I'm declaring myself Emperor of the United States

[The STE]

There've been plenty of political takeovers of equally questionable credibility as this one, I'm just not using any sort of military force. It's a more peaceful takeover than others would attempt. So, that's it. I'm the Emperor of the United States. I'm not asking people to bow to me, I'm not gonna bother making laws or anything, but I'm still in charge, being Emperor and all.

[ItsAlive75]

I declare an uprising... who's in?

[The STE]

nope, there is no uprising.

[newb]

I don't think its such a bad idea. Blowjobs in the Oval office......hmmm.....maybe...perhaps....with your GIGANTOR PEEPEE.

[The STE]

Originally posted by newb
I don't think its such a bad idea. Blowjobs in the Oval office......hmmm.....maybe...perhaps....with your GIGANTOR PEEPEE.

hey, that's your new secretary of defense you're talking about!

[Angelakillsluts]

hahahaha

[Haunted]

Want me to pass around a sign up sheet for your harem?

[The Flayed One]

I'm willing to take on the massive task of 'Official beer taster to His Majesty, Emperor The STE I'

[hammerfan]

Originally posted by The Flayed One
I'm willing to take on the massive task of 'Official beer taster to His Majesty, Emperor The STE I'


And I'll be the official wine taster! :D

[The STE]

sure. In fact, titles for everyone! Who wants a title?

Want me to pass around a sign up sheet for your harem?
Only if you sign up for it

[Haunted]

After passing out harem assignments, I'll need a job.

Qualifications:
A not quite so wicked Witch- excellent
Writer- excellent (if I do say so myself:o )
Singing- pretty good, would be better if I didn't smoke
Annoying- Superior

I could be the official pirate (a la Sir Francis Drake) but since we're not making this a big deal, all I'd have to do is dress like a female swashbuckler, get a parrot, get a cutless, got the boots, wear a tricorn hat, and sit around saying things like "aarrh" and "aye matey!" and maybe every now again sing something from The Curse of Monkey Island.

Only if you sign up for it.

Babe, I'm #1 on the list.

So, I guess that means I won't have time to be a pirate, unless it's one of those kinky games.;)

[Abominus]

I'm glad I'm Canadian!

[The_Return]

Originally posted by Abominus
I'm glad I'm Canadian!

Amen!

[Haunted]

Yeah, well, watch your butts, because if I were to declare myself Empress of Canada, then you'd be in trouble seeing as how I'm in S's harem and thereby employed/owned by him and his giant schlong.

I could just say: I hereby declare myself Empress of Canada. Now, we shall remove all good hockey players from Montreal, make sure Celine Dion is home, wall up Quebec, and flood it with sewage water from France.

[Angelakillsluts]

Originally posted by The STE
sure. In fact, titles for everyone! Who wants a title?


:)

[The STE]

Originally posted by Haunted
After passing out harem assignments, I'll need a job.

Qualifications:
A not quite so wicked Witch- excellent
Writer- excellent (if I do say so myself:o )
Singing- pretty good, would be better if I didn't smoke
Annoying- Superior

I could be the official pirate (a la Sir Francis Drake) but since we're not making this a big deal, all I'd have to do is dress like a female swashbuckler, get a parrot, get a cutless, got the boots, wear a tricorn hat, and sit around saying things like "aarrh" and "aye matey!" and maybe every now again sing something from The Curse of Monkey Island.



Babe, I'm #1 on the list.

So, I guess that means I won't have time to be a pirate, unless it's one of those kinky games.;)

You can be the vice president in charge of bugging people. As for pirate sex games, there will be many, none of which will involve parrots.

And as for Canada, Toronto shall remain unscathed, everything else is fair game. Except for Newfoundland. Mostly because it's hard to mess up Newfoundland anymore than it already is.

[Haunted]

Originally posted by The STE
You can be the vice president in charge of bugging people. As for pirate sex games, there will be many, none of which will involve parrots.

And as for Canada, Toronto shall remain unscathed, everything else is fair game. Except for Newfoundland. Mostly because it's hard to mess up Newfoundland anymore than it already is.

Yesss! I love bugging people almost as much as kinky pirate sex sans parrots!

Bugging people: Calling the queen of England at 3 in the morning and asking to borrow a purple hat.

[monalisa]

My ear is asking for an important place in your embassy. May I be so humble as to ask for some job where I too could BUG THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE???????

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by The STE
sure. In fact, titles for everyone! Who wants a title?
I wanna be the Royal Advisor....So I can 'advise' everyone where to shove it:p

[Haunted]

Hey, that's cool, Rayne. When I'm not seeing to S's every pleasurable whim, I could follow you around taking memo's, and whenever you tell somone to "shove it" or "blow it out their" I could pop up over your shoulder and shout, "Yeah!"

Hey S, does this mean I can sit at your feet wearing some gauzy deep purple....yeeerrr okay, I'm gonna stop. Frickin' quitting smoking aide gum is not ridding me of my craving damnit!

I mean, I still want to be HBIC of the harem, but if I sound a little weird over this next week, chalk it up to me trying to quit smoking. Wish me luck.

[The STE]

I hear putting things in your mouth helps

[VampiricClown]

Can I gather all of my Goth friends and be basically the Gothic Army? I have enough to take over any place.:cool:

[The STE]

are they the "Non-conformist" goths that conform to everything in the "non-conformist goth" repetoir? If so, then no.

[stubbornforgey]

LOL..
thank god i live in new zealand :D

[VampiricClown]

Oh, they're everywhere. Britain, New Zealand, Canada, France.....We will rule one day.

[VampiricClown]

Originally posted by The STE
are they the "Non-conformist" goths that conform to everything in the "non-conformist goth" repetoir? If so, then no.

And what the hell did you just say? I'm nart burt a hermble redneck...

[scouse mac]

If this is so, you must remember the rules as set down by Monty Python:

Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.

[stubbornforgey]

A guy from australia walked into an APEC meeting and demanded that they change australians title to a 'kingdom'

'sorry sir' they replied...but only places that born kings can be kingdoms.
'well fuckit..i demand you change out title to an empire state'
'sorry sir...but only places that born empireses..can be titled an empire'
'well i'll be fucked..' the aussie yelled..then i demand you change our title to ..'
'Look'yelled the committee
As long as their are assholes like you born to such a fine place..Australia will always be known as a cuntry'

[Haunted]

Originally posted by The STE
I hear putting things in your mouth helps

Don't tell me that you can reach that far. :eek:

Actually, I have to start back until Monday when I see my doctor. It seems that quitting smoking cold turkey makes me very very angry as a few people in the grocery store found out. They'll probably give me that Zyban crap or some sort of patch or something...



Oooo...we need an anthem. Any ideas? Want us to try and pick one for you?

[The STE]

You can pick an anthem from this pre-approved by me list:
"Think" by Aretha Franklin
"Know Your Rights" by the Clash
"Make Your Own Kind of Music" by the Mamas and the Papas
"Roundabout" by Yes
"Keep on Rockin in the Free World" by Neil Young
"High Hopes" by Pink Floyd
"Memo to Human Resources" by They Might Be Giants (mostly because there's so much of me in that song)
or a song by the Who, to be determined by me at a later date, should the Anthem Committee decide to use a Who song

[Despare]

I want to be the guy that hits people.

Peasant: "Excuse me, emperor... the people have no food and..."
You: "Hit that guy for me."
Me: "Already on it."

[The STE]

There might be more than one person who wants this job, but at least temporarily you can be the Executive in charge of Peasant Beatings

[Haunted]

As the humble HBIC of the harem, I vote for Pink Floyd.

I was trying to think of a good Pink Floyd song before you mentioned it. Good choice.

[scouse mac]

The anthem should be 'Asshole' by Dennis Leary. I think you will find that it fits nicely!


I'm An Asshole - Dennis Leary

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
...
NAAAHHHHH!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear Fuckin' Weapons
Okay!?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
Okay!?
John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be
I'm gonna get "The Duke"
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
And-
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?
You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole
And it turns out it was him
What an asshole!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A - SS - HO - LE!
Everybody!!
A - SS - HO - LE!

*dog barking noises*

I'm an asshole and proud of it!

[The STE]

no, too many things in that song I don't like (Football, shitty gas milage, McDonalds, et cetera)

[The STE]

right now I'm the only member on the board...

[Haunted]

*says seductively* I am your shadow

[The STE]

cool, then could you tell me what evil lurks in the hearts of man, cause I'm really curious

[Haunted]

Hmmm...Well, I could say that I am the evil that lurks in the hearts of man, because that would sound really cool. However it's not true. From my standpoint, it's desire in a nut shell. It's the motivation behind everything. It's motive for the killer to pull the trigger or plunge the knife, the buisness man to embezzle money, for you to dream of me in the dark where no one knows but you... and me, of course, because I just know.

[Haunted]

Chicken

[The STE]

Ooooh, see, I thought it was lemon Pez

[monalisa]

Originally posted by monalisa
My ear is asking for an important place in your embassy. May I be so humble as to ask for some job where I too could BUG THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE???????

Fine, don't respond. I guess I'll just stay here and bug the fuck out of people, I seem to be good at it. Hey, wait, can I be the official people buggerer? I could stand at the gates and if they pass me without committing suicide first, then they can see your royal highness. Of course they might be a bit edgey, but it will prove they are worthy of your time and effort to speak to them if they get past me.

[The STE]

didn't see your response. If for any reason Haunted fails or relinquishes her duties, you can be the new vice president in charge of bugging people

[VampiricClown]

What's my job?

[Haunted]

Tell you what, Mona, when S, has me on :ahem: "special assignment" or I'm taking a memo for Rayne, you can take over bugging the shit out of people. I'll leave you a book of prank calls, world leaders' tele phone numbers, email addresses, innapropriate jokes to send to the Southern Baptist Convention, the Vatican, various and sundry Mosques (complete with pictures of the Prophet), major covens (i.e. The Covenant of Isis) and so on. I'll also leave a list of unimportant news conferences and the times of television shows with highest ratings and major sporting events so you'll know exactly when to interupt and exactly how much time to take up. Do not disturb The Simpsons for any reason.

[monalisa]

Originally posted by Haunted
Tell you what, Mona, when S, has me on :ahem: "special assignment" or I'm taking a memo for Rayne, you can take over bugging the shit out of people. I'll leave you a book of prank calls, world leaders' tele phone numbers, email addresses, innapropriate jokes to send to the Southern Baptist Convention, the Vatican, various and sundry Mosques (complete with pictures of the Prophet), major covens (i.e. The Covenant of Isis) and so on. I'll also leave a list of unimportant news conferences and the times of television shows with highest ratings and major sporting events so you'll know exactly when to interupt and exactly how much time to take up. Do not disturb The Simpsons for any reason.

Sounds good to me. We can tag-team bugging the shit out of people, so it's never a job that goes undone! I think it's an important role, given that there are so many stupid people out there and we don't want their kind in our kingdom.

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by monalisa
Hey, wait, can I be the official people buggerer? LMFAO....Oh man...That made me laugh SOOO hard....Have you any idea what the word 'buggery' means?....If not, look it up so that you can laugh YOUR ass off, too...Then decide if ya still want the job...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[monalisa]

Originally posted by bloodrayne
LMFAO....Oh man...That made me laugh SOOO hard....Have you any idea what the word 'buggery' means?....If not, look it up so that you can laugh YOUR ass off, too...Then decide if ya still want the job...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Actually yes I do know what it means, I was wondering if anyone would catch that. :p

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by monalisa
Actually yes I do know what it means, I was wondering if anyone would catch that. :p :eek: :eek: :eek:


You got me good on that one:D

[monalisa]

Originally posted by bloodrayne
:eek: :eek: :eek:


You got me good on that one:D

Good catch though! ;) That's why I said buggerer instead of bugger.

[Haunted]

My ex boyfriend was from Yorkshire. He informed me as to what "to bugger" someone meant. I was like, "You're joking?" He said, "Now you know why a hedgehog can never be buggered."

Now I can tell family members to bugger off, and get away with it.

Ah....Luke. We were going to write the English to English Dictionary. I miss him.:(

[monalisa]

Originally posted by Haunted
My ex boyfriend was from Yorkshire. He informed me as to what "to bugger" someone meant. I was like, "You're joking?" He said, "Now you know why a hedgehog can never be buggered."

Now I can tell family members to bugger off, and get away with it.

Ah....Luke. We were going to write the English to English Dictionary. I miss him.:(

Yes, I have said "bugger off" to people before and they just kind of look at me like "whatever" and they have no idea what I just told them to do. I've even said that to one of the spammers on here before. I love it when I can insult people and they have no clue as to how badly I just insulted them. Not you STE, I still want to be the official buggerer for you. :)

[PR3SSUR3]

bugger

I don't know what this means, but it sounds like something I might want to do to you.

Am I correct?

:confused:

[monalisa]

Originally posted by PR3SSUR3
I don't know what this means, but it sounds like something I might want to do to you.

Am I correct?

:confused:

To bugger is to practice sodomy. Although I did a little light research on the word, and to "bugger off" in British slang means to go away and leave me alone. Not as bad as I thought I was insulting someone, but still appropriate none the less.

[Haunted]

No, you're right. Luke told me that it means to ass fuck someone. It's not particularly used in that context unless you're Nanny Ogg. (She's one of my heroines:) )

[The STE]

speaking of TV, who wants to be the congressional secretary in charge of recording 24 for me? It includes a DVD recorder and a steady supply of blank DVDs for as long as you're recording 24 for me.

[The STE]

Imperial Bump

[Haunted]

Thanks. I was worried for a momment. Didn't know if it was my place to bump or not. Let's unassumingly bomb someone. Won't that be fun?

[The STE]

bombing costs money. I'm officially putting all surplus war funds into getting Welcome Back Kotter on a proper DVD set

[Haunted]

um...I know it's not my place, but can I request that we not watch that during kinky pirate sex. I've really tried, but I just can't see John Travolta in the same way, since he's gone all Grand-Poo-ba of Scientology.

Speaking of which, are you going to do something about that, like tax them and misappropriate their funds into building a private amusement park or somthing? Maybe declare a Make Fun of Scientologists national holiday?

[The STE]

I'm going to deny them tax exempt status and put them on the federal list of recognized cults

[hammerfan]

Originally posted by The STE
I'm going to deny them tax exempt status and put them on the federal list of recognized cults

Can we add Mormons to that list? I was given a Book of Mormon by an acquaitance (sp?) - I just can't wrap my brain around some of the things they believe!

[Haunted]

That's because they too are fucking insane (Pardon my French, hammerfan).

[The STE]

No, Mormons can keep their tax-exempt status. The worst they do is come to your door and ask if you wanna be a Mormon.

[hammerfan]

Originally posted by Haunted
That's because they too are fucking insane (Pardon my French, hammerfan).

I have used that word - mainly when I'm really really pissed! No pardon needed! :D

[The STE]

speaking of which, I hereby pardon anybody who has been arrested for downloading music or movies. But NOT the ones who were selling the copied music or (especially) movies.

[Haunted]

A bumb in the name of the Emperor of the United States.

[The STE]

first prize!

[Haunted]

What do I get? ;)

[The STE]

a gift certificate good at either Red Lobster or Olive Garden

[Haunted]

Are you serious?

[The STE]

I think it might be expired, though

[Haunted]

No cat-o-nine tails? No allowing me to pull the switch on some body? No piratey...? No...? Shit.

[The STE]

fine, fine, get the pirate getup on and go switch some folks