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bwind22
09-26-2007, 07:40 AM
I am in a short script contest with the objective being to write a short screenplay (5 pages or less) using only 1 character on screen. I wrote my story, but I am struggling to come up with a title. If anyone has the time & doesn't mind helping me out, I will post it below. Look it over if you can and let me know any feedback you have on it, but also let me know any suggestions you have for a title. (Pay no attention to the lack of proper formatting. The format was lost when I copy/pasted it here but it's formatted properly on my computer.)


Thanks in advance for anyone that can help me out.



FADE IN:

INT. PARKED SEDAN, WAREHOUSE DISTRICT -- NIGHT

CASPER, mid-40s, male, a blond shock of hair contrasts his otherwise dark garb. He leans against the rear passenger side door as he lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply. He frowns slightly as he glances ahead to the front of the car.

CASPER
Everyone always says the first one is the worst.
(Beat)
That ain't always the case though, 'least not for me it wasn't.
(Beat)
First one for me was Joey Cappalaggio, you know him?
(Beat)
No? Then consider yourself lucky. The guy was a real fuckin' prick, which made it pretty easy to put him in the dirt. You know what I'm saying?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD -- NIGHT

A black car creeps down a street lined with million dollar homes and eventually pulls to a stop. The door opens and the driver climbs out. It's Casper. He looks several years younger, but it's definitely him, dressed in all black. He pulls on a pair of gloves and tucks a pistol into his pants.

CASPER
I cased his place the night before as a precaution, but I knew that fat fuck well enough to know that all I had to do was wait until after four in the morning. He'd be passed out by then and the hookers' would be long gone.

Casper crosses the street. He looks over his shoulders, then ducks in to the shadows of someone's tree lined yard. He arrives at his target house on the opposite side of the block and finds an open window. A small knife removes the only obstacle, the window screen, and Casper is in the house without a sound. It's dark and he waits, letting his eyes adjust. While he does, he produces his pistol and quietly screws on the silencer. He creeps through the living room, then silently up the stairs, then finally down the long hallway to the last door on the left.
CASPER
And I was right. I went in there at a quarter after four and the place was like a tomb. No hookers, no light, no sound, nothing... Just me, my pistol and that fat bastard, Joey Cappalaggio, snoring in his bed!

Casper creeps through the bedroom door and looks down. He scowls as he raises the pistol at his unseen target.

CASPER
Vinny The Don sends his regards you Rat-Fuck!

Casper squeezes the trigger twice as two bright blasts illuminate the room. He stares down with a scowl as the smoke dissipates.

CASPER
No, my first wasn't bad at all. Actually I kind of enjoyed it. The cock sucker was talking to the Feds behind our backs, so greasin' him was my pleasure.

Casper gives a satisfied sneer before exiting the dark room in silence.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. PARKED SEDAN, WAREHOUSE DISTRICT -- NIGHT

Casper is still sitting in the back seat of the parked sedan. His cigarette is still burning. He exhales a plume of smoke in to the front seat.

CASPER
You, on the other hand. You had a wife and kids and you an' me, we never met before tonight so there was no bad blood between us or anything. Makes it tougher, you know?

Casper frowns behind the smoke.

CASPER
Nothing personal though. Just business. I get an envelope full of money and a couple pictures in it and I do my job like everybody else.

Casper shrugs and sucks on his cigarette.

CASPER
If it were up to me, I'd want every one of my assignments to be a miserable piece of shit like Cappalaggio.
(Beat)
Unfortunately for both of us, but especially for you, I don't get to make those choices. Last week when I got my assignment, it was you. You seemed like a nice enough guy. Sorry I had to kill you.

With his cigarette hanging from his lips, Casper opens the door in gloved silence and climbs out of the car.

EXT. STREET, WAREHOUSE DISTRICT -- CONTINUOUS

Casper walks in front of the sedan, which is stopped in the middle of a street right at a stop sign. The driver side window and windshield are coated in blood. Casper disappears down the eerily silent block lined with large factories and warehouses.

INT. PRISON CORRIDOR -- NIGHT

A row of cells sits empty and dark with the exception of one on the end which is illuminated.

INT. PRISON CELL -- CONTINUOUS

Inside the cell, Casper sits. His blond hair has been shaven bald and his black wardrobe, replaced by prison orange. In front of him, a tray of food that looks considerably better than typical prison food. Steak, lobster, shrimp and pasta among other things. Casper sits over his tray, taking pause from his meal only to glance at the clock on the wall and scowl.

CASPER
'Turns out the guy in the sedan...
(Beat)
The one I felt bad about killin'...

Casper rolls his eyes.

CASPER
He was a rat too, just like Joey Cappallagio.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT

Casper sits at a small table in an orange prison jump-suit. He is sweating under the bright lights but still has an arrogant smirk on his face.

CASPER
Kiss my ass. I ain't saying another word to you pigs without my lawyer. You can't hold me here like this. You've got nothing on me.

A tape recorder slides from OS across the table, stopping just in front of Casper. He looks down at it in shock as it cackles to life with the sounds of his own voice.

CASPER
(Playing on Recorder)
You, on the other hand. You've got a wife and kids and you an' me, we never met before tonight...

Casper's eyes widen and his face goes white as he hears the tape.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. PRISON CELL -- CONTINUOUS

Casper is still sitting in his cell eating his meal.

CASPER
The little prick was wearing a fuckin' wire when I waxed him. The DA played that tape in court and presto.
(Beat)
Here I am counting down to my date with the electric chair.

Casper stares at the clock. It's four fifty five in the morning.

CASPER
That countdown's all but over now though. Just five more minutes and they'll be coming for me. Five minutes to live.

Casper muses.

CASPER
That's five minutes more warning than I ever gave anyone though.

Casper eats a chunk of steak and then leans back against the concrete wall.

CASPER
No one to blame but myself for where I'm at now though. I knew the risks involved with what I was doing. In my line of work, I probably should have been dead a couple dozen already.

Just so happens that today's the day my number's finally up though.

Casper shrugs as he continues to eat his last meal.

CASPER
I feel fortunate to know how and when I'm going to get it. In my line of work, that's a luxury very few of us ever receive.

At the far end of the corridor, a heavy iron door unlocks and grinds against the concrete floor as it opens. Casper looks at the clock on the wall.

CASPER
Five o'clock. Time to die.

Casper strolls casually to the cell door where he waits for the approaching footsteps to reach him.

FADE OUT:

ferretchucker
09-26-2007, 07:46 AM
How about you change Caspers name to Caspa and call it Caspa. I said change it so he isn't confused with the friendly ghost

newb
09-26-2007, 07:59 AM
How about "The Last Meal" or just "Last Meal"?

_____V_____
09-26-2007, 08:08 AM
Very interesting script.

My suggestion - "Death to the Loner."

ferretchucker
09-26-2007, 08:18 AM
I like "Last Meal". Very Catchy.

VampiricClown
09-26-2007, 08:33 AM
As much as I like the name ___V___ came up with, I think I'd go with Last Meal. It's just catchy.

Disease
09-26-2007, 08:50 AM
How about "Death to begin with" . what do you think?

tic
09-26-2007, 08:57 AM
Death For Starters

(Inspired from Disease above)

Disease
09-26-2007, 08:58 AM
Death For Starters

(Inspired from Disease above)


I am inspiration.....:D

tic
09-26-2007, 09:53 AM
I am inspiration.....:D

but of course you are :D

Another .... Death On The Menu .... or perhaps not!

neverending
09-26-2007, 10:07 AM
Very cool script! Nice job!

Why does Casper call Joey "Vinny" before he kills him?

How about Countdown for a title?

tic
09-26-2007, 10:14 AM
I thought Vinny was Caspers boss.

Another ... 5 Minutes

bwind22
09-26-2007, 10:14 AM
Very cool script! Nice job!

Why does Casper call Joey "Vinny" before he kills him?

How about Countdown for a title?

Vinny The Don is the name of Casper's boss. Joey Cappalaggio is the rat that Vinny sent Casper to kill. So when Casper says "Vinny The Don sends his regards you Rat-Fuck!" he's basically telling Joey that Vinny The Don put the hit out right before he pulls the trigger.





I'm thrilled with all the feedback & great suggestions thus far. Thanks alot everyone!!! Keep 'em coming! :)

ferretchucker
09-26-2007, 10:56 AM
Plate of Death

Disease
09-26-2007, 10:58 AM
Vinny The Don is the name of Casper's boss. Joey Cappalaggio is the rat that Vinny sent Casper to kill. So when Casper says "Vinny The Don sends his regards you Rat-Fuck!" he's basically telling Joey that Vinny The Don put the hit out right before he pulls the trigger.





I'm thrilled with all the feedback & great suggestions thus far. Thanks alot everyone!!! Keep 'em coming! :)


If you choose one of our suggestions do we win something?


Something crap?

bwind22
09-26-2007, 11:15 AM
If you choose one of our suggestions do we win something?


Something crap?

Oh thanks for reminding me. I forgot to mention the 10 million dollar reward if I pick your title.


:rolleyes:

haha No. You don't win anything.

missmacabre
09-26-2007, 11:17 AM
Nice script, any name i would've suggested has been said. I'm liking the "Last Meal" recommendations.

the_man_you_fear
09-26-2007, 11:26 AM
why not go for a hitchcock style title like "with a side of murder" or "death on a silver platter" somthing down those lines. good script by the way

bwind22
09-28-2007, 09:29 AM
I have to submit this within the next day or two so I'm still looking for any suggestions.



What do you guys think of the title 'Rats, Steak and Lobster' ?

Rayne
09-28-2007, 09:36 AM
What do you guys think of the title 'Rats, Steak and Lobster' ?HAHA...That made me think 'Surf, Turf, and Rodent' :D

bwind22
09-28-2007, 09:43 AM
HAHA...That made me think 'Surf, Turf, and Rodent' :D

:D


But what do you think of it as a title for this script?


(By the way, have you had a chance to watch my short film, Witches Woods, yet?)

Rayne
09-28-2007, 09:45 AM
:D


But what do you think of it as a title for this script?


(By the way, have you had a chance to watch my short film, Witches Woods, yet?)
I think it sounds good...Fitting and interesting

As for the film...I hate to admit it...But...No :( :o


And now I don't remember where it was...

VampiricClown
09-28-2007, 09:47 AM
:D


But what do you think of it as a title for this script?


(By the way, have you had a chance to watch my short film, Witches Woods, yet?)

I'd like to see it as well.

Roderick Usher
09-28-2007, 09:51 AM
I don't like that title, Brian. It's such a short script. You shouldn't blow the reveal (the Rat) in the title

I think "Last Meal" works best so far.

bwind22
09-28-2007, 09:52 AM
Here's the 45 second trailer for Witches Woods

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK9A3iCxe-4

Here's the 10 minute film Witches Woods

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urXwk8jK70U

And here's the teaser trailer for my next short, currently in production, called Everyday Hero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQPn0jC16Ao

Rayne
09-28-2007, 09:53 AM
I don't like that title, Brian. It's such a short script. You shouldn't blow the reveal (the Rat) in the title

I think "Last Meal" works best so far.Actually, when you think about it that way...He's right ya know

bwind22
09-28-2007, 09:54 AM
I don't like that title, Brian. It's such a short script. You shouldn't blow the reveal (the Rat) in the title

I think "Last Meal" works best so far.



Where were you 1 minute ago? haha

Damn. I literally JUST sent it in with that title. Maybe since Cappallaggio is such an obvious rat, no one will suspect the 2nd guy is too.