True Story of My Miserable Life

[Zero]

OK - swear to god this is a true story that epitomizes my miserable life. i have the day off of work today so stopped by my local public library to read the paper (i'm too cheap to subscribe and also like to check out the Times, etc.). I sit down in the 'newspaper area' and a reasonably cute blonde haired woman, about my age, sits down on the comfy chair next to mine - i look over and notice she's smiling at me, so I smile back. I continue reading my paper and then look up to notice she's still smiling at me - so i ask if she'd like some of the paper and she says yes. When I hand her some of the paper her finger sort of intentionally brushes against mine. I smile again and say somethig inane, like 'its such nice weather today' or something else i can't remember. she takes the bait and soon we're chatting a little and she's smiling at me sort of seductively the whole time. . .

AND THEN. . .

she says, i'm so glad we could meet like this and I say, meet like how? then she looks at me odd and says, 'you are tom aren't you?' I say, no my name is Ray. And just then a guy who i had noticed sort of lurking around behind me at the newspaper racks turns and says "I'm Tom" She looks at me, half-smiles and says something like "we met on-line and we're meeting here for the first time." then 'Tom' gives me a kind of dirty look and says to the woman, 'let's go somewhere more private'. . .


And there I am left with my paper and a kind of deep empty feeling in my gut. . .

[Miss Olivia]

That really sucks.
It could be fortunate though. They could have met on the Living with Herpes website, or maybe the Incontinence For Life site.
Did you notice a smell?

[crabapple]

Chin up! What stuff like that happens, it's just God havin' a little fun with ya.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
That really sucks.
It could be fortunate though. They could have met on the Living with Herpes website, or maybe the Incontinence For Life site.
Did you notice a smell?

that's the first smile i've had this morning - thanks. . . maybe i should just laugh at god's little jokes (although i'd like to stop being the constant but for his divine humor)

[Miss Olivia]

Poor guy. Unfortunately, God seems to have a lot of butts.
It's no wonder the world is full of shit.
When He comes back, He'll probably play Vegas, and elevate Andrew Dice Clay to new Supreme Apostle. Whoopee cushions will abound in church, and instead of taking communion, the priest will zap you with a joy buzzer.
And nobody will be laughing but him.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
Poor guy. Unfortunately, God seems to have a lot of butts.
It's no wonder the world is full of shit.
When He comes back, He'll probably play Vegas, and elevate Andrew Dice Clay to new Supreme Apostle. Whoopee cushions will abound in church, and instead of taking communion, the priest will zap you with a joy buzzer.
And nobody will be laughing but him. \

holy shit - god really is george burns. . . damn if only we'd known!

[Miss Olivia]

LMAO it all makes sense now....

[newb]

Look on the brightside....if she thought by your appearance that you were a complete tool, she wouldn't have talked to you at all....she would have bolted.So you have that going for you...that you don't repulse woman when they look at you.
Thats a start Ray, and the next time a girl smiles at you...stick your tongue down their throat before they have a chance to speak.

[Miss Olivia]

Hmm....Newb, how often does that actually work for you?
Just curious.

[crabapple]

LOL

[Vodstok]

I feel for you . My life was like that for 7 Years before i met my wife.

See if this makes you feel any better. For where i live, the weather was supposed to be "Scattered Thunderstorms". We are doing some remodelling on our house (a lot in fact), and due to size constraints and not getting dust infused in all of our belongings, i had to do all of the heavy power tool work outside.

I went to home depot to get all of the supplies and when i was done, i went to rent their flatbed to get it all home. The rental lady pointed out that the longest anything could be in the bed was 12'. 2 weeks before, i had been told 16 feet.

I had no choice but to take the truck, so i had to buy a hand saw and a tape measure and saw 14 14 foot 2x4s down, and over 50 feet of molding i had purchased BECAUSE it was in big-ass long pieces.

i go thome, and I was a couple of hours into it, and it began to rain, just before i got into cutting the wall studs and panels. once i had those pieces, i could work entirely indoors. I was able to get up 1 fram, and the floor stud for 2 walls when the sky completely opened up. It rained so hard, the street was flooding in under 10 minutes.

every time i would think "well, they are supposed to be scattered, maybe it will let up." the rain fell harder.....

I didnt get the walls up until YESTERDAY.

I was so pissed. i was wishing god would turn into the skeeball bum from Dogma so i could kick the snot out of him.

[newb]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
Hmm....Newb, how often does that actually work for you?
Just curious.

You would be surprisedhttp://timswine.com/blogart/gene.jpg





allright....i lie, i've been out of commission since 1981




but it worked in the 70's:D

[Miss Olivia]

LMFAO don't worry.....
Disco will rise again!:D

[newb]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
LMFAO don't worry.....
Disco will rise again!:D

GOD NO!

http://bilderwerfer.com/twiki/pub/PPP/WebHome/disco-tom-anim.gif

[Vodstok]

Sadly, it never went away, it was just in a coma.

[Miss Olivia]

Brought on by too much cocaine.

[ENTITY2000]

kc jones you betta watch yo speed!

for real i wouldn't worry about it dude! how can your life b miserable you got us!:p

[Vodstok]

Oh Jesus! All hope is lost!

[ENTITY2000]

LMAO! what makes you say that Vod? we are the hope that they seek!:cool:

[monalisa]

Hey, and maybe there is some guy out there named 'Tom', thinking, "Damn, if only my name was 'Ray'. I've always wanted that name and I know it would work better with the chicks than a name like 'Tom'". :p

Disclaimer: No one named 'Tom' was physically harmed in the making of this response.

[Zero]

Originally posted by ENTITY2000
how can your life b miserable you got us!:p


*shoots self*

just kiddin'

sorry to hear about your building woes - at least my shambles of a love life probably won't collapse and kill me (hmm, is that possible???)

thanks to all for cheering me up and the 'good???' advice - I'll try Newb's suggestion (but expect him to bail me out when it all goes terribly wrong) - - I am also changing my name to Tom!

[stubbornforgey]

Shit..u still having the good ole monkey
luck my freind..
:D
chin up..why didn't u just lie and sed
hi..of course my name is tom..'shakes her head' :D

[crabapple]

Hey Stubborn...

Good to see you again!

(filmmaker2)

[stubbornforgey]

OMG!!!!!!!!!

'Runs back to other reply'

[VampiricClown]

:eek: Something I actually haven't had happen to me yet!....But believe me man, it can be hella worse. Look on the bright side though, you talked to a hot blonde, and found out how she really was before you started dating her. You could have started then she may have done the same thing later on.

Looks aren't everything....

[wu ghung]

Originally posted by Zero
OK - swear to god this is a true story that epitomizes my miserable life. i have the day off of work today so stopped by my local public library to read the paper (i'm too cheap to subscribe and also like to check out the Times, etc.). I sit down in the 'newspaper area' and a reasonably cute blonde haired woman, about my age, sits down on the comfy chair next to mine - i look over and notice she's smiling at me, so I smile back. I continue reading my paper and then look up to notice she's still smiling at me - so i ask if she'd like some of the paper and she says yes. When I hand her some of the paper her finger sort of intentionally brushes against mine. I smile again and say somethig inane, like 'its such nice weather today' or something else i can't remember. she takes the bait and soon we're chatting a little and she's smiling at me sort of seductively the whole time. . .



.

Omg! I think i saw the libary's secruity footage. Was she dressed in a skimpy nurses uniform and was the libary playing cheesy 70's music in the background?

[Zero]

Originally posted by wu ghung
Omg! I think i saw the libary's secruity footage. Was she dressed in a skimpy nurses uniform and was the libary playing cheesy 70's music in the background?

great - so now i'm a sexless extra in some cosmic porno flick! (somehow I knew that was the case!)

[Vodstok]

Originally posted by Zero
great - so now i'm a sexless extra in some cosmic porno flick! (somehow I knew that was the case!) Arent we all?

[Zero]

Originally posted by Vodstok
Arent we all?

LMAO


(although the tragic reality is the presence of all those fake-tanned gold-chain wearing 'principals' in this massive whoppee-fest

[Miss Olivia]

With moustaches. Don't forget the moustaches.*shudder*

[Angelakillsluts]

was it Tom from myspace? :p

[meetthecreeper]

Maybe she was there for some "PONY PLAY"

[Vodstok]

Moustaches and, ahem....



"Fire hoses" Dear lord.... I mean, are they human? Im pretty proud of what i was born with but jesus....

[Zero]

that's it - may god damn that tanned well endowed Tom with his fancy MySpace account, gold chains and moustache!

I'm going to go play with the ponies

[Miss Olivia]

Ahem....you don't PLAY with ponies....you FROLIC!!!!:D