Regret...

[Phalanx]

Just wondering what are some actions taken by others that they've regretted in hindsight? Yknow, not so much "went snowboarding, busted my leg" kinda thing, more like the kind of things you've done/said that you've thought back and not liked about yourself?

I'll start with a few...

Age 13 - Throwing rocks at towards a birds nest with a friend, just to make the bord come out on defense mode. one of them clipped the bird, which then flew into a wall and broke its neck. (See, I haven't always been on the animals side) Unintentional, but it's something that stayed with me.

Age 15. When my little brother was just past 4, sometimes I would get stuck with babysitting...I guess this was just a selfish teenager kinda thing to do, but most of the time I'd just let him play with his toys, and watch whatever I wanted, even when there were videos specifically for him there. If he started "bugging me" (which was my way of thinking back then) by asking me to put his shows on, or play a game with him, I told him to leave me alone...one time he was being pretty persistant, and I really don't know why or how I came up with this, but I told him that my mother, sister and I had decided to sell him to another family. I told him to go get his favourite things packed in a bag...and he actually did it, crying all the way. I kept at it, and told him "dont worry, i'll make sure you get a family that lets you watch cartoons and play games" he was just about sobbing uncontrollably then, and through his tears he said "no, but I love you" and right then and there I felt like the biggest cunt ever, and realised that the only reason this kid was always bugging me was just because he wanted to spend time with me. I just hugged him and told him I was being stupid, told him not to worry, it would never happen", then watched his kiddy videos for the rest of the day....So yeah, pretty much from that point onwards things changed between us, and I think I started acting like a brother should...I've since realised (he's 14 now) that he's pretty much the closest relative I've ever had. Funny thing, I actually apologised to him for being such an ass, a few years back, all he said was that I'd made up for it by being his friend.
Still, when I think back, I really don't know what came over me.


There's more...but these are the main two I reflect on when I think about the kind of person I want to be, and the kind that I don't...anyways, that's my sharing...so...any of you do something outrightly mean/nasty that you've regretted later on?

[Miss Olivia]

I have a temper, and I fly off the handle pretty quick. There have been many times when I've kicked myself for being nasty to someone when the best thing to do would be to ignore it.

Two weeks ago a drunk woman was causing a ruckus in front of my house for about four hours off and on....my friend Jed told her to go home, and she told him to fuck off and flashed her nasty saggy boobs at him, and I took off down the stairs but she was gone.
She came back an hour later (it was midnight by now) and started raising hell at my neighbors again and this time I went downstairs and told her to go the hell home. Well, she started talking shit to me, and then got in my face and called me Blondie.
I proceeded to punch her in the face. Hard. She didn't get one lick in.
The police were called, she got in trouble and I didn't. But all that drama bullshit could have been avoided if I'd just stayed in my apartment and ignored it, or called the police myself.
Now the entire neighborhood is calling me either Rocky or Blondie.
I just wanted to go to sleep.
It was really immature of me.

[stubbornforgey]

nups..em with you on this..
dunno why drunk ppl think they can get away with shit like this aye.

I don't think i have any regrets for anything i have ever done.
Basically...many of it was a re-action to an action towards myself/freinds or family.


oooooooooh c'pet maybe this one thig.
'Lowers her head in shame'

My sister was sick ..but none of us knew just how sick she really was.
I was moving out of the family home n had returned to pick up the last of my stuff as well as my boarder.
Ok my boarder hadn't helped me through out the whole process ..so i was pretty annoyed ..and i yelled at her..plus she had promised to look after our new place while i spent one last night at the family home.
My boarder had changed her mind..so i was pretty pissed off.
As i was yelling at her ..my sister butts in to defend the boarder.
I retaliate by telling my baby sis to 'get totally fucked'..called her a fat fucker and a few other choice names.
Delivered the last load of furniture..
went home ..asked how 'the fat fuck' was....mum went in to check n my sister was dead.

[Miss Olivia]

Holy hell, that's awful.
I can't even begin to imagine how awful.:(

[alkytrio666]

My freshman year a buddy and I went around our school cafeteria "begging" for change with a cup. We made some good money that way. We'd always try to be funny, though, so I went to a table saying "My mom has cancer, put in some change?" One of the kids looked at me very sadly, got up, and walked away.

Turns out his mom had recently died of cancer.

I've never felt so awful in my life. It was a lesson for me on being more sensitive to things that shouldn't be made into jokes.

[urgeok]

when i was 7 or 8 i really liked this gir - as a friend in my class ..

i was teasing her and said something like "oh yeah, your mother is a witch' (cant remember why but it wasnt malicious - just goofing around)

someone gasped and told me her mother just died.

i dont think i've felt that bad since - i was a pretty sensitive little kid.


one other time i was showing off for some kid (about the same age as above) and i twirled one of my gerbils around by its tail.
its tail ripped off and it flew across the room. I was mortified .. bawled for hours and never mistreated an animal - or showed off again in my life.

other than those 2 life changing experiences - i cant say i have any regrets at all.


strike that ..
now - as a parent .. i regret every time i have to scold my child ..

it's neccessary but i always feel like shit after.

[stubbornforgey]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
Holy hell, that's awful.
I can't even begin to imagine how awful.:(

yeah ..this has haunted me since then..
(94 this happened)
My sis was complaining of having bad tummy cramps..
all the doctors we took her too were adamant it was cos of her period problems.
Anyways..it was found she had appendicts
n the told us it was best to leave it as it wasn't neccasarty to take out..it wasnt that bad..
That night..it burst ..by the time my mum found her was too late..

[Miss Olivia]

I would be so angry....losing a loved one because of an ignorant doctor.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
:(

[orangestar]

One of my best friends is a boy. We have a complicated, tumultuous relationship. We fight all the time, but the friendship that we've formed is ridiculously strong. His dad had been terminally ill since around the time we met (2 years ago). About a month ago, we got in a fight and I kept sending him really rude, hurtful messages on voicemail, texts, facebook, AIM...anyway I could piss him off. He wasn't replying which was just egging me on, until finally he called and said his dad had just died.

Since then, I have not only changed the way I act around him, I've started to think before I fight with anyone.

Most of the stuff on this thread is just human nature. We don't think before we act.

[The STE]

no regrets

[Phalanx]

Eh, you've got time...

Yeah it's funny how humans are so "learn through experience"...how some of us have to experience first hand how it's like to be an asshole in order to make the choice to draw a line...I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still an asshole...but I don't think you'll find many guys around that'd back his brother up like I would, I like to think I'm pretty good with animals (aside from teasing and rough-housing my kitty...but he bites back) these days too, I aint throwing rocks at/towards animals, I'd probably throw rocks at someone who did.
Well, thanks for sharing, folks...last night I was just thinking about this stuff, wondered if there's things you guys all think back on too, I can see some stuff stayed with you too...it's been an interesting read. Feel free to add, I may again.

[The STE]

regret implies that I would change things, I wouldn't. All the stuff that's happened around me, to me, that I've done, bad and good, is all a confluence of events and actions that have gotten me to where I am right now, and I'm perfectly happy with where I am right now.

Are there things that I'm sorry that I did? Sure. Would I undo them? No.

[Phalanx]

regret implies that I would change things, I wouldn't.
I kinda agree with you, I kinda don't...I get what you're saying, but maybe if I hadn't have done those things, I wouldn't have looked back on them with regret, I might not have changed the things about myself that have put me where I am now.
However, the regret that I feel isn't about changing the past, more the future. What I'm saying is that where I do feel bad about these things and actions, I wouldn't change them either, but it doesn't stop me regretting that it had to come to what it came to, to snap me out of acting that way and/or start me on what I consider a better path...I dunno, maybe "remorse" would've been a better word here...

[Spec7ral]

see my sig for this one. Regret means that I am not happy with the person I am today, as all my actions have amounted to who I am. I know I am far from perfect, but I am very comfortable inside my own skin and wouldn't change anything. I am what I am.

[bwind22]

I try to keep the perspective that what's done is done and no matter how bad you feel about it, you can't change stuff in the past, therefore I don't waste my time feeling bad about or regretting things.

[urgeok]

Originally posted by bwind22
I try to keep the perspective that what's done is done and no matter how bad you feel about it, you can't change stuff in the past, therefore I don't waste my time feeling bad about or regretting things.


no - but it can prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future.

you should understand why it made you feel bad and it'll make you a better person for it..

[bwind22]

Oh, by no means was I trying to insinuate that I don't learn from mistakes. Just that I don't wallow in them with regret.

"I really wish I hadn't done that thing four years ago..." That sorte of thing you won't hear from me.

[urgeok]

Originally posted by bwind22
Oh, by no means was I trying to insinuate that I don't learn from mistakes. Just that I don't wallow in them with regret.

"I really wish I hadn't done that thing four years ago..." That sorte of thing you won't hear from me.


i dont have many .. just the 2 i mentioned - they still sort of haunt me.

its like Flatliners - i really identified with part of that movie because i still fantasize about somehow righting those wrongs..

[crabapple]

I just wanted to say that I think this thread is the best thing on this whole board right now. I'm totally serious, this is very thought-provoking, and a person can really get something out of it. Bravo. Sometimes we can look into memories of the past with a more experienced perspective, and see things we did and things that happened to us in a wider, more understanding view.

[bwind22]

Originally posted by crabapple
I just wanted to say that I think this thread is the best thing on this whole board right now.


Must... resist... the... urge...

Must... resist...







Ah fuck it, the urge is too strong. What about Bruce Lee vs. Angry Chimp?

[crabapple]

It figures you would bring that thing up.

[Marroe]

Originally posted by urgeok
no - but it can prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future.

you should understand why it made you feel bad and it'll make you a better person for it.. I've just REALLY realized the truth in this.
I've been going back and forth in my head all week about regrets I have and things I would change, and I have tried to tell myself this but all I see happening is the thing's I have done coming back around in another way to haunt me. Does this happen to everyone? "Karma" I guess it is. I don't want to get into any real specifics about what's going on right now, but the one person I have talked to about it says that what I did, and what's happening now, can in no way be related. I think now feeling like I'm being "paid back" for actions I took have made me a smarter, better person. It's made me realize with choice there is consequence, and everyone and everything involved in a situation should be considered before taking any actions. These are thing's I've always known, but for the first time I'm going to apply these things to my daily life no matter what the situatiion.
Sorry for the short rant...I guess thinking about all of this and reading a few of these posts made me realize regret isn't always a bad thing, it can actually be turned into something positive. (for some reason that just sounded like one of the lessons from South Park to me)

[Roderick Usher]

I'm with bwind on this one. I may have done a few things in my past of which I'm less than proud, but I cannot regret any of them. What I've done and the lessons learned make me the man I am today. Wouldn't change a thing, no regrets.

[Phalanx]

I regretted eating a mixed kebab from a dirty-ass store...always seems a great idea when you're wasted.
Fuck this place, it's made me sick twice. I regret that, but, it's lead me to the resolution of reporting them to the health department.
It's really NOT hard to not make people sick...all you have to do is follow relatively simple procedures, procedures of which you should be abundantly clear when dispensing foodstuffs.
Assholes.

Not quite on topic, but I thought I'd share.
I like this thread, I'm happy with the level of honest contribution here, thankyou folks.

[VampiricClown]

I have quite a few. I'm a very sensetive person if I screw something up. Not really the other way around.

I have no one to blame for my problems but me. I regret a lot of things in my past, but I also have to look at it this way. Where would I be today if I had not made those bad choices? Would I be in jail possibly? Would I not have any friends?

You can't erase your past, and you can only reflect on it. And reflecting on it can only hurt you worse than what it was.

Most people go into depression because of regret. Life is too short to worry about things that you cannot change. Move on with things. Don't keep on going thinking that you should remember things that screwed parts of your past up.

[stygianwitch]

Originally posted by VampiricClown
I have quite a few. I'm a very sensetive person if I screw something up. Not really the other way around.

I have no one to blame for my problems but me. I regret a lot of things in my past, but I also have to look at it this way. Where would I be today if I had not made those bad choices? Would I be in jail possibly? Would I not have any friends?

You can't erase your past, and you can only reflect on it. And reflecting on it can only hurt you worse than what it was.

Most people go into depression because of regret. Life is too short to worry about things that you cannot change. Move on with things. Don't keep on going thinking that you should remember things that screwed parts of your past up.

I agree you shouldn't dwell on it, but you shouldn't forget it either or you won't learn from it, it's the lesson learned that makes you the person you are today, not the mistake

[Vodstok]

I have one regret: That i didnt realize what kind of people my parents were becoming earlier...

Recently i had along phone conversation with my mother that really changed the way i look at my past. Bree and I had been getting into arguments about my relationship with my family. i used to be VERY close to them, and we are currentlyin New Hampshire, one of the last places we want to be now because i wouldnt leave an area near my family when we first met.

Since then, they have pulled some pretty inexcusable shit. We were practically ignored by them at our wedding. my sister promised us wedding gifts, which never came. my mom changed the music we were playing (we had the wedding in my parent's back yard.. mistake...) and when one o fht eother guests asked about it her response was "its my radio, i can play what i want". Real mature...


Then, this past spring, i had been unemployed for months when the area got slammed with a week straight of storms. the river going through our back yard rose to thepoint that they evacuated the park we live in. And we didnt know if our insurance covered floods (we have since found out that it does). We shacked up with my parents, who proceeded to go on with their lives as if we werent there, which is fine, but they were doing it to the point that they had no sympathy for our situation. We werea bout to lose EVERYTHIGN as far as we knew, with a 5 month old baby, and they acted as if we were over for dinner the 5th time that week. they were even put-out that we asked if they would buy us a playpen so that Lily would have a place to sleep, because we didnt have money, because there was no income in our household, because I didnt have a fucking job.

2 days later, i had gone for a job interview, which went well, for a $76,000 a year job. Then later that afternoon, i got a call for a technical screening from a guy who didnt know what he was supposed to ask me. he was asking me how i would program somehting over a phone.... thats kind of like asking someone to describe how you would write a detailed research project over the phone, it's stupid and doesnt refelct your ability to complete to task in any way. So i found out the day after that, ididnt get the job, because i got panned for the screening. Talking to my mom later, i mentioned it to her and she said "yeah, whatever.." and acarried on as if i had said nothing.....

fast forward to our last conversation, it came out that my family fully intends to treat my niece better than my daughter because of the circumstances surrounding her birth (i wont get into it).

That was the last straw for me. I tend to be the kind of person where shit just rolls off my shoulders, but hearing that my daughter was going to be treated second class was it.

If i had known that my aprents had changed into those kind of people, i would have stopped talking to them a long time ago.

[Miss Olivia]

One of the most important parts of a person's life is their parents....it's a shame that it gets abused so often. I think sometimes if I could have changed one thing about my life, it would have been the people I was born to. I know that's horrible to say, but the sad fact is that some people should'nt have children.

I don't blame you for breaking with them.

[Vodstok]

I think the "I will not change fo rany reason now" was what finished it. My parents have decided that they are what they are and fuck the world if they dont like it. It's a real shame too. My dad was my best friend outside of Bree.

We'll see if their attitude changes in a few years...

[VampiricClown]

Originally posted by stygianwitch
I agree you shouldn't dwell on it, but you shouldn't forget it either or you won't learn from it, it's the lesson learned that makes you the person you are today, not the mistake

But you can learn from it and move on. It's bad to remember things like that in detail for the fact that it only makes things harder on you.

@ Vodstok

I'm sorry to hear that. That is how all of my relatives besides my parents treat me. I technically do not exist. No christmas card, no birthday phone call, nothing. My relatives only come around if they want something, and they are your best friend until they get it, then it's bye bye birdie. You don't hear from them for months. Needless to say, we do not associate with our relatives...

[bwind22]

Wow! This thread got really depressing in a hurry. I'm sorry to hear so many of you have rough relationships with your families.

[Vodstok]

Originally posted by VampiricClown
I'm sorry to hear that. That is how all of my relatives besides my parents treat me. I technically do not exist. No christmas card, no birthday phone call, nothing. My relatives only come around if they want something, and they are your best friend until they get it, then it's bye bye birdie. You don't hear from them for months. Needless to say, we do not associate with our relatives... Weird.. Exactly how things have been going...

We got blamed for not communicating with my grandparents, even though Bree sent them multiple pictures of Lily and they never responded. And even though i was unemployed, i got nothing for my 30th birthday (My mom claims they called and left a message.... but there isno record of one on my cell phone...)... No tthat 30 is a milestone or anything, and jack shit for fathers day, my first... i got a call 2 days later form my mom who wanted to tell me about her trip to France....

And to think i was called selfish by these people as a kid...

[Vodstok]

Originally posted by bwind22
Wow! This thread got really depressing in a hurry. I'm sorry to hear so many of you have rough relationships with your families. Well, we'll be laughing our asses off if(when) i start getting to write for a living and make even more money, or at least get my name in print...

if they try that Anna Nicole Smith's father bullshit with "We couldnt be bothered with you before, but now that you could benefit us, we love you!", i get to ignore them....

Of course, they are currently unaware that i make close to 6 figures now.... i wonder if things would have gone differently if they knew....

[VampiricClown]

Originally posted by Vodstok
Weird.. Exactly how things have been going...

We got blamed for not communicating with my grandparents, even though Bree sent them multiple pictures of Lily and they never responded. And even though i was unemployed, i got nothing for my 30th birthday (My mom claims they called and left a message.... but there isno record of one on my cell phone...)... No tthat 30 is a milestone or anything, and jack shit for fathers day, my first... i got a call 2 days later form my mom who wanted to tell me about her trip to France....

And to think i was called selfish by these people as a kid...

Yep, same exact thing. They don't take the time to pick up the phone and give you a call, yet they expect you to do favors for them when they haven't talked to you in a year or two....Family is overrated...big time.

And I know what you mean about when you get a job. And yes, things would have gone a lot different if they knew how much money you made. That's all anyone cares about anymore. That's why personally, I don't ask people how much they make and what I make is no ones concern.

And hell yeah, do ignore them a lot more when you become famous, because they weren't there for you when you needed it the most.

That is how I feel about my relatives. You didn't remember my name when you saw me, but now that I'm famous, you decide to come around asking for help, fuck that...