Rats On A Boat

[tarcher80]

So, My production company: Archer Inc. has signed on to do the sequel for Snakes on a Plane... Its entitled: RATS ON A BOAT. It stares Jean Claude Van Damme and Eva Longoria. Here is the script and a rough draft of the poster below :D

Lionel Joseph - played by Jeffery Wright, a pot-smoking Rastafarian (gotta play the stereotypes in B-movies) is a lab assistant for major pharmaceutical company that’s testing their new performance enhancing steroid on rats. Lionel got this sweet job b/c his father is the consulate. The drug company sends Lionel on a commercial cruse ship: The S.S. Kill People, w/ a sample of their experiment. The company’s intent is to sell their drug to major US athletes. Of course Lionel and his friends “toke up” and the THC in the marijuana has a violent reaction w/ the drugs the rats have been taking. Needless to say the rats quadruple in size and begin attacking the passengers. However, all is not lost!!! DEA Agent, Patrick Archer – played by Jean Claude Van Damme, is on board. He quickly organizes the crew and passengers to mount a strike against the killer mutant rats. In the pursuing scenes many a rat is privy to mid-air roundhouse kicks, gratuidous splits and bare-ass shots from Van Damme. Eva Longoria plays Rita Lopez, Van Damme’s partner that subsequently gets her throat torn out by a giant blood thirsty rat. Jean Claude holds her in his arms as she passes, in a gut wrenching scene that is pure drama. The final scene showcases a martial arts fight to the death w/ Van Damme and the largest gnarliest rat. The rat seems to have Jean Claude beat when, as it dives on him he picks up a broken metal pipe and the rat, to everyone’s surprise impales himself on it. Van Damme holds the pipe up as the rat slowly slides down it, the boat’s crew salutes in the back ground as the new LL Cool J track, “Bust the Rats” plays.

http://www.omgpix.com/uploads/9f7baa9c90.jpg (http://www.omgpix.com)

[tarcher80]

come on people, wheres the love!? i give and i give...

[Angra]

What is this thread actually about?

[tarcher80]

RATS ON A BOAT, MAN! geez, do i have to force feed this stuff to you!? lighten up people. have some fun! this is the general forom isn't it?

[Angra]

Originally posted by tarcher80
RATS ON A BOAT, MAN! geez, do i have to force feed this stuff to you!? lighten up people. have some fun! this is the general forom isn't it?

Sorry.

I guess i´m just not in a crazy funny mood today..

[tarcher80]

look, its a slow day at work, i haven't fired anybody yet (kidding) i'm bored, its friday (where i am), going to see snakes on a plane tonight at a drive-in... i'm just in giddy dopey mood.

[The Flayed One]

Ahem. I think I'll just go ahead and give myself an award.

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/footinmouthtrophy.jpg

[Angra]

Originally posted by The Flayed One
Probably because you suck!:D


No, because my dad has lung cancer.

But thanks.

[Miss Olivia]

LOL and the thing is, if you actually made a movie with this scenario, it would probably be a big hit with the 12-18 crowd and there would be a whole bunch of noobs joining with names like Ratty1 and Rastarat and VDrat....that stands for VAN DAMME, not VENEREAL DISEASE....perverts. Okay, that noob didn't last long...
And the sad thing is, I'd probably watch it.:p

[The Mothman]

Originally posted by Angra
No, because my dad has lung cancer.

But thanks. i hate it when poeple do that. its like to purposefully make you feel like shit. there was no way he could have known.

either way, sry to hear about your dad.

[The Flayed One]

Originally posted by The Mothman
i hate it when poeple do that. its like to purposefully make you feel like shit. there was no way he could have known.

It's cool, dude. Angra and I are buds.


Anyways, I think I would watch RoaB. You gotta throw Crispin in there for a cameo. Can't have a movie about evil rats without him:p

[Angra]

Originally posted by The Mothman
i hate it when poeple do that. its like to purposefully make you feel like shit. there was no way he could have known.

either way, sry to hear about your dad.

Thanks.

And yes, i know my reply was under the belt.... But hey..

[novakru]

I thought it was very funny tarcher80.




@Angra:I am so sorry about your dad:(

[Angra]

Originally posted by novakru
I thought it was very funny tarcher80.




@Angra:I am so sorry about your dad:(



Yeah, me too.

Thanks.

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
LOL and the thing is, if you actually made a movie with this scenario, it would probably be a big hit with the 12-18 crowd and there would be a whole bunch of noobs joining with names like Ratty1 and Rastarat and VDrat....that stands for VAN DAMME, not VENEREAL DISEASE....perverts. Okay, that noob didn't last long...
And the sad thing is, I'd probably watch it.:p

no the sad thing is i spent two hours this morning at WORK to write this :)

[Angra]

Originally posted by tarcher80
no the sad thing is i spent two hours this morning at WORK to write this :)

^^

Now THATS funny!!:p

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by tarcher80
no the sad thing is i spent two hours this morning at WORK to write this :)

and the really really sad thing is i'm someone's boss :eek:

[The Flayed One]

Originally posted by tarcher80
and the really really sad thing is i'm someone's boss :eek:

So you're in the same boat as me. It's great to have a job you bust your ass at, isn't it:D

[Angra]

Originally posted by tarcher80
and the really really sad thing is i'm someone's boss :eek:


^^

No, THATS Funny!!:p :p


And by the way, so am i. Scary and pathetique when you think about it.


I´m sure it will all change when i get a internet connection at home.:rolleyes:

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by The Flayed One
So you're in the same boat as me. It's great to have a job you bust your ass at, isn't it:D

yea its one of those - i graduated school w/ grandiose plans of a career in the music/broadcasting industry - this job will do for now... all of a sudden its been three years and i have people working for me (which still is strange). anyway i'm going back to school for my masters soon and when i'm having a slow day at work i close my door, get on HDC and bs w/ you guys...

and write/produce RATS ON A BOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Angelakillsluts]

First of all, you NEED Crispin Glover.

Secondly, I'd definitetly see it.

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by Angelakillsluts
First of all, you NEED Crispin Glover.

Secondly, I'd definitetly see it.

yea that would be a great casting, but that would give the movie too much creditbility. it needs some, that's why i have jeffery wright in the film.

[Angelakillsluts]

Originally posted by tarcher80
yea that would be a great casting, but that would give the movie too much creditbility.

I have the perfect solution for that, they call him "Larry the Cable Guy"

[a mccuaig]

Yep, totally watch it. Really though, I went to the video store and they already have snakes on a train..very exciting.

[The Flayed One]

Originally posted by Angelakillsluts
I have the perfect solution for that, they call him "Larry the Cable Guy"

Well, that's that. Now I'm DEFINATELY NOT going to watch it.

[Roderick Usher]

Originally posted by tarcher80
Lionel Joseph - played by Jeffery Wright, a pot-smoking Rastafarian

Love the TRADING PLACES reference

mbelle mbelle mbelle mHAH!

[Vodstok]

Originally posted by Roderick Usher
Love the TRADING PLACES reference

mbelle mbelle mbelle mHAH! MErry NEW YEAR!

Hmmm. Lionel Joseph.. How about "Apes on a Train"?


"Monkey?! MONKEY?! I'm a Fucking ape you clown!"

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by Roderick Usher
Love the TRADING PLACES reference

mbelle mbelle mbelle mHAH!

hells yea! i was hoping someone would pick up on that.

[tarcher80]

Originally posted by Vodstok
MErry NEW YEAR!

Hmmm. Lionel Joseph.. How about "Apes on a Train"?


"Monkey?! MONKEY?! I'm a Fucking ape you clown!"


HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!! AHA HA HA HA!

[ManchestrMorgue]

Rats on a Boat?

How about...

Pubes on the Soap

THERE'S MOTHERFUCKIN' PUBES ON THE SOAP!

[monalisa]

I would suggest something a little more dangerous and twisted than pot. Pot really does not need any more negative publicity. Yes it does actually help chemo patients to calm their stomach and give them an appetite. Plus it reduces the pressure in your eyes which can help with glacoma and retinopothy.

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad Angra. Hope he wins that battle, at least for now so you have more time with him. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and 6 weeks later, she was gone. but that's a very aggressive cancer. A friend of mine has lung cancer right now and is fighting it and doing pretty well right now. So, don't ever give up hope!

[XtRaVa]

Lmao. Nice post :P