Very Serious Question

[newb]

Nah......only kidding

In light of recent events here I think its time for some levity and "A QUESTION ONLY A NEWB COULD ASK"

What is your policy, concerning your "significant other", on farting. I mean do you expell gas in front of them....if so how long were you together before the first episode? Believe it or not my brother has been married for 26 years and HAS NOT farted in front of his wife.....EVER. I personally think this is unhealthy.

My situation was...we were still dating.....maybe a few months, I believe it was new years eve....she had a few drinks...we were back at her house and she was sitting at the kitchen table.......AND LET ONE RIP.......beautifully resonated off the wooden chair......I knew at that moment....I WAS GONNA MARRY THIS GIRL.

25 YEARS LATER WE ARE STILL GOING STRONG....[we don't have many friends] But we are happy in our smelly little world.

[bloody_ribcut]

maybe your brother is a girly man?:D jk....i dont do that either.
some do, some dont.http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t154/gus361/headbang.gif

[Posher778]

Hmm. I have no significant other. She's making out behind a shed, lol.

I don't fart much. I mean, naturally everyone does, but i don't do the whole gassy thing.

[VampiricClown]

Never in front of any of my girlfriends or friends at all for that matter.

[bloodrayne]

HaHaHa...Significant other?...I don't even have a FRIEND that I haven't farted around...lol

One time we were getting ready to go to a show and everyone was getting ready to pile into the vehicle, I was already in it because I was driving...So when Myke opened the door, I yelled "You guys better not get in the truck yet!"...lol...They all knew why, cuz they know ME...It's no big deal

Sometimes when Dustin farts, I answer him back in turn :D

OH...And anytime ANYONE farts, the baby laughs his ass off...Even when HE farts

[Posher778]

HaHaHa...Significant other?...I don't even have a FRIEND that I haven't farted around...lol

One time we were getting ready to go to a show and everyone was getting ready to pile into the vehicle, I was already in it because I was driving...So when Myke opened the door, I yelled "You guys better not get in the truck yet!"...lol...They all knew why, cuz they know ME...It's no big deal

Sometimes when Dustin farts, I answer him back in turn :D

OH...And anytime ANYONE farts, the baby laughs his ass off...Even when HE farts

*dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee*
^^Redneck theme, lmao.

[bloody_ribcut]

i dont know. maybe its just me, but when a women farts imo its nasty.
there's nothing worse imo then a women who has no manners and lets them rip in front of anyone and not care.:rolleyes:
and im not talkig about you.




"imo"

[bloodrayne]

i dont know. maybe its just me, but when a women farts imo its nasty.
there's nothing worse imo then a women who has no manners and lets them rip in front of anyone and not care.:rolleyes:
and im not talkig about you.




"imo"A woman?...Don't you mean a "lady"...Well...I'm no lady :D


Just wanted to point out...Everyone here (yeah, my friends are here right now, including Myke) got a good laugh from when you said "Women" then you said, "I'm not talking about YOU"...You'd have to know us (particularly me) to know why that was so funny :D

Thanks for that laugh...It was great

[bloody_ribcut]

what i meant, is im not trying to sucker punch you with subliminal messages.

[Posher778]

A woman?...Don't you mean a "lady"...Well...I'm no lady :D


Just wanted to point out...Everyone here (yeah, my friends are here right now, including Myke) got a good laugh from when you said "Women" then you said, "I'm not talking about YOU"...You'd have to know us (particularly me) to know why that was so funny :D

Thanks for that laugh...It was great

HI MYKE!
Oh, hi, bloodrayne, lil miss never on yahoo when it's convienient.

[bloodrayne]

HI MYKE!
Oh, hi, bloodrayne, lil miss never on yahoo when it's convienient.LOL...Myke says "Hi"...We gotta go now though...We gotta drop him off in Cincinnati


Catch ya in a bit...Don't break the forum while I'm gone :p

[VampiricClown]

Don't break the forum while I'm gone :p

That's my job.

[Posher778]

LOL...Myke says "Hi"...We gotta go now though...We gotta drop him off in Cincinnati


Catch ya in a bit...Don't break the forum while I'm gone :p

Don't break the banjo when you row across the mississippi with it.

*hyuck hyuck hyuck*

lmao

[novadawn969]

*hyuck hyuck hyuck*


You didn't... :eek:





Oh, and I find passing gas inappropriate for young ladies, but if one slips when I'm married, he'll get over it.
He loves me... right?
Plus, he'll be stuck with me anyway.
::maniacle laughter::

[Phalanx]

The farting thing?
Shit man, who cares? That's our thing. I just let it happen...considering our pretty varied, and vegetable abundant diet, it's hard not to while at home.
Usually one or both of us has a chuckle about it...and sometimes, I'll just say "fuck you" if I gotta abandon the area.

[AmericanManiac]

The farting thing?
Shit man, who cares? That's our thing. I just let it happen...considering our pretty varied, and vegetable abundant diet, it's hard not to while at home.
Usually one or both of us has a chuckle about it...and sometimes, I'll just say "fuck you" if I gotta abandon the area.
:p You honestly had me laughing out loud with that last sentance.

ALright well i'm one of the guys who doesn't care and let's em rip anywhere. Yeah I've farted in the presence of my other-half, probley a few months after dating. I have a gas problem, maybe I should try beno. We can be walking in the middle of the store and I will just let it go and she gets embarassed. I must say the 5 in a half years we've been together she's only did it once, a slip. Her face got so red and it was cute how embarrassed she was.

I went to Highschool with a girl, and I swear I thought she was really a dude, she would burp loud as hell, and fart wherever, she didn't care, and she would laugh about it. I really didn't care for it, because yes it got annoying. But if a woman has to let one rip hold on, *farts* it's fine with me it's a natural thing.

[ferretchucker]

I haven't been able to ask my other half as she was taken to the morgue recently after suffocating on toxic gases.

[AmericanManiac]

I haven't been able to ask my other half as she was taken to the morgue recently after suffocating on toxic gases.

................:p

[ferretchucker]

farting is as natural as breathing. It shouldn't be classed as horrible. The smell may be unpleasant but so are some peoples breaths. It's like, although I wouldn't flash it in public, since when did the dick and vagina become something filthy and illegal to show in public? They're as much of us as our hands and eyes.

[Nikkif8]

I used to say I never would fart infront on my SO and that it was totally unacceptable and he shouldn't infront of me but now we have been together a year and we let em go when we need to now. Just within the last couple months or so we started to. We aren't obnoxious about it and we usually laugh about it, sometimes I give him the evil eye when he obnoxiously rips them once in a while but it is natural and it sucks trying to hold them in, it is not good! I think I know we are much in love now that we can fart infront of each other and not be embarrassed or anything. :p

[Shazbut]

I posted this story to a playwrights forum back a couple of months ago when asked about funny things happening before curtain up:

"I was watching a show on tv the other night and some famous actor (I think it was David Tennant) admitted that a good fart (sorry, I did warn you it was about bodily functions) was a wonderful way of reliefing stage fright!

Anyway, it reminded me of one time when I was about to go onstage on our first night and I was petrified. The adrenalin was rushing through me at 100 mph and as I went to step out into the spotlight, I literally *let rip* - please believe me, I did not intend to do it - it just kinda slipped out. Actors that were stood behind me shot back about 5 feet, aghast at my *explosion* and, of course, we all burst out laughing. I was near hysterical at the suddeness and embarrassment of my rather loud faux pas!

All I kept thinking was: "At least the audience didnt hear that!". About 5 seconds later, the onstage phone rang. It was our sound/lighting man up in the heavens - he rang to say "Tell Tracy.... I heard that!". The thing is, if he heard it, so did the audience because the mic's are in the ceiling of the stage.

Any actors reading this will understand when I say how difficult it is to go onstage stifling the giggles and these werent just any giggles - these were raucous, belly laugh, rolling on the floor giggles. Bright red in the face, cheeks puffed I pushed myself on stage. Suffice to say, the *professional* in me went into acting mode and, although the voice was a little shaky through stifling hysterics, I was able to get through the initial entrance.

I try to be much more discreet these days - I am a lady really, honest!! <blink, blink>"

.......... :D

[Shazbut]

I haven't been able to ask my other half as she was taken to the morgue recently after suffocating on toxic gases.

Yes, I suffered toxic inhalation from a ex b/f who did them all the time and I mean ALL the time and damn well bloody stinky too!

It's okay once in a while, but constantly with a bad stench - not so good! :mad:

[Papillon Noir]

I don't know what my boyfriend eats, but he has a serious gas problem and he doesn't care where he is when he lets it rip. It's so gross. It wouldn't be so bad if it was once in a while, but it's all the time! I just wish he would step away a few feet before he does it or something, or would try to be more subtle.

He also has a serious burping problem. Not only are they loud they are juicy sounding, like Barney on the Simpsons, and you can even almost see little bubbles coming out of his mouth when he does it. He sounds like a marsh bird or something. The worst is when he is on the phone because his burping comes out high pitched and hurts my ears.

Personally, I never fart in front of other people. I think it's impolite, gross, and would be rather embarrassing. I think if you're a public farter or not, it really stems from how you grew up and what was considered appropriate in public and what wasn't.

[bloodrayne]

Personally, I never fart in front of other people. I think it's impolite, gross, and would be rather embarrassing. I think if you're a public farter or not, it really stems from how you grew up and what was considered appropriate in public and what wasn't.Well, it doesn't happen often, and I can't really recall it happening in public...Maybe just never had to then, or maybe because we don't go out in public much...When we DO go out, there usually aren't many other people out, and almost never near us...But, at home and around friends and family, no one really cares...Again, It doesn't happen often...But, it's never a big deal when it does

[mordrid]

there are times it just happens. Honestly, I could care less where I fart or around who. It is a body function. It is not like I plan out the exact location I fart. It occurs. If I am well aware that it has a chance of being toxic for others, I am polite enough to step away.

As for significant other, she is worse than I am. Mine are just loud, hers are silent but deadly

[_____V_____]

Same here.

When I m at home and there's a knock "downstairs", I let it out. It was embarrassing at first when I got married last year, but now its normal. Usually beans and beer combo causes it, but lately I ve had a relatively good digestion so not many sounds from there.

Sometimes you cant help it when you got an upset tummy and its all over the place, but yea, the "noiseless" ones are the REALLY dangerous and harmful ones. And the added thing is you never know who did it, since the sound never came. And the area's air becomes so polluted you have to run at least 10 miles away for the stench to subside from the air.

Damn nasty thingys!

[bloodrayne]

Oh wait!...I just remembered one in public...It was a LONG time ago...We were in the candle department at Sears (I was talked into shopping with my mother...ugh)...The look on my mother's face was worth the trip...lol...She said "Catherine!"...I said, "What?!......They're scented candles, I didn't think you'd notice"...hahaha...It was pretty funny...Guess ya had to be there

[AmericanManiac]

Oh wait!...I just remembered one in public...It was a LONG time ago...We were in the candle department at Sears (I was talked into shopping with my mother...ugh)...The look on my mother's face was worth the trip...lol...She said "Catherine!"...I said, "What?!......They're scented candles, I didn't think you'd notice"...hahaha...It was pretty funny...Guess ya had to be there

:p I love all of these stories, it's a topic you can't help but laugh.

[_____V_____]

scented candles...lmao tsk tsk BR!!

:D

[bloodrayne]

scented candles...lmao tsk tsk BR!!

:DHey, at least I owned up to it

I could have just as easily said, "Wow, these candles really stink" :p


I always claim my farts :D

[_____V_____]

Hey, at least I owned up to it

I could have just as easily said, "Wow, these candles really stink" :p


I always claim my farts :D



LMAO @ claim my farts!!

(rolling on the floor)



:D :D :D

[mordrid]

Wow, and here I thought I was the only one who ripped one in the candle department. Was glad none of the candles were lit.

[ferretchucker]

my most embarrasing fart was a few years back when I was on stage at my local carnegie hall. Around 1000 people in there and I was about 8. It was a musical performance from all the local schools. Well, to close it all off, I had to play a solo on my recorder. after the first few notes, those butterflies in my stoumach decided to fly to safety via my poop hole. there worst part was I couldn't stop it. I had a mic in front of me so it was a continous BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM for about 7 seconds. The first three rows burst out laughing, soon it spread across the hall until everyone was in hysterics. I first tried to start again but laughed whenever I tried. Never did the solo in the end. Apparently, the stink went backstage and to the 5th row.

[bloodrayne]

Oh, I have another one that was pretty funny...But, it wasn't US this time:


We were shopping...Seri was only 2 years old...All of a sudden, she yelled real loud, "Hey, Who farted?!" (at 2, she couldn't say her 'r's well, so it came out like 'fawted'...It was so freakin' cute...Even though I had to tell her "shhhh").....Weeellll...There was only ONE woman in the aisle with us, and she VERY quickly exitted the aisle...hahaha


I just remembered another one (that wasn't us :p)...We were at the store, and there was this guy who farted...But, it was really funny because it was like a lot of little farts...Every time he took a step, one would slip out...So, it was like step, rrt...step, rrt...step,rrt...For about 8 steps...It was fricken hilarious...Seri was in a stroller, no way I could keep her from laughing because she was so little...lol

That last one is much funnier when we tell it in person, cuz we can act it out :D

[Demonique]

My husband is one of those who will fart anywhere. One day we were in the grocery store and apparently the urge hit him. We were in an aisle that had a few people in it. He was standing beside this little old lady and everyone else was a few feet away. He let out a loud FAARRRT, then glares at the old lady and exclaims, "Oh my god! How dare you!" and walks away. The horrified look on her face was priceless. I am standing at the end of the aisle laughing my ass off. He is so bad.:rolleyes:

[ferretchucker]

I once stood behind a fat sweaty, smoking man and i heard a rumble. Next thing I knew, I couldn't breathe at all.

[newb]

Actually since my wife's first out-burst, she has become more conservative. She will actually deny being the culprit when its just her and I in the car.Of course being the discreet one that I am.....I will usually open the window and hang out whilst yelling "ARRGHHH...IT STINKS".

[Mictlantechutli]

Fart in front of her? Hell I fart ON her! And she does to me too.

The Dutch Oven is a favorite passtime - when you fart in bead and then throw the covers over your partner's head. Good times. But the gas is for intimates, friends, family and such.

As for public gassing - it is quite rude, so I usually walk past and old person when I do it and then look at them funny. They usually don't remember if they farted or not.

If there's no old people present, find a baby...or a dog and blame it:D

[bloodrayne]

Actually since my wife's first out-burst, she has become more conservative. She will actually deny being the culprit when its just her and I in the car.Of course being the discreet one that I am.....I will usually open the window and hang out whilst yelling "ARRGHHH...IT STINKS".
LMAO....There is NOTHING funnier than driving down the road (OMG, I can't even TYPE this I can't stop laughing...hahaha)...with a loaded vehicle and all of a sudden ALL the windows roll down at the same time and everyone's gagging and waving their hands, and Alex, Ash and I are laughing our asses off....Just imagine seeing that when you're driving...HAHAHAHAHA


Oh, and one time when I was at work on a construction site (a LONG time ago, before I had kids), one of the guys said, "OMG...Did you just fart?!"...I said, "No"...He said, "Oh...It must have been ME then...We better get the hell outta here"...hahaha


And anytime that anyone asks me if I farted, Dustin always says, "No, it wasn't her...cuz...she isn't laughing"...:D

[ferretchucker]

if your partner farts purpousely near you, do this. when you're in bed, force one out then quickly pull the covers up over both your faces. PURE EVIL!

[bloodrayne]

The Dutch Oven is a favorite passtime - when you fart in bead and then throw the covers over your partner's head. Ugh...God...There have been MANY instances where I have yelled, "STOP WAVING THE BLANKETS!"...and he laughs his ass off and just KEEPS doing it really fast.....Why does he ALWAYS have to wave the blankets?!


I mean...When it's me...and he doesn't hear it...I just say, "Psst...Don't lift the blankets"...haha

[ferretchucker]

whoops, that comment went wrong. Oh well.


A fart is fun,
it let's out the gas,
Caused by bean buns,
it comes out of your ass.

Wafting the gasses is just plain cruel,
only to be used in revenge,
you'll stink like a muel,
or as unique as stone henge.

[Mictlantechutli]

.Why does he ALWAYS have to wave the blankets?!



If you don't air it out, it lingers and ferments:eek:


***why isn't there a vomiting emoticon?***

[bloodrayne]

If you don't air it out, it lingers and ferments:eek:


***why isn't there a vomiting emoticon?***
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v69/BloodRayne/Emoticons/puke.gif

Oh...And...Uhh...Is the 'laughing maniacally' part critical to this 'airing out' process?...lol

[mordrid]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v69/BloodRayne/Emoticons/puke.gif

Oh...And...Uhh...Is the 'laughing maniacally' part critical to this 'airing out' process?...lol

Yes it is....says so in the man handbook

[Doc Faustus]

My girlfriend used to really mind until there was one incident on the train to DC. We were nervous as hell because there were drug and arms deals going on around us (I kid you not, somebody was on the train selling parts for a 357 magnum) and this sketchy guy in front of us kept on trying to get her to share his Baccardi. We were so horribly nervous. Then, this Dominican lady sits down in front of us and offers us the strangest little bag of snacks. She knew we were in bad shape and that the trip was kind of a source of stress, so she offered us a baggy with teddy grahams, Doritos, popcorn and homemade sugar cookies. Having not eaten since our prior breakfast at our college dining hall we accepted. Then, the guy with the Baccardi lets out a huge fart and a girl in front of him laughs and laughs. The Dominican lady says "it ain't rude. I had a cousin who was at his girlfriend's house and he kept on not letting it out. He starts to spend more time with his girl and he's still embarassed to let it out. Two months later he dies of some kind of colon thing." I don't know if it was an urban legend or what, but after that my girlfriend stopped being so critical about farting.

[Mictlantechutli]

If you hold it in, it rots your insides. You expel the gas for a reason







































....and it makes me giggle

*toot*

[Nikkif8]

This thread had me cracking up yesterday, BR you are hallarious.
So last night I am telling my SO about this thread then a while later after dinner and our company leaves, we are sitting in the kitchen just talking and I let one riiiiiiiiiip and I didn't expect it to be so POWERFUL (LOL) and we both were like "Wooow, that's messed up" and we laughed so hard. And all I could think of was this thread and I love the story about the guy fartign next to the old lady and then looking at her and saying "my god how could you" or what ever it was. Frickn hallarious:D

[_____V_____]

:eek:

Nikki, how COULD you?:mad: :rolleyes:


:D

[Nikkif8]

:eek:

Nikki, how COULD you?:mad: :rolleyes:


:D

LOL it was so funny. We just dont' care anymore ya know. It's a bodily function and we don't need to impress each other. We wouldn't do that infront of company or in public but at home hell let em rip. lol.

How are you anyways? I am so bored at work. Basically I work like 2-3 hrs a day and get paid for 8.

[_____V_____]

I m great. Will leave for work in a few too.

You are lucky...I work for 8 and get paid for 1.:mad:



j/k :D

[DP McCoy]

So am I to understand from this thread that the female of the species flatulates too?Why i'm shocked and appalled!

[stubbornforgey]

So am I to understand from this thread that the female of the species flatulates too?Why i'm shocked and appalled!


females dont flatulate..this is an appalling rumor ' :eek:

[Riff]

Long distance right now, so not currently an issue...