people have, that causes people to want to amputate parts of their body. I forgot what it's called.

I think the boss is the dumb one.

The only stupidity I can think of is Tom Cruise's behavior on the Oprah show and what he said about Brook Shields having post-partum depression.

[Vodstok]

That sounds awful and painful! I've read about some sort of disorder, that lots of people have, that causes people to want to amputate parts of their body. I forgot what it's called.

I think the boss is the dumb one.

The only stupidity I can think of is Tom Cruise's behavior on the Oprah show and what he said about Brook Shields having post-partum depression.
Tom Cruise is a very appropriate poster child for Scientology. They are required to speak out against things like medication and psychology. Arrogance is considered a virtue. It appeals to those with no identity or ability to think for themselves. And John Tavolta. He is the only person who doesnt disappoint me (or make me say "figures...") when I hear they are a scientologist. he treats it as personal, which is kind of against the rules, but he doesnt impose on anyone.



Kirstie Alley is another good example. She is a lunatic and a moron.

[Vodstok]

Okay, here is a good ol' helpdesk story, involving a guy we'll call "Jim Kriete" (because that was his name :D, and its pronounced "Crete", like the island). I started referring to him as "Krietard" early on because he was a moron.

In one incident, he was working as an assistant to the PC tech, the guy who physically worked on computers rather than troubleshooting over the phone. A sales person had some issues and needed their hard drive defragmented and some scans run, just to make sure everything was all right. Jim didnt bother to check and see if he had the right laptop, grabbed this guy's, and proceeded to wipe the hard drive WITHOUT BACKING IT UP. Even if it had been the laptop of the terminated employee he thought it was, he was still required to back it up. I beleive he set the guy back over a month.

And kept his job because he was friends with our boss.

More to come, that aint the half of it.

[neverending]

I talk to dumb people all day long, interviewing them about what they think about new movie previews. They'll tell me things like they want to see the movie because of the action, and what they dislike about it is it has too much action...

A significant number also can't remember a single thing of what they saw one minute earlier...

[Vodstok]

I talk to dumb people all day long, interviewing them about what they think about new movie previews. They'll tell me things like they want to see the movie because of the action, and what they dislike about it is it has too much action...

A significant number also can't remember a single thing of what they saw one minute earlier...
They arent stupid, just the part of their brain that sheds the details in order to save space is VERY efficient :D

[Festered]

day-laborers

Rent-a-brooms, a constant source of amusement.


When I worked at a resort in the maintenance department, we had a hillbilly painter who used to brag about dating a model who had posed in O-U-I (spelled out) magazine. I asked him if he meant Oui(French pronuciation). He said no, the American one. He was color blind and illiterate, to boot, and we had to follow him around, fixing his work. He lasted 2 years there.

[The Flayed One]

At the last warehouse I worked at we had a horrible forklift driver. The boss kept him around because he'd work for cheap because no other place would hire him.

He took out several dock doors driving the thing. One day he took out the front fender of my bosses new Mercedes. I was rolling.

He probably still works there, driving the forks

[Nella]

I talk to dumb people all day long, interviewing them about what they think about new movie previews. They'll tell me things like they want to see the movie because of the action, and what they dislike about it is it has too much action...

A significant number also can't remember a single thing of what they saw one minute earlier...

I agree with the first statement.

I say and do dumb things all the time but I've heard other people say they do, to. I don't know that making dumb mistakes means a person is completely dumb or not. I hope not. :o

By the way, NE, I wanted you to know that I think your movie blurbs are excellent and informative.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I have terrible short=term memory loss which is supposedly caused by a medicine I have to have. If I don't write things down, I won't remember hardly anything until I'm reminded. :o

[Vodstok]

Another Jim story, this one is a doozy.


Jim is on the phone with a user, I dont remember what her problem was. Jim was about as articulate as Sloth fro mthe goonies, so people would routinely get frustrated with his bullshit command of the english language, hang up on him and call back hoping to get someone literate to help them (typically me). Well, this woman was braveand was trying to walk through things with Jim, and base donhis instructions, was not getting it.

So Jim, in his infinite wisdom, decides to comment on it. he hits what he thinks is the mute button, and proceeds to say, in a loud voice: "This bitch is a fucking moron!"

the problem was not as simple as him just not hitting the mute button.


He hit Speakerphone.


So I hear "Oh great! thak you, that makes me feel wonderful!" from his phone, then nothing. he proceeds to bcomplain some more, then when he goes back to talk to her, she is gone. He didnt hear her response, even though everyone else did, because he was stupid and deaf.

5 minutes later our boss gets a livid call from her boss, and it took 3 days of negotiations on my boss' part, plus an emailed and written apology from dipshit to save his worthless ass.

My shock at how dumb he was was only eclipsed by my shock that he wasnt fired. It felt like santa was executed right in front of me. He was actually at that company 6 months after i was laid off.

[Vodstok]

I agree with the first statement.

I say and do dumb things all the time but I've heard other people say they do, to. I don't know that making dumb mistakes means a person is completely dumb or not. I hope not. :o

By the way, NE, I wanted you to know that I think your movie blurbs are excellent and informative.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I have terrible short=term memory loss which is supposedly caused by a medicine I have to have. If I don't write things down, I won't remember hardly anything until I'm reminded. :o
I have the attention span of a mouse on a sugar rush, i am in the same boat. My excuse is that I recieved little to no stimulus from anyone but myself as a kid (aside from the frequent beatings my sister supplied)

[Nella]

I have the attention span of a mouse on a sugar rush, i am in the same boat. My excuse is that I recieved little to no stimulus from anyone but myself as a kid (aside from the frequent beatings my sister supplied)

I'm really sorry that you went through that, Vod. It's terrible. :mad:

[Nella]

Another Jim story, this one is a doozy.


Jim is on the phone with a user, I dont remember what her problem was. Jim was about as articulate as Sloth fro mthe goonies, so people would routinely get frustrated with his bullshit command of the english language, hang up on him and call back hoping to get someone literate to help them (typically me). Well, this woman was braveand was trying to walk through things with Jim, and base donhis instructions, was not getting it.

So Jim, in his infinite wisdom, decides to comment on it. he hits what he thinks is the mute button, and proceeds to say, in a loud voice: "This bitch is a fucking moron!"

the problem was not as simple as him just not hitting the mute button.


He hit Speakerphone.


So I hear "Oh great! thak you, that makes me feel wonderful!" from his phone, then nothing. he proceeds to bcomplain some more, then when he goes back to talk to her, she is gone. He didnt hear her response, even though everyone else did, because he was stupid and deaf.

5 minutes later our boss gets a livid call from her boss, and it took 3 days of negotiations on my boss' part, plus an emailed and written apology from dipshit to save his worthless ass.

My shock at how dumb he was was only eclipsed by my shock that he wasnt fired. It felt like santa was executed right in front of me. He was actually at that company 6 months after i was laid off.

:eek: That was very dumb and hateful of him. That poor woman and Jim's boss had to be upset and unnecessarily stressed by his thoughtlessness. Is he completely deaf or just hard of hearing? I can hear dialogue on TV but I can't always understand what was said, i.e it sounds like the actors are just mumbling. I listened to loud music for a big part of my life. I feel like that was dumb on my part although I did and do enjoy the music. :D

I'm sorry that YOU were laid off. I don't understand this situation. It's so unfair that things like that happen to good people. Did you at least find a decent and well-paying job after that? I hope so.

[Festered]

At the last warehouse I worked at we had a horrible forklift driver. The boss kept him around because he'd work for cheap because no other place would hire him.

He took out several dock doors driving the thing. One day he took out the front fender of my bosses new Mercedes. I was rolling.

He probably still works there, driving the forks

I worked for a guy just like that. He almost took out a complete doorframe, on a concrete building on South Beach, driving one. Thought he was gonna collapse the whole front of the building down on us. He was even worse with semi trucks.

[Nella]

I feel really dumb now:

I was driving a car owned by a shcool I worked for and I hit a pole. That was scary and embarrassing. Thankfully, their insurance covered the repair.

I backed my car into a grassy slope that I KNEW was there and tore up the bottom part of my bumper.

I was parking and hit the bumper of a car owned by someone I know.

My next car will have front and rear cameras. :o

[bloodrayne]

the part of their brain that sheds the details in order to save space is VERY efficient :D

I am SOOOO using this excuse!

:D

[Nella]

This is a link to a movie about the amputation disorder:

http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Quid_Pro_Quo/70102546?trkid=272373

[Vodstok]

:eek: That was very dumb and hateful of him. That poor woman and Jim's boss had to be upset and unnecessarily stressed by his thoughtlessness. Is he completely deaf or just hard of hearing? I can hear dialogue on TV but I can't always understand what was said, i.e it sounds like the actors are just mumbling. I listened to loud music for a big part of my life. I feel like that was dumb on my part although I did and do enjoy the music. :D

I'm sorry that YOU were laid off. I don't understand this situation. It's so unfair that things like that happen to good people. Did you at least find a decent and well-paying job after that? I hope so.
My boss got what he deserved, he should have just fired the idiot 2 years before, but they were friends...

He wasnt really deaf, just stupid. He had the observational skills of a blind deaf mute, but with out the good excuse. he didnt hear her because he was busy running his mouth about how stupid she was.

For the record, they were closing up our department and outsourcing it, and after 4 years, 3 of which where i was doing web developement but still having to answer phones to make up for krietard's incompetance, i actually volunteered to be first on the chopping block. I got a nice fat severance package.

He, on the other hand, decided to give his 2 weeks notice during a conference call with the heads of IT and the CIO of the company, much to the horror and embarrasment of our boss and his boss.

last I heard, he was working for a store that sold chocolate.

[Nella]

I was using my cell phone while driving in town and I almost ran into this lady! :eek:

Am I the only one who does such idiotic things?

[neverending]

I was using my cell phone while driving in town and I almost ran into this lady! :eek:

Am I the only one who does such idiotic things?

Around here you'd get a ticket for that. It's illegal.

[Nella]

Around here you'd get a ticket for that. It's illegal.

There isn't a law against it here in Texas but there should be. :p

[pinkfloyd45769]

No nella,i do shit like that all the time.I never came close to hitting a person,just cars:)

[Nella]

No nella,i do shit like that all the time.I never came close to hitting a person,just cars:)

Yeah, this lady was in a SUV and I drive a Honda Accord LX. That would have been bad. :eek:

[stubbornforgey]

I just fired a dumbass last night..

em a cashier for a catering company ..i do all the banking etc for all thier
sites.
A new casual had just started working at one of our biscuit sites..
this is how it works..
the cantten workers and thier site managers cook and serve meals to the factory workers...at the end of each day and night..the night site managers
cash out on the tills...leaving the floats and putting the days takings into the safe for me to pick up at the end of each week to bank etc.
This one site recently has not had the correct amount of money bags when i go pick them up..instead of 10 per week [day n night shift takings...5 days a week]
there have only been 6 or sometimes 7..or when i go and count the money..they are always 100 or a few dollars down which doesnt coincide with the site managers total reciept printout.
It usually happens when this casual worker is there..so i bring it to the site managers attention every time ..nobody knew anything about it..so em like ..fuckit..iw ill have to call in the biscuit manager n ask for survellence camera print out and WALLA..what do i find.
This casual going back into the office safe after lock up and helping herself to the money..
when the site managers leave they give the keys to the security guard.
this dumbass was going back afterwards..telling the security guard she had left her belongings in the safe ..he would give her the keys cos shes wearing our uniform.

Heres the stupid part about it all...
posted around the office and our working areas theres about 10 signs in large letter...SURVELLENCE CAMERAS OPERATING!!!!!!!!!!!

confronted with evidence ..she still denies any involvement..point blank denies any knowledge.despite her FACE SHOWING CLEARLY ON THE CAMERA!!!!!!!

:rolleyes:

[Nella]

I just fired a dumbass last night..

em a cashier for a catering company ..i do all the banking etc for all thier
sites.
A new casual had just started working at one of our biscuit sites..
this is how it works..
the cantten workers and thier site managers cook and serve meals to the factory workers...at the end of each day and night..the night site managers
cash out on the tills...leaving the floats and putting the days takings into the safe for me to pick up at the end of each week to bank etc.
This one site recently has not had the correct amount of money bags when i go pick them up..instead of 10 per week [day n night shift takings...5 days a week]
there have only been 6 or sometimes 7..or when i go and count the money..they are always 100 or a few dollars down which doesnt coincide with the site managers total reciept printout.
It usually happens when this casual worker is there..so i bring it to the site managers attention every time ..nobody knew anything about it..so em like ..fuckit..iw ill have to call in the biscuit manager n ask for survellence camera print out and WALLA..what do i find.
This casual going back into the office safe after lock up and helping herself to the money..
when the site managers leave they give the keys to the security guard.
this dumbass was going back afterwards..telling the security guard she had left her belongings in the safe ..he would give her the keys cos shes wearing our uniform.

Heres the stupid part about it all...
posted around the office and our working areas theres about 10 signs in large letter...SURVELLENCE CAMERAS OPERATING!!!!!!!!!!!

confronted with evidence ..she still denies any involvement..point blank denies any knowledge.despite her FACE SHOWING CLEARLY ON THE CAMERA!!!!!!!

:rolleyes:

Now I'd never do THAT, cameras or no cameras. I don't understand stealing.