Sam's Amazing Organ [Archive] - Horror.com Forums

bloodrayne

01-15-2006, 05:36 PM

Originally posted by The STE
well, the spinal cord is IN the penis. I mean, I've gotta carry around my regular spine and all my kidneys too, but I don't mention those. But of course...

Yet...You know, most guys don't have such an affliction, so I'm sure that it makes it heavier and much more cumbersome...So, it really IS more work, and therefore worth mentioning as pertaining to the subject of whether or not you are lazy, no?

The STE

01-15-2006, 05:37 PM

it sweats pure Fresca

Nana_baby

01-15-2006, 05:38 PM

u are doing this on porpose rn't u?

The STE

01-15-2006, 05:38 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
But of course...

Yet...You know, most guys don't have such an affliction, so I'm sure that it makes it heavier and much more cumbersome...So, it really IS more work, and therefore worth mentioning as pertaining to the subject of whether or not you are lazy, no?

too true. I actually had to have one of my (rather huge) testicles removed to put in a device to pump extra blood so my big spicy beef dong can actually get hard. If I didn't have it, I'd pass out whenever I got a boner

Nana_baby

01-15-2006, 05:40 PM

OMG.....you guys are gonna make me so sick
but alas i keep reading cuz its funny as shit so please go on

The STE

01-15-2006, 05:43 PM

My penis and I built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassinatino. When Oswald shot at him, my penis deflected all the bullets. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement

It was also the sight of my penis that turned George Takei gay

Taom

01-15-2006, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by The STE
[B]My penis and I built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassinatino. When Oswald shot at him, my penis deflected all the bullets. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement
[B]

And thus.....the magic bullet theory is upheld......by deflection of a large penis

wood_elf_pansy

01-15-2006, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by The STE
My penis and I built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassinatino. When Oswald shot at him, my penis deflected all the bullets. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement

It was also the sight of my penis that turned George Takei gay

mmhmm sure sam

The STE

01-15-2006, 05:54 PM

it's all true. Also, my semen is 106 proof, and I've been told it tastes like the juices of a delicious, medium-cooked T-Bone steak

bloodrayne

01-15-2006, 05:58 PM

Originally posted by The STE
it's all true. Also, my semen is 106 proof, and I've been told it tastes like the juices of a delicious, medium-cooked T-Bone steak Eww...Yuck!...Now I'M gonna gag...

Steak is SOOO much better rare

:D :D :D

The STE

01-15-2006, 06:01 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Eww...Yuck!...Now I'M gonna gag...

Steak is SOOO much better rare

:D :D :D

not THIS steak

There was a theory going around a couple years ago that my penis was actually three penises in a flesh-coloured sleeping bag. I tracked down the person who started this rumor and promptly disproved it. How, you ask? To this day, even I don't know.

Nana_baby

01-15-2006, 06:02 PM

oh my god

The STE

01-15-2006, 06:02 PM

Originally posted by Nana_baby
oh my god

that's what they all say...

ItsAlive75

01-15-2006, 08:31 PM

I heard from this guy at a busstop that STE's penis can quote every line from the Off Broadway production Hedwig and the Angry Itch, including the final performance at the acclaimed Victory Gardens Theatre in Chicago.

...but every time it does it grows a little bit smaller.

The STE

01-15-2006, 09:11 PM

first of all, how can something "grow" smaller?

second, it's not really getting smaller, it's just a very good actor

BTW, ever see my penis and Optimus Prime in the same place at the same time? No. Coincidence? I think not.

Angelakillsluts

01-15-2006, 09:34 PM

I heard somewhere that every time Michael Jackson did the Moonwalk, it wasn't actually him dancing but rather just the effect of the gravitational pull of Sam's ego. :p

The STE

01-15-2006, 09:53 PM

Originally posted by Angelakillsluts
I heard somewhere that every time Michael Jackson did the Moonwalk, it wasn't actually him dancing but rather just the effect of the gravitational pull of Sam's penis. :p

Edited for accuracy

bloodrayne

01-15-2006, 09:56 PM

We shouldn't really laugh at Sam...

I mean, consider the negative aspects of having this thing...

1) Having to drag around all that extra weight

2) Having to buy customized pants

3) Being forced to have sex from another room than the one the girl is in

4) Having to show security people (at airports, borders, etcetera) that he is NOT smuggling a rocket launcher...or a boa constrictor

5) Being eyed suspiciously by grocery store workers who may think that he is trying to shoplift sausages

6) It often seems to have a mind of it's own...Don't you think that maybe sometimes Sam could be afraid to go to sleep...He HAS voiced concerns that it will one day strangle him

7) The risk of tripping and breaking his neck

8) The simple act of jumping up and down could cause serious injury

9) Lawsuits from people who claim that he has poked their eye out at porn theaters

10) Masterbation would be a BITCH

And it has been rumored that it may have kleptomaniacal tendencies....Ever seen how an elephant picks up a peanut with its trunk?...Ya gotta think about that one a little bit

I'm sure there are more...One can only imagine ALL of the hardships that he faces because of this...

Angelakillsluts

01-15-2006, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
We shouldn't really laugh at Sam...

I mean, consider the negative aspects of having this thing...

1) Having to drag around all that extra weight

2) Having to buy customized pants

3) Being forced to have sex from another room than the one the girl is in

4) Having to show security people (at airports, borders, etcetera) that he is NOT smuggling a rocket launcher...or a boa constrictor

5) Being eyed suspiciously by grocery store workers who may think that he is trying to shoplift sausages

6) It often seems to have a mind of it's own...Don't you think that maybe sometimes Sam could be afraid to go to sleep...He HAS voiced concerns that it will one day strangle him

7) The risk of tripping and breaking his neck

8) The simple act of jumping up and down could cause serious injury

9) Lawsuits from people who claim that he has poked their eye out at porn theaters

10) Masterbation would be a BITCH

And it has been rumored that it may have kleptomaniacal tendencies....Ever seen how an elephant picks up a peanut with its trunk?...Ya gotta think about that one a little bit

I'm sure there are more...One can only imagine ALL of the hardships that he faces because of this...

LMAO It should be a documentary.

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:02 PM

One hazard of this penis:
I was watching Happy Days, and back then I thought Joanie was hot, I popped a boner, and it went THROUGH the TV and took out Chuck. That's why he was only in the first season

Angelakillsluts

01-15-2006, 10:03 PM

Originally posted by The STE
One hazard of this penis:
I was watching Happy Days, and back then I thought Joanie was hot, I popped a boner, and it went THROUGH the TV and took out Chuck. That's why he was only in the first season

I fail to see how this would be a boring documentary, trippin. :p

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:07 PM

there already is a documentary, it came out this year. It was called "March of the Penguins"

bloodrayne

01-15-2006, 10:07 PM

Originally posted by Angelakillsluts
I fail to see how this would be a boring documentary, trippin. :p It even has political and historical implications...ie: the JFK thing

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:08 PM

Originally posted by trippin_the_rif
Typo. He meant Richie.:p

no, Chuck. He was Richie's brother who was only in the first season. Now you know why.

bloodrayne

01-15-2006, 10:11 PM

Hmmm...I wonder how many more 'mysteries' can be solved, and attributed to this...

OMG...What REALLY happened to the Sphinx's nose?!

Sam?....

slasherman

01-15-2006, 10:12 PM

ehh remember this ?

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d54/slasherman1971/snow-penis-2.jpg

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:14 PM

since my penis is so long, when I cum, the semen has more time to build up speed before it shoots out. One time, it came out so fast, it created a shockwave that opened up a rip in time, and wrecked Amelia Earhart's plane while she was flying over the pacific

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:15 PM

Originally posted by slasherman
ehh remember this ?

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d54/slasherman1971/snow-penis-2.jpg

a scale model of the smallest my penis has ever been

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:16 PM

Originally posted by trippin_the_rif
I got that, but what about the rest of the show's duration? It couldnt have been Joanie, her looks didnt kick in til she was at least 35 or 36. It was Fonzie, wasnt it? Or are u torn between Happy days and Tom Hanks in drag on Boosim Buddies? You can share with us. Seriously.:D :p

did you just read the words "Happy Days" and "boner" and go from there? Try reading my post again

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:19 PM

Originally posted by trippin_the_rif
Well, now the secret is out. The only way it can stay that hard is when it's frozen. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

terrible

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:19 PM

Originally posted by trippin_the_rif
Ok, I got it, but still my question stands. Ya got a boner over Tom Hanks in drag, didnt ya? Admit it!!! SAY IT!!!!!!!SAAAAYYYYY IT!!!!!! :p

quite the opposite, actually. Tom Hanks has a boner for my penis. He actually gets such a boner for it, that it made his forehead grow

The STE

01-15-2006, 10:23 PM

Originally posted by trippin_the_rif
OMG!!! That's fucking crazy funny!!!!! UNCLE!!!!! You win, man, I cant stop laughing now, lol.

:D

cheebacheeba

01-15-2006, 11:36 PM

pffffffft small fry.

My dicks spine has a spine, I charge $9.99, you can suck it, stroke it, or lemme hit it from behine'...If it makes you feel sick, it's because it's too thick, and you know that's b'cos even my DICKS got a dick!

Yeeeeeah!

slasherman

01-16-2006, 03:13 AM

Originally posted by The STE
a scale model of the smallest my penis has ever been

Oh hi The STE, we got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.

http://www.intresseklubben.nu/svif/klipp/dennaknapistolen2.mp3

ItsAlive75

01-16-2006, 07:24 AM

Originally posted by The STE
first of all, how can something "grow" smaller?

Shit.

massacre man

01-16-2006, 07:57 AM

Originally posted by The STE
that's what they all say... i honestly thought the loch ness monster was in the bathtub that time i walked in on you masturbating

The STE

01-16-2006, 07:57 AM

Originally posted by cheebacheeba
pffffffft small fry.

My dicks spine has a spine, I charge $9.99, you can suck it, stroke it, or lemme hit it from behine'...If it makes you feel sick, it's because it's too thick, and you know that's b'cos even my DICKS got a dick!

Yeeeeeah!

ha! Yours would look small next to one of the VEINS on my dick

cheebacheeba

01-16-2006, 08:36 AM

...except for, you were looking at one of my pubes.
My erections are what caused the craters in the moon...

The STE

01-16-2006, 08:37 AM

Originally posted by cheebacheeba
...except for, you were looking at one of my pubes.

See, now I can't buy any of your penile hyperbole. A REAL man shaves his pubes off.

The STE

01-16-2006, 08:40 AM

another fact about my penis: Most of you have seen it, although only in its flaccid state.
http://www.wdob.net/mai/people/chucknorris/chucknorris1.jpg

Haunted

01-16-2006, 08:51 AM

So, Sam...

I know a little bit about penises, what from giving copious amounts of head in college... I go for the tip with my tongue while massaging the base with my hand, and occaisionally giving it a tongue tickle.

How can a woman do this to you, if your penis is so gargantuan?

Here's a joke in which you are the star (Belongs in the "Got Wood" thread, but oh well)

Sam walks into a bar and sees a large glass container full of money. He asks the bartender about it, and the bartender says that it's five hundred bucks to the person who can make my horse laugh.

Sam goes outside, and before the barkeep knows it, Sam is making the horse laugh. He gets the five hundred bucks.

Two nights later Sam walks into the same bar and sees the same container full of money. He asks the bartender about this and is told that it's for the person who can make his horse cry.

Sam goes out, and the bartender is astonished to see the horse crying. So when Sam comes back he collects the money. The guy behind the bar is curious how Sam did it.

"Well first, to make him laugh, I told him my dick was bigger than his. Then to make him cry, I showed him."

cheebacheeba

01-16-2006, 09:32 AM

Wow...all this talk about erections is giving me one, just a moment if you would - hold on while I line up the next few blood donors.

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:08 AM

Originally posted by Haunted
So, Sam...

I know a little bit about penises, what from giving copious amounts of head in college... I go for the tip with my tongue while massaging the base with my hand, and occaisionally giving it a tongue tickle.

How can a woman do this to you, if your penis is so gargantuan?

Here's a joke in which you are the star (Belongs in the "Got Wood" thread, but oh well)

Sam walks into a bar and sees a large glass container full of money. He asks the bartender about it, and the bartender says that it's five hundred bucks to the person who can make my horse laugh.

Sam goes outside, and before the barkeep knows it, Sam is making the horse laugh. He gets the five hundred bucks.

Two nights later Sam walks into the same bar and sees the same container full of money. He asks the bartender about this and is told that it's for the person who can make his horse cry.

Sam goes out, and the bartender is astonished to see the horse crying. So when Sam comes back he collects the money. The guy behind the bar is curious how Sam did it.

"Well first, to make him laugh, I told him my dick was bigger than his. Then to make him cry, I showed him."

If you've ever seen The Santa Clause, you know the answer to your fellatious inquiry

Dante'sInferno

01-16-2006, 10:10 AM

Hah,well not to sound like a dick.....but my penis has it's own National Theme Park....

:D

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:11 AM

Originally posted by cheebacheeba
Wow...all this talk about erections is giving me one, just a moment if you would - hold on while I line up the next few blood donors.

blood donors? Pfft. I tried using other people's blood, but my penis just broke their necks and made me have sex with the more attractive of their female relatives (granted, I didn't protest much...or at all)

So now I just have a device implanted into my scrotum which gives me 4x the blood I would normally have, 3/4 of which goes to my penis

massacre man

01-16-2006, 10:12 AM

this is making me horny... did i say that out loud?

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:15 AM

Originally posted by Dante'sInferno
Hah,well not to sound like a dick.....but my penis has it's own National Theme Park....

:D

he's right. It's called Tiny Timbertown

massacre man

01-16-2006, 10:16 AM

Originally posted by The STE
he's right. It's called Tiny Timbertown the roller coasters suck too...

Dante'sInferno

01-16-2006, 10:17 AM

Oh...1 foot and 3 inches is really that small....

God damn horses...

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:17 AM

my penis is the father of every child born after 1998.

massacre man

01-16-2006, 10:18 AM

Originally posted by The STE
my penis is the father of every child born after 1998. and the real reason Dante's female callers can't walk without crutches from time to time

Dante'sInferno

01-16-2006, 10:20 AM

Well good for u..I am quite happy with mine...

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:21 AM

Once, a woman came up to me and said "Hey, is your penis really that big?" That woman was Terry Chiavo. Need I say more?

Dante'sInferno

01-16-2006, 10:26 AM

My peins circl's the walk of fame 23 times and that still leaves 30 blocks...

massacre man

01-16-2006, 10:32 AM

Originally posted by The STE
Once, a woman came up to me and said "Hey, is your penis really that big?" That woman was Terry Chiavo. Need I say more? details

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:40 AM

Originally posted by massacre man
details

I whipped it out, and the sight of it gave her such an orgasm that it put her into a coma.

Zero

01-16-2006, 10:41 AM

Originally posted by The STE
I whipped it out, and the sight of it gave her such an orgasm that it put her into a coma.

was it from an extended fit of the giggles?

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:46 AM

Originally posted by Zero
was it from an extended fit of the giggles?

who has orgasms from giggling?

Zero

01-16-2006, 10:48 AM

Originally posted by The STE
who has orgasms from giggling?

hmm, i think i see the problem - i you are confusing orgasms with giggling there may be a bit misunderstanding going on. . . .

:D

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:50 AM

Originally posted by Zero
hmm, i think i see the problem - i you are confusing orgasms with giggling there may be a bit misunderstanding going on. . . .

:D

I'm quite certain it was an orgasm.

Chiavo's a squirter, btw

Dante'sInferno

01-16-2006, 10:50 AM

She had a giggle fit and that is what caused this so called coma..

Zero

01-16-2006, 10:54 AM

Originally posted by The STE
I'm quite certain it was an orgasm.

Chiavo's a squirter, btw

hmm, i'm reminded of the whole "When Harry met Sally" bit - i'm wondering if STE has been living under a horrible misconception oh these many years

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:54 AM

Originally posted by Dante'sInferno
She had a giggle fit and that is what caused this so called coma..

I do believe that this alleged "giggle fit" theory has already been discredited. And what's with this "so called coma" business? Do you think it was all an elaborite media hoax?

The STE

01-16-2006, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by Zero
hmm, i'm reminded of the whole "When Harry met Sally" bit - i'm wondering if STE has been living under a horrible misconception oh these many years

this hot cheerleader walked by, saw her orgasming and said "I'll have what she's having." So I fucked her right there on the sidewalk

btw, are you emplying that she faked her orgasm-turned-coma? If so, she was REALLY dedicated to the lie

Zero

01-16-2006, 10:56 AM

LMAO -- (but hey, don't get any ideas)

Haunted

01-16-2006, 11:15 AM

Originally posted by The STE
my penis is the father of every child born after 1998.

Is that when you hit puberty?;)

The STE

01-16-2006, 07:22 PM

Originally posted by Haunted
Is that when you hit puberty?;)

I don't remember when I hit puberty. I know my penis hit puberty back in the 70's.

wood_elf_pansy

01-16-2006, 07:24 PM

Originally posted by The STE
I don't remember when I hit puberty. I know my penis hit puberty back in the 70's.

you weren't alive in the 70's sam

filmmaker2

01-16-2006, 07:25 PM

a little cartoon i saw somewheres

The STE

01-16-2006, 07:27 PM

Originally posted by wood_elf_pansy
you weren't alive in the 70's sam

exactly

bloodrayne

01-16-2006, 07:55 PM

Originally posted by wood_elf_pansy
you weren't alive in the 70's sam I think Sam's penis grew a Sam, rather than the other way around...

Hmm...Which came first...The chicken or the egg?

The STE

01-16-2006, 07:59 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
I think Sam's penis grew a Sam, rather than the other way around...

Hmm...Which came first...The chicken or the egg?

silly Blood, eggs can't cum

bloodrayne

01-16-2006, 08:03 PM

Originally posted by The STE
silly Blood, eggs can't cum Heh, I had a feeling someone was gonna say something like that...But...You missed how incredibly clever that was...

Think about it for a second

The chicken (choke your chicken)

The egg (Sam The Egg)

Now consider the question, after the comment I made...

See?...SEE?... :D

The STE

01-16-2006, 08:10 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Heh, I had a feeling someone was gonna say something like that...But...You missed how incredibly clever that was...

Think about it for a second

The chicken (choke your chicken)

The egg (Sam The Egg)

Now consider the question, after the comment I made...

See?...SEE?... :D

that's a stretch

bloodrayne

01-16-2006, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by The STE
that's a stretch Hey...It works for ME :p

The STE

01-17-2006, 01:06 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Hey...It works for ME :p

yeah, I know it works for you ;)

Taom

01-17-2006, 02:07 PM

I'm pretty sure that the mystery of various planes and ships dissapearing in the Bermuda Triangle can be chalked up to ste jacking off.

[edit] good god, it takes me so damn long to read these posts while at work. I posted my comment, and noticed that my damn comment wasn't even relivent to the current swing of the post. :mad:

bloodrayne

01-17-2006, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by The STE
yeah, I know it works for you ;) Haha...Ouch...You know what image you just caused to pop into my head?...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v69/BloodRayne/cannibalimage.jpg

Originally posted by Taom
[edit] good god, it takes me so damn long to read these posts while at work. I posted my comment, and noticed that my damn comment wasn't even relivent to the current swing of the post. :mad: Nah, it's cool...THIS subject swings back and forth, and pretty much all over the place...LMAO..

So...You're fine:)

GorePhobia

01-17-2006, 11:14 PM

god damn this was the funniest thread i have read on here in a long time

God damn Sam your at it again

His penis is what kept the Pope alive all those years

massacre man

01-18-2006, 07:36 AM

Originally posted by GorePhobia
god damn this was the funniest thread i have read on here in a long time

God damn Sam your at it again

His penis is what kept the Pope alive all those years :eek: where the hell have you been?

massacre man

01-18-2006, 07:37 AM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Hey...It works for ME :p ummm...

The STE

01-18-2006, 09:07 AM

mothermold

01-18-2006, 11:42 AM

Originally posted by The STE
It's also what killed him. My penis giveth, and my penis taketh away.

lol:) an eye for eye!!

Zero

01-18-2006, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by mothermold
lol:) an eye for eye!!

HEY - don't stick that thing in your eye ----- you don't know where it's been

The STE

01-18-2006, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by mothermold
lol:) an eye for eye!!

that wouldn't work, it only has one eye to begin with

bloodrayne

01-18-2006, 12:26 PM

Originally posted by Zero
HEY - don't stick that thing in your eye ----- you don't know where it's been Ha!...According to Sam it's been EVERYWHERE...

Around the world and back again

Zero

01-18-2006, 12:27 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Ha!...According to Sam it's been EVERYWHERE...

Around the world and back again

hmm, that explains it - i thought i ran over a speedbump back in Albuquerque. . . boy that must've hurt

The STE

01-18-2006, 12:32 PM

Originally posted by bloodrayne
Ha!...According to Sam it's been EVERYWHERE...

Around the world and back again

it's true. Johnny Cash wrote a song about it

GorePhobia

01-18-2006, 02:58 PM

Originally posted by massacre man
:eek: where the hell have you been?

ha ha ha I have been lurking around

I come and go

Originally posted by The STE
It's also what killed him. My penis giveth, and my penis taketh away.

Yes I think that is also what killed Richard Pryor