Kentucky Humor

[bloodrayne]

My cousin sent me this...Yeah...We're all a buncha hillbillies...


The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women.


A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"


A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.


The young man from Kentucky came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


NEWS FLASH! - Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred! when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Indiana students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.


A Kentucky State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

A man in Kentucky had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."

[cheebacheeba]

Um...er...
"Hee-Haw!"...?
*Slaps knee*...?

:confused:

[Posher778]

i hate to say it rayne... but those werent all that funny.:( i liked the id one and the airplane one though.



let's start an HDC member bluegrass band!! i call the moonshine keg!!

[Gacy The Clown]

Originally posted by Posher778
i hate to say it rayne... but those werent all that funny.:( i liked the id one and the airplane one though.



let's start an HDC member bluegrass band!! i call the moonshine keg!!

Only if'n i can sit on tha porch playin' duelin' banjo's on my banjo :D :p

[Gacy The Clown]

Originally posted by Gacy The Clown
Only if'n i can sit on tha porch playin' duelin' banjo's on my banjo :D :p whoops fergot my pic

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by Posher778
i hate to say it rayne... but those werent all that funny.:( i liked the id one and the airplane one though.
Meh...Don't feel bad...I agree with you...But, this is an example of the stereotypical way that the majority of us who reside in Kentucky are perceived by others....And, the Bluegrass music doesn't help :rolleyes:


The further south ya get in Kentucky, the funnier these jokes are...lol...I'm all the way at the top of the state...My cousin who sent me this is about an hour south of me, so she obviously got a kick out of it...:D

[stubbornforgey]

Originally posted by Posher778
i hate to say it rayne... but those werent all that funny.:( i liked the id one and the airplane one though.



let's start an HDC member bluegrass band!! i call the moonshine keg!!


LOL..are you fucking kidding..!!!
'crack up' cos they are not jokes..
they are the innocent and honest way
kentuckararians talk and behave.

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by stubbornforgey
they are the innocent and honest way
kentuckararians talk and behave. lol...Now THAT was funny :D

[ItsAlive75]

One of the funniest, most nonsensical films ever.

http://www.screenselect.co.uk/images/products/5/2265-large.jpg

[The_Return]

Ive heared alot of those before, only as Newfie jokes:D. Newfies are people from Newfoundland, as Im sure there are folks here whove never heared the expression...

[Hellsing]

Originally posted by The_Return
Ive heared alot of those before, only as Newfie jokes:D. Newfies are people from Newfoundland, as Im sure there are folks here whove never heared the expression...

I'm in Canada, too and (sadly) those people from Newfoundland are our 'Kentucky Hillbillies". Fortunatley, the newfies have a great sense of humor. If you can't make fun of yourself...you have no place making fun of others. Newfies tell the BEST newfie jokes!

[Posher778]

why did the chicken cross the road in kentucky?

to get away from KFC if course!


*stabs self to death*
i deserve that.

[wood_elf_pansy]

Dumb Missouri Laws
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)
*Buckner
In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.
*Excelsior Springs
Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
*Kansas City
Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.
Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
*Marceline
Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
*Marquette
It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
*Mole
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
*Natchez
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
*Purdy
Dancing is strictly prohibited.
*St. Louis
It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.
A milk man may not run while on duty.
*University City
Four women may not rent an apartment together.

[wood_elf_pansy]

... oopsy

[Dude Guadalupe]

Originally posted by bloodrayne
My cousin sent me this...Yeah...We're all a buncha hillbillies...


The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women.


A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"


A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.


The young man from Kentucky came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


NEWS FLASH! - Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred! when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Indiana students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.


A Kentucky State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

A man in Kentucky had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."

Ha! Stupid Kentucky...wait.......I'm in Kentucky.............FUCK!!!

[knife_fight]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
One of the funniest, most nonsensical films ever.

damn. I thought this thread was gonna be about that movie too.

[newb]

Southern humor, like much of the best southern writing in general, has been boisterous and physical, often grotesque, and generally realistic. On the whole, it has no doubt been better received and more appreciated outside the region than in it. Mark Twain, a frontier writer in essence but joyfully proclaimed as southern these days, was recognized and lionized first by the Brahmins of Boston and the London literary establishment. And William Faulkner was certainly a puzzle to the people of Oxford in his time. Writing has never been a particularly admired occupation in the South, and its comic writers, as well as the most perceptive serious writers, have singled out aspects of southern culture that many southerners would sooner forget. This combination has produced what many southern readers would no doubt characterize as a literature of betrayal. But adversity can be beneficial to an artist, furnishing the stone of resistance against which his or her talent may be honed. A hostile climate is frequently the best one a writer could ask for-especially a comic writer.

Southern humor fits fairly well into the chronological framework of four periods usually applied to American humor generally: (1) 1830 to 1860, (2) 1860 to 1925, (3) 1935 to 1945, and (4) 1945 to the present.

1830 to 1860. This was the most energetic and inventive period for purely comic writing in the history of southern letters, if not the most respectable. It saw the establishment of the major comic stereotypes that would, it seems, serve southern humor more or less forever. The dominant figure was the frontiersman, and he is the literary ancestor of the redneck-hillbilly who is still around. In this period the black minstrel also appeared. Of the writers who can be classified as primarily comic (the southwestern yarnspinners), the best were Augustus Baldwin Longstreet (Georgia Scenes), William Tappan Thompson (the Major Jones character), Thomas Bangs Thorpe (The Big Bear of Arkansas), Johnson J. Hooper (the Simon Suggs character), and George Washington Harris (the Sut Lovingood character). All these writers were regarded as subliterary (by themselves as well as by others), and most were published outside the South, many in Porter's Spirit of the Times a New York periodical. Generally these writers carefully separated themselves from the disreputable characters of their sketches by using an "envelope" structure, in which a literate narrator introduced the illiterate character who told the story. Hooper and Harris stand a bit closer to their characters than discretion would seem to dictate—a fact that Hooper, at least, later regretted. But there was always a certain amount of ambivalence in the attitude of these writers toward their disreputable "Suts" and "Simons," and at times the characters undoubtedly function as alter egos for the proper men who undertook to describe their antics. In any event, Harris was an authentic comic genius—recognized in his own day by Edgar Allan Poe and imitated later by an appreciative William Faulkner.

1860 to 1925. Mark Twain, though more western than southern, was the foremost figure of this period. In his own day he was classified as a literary comedian and local colorist, very closely related to such writers as Artemus Ward and Bret Harte, and it took time for the genius of his combination of humor and local color to be recognized as serious literature—which it was. Of the pure literary comedians—"phunny phellows"—Bill Arp is probably the outstanding southern example, but for the most part these comic writers tended to be western and midwestern. After the Civil War, the general taste of the region ran strongly to plantation memories of moonlight and magnolias, and the writer who could combine a reverence for the good old days with chaste and genial humor was absolutely assured of success. That was the formula developed to such good effect by Joel Chandler Harris in his Uncle Remus stories.

1920 to 1945. This was the golden age of southern writing, the time of the Southern Renaissance. The best southern writers began to combine serious literary purpose with profoundly comic elements. Southern humor—at least that written by southerners—would henceforth be a leaven in the hard brown bread of literature. William Faulkner and Erskine Caldwell were among the best practitioners of art, but an intrinsic comic element can be found in the work of nearly all southern writers of the first rank. There were many purely comic artists in the years between the wars, for this was also a golden age for American comedy—in magazines, in films, and on the radio. But the dominant influence on written humor was the New Yorker magazine, and although not many of its writers were New Yorkers, none of them were southern. In motion pictures and on the radio, southern characters did appear, but as often as not they were little more than parodies of existing southern types.

1945 to the Present. Flannery O'Connor, Eudora Welty, and Walker Percy are among the premier writers of the South in this period, and they are all writers with a highly developed comic talent. All of them are much more than comic, but comedy is, again, an intrinsic element in their writing. In popular works by comic southern writers, such as William Price Fox's Southern Fried, Guy Owen's The Ballad of the Flim-Flam Man, and Mac Hyman's No Time for Sergeants, the humorous stereotypes continue to be what they had been before—poor whites (hillbilly, redneck, and rural) and blacks. On television, The Real McCoys, The Andy Griffith Show, and The Beverly Hillbillies have enjoyed considerable success.

It is something of a truism that the American South is a unique region in America. Visitors remark that it is more like a foreign country than any other area contained within the national boundaries. And while American writers are still producing plenty of comedy tied to ethnic minority groups, the South remains the only region that still has identifiable comic types associated with it—Texans and hillbillies are notable in this respect, and the "grits" jokes of Carter's presidency are proof that the rural South still has a strong identity. The South seems to be the only section of the country that outsiders still consider fair game for comic jibes—a fact noted by Roy Blount, Jr., in Crackers.

But the uniqueness of the region is giving way to the inexorable leveling process of the culture. And comedians like Jerry Clower, television programs like Hee Haw, and the moonshine-car-smashing films of Burt Reynolds constitute something like a self-parody of former southern comic types. Russell Baker, Terry Southern, Tom Wolfe, and Hunter S. Thompson are all southern by birth, but their writing, like the fiction of John Barth, Donald Barthelme, and Barry Hannah, transcends regional boundaries. The best comic writing is being done by southem writers who cannot be identified as southern in any superficial way. It would be premature, if not witless, to predict the demise of southern humor. But that it seems to be in a period of transition—like every other aspect of the culture—seems undeniable.


love the cut & paste



i bet no one read this.....hell i didn't even read it.

[stubbornforgey]

maw and paw were sitting in a cafe
when this beautiful blonde woman
behind them starts choking..
paw jumps out of his seat..
lifts up the womans skirt and proceeds to lick her ass.
with that the blonde ..coughs a few times and the food comes flying out of her mouth and paw lowers her skirt and sits down again.
maw:thats was a mighty fine thang ya did thar paw..what was it..?
paw:aw shux maw..tis a new fing the city folk call the hind lickin' manouver.:D

[The Flayed One]

I read all of it.

[The_Return]

Originally posted by Hellsing
I'm in Canada, too and (sadly) those people from Newfoundland are our 'Kentucky Hillbillies". Fortunatley, the newfies have a great sense of humor. If you can't make fun of yourself...you have no place making fun of others. Newfies tell the BEST newfie jokes!

What part of this fine contry do you call home?

I have a teacher fron NFLD...easily the best teacher I have this year. Far from the streotype Newfie though...

[Hellsing]

Originally posted by The_Return
What part of this fine contry do you call home?

I have a teacher fron NFLD...easily the best teacher I have this year. Far from the streotype Newfie though...

I was born in Quebec ,then moved to point-claire monteral.Then moved to Ontario.I work with two Newfies.There great guys.I feel a bit sorry for the people of Newfoundland because of the way the Government let the fishing industry get fucked,but thats politices.Were are you located?

[The_Return]

Im in N.B.

I love it here:)