View Full Version : Your Bestest Jokes!
ferretchucker
01-02-2008, 01:27 PM
Everyone has a few personal favourites!
1. Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?"
"No", says the secretary.
"Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.
2. Two nuns are driving along the road when a vampire jumps out in front of them. One nun says to the other "Show him your cross!", so the second nun opens her window, leans out and shouts "Move out of the bloody road! I need to get home in time for Friends!"
3. Two nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yeh, it does dunnit."
4. An english man, a scottish man, a welsh man, an irish man, a priest, a rabbi, a blonde and a brunette walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this, some kind of joke?
5. If father christmas, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde all saw a £10 note laying on the floor, who would pick it up?
The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as father christmas, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.
massacre man
01-02-2008, 02:06 PM
5. If father christmas, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde all saw a £10 note laying on the floor, who would pick it up?
The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as father christmas, the tooth fairy or a dumb blonde.
http://ffmedia.ign.com/interviews/multimedia/leechasingamybanky1.jpg
By the way, you kind of fucked that one up at the end there.
ferretchucker
01-02-2008, 04:03 PM
I see nothing wrong with it! :D
Posher778
01-02-2008, 04:06 PM
So... A guy named Newb walks out of a bar.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
ChronoGrl
01-02-2008, 04:41 PM
You know what's pretty funny? These:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v623/Chronogrl/4C3130-1.jpg
...
And the fact that my boyfriend is wearing a pair right now (for realsies, the TOOL). :(
So... A guy named Newb walks out of a bar.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
hahahah....thats funny
You know what's pretty funny? These:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v623/Chronogrl/4C3130-1.jpg
...
And the fact that my boyfriend is wearing a pair right now (for realsies, the TOOL). :(
hmmm...I'm comfortable enough with my own sexuality to say..."that dude has absolutely NO package."
ChronoGrl
01-02-2008, 04:53 PM
hmmm...I'm comfortable enough with my own sexuality to say..."that dude has absolutely NO package."
bwahahahahahaha...
*steals newb's blood to add to collection*
The STE
01-02-2008, 05:01 PM
Communism.
Abominus
01-02-2008, 05:10 PM
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair
Two nuns are riding their bikes home from church. One nun turns to the other and says "I've never come this way before", the other nun answers "It's the cobblestones."
Whats the main cause of pedophelia
Sexy children
ChronoGrl
01-02-2008, 05:23 PM
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair
Two nuns are riding their bikes home from church. One nun turns to the other and says "I've never come this way before", the other nun answers "It's the cobblestones."
Whats the main cause of pedophelia
Sexy children
bwahahahahahahahahaaaaaa... I think I like this one.
.................................................. ...............
What's white and shoots across the sky?
The Coming of the Lord.
.................................................. ...............
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream and a dead baby.
.................................................. ...............
What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork.
Posher778
01-02-2008, 07:37 PM
Ohhh dead baby jokes.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
.... Depends on how fast you throw em'!
Posher778
01-02-2008, 07:38 PM
hahahah....thats funny
It's funny because it's true!
AmericanManiac
01-03-2008, 07:51 AM
Long but very cute.
Why parents
drink
The
boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one
day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. '
Hello
?
Is
your daddy home?' he asked.
Yes
whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered,
No .'
Surprised
and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?'
Yes
May
I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered,
No
Hoping
there was somebody with whom he could leave a m essage, the boss asked, 'Is
anybody else there?'
Yes
whispered th e child, '
a
policeman '.
Wondering
what a cop would be doing at his employ ee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak
with the policeman?'
No,
he's busy ',
whispered the child.
Busy doing
what?'
Talking
to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,'
came the whispered answer.
Growing
more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through t he earpiece on
the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
A
helicopter '
answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the
boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,
The
search team just landed a helicopter
Alarmed,
concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
ME
ferretchucker
01-03-2008, 09:00 AM
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream and a dead baby.
OMG! I actually did laugh out loud at that one!
dewaholic
01-03-2008, 08:20 PM
What's the difference between love & herpes?
Herpes lasts forever.
ferretchucker
01-04-2008, 07:08 AM
a young boy is standing on a cliff crying. A catholic priest comes over to him and says "What is wrong my child?" The boy says "My mummy and daddy just fell off the cliff. The priest replies, whilst unbuttoning his cassock "It's just not your lucky day is it?"
I can't remember if I heard this joke on this forum or not, but oh well, it's one of my favourites.