PDA

View Full Version : Stupidity Really CAN Be Funny


bloodrayne
09-09-2005, 05:00 AM
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.

These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

bwind22
09-09-2005, 05:08 AM
...sigh....

These are the sort of dumbasses that consist of a jury of your peers when you go to court...

SKOOFx
09-09-2005, 06:15 AM
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


HAHAHHAHAH, thats classic.

jenna26
09-09-2005, 09:19 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

I have heard these before; this one is my personal favorite. LOL :p

ItsAlive75
09-09-2005, 11:07 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


That fat Larry the Cable Guy douchebag did this joke.

I didn't laugh.

Haunted
09-10-2005, 06:20 AM
Thanks, Rayne. You really gave me hope for a brighter tomorrow.;) :D :D :p