Me

[Psycom5k]

So, just to start out, I want you to know that if you read this, its because after typing this out, I chose to post this. But as of right now I don't know if I am going to or not. I don't really let alot of people know me, truly know me, like my inner thoughts or my feelings. So this is hard enough typing it out, but I don't know what else to do. I thought that if I did I could feel better about myself at least. Or at leat it would calm me down, I don't know to tell you the truth. I'm just looking for some way to get this out. And i'm sorry if this bothers anybody. And i'm sorry for bothering you with this(if I do decide to post it), but please, don't harrass me or make fun of me or anything, I have enough of it in my life allready, and I just can't take anymore, and I think I need help.

Right now i'm really down on myself, I hate myself, and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel like everybody around me hates me. I can't help but get into arguments with anybody anymore. It seems like nobody has any respect for me, my feelings, or my things. I do my best to try to respect everybody, and I appologize whenever I do anything wrong, or even when I know i'm right but I just don't want any problems with people. But it just seems that no matter what I do I just can't get anybody to listen to me or to what I say. I ask them nicely, I try talking to them and explaining it, and I even try screaming at them. But nobody listens to me, its like nobody cares what I think, how I feel, or anything. I can't be me around most people, there are only three people I really feel comfortable talking to about me, and who I am comfortable to be myself around. Its easier for me on here because I have chosen to keep myself for the most part anonymous. I like that because its easier for me to be me then, and I don't have to worry about anybody harrassing me about it, or starting shit with me because all I need to do is click the little exit button and it all goes away. But life doesn't have that little X button to make everything go away. I wish it did though, because it would be much easier. I hate putting myself out there for everybody to see, I don't know how they will take it. I don't want everybody to love me, I just wish everybody liked me. I don't like having problems with people, I want everybody to be happy, I want to be happy. I want everybody to like me for who I am, and I want them to expect me to be me, and not how they want me. And i've had people tell me that I should go and talk to some kind of counselor or a shrink or somebody, but I don't think that its really worth it, because there are much worse things in the world, and there will always be, but in time I can probably get over this shit. But I just don't know what to do anymore, I stopped dating, I hardly go out unless its with my best friend, and then when we're in public I don't feel comfortable at all. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my family about this because I don't feel like any of them respect me, they all act like i'm an idiot, and I'm always wrong with them, even when I try telling them how I feel, truly deep down whats bothering me, they say i'm wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore, i'm at my wits end, and I'm about ready to cut my ties with everybody and just give up. I don't want to, but I can't take this for much longer. I can't even beme around my parents because I'm afraid they are going to be dissapointed in me.

I just decided to post this, because I want to ask you guys for your advice, or your help, or even just telling me that I'm not a peice of shit. Just anything would really help. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for bothering you with this.

[Dante'sInferno]

I understand.I kind of went through the same thing.I can't really put it into words though.My suggestion would probably move,or(yes see a shrink) or get on medication,to help your anxiety.I'm also on medication.I have anxiety too,my medication helps me feel half way normal.So I suggest it.

[Ferox13]

Meds defianlly work for some people but personally i don't think they're a long term solution..

I can definally understand alot of what you are going through.

[Psycom5k]

I do plan on going to a doctor or somebody and talking to them about this, but I don't have any insurance and I can't really afford the meds or doctors bills without it so I'm going to have to wait until augast when I get insurance. I just don't know what I'm going to do until then.

[Ferox13]

There some good immediate ways to deal with it.

Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - they defianlly seem like a good idea right now but thye just make things alot worse.

Try excercise - This may sound trite but it works. It really helped things for me when I was training alot. you don't need to be pumping iron - i guess running - for me I did martial arts which was also social.

A good diet helps too.

[crabapple]

But life doesn't have that little X button to make everything go away. I wish it did though, because it would be much easier.

Ah yes, that certainly is true.

Remember, your sig image is a picture of a guy in the process of snapping mentally, and I imagine that you feel you identify with this person in some way. Well, yes, getting some help could work.

Bear in mind, though, what you said about having two or three friends who you feel comfortable talking to about yourself... You may not realize this, but a great many people find themselves in similar situations. The people around you can certainly be abrasive. There is no "little X button," and it doesn't magically stop when you "grow up" (if anything, the bullshit gets more intense!). Many people have only a friend or two they can honestly open up to; this is normal. Many people with "lots" of friends have only shallow, superficial relationships with those friends.

What I mean to say is, while you may feel put upon, the situation you experience is most likely something that most people experience, and you're not alone.

Whichever way you choose to help yourself through this rough patch you are experiencing, there is a high degree of likelihood that you'll come out of it okay. Unscathed? Well, maybe not unscathed. We all have little scars from our experiences. But it's very likely you'll be fine. Try to relax if you can.

The way you describe yourself, you are a decent person who tries to do what is right. As such, it is your job to suffer to a degree, to be the recipient of the abuses that will occasionally be hurled at you by those insensitive people. It's very possible that you would prefer to be yourself, rather than be one of them.

[Psycom5k]

There some good immediate ways to deal with it.

Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - they defianlly seem like a good idea right now but thye just make things alot worse.

Try excercise - This may sound trite but it works. It really helped things for me when I was training alot. you don't need to be pumping iron - i guess running - for me I did martial arts which was also social.

A good diet helps too.

Well, I always eat well, or at least try to, sometimes I get lazy and eat something easy to cook buts not the best for you. I hardly ever go out to eat, and I almost never eat fast food. I excercise a decent ammount, nowadays since its getting hot I'm almost always in the pool when I'm not busy with soemthing. And yeah I don't just float about(all the time) I do swim alot, so that when I get out I'm tired.

BUT, you're talking to somebody who is probably the biggest pothead on these forums, and also there is a big party at my house starting in a couple of hours. So there is going to be alot of alchohol and weed here. So thats going to be hard to avoid. Though I do promise that I won't drink because I'm depressed. Thats probably the best i can do.

[Psycom5k]

Ah yes, that certainly is true.

Remember, your sig image is a picture of a guy in the process of snapping mentally, and I imagine that you feel you identify with this person in some way. Well, yes, getting some help could work.

Bear in mind, though, what you said about having two or three friends who you feel comfortable talking to about yourself... You may not realize this, but a great many people find themselves in similar situations. The people around you can certainly be abrasive. There is no "little X button," and it doesn't magically stop when you "grow up" (if anything, the bullshit gets more intense!). Many people have only a friend or two they can honestly open up to; this is normal. Many people with "lots" of friends have only shallow, superficial relationships with those friends.

What I mean to say is, while you may feel put upon, the situation you experience is most likely something that most people experience, and you're not alone.

Whichever way you choose to help yourself through this rough patch you are experiencing, there is a high degree of likelihood that you'll come out of it okay. Unscathed? Well, maybe not unscathed. We all have little scars from our experiences. But it's very likely you'll be fine. Try to relax if you can.

The way you describe yourself, you are a decent person who tries to do what is right. As such, it is your job to suffer to a degree, to be the recipient of the abuses that will occasionally be hurled at you by those insensitive people. It's very possible that you would prefer to be yourself, rather than be one of them.

Thank you, seriously, you don't know how much reading that made me feel better. And Dante and Ferox the same to you. Its nice to know I'm not the only one that goes through this. Though I know its ignorant to think that I am the only one. Still, thank you very much.

[Ferox13]

BUT, you're talking to somebody who is probably the biggest pothead on these forums, and also there is a big party at my house starting in a couple of hours. So there is going to be alot of alchohol and weed here. So thats going to be hard to avoid. Though I do promise that I won't drink because I'm depressed. Thats probably the best i can do.

I'm just suggesting whats best.

Having a close mate helps a lot too.

I could never the consolor thing working for me but it has for others. everyones different. You'd be amazed at how many ppl are going through something like you are..you're not alone in this and you'll get through it. but i'm sure thats not much help now.

[Psycom5k]

I'm just suggesting whats best.

Having a close mate helps a lot too.

I could never the consolor thing working for me but it has for others. everyones different. You'd be amazed at how many ppl are going through something like you are..you're not alone in this and you'll get through it. but i'm sure thats not much help now.

Don't worry, it is.

[X¤MurderDoll¤X]

sounds like you're thinking too hard about the stuff that you're supposed to ignore because you're too busy fucking, eating and sleeping.

cut down on smoking weed, go out more, get drunk and have some fun, start dating again. don't be so serious, it's only life.

start showing people the same amount of respect that they show you. :)

[novakru]

Sometimes fucking is a great way to get rid of demons.
I mean really, if you have to wait till August to get some meds and therapy...I say strap yourself down with your girl and go at it.
I'm not trying to be a smartass either.
It's a heckava lot better than smokin and drinkin and fightin.

[GorePhobia]

John,

You have been a good guy and have called my radio show numerous times and I feel that you are a good person to talk to and be around. I understand what you are going through because deep down right now I am also depressed because of my back problems, not having money or insurance and all that.

You know that I am here for ya bro to talk to you. I will always be here for anyone on any forum I post on because to me you are all apart of my family. Just know that you do have people that will listen and will try and help you get through what you are dealing with.

[ferretchucker]

I really wish I could help, and I think it was a pretty brave move talking about it, but to tell the truth, I'm too young. I don't have experience in this kind of thing. I'm sorry.

[urgeok2]

Sometimes fucking is a great way to get rid of demons.
.


unless you're actually fucking a demon.



i dont know how to give advice for this kind of thing.
i love life - i love being happy - i try to do as much stuff as i enjoy every day.
i avoid those who infringe on my enjoyment.

life's too short enough as it is to waste it being unhappy. find something you like to do - and do it.
find someone who you ike to hang around (hopefully the feeling is mutual) and hang around them.

if you think there is a problem - then there probably is .. identify it - and fix it.
if you need help to do so - get it.

every second wasted being miserable is a crime - a waste ..

if no one listens to you - maybe it's the way you're saying it ..just a thought.

[Psycom5k]

I've been sitting here reading what you've all said and thinking about it, and you are right. Well except for the fucking comment, because I'm not the kind of guy to do that. If I have sex with anybody its only with people that I'm in a relationship with. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, I just don't like the idea of going out and having sex with somebody I barely know. Its just the way I was brought up I guess, and I guess I have kind of a romantic veiw on it. That and I was always the person that would treat people the way I want to be treated. Its always been like that for me, I may get stepped on, and treated like garbage, and take it, but thats me. I've always been the one to show everybody respect, whether it be a homeless man, or a rich man. The ones I don't do that for are the ones that treat me wrong. I don't show them respect, I just stay away from them. I don't like fighting, and I try to avoid it. I had a bad experience with it when I was younger and since then I've tried my hardest not to get into a fight. I hurt somebody real bad one time and I don't want to do it again.

Again everybody thank you for your advice and support, it means alot to me.

Ferretchucker, don't worry about it, as you said before, you are young. Your at the age where you get most of your advice that turns you into the adult that you are going to become. What you can do though, is remember that when you get older, and you get the chance to help people out with your advice, do it. It's the greatest thing in the world to be able to help people like that.

I'm feeling alot better right now from all your guys' support and the fact that I found a couple of old cd's I had for when I felt depressed. Has a bunch of songs that always made me feel better.

[ChronoGrl]

Man, I completely understand and empathize with what you're going through and how you're feeling. Pretty much throughout my entire life I've felt alienated from everyone - Even my family and my close friends. I can hear in your words what I used to say to myself: "They don't care about me. They don't respect me. They don't understand me. They don't WANT to understand me. And they can't even bother listening to me."

But you have to remind yourself - It's not about them.

I've either ruined or nearly ruined scores of relationships because of this thought process. And it's NOT easy to talk about with people. Try asking your loved ones, "Do you really care about me?" and the answer is usually an incredulous, confused, and frustrated, "Yes." (Think about it: From their perspective, of course they care about you, but not everyone understands or has dealt with depression firsthand)

The issue is how you feel about you (as ridiculously cliched as that sounds). You're going down an increasingly self-distructive path - That's all those thoughts are; self-destructive and ultimately not helpful. It's not easy, but you need to derail yourself. When you feel yourself going down that path, think of something else (though believe me - it's NOT easy and I am not going to kid myself or you and pretend that it IS). When you feel anxious and consumed by these self-destructive and alienating thoughts, you need to derail them. Quote as much of a movie as you can. Say the alphabet backwards; anything to derail and distract you from the virtiginous thought process that is ultimately driving you insane.

I definitely agree that professional help could be of assistance. Personally, the meds that I am on for depression and anxiety help me a lot... But that's not necessarily the answer for everyone. I suggest looking for EMDR therapists; It's a kind of therapy that focuses specifically on assisting the patient to derail themselves when their anxieties come (it helps specifically with PTSD patients - Not that I consider myself a Dr., but your thought path echoes some typical PTSD anxieties... Could be that there's something that you've needed to deal with for some time... And now's the time).

But in the short term, I've found that the best self-therapy that I have ever done for myself is change my routine. As it's been metioned before, it sounds trite, but it's not. Obviously, right now, what you're doing is not working. So you need to identify the parts in your life that need to change. Maybe you need a professional in your life. Maybe you need to change your daily schedule. Maybe you need to eat more cereal - Could be a number of things, either great or small. I find that the first and easiest things to change are cosmetic - Exercising and eating better... Going out more on long walks around the neighborhood. The next step is mental conditioning - How to derail these thoughts that are bringing you down... It's not easy, but you need to be able to recognize the pattern - You know where it starts (probably be a thought: "They dont' care about me). Well, don't indulge it. Don't follow it with anger; instead think about something entirely different - Build a house in your mind. Pick something methodical (my boyfriend thins of basketball stats when he feels an anxiety attack coming on) and distract yourself.

And, when all else fails - Control your breathing... Long breath in... Long breath out... Yoga has done WONDERS for me (hey - don't knock it 'til you try it!)

I know it sounds crazy, trite, and trivial... But it's worth a try.

And if I've pried too much I'm sorry - It just hurts me hearing someone having the same kind of pain that I know all too well.

And, Psycom, don't sweat it - You're not shit. You're a good kid who's going through a rough patch. You're smart, you're funny, clever... And obviously we all took the time to read through your post, so you know at least WE care... Though I'm not sure how much consolation that is. ;)

Take it easy, and I honestly suggest cutting back on the weed. I know that me, personally, I have long-lasting anxiety attacks when I over-indulge... But then again, I never said that I could handle the stuff. :p

PM me if you want any more advice from Dr. Chrono.

[Freak]

I know how you feel man.I'm there right now myself.the best advice I can give you is screw what everybody else thinks about you.I used to think that people liking me was the most important thing in the world.But you really need to focus on liking yourself more.As long as you can be happy with yourself and be happy being you then it doesn't matter if other people do.If somebody doesn't like you for you then that person isnt worth having in your life any way.


Also another little piece of advice for you:People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.

[stubbornforgey]

All I can really add to this is ..
If you are happy with you ..then thats all that matters, they are the ones who have to adjust to your wants , needs and desires.Don't change for anybody but yourself and only then if you feel that you , yourself need an attitude adjustment.
Life is too short for you to worry about what others think and stop apologising.Do you really mean it anyway?
As for arguing..get your point across and just get the hell out of there.
Its not that nobody likes you etc..its probably because nobody understands you.
Chin up and keep smiling :D

[newb]

Pyscom....we like you just fine here.......lighten up dude and just enjoy the ride of LIFE. Its all we got and the older you get you will realize that there is just some shit we have no control over......other stuff you DO have control over.....deal with that and everything will fall into place.

[missmacabre]

Awww Buddy. Even I like you, most of the time that is.

My first piece of advice is exactly what MD said. Treat other people as you would like to be treated. No matter how shitty things get just keep positive and treat people with respect. That way you will get the same in return. That's a general rule in life, if you give positive vibes, they'll come back in your favour.

My other advice is mostly pharmacutical. I suggest a good diet. Less junk food, more green veggies. Either raw or steamed. They are full of vitamin B which helps your blood flow, and supplements your brain, reducing symptoms of depression. B vitamins are destroyed by excessive use of caffeine and alcohol so taking supplemets may help in that area. Vitamin B-12 is especially important for men to take. I can't promise anything though, 'cause you might be clinically depressed, and you would then need actual meds. I just thing the vitamins might be a good place to start if you're worried about money and insurance.

I get seasonal depression in the winter or when it's consistently rainy. It's from a lack of sunshine. So I take vitamin D on bad weather days to supplement that. Don't know if that's an issue for you though cause you said it's warm out.

uhh, hope I helped a little.

[_____V_____]

Well...

"There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting." - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)


http://www.olympus.net/personal/uvl/Tuco_01.JPG


:)

[illdojo]

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e107/illdojo/211_kleenex.jpg
O.K. dude, I know you and I have never really got along...but here it is...life is series of kicks to the nuts....get a cup. I have a few friends that have been down the road that you're currently on, and like many people here said, Antidepressant Meds like Xanax, Paxil, exc. will definitely help. I'm not telling you to stop fucking, drinking, or toking...because what works for me...doesn't mean it will work for everybody.
Just take a deep breath....and for the time being ... worry about yourself and no one else...and remember...nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. :cool:

[Disease]

Why don't you move, a fresh start can really change things, new people new enviroment.

I moved 12 hours away from where I grew up when I was 17, I pushed a lot of shit behind me that I just didn't need, it gave me the chance to find myself. I recomend it, don't worry about money or doing it hard for a while in a new place, just take it on, it's good for your character and self esteam.

I would only look at medication as a last resort. Try and take life by the balls first.

[ferretchucker]

I don't know if they would help, but from what I can gather, don't rely on the meds. They should only be an aid. Do most of the work yourself, or you'll end up relying on them.

[Psycom5k]

Everyone, thanks for the advice, and the support. It is nice that I don't have to deal with this stuff from all sides. I'm definatly going to take a long break from drinking, starting now. I was a little dumb last night and got really really drunk. I don't think it was all because I was depressed, though we had a party last night at my house, and normally I'm all for it, but I spent most of it by myself on the dark part of my porch, until this girl who's a close friend of mine(my best friends fiance) came over, sat down next to me, and we talked about the shit I was going through, shes one of the three people I can talk to about myself. She made me feel alot better last night, so I returned to everybody and we played asshole, and I got hammered. After that I don't remember much but I'm told I went to bed at about 3 in the morning. I'm paying for it, so i'm not going to drink for a while. but when I woke up this morning all those feelings came rushing back at me and I felt like shit again. Alchohol really isn't a way to cope, I know that now especially. its killing my head to look at the screeen so i'm gonna cut it short.
I'm gonna look into the B vitamins, and I know I gotta stop being so down on myself,but its easier to say that than to do it. Chrono I'm going to try that "think about other stuff" thing. I don't know if I can change my diet that well right now, because I don't have alot of money right now. But I will look into that.

But once again thank you guys so much, its easier to know that at least somebody is on my side, and I got a bunch of somebodies. Thank you.


P.s. V, I'm pretty sure your not telling me to hange myself, because that would be fucked. But i'm not sure what the quote means. But thankyou for the support.

[_____V_____]

P.s. V, I'm pretty sure your not telling me to hange myself, because that would be fucked. But i'm not sure what the quote means. But thankyou for the support.

ROFL.

Shoulda known you would look at the pic and the quote the cock-eyed way. :rolleyes:

[Psycom5k]

ROFL.

Shoulda known you would look at the pic and the quote the cock-eyed way. :rolleyes:

I think it means there are people that stick their necks out, and people that put the nooses around them? I dunno, i layed back down in bed and thought about that before I passed out. thats really my best answer. Though.... its not really a question.

[Ferox13]

Good luck man :-)

[The_Return]

Now, I'm still young and I lived a fairly easy life so far, but here is the best advice that I can give anyone:

Laugh.

Laugh often and laugh loudly. The world is a pointless, absurd, cruel place, and there really isn't much you can do about it. So just look at it like a big old joke, and try to laugh at everything that's coming down on you.

Also...if you can listen to this song and still be as upset as you were in the first place, you've got some serious problems ;) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zidiWe9yq88

[massacre man]

Alright I don't have a problematic life. The biggest problem I've had is girls don't like me, but who gives a shit. I'm not trying to rub it in your face, just putting it out there in case my advice isn't helpful.

Fuck meds. Have sex with someone if you have to. And about shrinks and you not wanting to go to them, you come here to talk to us about it, why not see a professional? But my suggestion: If people don't like you for who you are, fuck them, get new friends.

[Psycom5k]

Now, I'm still young and I lived a fairly easy life so far, but here is the best advice that I can give anyone:

Laugh.

Laugh often and laugh loudly. The world is a pointless, absurd, cruel place, and there really isn't much you can do about it. So just look at it like a big old joke, and try to laugh at everything that's coming down on you.

Also...if you can listen to this song and still be as upset as you were in the first place, you've got some serious problems ;) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zidiWe9yq88

To tell you the truth I find the song funny, and the video is hilarious, and on a normal day yeah I would prolly laugh, but i really don't think its funny right now. Or at least i'm not laughing at it. But thank you for your concern man, seriously.

Alright I don't have a problematic life. The biggest problem I've had is girls don't like me, but who gives a shit. I'm not trying to rub it in your face, just putting it out there in case my advice isn't helpful.

Fuck meds. Have sex with someone if you have to. And about shrinks and you not wanting to go to them, you come here to talk to us about it, why not see a professional? But my suggestion: If people don't like you for who you are, fuck them, get new friends.

I am going to go to my doctors and get a checkup that I haven't had in like 3 years. It will probably he tough but I'm going to try to tell him about how I feel and ask him what I can do. He doesn't like to rely on meds, so before he does that hes going to try to help me figure something out. I called him and talked to him about it allready. He told me pretty much what you guys said, and a couple other things. But he did say he wants me to see a shrink as soon as possible. So I have set everything into motion, and he understands that I'm waiting until I have insurance again before coming in and taking care of that stuff.

Like i said about the sex, I personally can't have sex with people I'm not in a relationship with. It really doesn't feel right, thats just how I am and how I was brought up. It just doesn't appeal to me to go out and have sex with somebody I barely know and have no connection to. Like I said, I guess I'm a romantic, but thats just me. Thanks for the advice though. Everybody has been very supportive and it makes me feel a whole lot better.

[Doc Faustus]

I spent the ages of 15 to 22 predominately suicidal, with moments of joy being the aberration. The only way to get through it and feel good at the other side is to finally take things back. Happiness is all about feeling the power you have over your situation. Everything you can do that makes you feel like you've accomplished something, everything you can change, do it. Start small and work your way up. Make little goals and be satisfied with small triumphs until bigger ones can come.

[stubbornforgey]

Lately I have been questioning my own motives and wondering in silence whether I had made the right choices along the way.
Some , I agree have bought me a great degree of happiness , but admittedly at the expense of some one elses, the sad part here is that despite knowing this..I feel no regret.
Does this make me shallow?NO, its called survival of the fittest.If you want something to benefit yourself [because now is the time to start thinking and fighting for yourself] as selfish as this sounds.For years I have always been the dependant one , the one who picked up those who had fallen over, fed those who were hungry etc but when I fell over , there was no one there to help me on my feet.For a long time I accepted this as " just the way things were" and I took this as my fate.., but I accept it no more, From a placid, loving caring kinda person a person who would still help her fellow man ..but at a price. :)
My heart bares the scars of lost battles [ i stole that line from a book] :o

[Psycom5k]

So today I feel a little bit better. I still feel like everybody just walks allover me, and I'm still depressed, but its not as bad as the past couple of days. I still wonder what it would be like if I wasn't the person that I am, like if I didn't care so much, or how it would be like if i was an asshole like everybody else around me. But I can't be like that, I'm just not wired that way. I just want to be happy with who I am, and how I am. I don't know what its going to be like after I do go and get some help, but I'm hoping it turns out to be better than now. I want to be able to go out and have fun without having to worry about the shit I normally do. Now that I think about it, I think the last time I didn't really care about what people thought was when I was a kid. I always had so much fun back then, and I didn't have to worry about how I acted or what other people thought of me. I want to be like that again, I just don't know how I'm going to do that. And I know its not going to be easy to get over the problems I'm having, but I know I have to work for it, and do it myself. because I'm really the only one who can do that.

I want to thank you all again, for all the advice, and all of the support. I haven't talked about this with anybody else(accept my doctor), but tomorrow me and my best friend have plans to go fishing. I think i'm going to talk about it then. And see what he says. But if it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would be able to. Thank you. I know its probably alot easier to talk about it on here, because for the most part its still pretty anonymous. But you guys are giving me the courage to talk about it openly. Again, thank you for that. It really means alot to me.

[novakru]

So today I feel a little bit better. I still feel like everybody just walks allover me, and I'm still depressed, but its not as bad as the past couple of days. I still wonder what it would be like if I wasn't the person that I am, like if I didn't care so much, or how it would be like if i was an asshole like everybody else around me. But I can't be like that, I'm just not wired that way. I just want to be happy with who I am, and how I am. I don't know what its going to be like after I do go and get some help, but I'm hoping it turns out to be better than now. I want to be able to go out and have fun without having to worry about the shit I normally do. Now that I think about it, I think the last time I didn't really care about what people thought was when I was a kid. I always had so much fun back then, and I didn't have to worry about how I acted or what other people thought of me. I want to be like that again, I just don't know how I'm going to do that. And I know its not going to be easy to get over the problems I'm having, but I know I have to work for it, and do it myself. because I'm really the only one who can do that.

I want to thank you all again, for all the advice, and all of the support. I haven't talked about this with anybody else(accept my doctor), but tomorrow me and my best friend have plans to go fishing. I think i'm going to talk about it then. And see what he says. But if it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would be able to. Thank you. I know its probably alot easier to talk about it on here, because for the most part its still pretty anonymous. But you guys are giving me the courage to talk about it openly. Again, thank you for that. It really means alot to me.

Glad to hear it babydoll, alot of people here love you and hope the best for you.

And as far as my comment about fucking...I meant hole up with someone you care about, I thought that was a given;)

[Psycom5k]

Well, I'm feeling better after the past couple of days. ANd I got to talk to my friend about it yesterday when we were fishing. He's being supportive, and said he pretty much knew that I was having these problems allready, though I didn't tell anybody up until saturday. So thats good, and I just come to find out I should be getting insurance in another week or so. Which is about the time my cast is supposed to come off, so thats good. But I planned on taking it off myself anyways. Other than that I dunno, I just figured I'd give you guys an update

[GorePhobia]

Glad to see everything is starting to look up for you, bro. I hate seeing you so depressed and all of that. Like I have said time and time again I am here for you if you need to talk.

[The_Return]

Yeah man, its great to hear that things are going a little bit better. Just remember that everyone around here is looking out for you...and we know you'd do the same for any of us :)

[Psycom5k]

Thanks guys, I was expecting people to flame me for this thread, i'm glad i was wrong.

[crabapple]

I have those same thoughts, all the time...wondering what it would be like if I just didn't care, and was an asshole like...well, not everyone around me, but like a lot of people I know. But you know what? I like being friendly, and maybe even being weak, to a degree. "There is strength in understanding, and sensitivity" someone said to me once.

Take a look at any superhero comic or movie...all those characters doing "the right thing" and helping people who are victimized, trying to make things right. Do they have it easy? Nope, not one of them. It's tough being the good guy. You have to think about what you're doing, and care. But I think it's the better way.

[stubbornforgey]

I have those same thoughts, all the time...wondering what it would be like if I just didn't care, and was an asshole like...well, not everyone around me, but like a lot of people I know. But you know what? I like being friendly, and maybe even being weak, to a degree. "There is strength in understanding, and sensitivity" someone said to me once.

Take a look at any superhero comic or movie...all those characters doing "the right thing" and helping people who are victimized, trying to make things right. Do they have it easy? Nope, not one of them. It's tough being the good guy. You have to think about what you're doing, and care. But I think it's the better way.


I agree with you crab but in saying that..who remembers the superheroes'?
Its the villans who usually get the most recognition and rememberence.
When i bought up the new batman movie topic to someone..the 1st thing they asked was ..ooooooh..whose playing the joker..there was no mention of the batman character. ?

[Psycom5k]

I agree with you crab but in saying that..who remembers the superheroes'?
Its the villans who usually get the most recognition and rememberence.
When i bought up the new batman movie topic to someone..the 1st thing they asked was ..ooooooh..whose playing the joker..there was no mention of the batman character. ?

Well I am a comic book geek, so I would. But hes right, I like being a nice guy, and I just don't know how to be an asshole like most other people. I just wish people would leave me alone sometimes. Its like no matter what I do, somebody is always there to give me shit. Which is why i've been keeping to myself lately. Some people just won't stop bothering me though.

[Psycom5k]

Ok so a little update, I took my cast off today. And I should have my insurance card next week so I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as I get it. I've been doing better lately, as you probably could have guessed, but i'm still having problems. I've been eating better lately, and I think that might be why i've been feeling better. So yeah... Just figured I'd say something.

[stubbornforgey]

I mean no offense in any way but maybe ..just maybe the problem is you.
Just maybe you put yourself out there and expect to be judged or bothered to a point that when it doesnt happen , you purposely do something to attract attention to yourself.
Like this thread for example,

just a thought :confused:

[Psycom5k]

I mean no offense in any way but maybe ..just maybe the problem is you.
Just maybe you put yourself out there and expect to be judged or bothered to a point that when it doesnt happen , you purposely do something to attract attention to yourself.
Like this thread for example,

just a thought :confused:

You do have a valid point, I admit that, but as for putting myself out there, I don't put myself anywhere, for the most part I stay at home by myself. When I do go out, for the most part i'm quiet and keep to myself.