Divorce

[pinkfloyd45769]

I guess i will be getting a divorce soon,sooner than later. I first was a little relieved and was feeling freedomcoming my way.It just started hitting me all at once that life as my kids and i knew it is over.I have been with him for 8 years and we have 4 kids.I'm wondering if any of you have been through this and if so, when does it start to get easier?What helped you through it and if you have kids, how did you help them throught it?Any advice would help today,i'm feeling pretty low today.:(

[newb]

Sorry to hear that Pink. I've never been through it but have many friends who have. The best advice I could give is Don't let the lawyers turn it into a complete clusterfuck.

[pinkfloyd45769]

Thanks Newb!Life really sucks!I think i have went through a truck load of tissues today.

[X¤MurderDoll¤X]

try to hurt his wallet as much as possible.

[_____V_____]

Damn...

Sorry, Mags. Wish I knew what to say...cept for a big bear hug.

I hope you have enough strength to deal with this...its a big change in life.

If things aren't looking otherwise, you might as well go for custody of the kids. That way, he will financially support them and you will have other things to worry about...

[urgeok2]

i went through it before - but there were no kids so after the initial tough decision (it was something i never wanted to fail at) it wasnt so bad.

kids add a dimension i cant imagine.

you've made a choice that you'd be better off without - rather than with .. so you have to focus on that and keep reminding yourself why.


was it mutual, or a one sided choice - and how old are the kids ?

[pinkfloyd45769]

It was really me who decided this.He never helps me with OUR kids,never helps with bathing,feeding,cleaning up after them,nothing.He goes out drinking and comes in at like 2am and leaves me with all of the kids.When he actually does talk to me,its to cuss me and make me feel like nothing.The cussing has gotten so bad that my little boy is calling me stupid bitch.My kids are 6,4,2,and 7 months.

[Posher778]

Punch through a window like Rayne did!

[pinkfloyd45769]

Muscle relaxers and beer help!80)

[ferretchucker]

Obviously I've never benn through a divorce and my parents are still married to each other, but my half brother and sister did (my dad and their mum before I was born). I asked them about it once and they said that, although they were upset, they're happy now because they know their parents are happy and, it may be different in your case, but their were no more arguments etc.

All I can say is that whatever age they are, they'll be upset and there's nothing you can do about that, but make it as smooth for them as you can. Make it clear they can still see their dad (unless they can't) and that things will be better once you all get through the other side.

[pinkfloyd45769]

Thanks!I havent told them yet,i'm trying to find the right time.

[urgeok2]

It was really me who decided this.He never helps me with OUR kids,never helps with bathing,feeding,cleaning up after them,nothing.He goes out drinking and comes in at like 2am and leaves me with all of the kids.When he actually does talk to me,its to cuss me and make me feel like nothing.The cussing has gotten so bad that my little boy is calling me stupid bitch.My kids are 6,4,2,and 7 months.


well, it's obvious why you had to leave.

i dont know anyone in my personal life capable of calling their wife a stupid bitch - let alone in front of the kids.

all i can say - is this isnt going to be easy - but it doesnt sound like it ever was.

that little boy needs to get straightened out before he gets that pattern of wife abuse in him too.

[illdojo]

try to hurt his wallet as much as possible.

:D Nice. :D

[novakru]

I'm so sorry Maggie:(
I think starting with your finances is a good step.
Talk to anyone with knowledge of money and what to do with it and how to save it.
My husband is a loan officer so he has lots of tips if you need them- just email me- I'll PM the addy to you.
Make sure you go through the courts for child support so that he will be responsible for them by law.

As far as your heart, it will heal in time but for now feel everything and deny nothing-it's like going through the stages of death- you have to go through each one to finally come to closure with it all.
Don't drink alot, it would be easy to do these days and you have to be the MODEL mommy right now- no matter how bad things are.
Everything matters when you are seeking custody.

Cuddling little baby bodies helps alot when things are grey.

Man, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, I wish I had more to offer, I wish I could take this away from you.

[stubbornforgey]

So so sorry Mags .
I wsh there was something i can say to make the pain go away.
I know all of us in here wish we could find some witty remark or 2..just to put that pretty smile back on ure face.
I don't know how long ago this thread was written .
Going through something like this when there are so many issues unresolved or especially when there are small children to think about is not easy.
My heart is with you sister-boo.

'hugs'

S.F

[ManchestrMorgue]

It was really me who decided this.He never helps me with OUR kids,never helps with bathing,feeding,cleaning up after them,nothing.He goes out drinking and comes in at like 2am and leaves me with all of the kids.When he actually does talk to me,its to cuss me and make me feel like nothing.The cussing has gotten so bad that my little boy is calling me stupid bitch.My kids are 6,4,2,and 7 months.

Sounds to me like you made the right decision.

I'm sure it hurts now because 8 years is a long time - time enough to get used to a situation, to having someone around. The fear of the unkown is also pretty powerful - how will you get on, finances, etc.

But given what you said in the quote above, once you find your feet you might find that life is a lot less stressful.

Hope you have some good family/friends for support.

Anyway, all the best.

I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like that, and you've probably made the only decision you could in the long run - for you and your children (who don't need to be taught to treat others that way, especially not their mother).

[pinkfloyd45769]

Thanks for being there for me,i've never even heard your voices and you are giving me more support than my friends are here.I'm trying to find a home for me and my babies,too many memories in our old home.I'm trying to take it one day at a time.I feel so many different emotions in one day,its crazy! Thanks again! Love ya guys!!!

[Despare]

Thanks for being there for me,i've never even heard your voices and you are giving me more support than my friends are here.I'm trying to find a home for me and my babies,too many memories in our old home.I'm trying to take it one day at a time.I feel so many different emotions in one day,its crazy! Thanks again! Love ya guys!!!

It always sucks when something like a marriage doesn't work out, I hope you can land on your feet but I know it can be tough. Sometimes there just isn't any other options and it sounds like that's the case. Good luck!