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RonPrice
11-29-2006, 03:21 PM
DARK NIGHTS

Joyce Carol Oates says that Emily Dickinson's poem Number 410 is the most terrifying poem in the English language on the subject of a person's breakdown, their disintegration, the collapse of their sense of self. I have taken this same poem and altered it to reflect my own experience of varying degrees of inner terror off-and-on in the years from 1963 to 1980. This poem also sees my use of the word 'shit,' a rare instance in my poetry of slipping into the lower reaches of the vernacular, as part of a commonly used colloquialism here in Australia. It is a colloquialism I have come to take a particular liking for in my personal life. Although I don't often use this expression, it is such an apt one that it pleases my sensibility.-Ron Price, Pioneering Over Four Epochs, 23 March 2001.

The first dark night came long ago,
so terrible it was, but endured
and slowly, slowly, I did sing
when down the road I was fully cured.

My strings back then had snapped
beyond any daily use,
or to put it another way,
my bow it broke to atoms,
quite destroyed they were,
but endured again,
outlasted woe
and I saw a new, fresh morn.

The horror came again, again
and slapped me in the face.
My eyes were blackened both
and, then, the brain gave ease.

That ease came slowly,
nearly twenty years,
now I am another man.
Sometimes I break,
but never atoms
when the shit hits
that proverbial fan.

Of course, there's years,
could last quite long
and black could fill the eye.
Who knows what will
come down the tube
before I lie down and die.

Ron Price
23 March 2001

Zero
11-29-2006, 04:02 PM
http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q108/zerohdc/aaa.jpg

Roderick Usher
11-29-2006, 04:34 PM
I am going to try to do this as nicely as possible.

Why?

It is the way in which Ms. Dickinson seems to joyously embrace her madness that makes the poem hauntingly beautiful. Did you think you could add to her greatness? The poem was missing that little touch that only you could provide?

Your over-written excuse for saying "shit" in no way excuses using the trite phrase "shit hits the fan" or even worse, the use of a word so obvious and indicating "proverbial" in a poem.

Thanks for sharing. I'll gladly read more of your poems, but leave the "reworking" alone...please?

noctuary
12-01-2006, 05:19 PM
At least he didn't claim to have improved on it.

Nocturnal
12-01-2006, 06:49 PM
I am going to try to do this as nicely as possible.

Why?

It is the way in which Ms. Dickinson seems to joyously embrace her madness that makes the poem hauntingly beautiful. Did you think you could add to her greatness? The poem was missing that little touch that only you could provide?

Your over-written excuse for saying "shit" in no way excuses using the trite phrase "shit hits the fan" or even worse, the use of a word so obvious and indicating "proverbial" in a poem.

Thanks for sharing. I'll gladly read more of your poems, but leave the "reworking" alone...please?


As stated above.

RonPrice
08-21-2009, 04:05 AM
Belated Thanks...After Nearly 3 Years! Life is busy even in retirement, in these middle years (65-75) of late adulthood(60-80) and old age(80++), if I last that long.-Ron

RonPrice
02-25-2014, 04:50 PM
Goodness me! It's been 5 years and I'm now in my 70s.-Ron Price