massacre man
09-09-2007, 09:55 AM
My friends and I plan on filming this, I wrote it for the hell of it, I tried keeping most of the characters and songs the same, there are a few in-jokes in here, sorry about that. But can you tell me what you think if you have time to read it. Thanks.
*The Myers house is shown, "God of Thunder" by Kiss is playing, Young Michael is shown wearing the Bigfoot mask in his bedroom holding a Beenie Baby, and a spork. Cut to downstairs, Judith is in the kitchen and Ronnie is at the table*
Ronnie: Why are you dressed like a whore?
Judith: Because I can do what I want.
Ronnie: Well, back in my days in the Civil War girls like you would be tied up in the back of my lunar lander while I went to town on your Goo-Goo chute.
*Michael walks downstairs, Judith exits the room*
Ronnie: Hey, what ya got that mask on for? You plan on suckin' some dick ya little fagboy?
*Michael doesn't respond*
Ronnie: You think ignoring me makes you a man? I lost three arms in 'Nam and still stopped Hitler from crushing the Canadians with his steam roller. Come back to me when you get hair on your ballsack. Until then you're just a little fagboy.
*Michael just looks away*
Ronnie: Listen you little phanny bandit, if you don't say something I'm gonna wrap a burlap sack around your head and drop you in the river.
*Michael doesn't respond*
Ronnie: Get out of my god damn house!
*Michael stands and walks out of the house, he walks toward the woods when the bully pushes him*
Bully: Hey, where ya goin'? To see your mom? I heard she was a hooker.
*Michael glares at the Bully*
Bully: I gave her 20 cents about 10 years ago, I could be your dad, if it's possible to get pregnant through your ear.
*Michael takes a step closer*
Bully: Oh, you wanna scrap? GET SOME!
*The Bully pushes Michael to the ground and starts walking away, Michael picks up a small twig, "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult starts to play, Michael walks up to the bully and beats him to death with the twig*
*That night, Michael is sitting on the floor in front of the TV, Ronnie is laying on the couch*
Ronnie: Is there anybody that Ashton Kutcher can't Punk!?
*Judith walks downstairs*
Ronnie: Aren't you taking this little fairy trick or treating?
Judith: Nah, I'm talkin' to this boy online, it's gettin' freaky.
Ronnie: Now he's gonna be complainin'! You whore, back in the WW1 we would strap bitches like you to the fronts of Hummers and ram the gates at concentration camps to free the Mexicans!
Judith: Well, that's just too bad because AssHole69 is freaky 'n fine.
*Judith leaves the room, Ronnie falls asleep, Michael stands up and leaves the room, he walks back in with a box marked "Snake", cut to Ronnie's face, he opens his eyes and gets a scared look, when he looks down he sees the stuffed snake from "Dingleberry Finn" on his chest, Michael then walks upstairs and slides open the door to Judith's room, he walks in and sees Judith shirtless sleeping, Michael picks up the pillow next to her, slaps her stomach, when she raises her head Michael smothers her with the pillow, the screen goes black as soon as Judith stops moving*
FIFTEEN YEARS LATER
*Dr. Loomis is sitting across a table from Michael, now fully grown, Loomis is the same character Savvas had in Punk'd*
Loomis: Dude, Michael, come on, you gotta tell me why you did this!
*Michael stares at him blankly, still wearing the Bigfoot mask*
Loomis: Come on man, you've been wearing that mask for 15 years! Take it off and let me see your face!
*Michael doesn't respond*
Loomis: Forget it! I quit man! I'm just gonna go hang out at Starbucks!
*Loomis stands and walks away, Cut to Michael in his cell, Ismael Cruz walks in and sits next to him*
Ismael: I know is hard, I been behind these walls before when I try to clean my dirty baby in the washerdryer, but they let me go after I sue when I get cracker stuck in my esophagus and I can't breathe.
*Noel Kluggs and the other guard enter, Noel seems to be redneck and the other guard seems normal, they force Ismael to leave*
Noel: Hey shithead, we're moving you to maximum security so get your big ass up and come with us.
Other guard: Dude, he's pretty creepy.
Noel: Eh, he ain't so tough, I raped him a few times when he was 12, if you catch my drift.
Other guard: Wh... what!?
Noel: I stuck my thing in him while he was sleeping.
Other guard: Oh.
*Noel and the guard prepare to chain Michael up, but only wrap his hands in a rubber band, cut to the two escorting Michael, Michael slips his hands out of the rubber band, he pushes the other guard down the stairs and starts choking Noel*
Noel: You better bet when I get out of this I'm hittin' that sweet ass again!
*Noel makes strange noises until he is finally killed, cut to Ismael entering the room and seeing the other guard on the floor*
Ismael: What happen? Did the tiger pop out and break your ankle?
*Michael suddenly appears and tosses Ismael up the stairs and smashes the other guard's head into the floor, Michael stands and leaves*
Ismael: I don't get no broken bones, I drink a lots of milk.
*The Myers house is shown, "God of Thunder" by Kiss is playing, Young Michael is shown wearing the Bigfoot mask in his bedroom holding a Beenie Baby, and a spork. Cut to downstairs, Judith is in the kitchen and Ronnie is at the table*
Ronnie: Why are you dressed like a whore?
Judith: Because I can do what I want.
Ronnie: Well, back in my days in the Civil War girls like you would be tied up in the back of my lunar lander while I went to town on your Goo-Goo chute.
*Michael walks downstairs, Judith exits the room*
Ronnie: Hey, what ya got that mask on for? You plan on suckin' some dick ya little fagboy?
*Michael doesn't respond*
Ronnie: You think ignoring me makes you a man? I lost three arms in 'Nam and still stopped Hitler from crushing the Canadians with his steam roller. Come back to me when you get hair on your ballsack. Until then you're just a little fagboy.
*Michael just looks away*
Ronnie: Listen you little phanny bandit, if you don't say something I'm gonna wrap a burlap sack around your head and drop you in the river.
*Michael doesn't respond*
Ronnie: Get out of my god damn house!
*Michael stands and walks out of the house, he walks toward the woods when the bully pushes him*
Bully: Hey, where ya goin'? To see your mom? I heard she was a hooker.
*Michael glares at the Bully*
Bully: I gave her 20 cents about 10 years ago, I could be your dad, if it's possible to get pregnant through your ear.
*Michael takes a step closer*
Bully: Oh, you wanna scrap? GET SOME!
*The Bully pushes Michael to the ground and starts walking away, Michael picks up a small twig, "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult starts to play, Michael walks up to the bully and beats him to death with the twig*
*That night, Michael is sitting on the floor in front of the TV, Ronnie is laying on the couch*
Ronnie: Is there anybody that Ashton Kutcher can't Punk!?
*Judith walks downstairs*
Ronnie: Aren't you taking this little fairy trick or treating?
Judith: Nah, I'm talkin' to this boy online, it's gettin' freaky.
Ronnie: Now he's gonna be complainin'! You whore, back in the WW1 we would strap bitches like you to the fronts of Hummers and ram the gates at concentration camps to free the Mexicans!
Judith: Well, that's just too bad because AssHole69 is freaky 'n fine.
*Judith leaves the room, Ronnie falls asleep, Michael stands up and leaves the room, he walks back in with a box marked "Snake", cut to Ronnie's face, he opens his eyes and gets a scared look, when he looks down he sees the stuffed snake from "Dingleberry Finn" on his chest, Michael then walks upstairs and slides open the door to Judith's room, he walks in and sees Judith shirtless sleeping, Michael picks up the pillow next to her, slaps her stomach, when she raises her head Michael smothers her with the pillow, the screen goes black as soon as Judith stops moving*
FIFTEEN YEARS LATER
*Dr. Loomis is sitting across a table from Michael, now fully grown, Loomis is the same character Savvas had in Punk'd*
Loomis: Dude, Michael, come on, you gotta tell me why you did this!
*Michael stares at him blankly, still wearing the Bigfoot mask*
Loomis: Come on man, you've been wearing that mask for 15 years! Take it off and let me see your face!
*Michael doesn't respond*
Loomis: Forget it! I quit man! I'm just gonna go hang out at Starbucks!
*Loomis stands and walks away, Cut to Michael in his cell, Ismael Cruz walks in and sits next to him*
Ismael: I know is hard, I been behind these walls before when I try to clean my dirty baby in the washerdryer, but they let me go after I sue when I get cracker stuck in my esophagus and I can't breathe.
*Noel Kluggs and the other guard enter, Noel seems to be redneck and the other guard seems normal, they force Ismael to leave*
Noel: Hey shithead, we're moving you to maximum security so get your big ass up and come with us.
Other guard: Dude, he's pretty creepy.
Noel: Eh, he ain't so tough, I raped him a few times when he was 12, if you catch my drift.
Other guard: Wh... what!?
Noel: I stuck my thing in him while he was sleeping.
Other guard: Oh.
*Noel and the guard prepare to chain Michael up, but only wrap his hands in a rubber band, cut to the two escorting Michael, Michael slips his hands out of the rubber band, he pushes the other guard down the stairs and starts choking Noel*
Noel: You better bet when I get out of this I'm hittin' that sweet ass again!
*Noel makes strange noises until he is finally killed, cut to Ismael entering the room and seeing the other guard on the floor*
Ismael: What happen? Did the tiger pop out and break your ankle?
*Michael suddenly appears and tosses Ismael up the stairs and smashes the other guard's head into the floor, Michael stands and leaves*
Ismael: I don't get no broken bones, I drink a lots of milk.