Things NOT To Say During And/Or After Sex

[bloodrayne]

I'm compiling a list for something...Help me out...This is MY contribution:



One of the most common, to the point of being a cliche...
"So...Was it good for YOU?".....Okay...If you actually have to ASK, then NO...It was NOT good for me:rolleyes:




:p

I only need about 10 of each...10 for during and 10 for after...Actually, 20 of each would probably be better...but, anywhere in between would be good, too...I really need the FUNNY ones...Thanks:)

[Tat2]

Don't call her by another girls name!!!!

Gets ya in trouble every time...trust me!:eek:

[furballothrills]

How about calling them by the wrong name? (during and after, I suppose)

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by Tat2
Don't call her by another girls name!!!!

Gets ya in trouble every time...trust me!:eek: LOL..That's why you should just call them all "Babe"...No fuck ups that way;)

[The_Return]

But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
But whipped cream makes me break out.
Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.
Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
So much for mouth-to-mouth.
(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
(Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
(Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
Got any penicillin?
But I just brushed my teeth...
Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
I want a baby!
So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
(In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards.
When is this supposed to feel good?
Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
You're good enough to do this for a living!
Is that blood on the headboard?
Did I remember to take my pill?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
I wish we got the Playboy channel...
That leak better be from the waterbed!
I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
No, really... I do this part better myself!
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
This would be more fun with a few more people.
You're almost as good as my ex!
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
You look younger than you feel.
Perhaps you're just out of practice.
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
Now I know why he/she dumped you...
Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
What tampon?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
I have a confession...
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
Is that a hanging sculpture?
You'll still vote for me, won't you?
Did I mention my transsexual operation?
I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
Did you come yet, dear?
I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Does this count as a date?
Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
Hic! I need another beer for this please.
I think biting is romantic -- don't you?
You can cook, too right?
When would you like to meet my parents?
Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself?
Have you seen ''Fatal Attraction''?
Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
(In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
Sorry but I don't do toes!
You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''.
So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
Is this a sin too?
I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
Long kisses clog my sinuses...
Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
How long do you plan to be ''almost there''?
You mean you're NOT my blind date?



Dont give me credit:p

[The_Return]

On a related note:


60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

[Angra]

Things women shouldn´t say during sex:

1. Is it inside now?

2. Are you done soon? I have a meeting.

3. You are better than my brother.

4. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

5. Your best friend are better.

6. I used to be a man...

7. Is it ok with you if dad is watching?

8. Now we are getting married.

9. Just use a finger - it´s bigger.

10. My dad taught me this....


Things that neither men or women should say during sex:

1. You look the best with the light off.

2. Did i tell you that i´ve got herpes?

3. I have to take a dump.

4. I wish you were a real woman.

5. No, you can´t be on top. I would be crushed!

6. Will you see me take out my glass eye?

7. Meeeeeh... meeeeeh... meeeeeeeh. (suposed to sound like a goat, but don´t know how you spell it in english?) :D

8. quote the 10 commandments.

9. I don´t hope that you expect a raise!



That´s it. :cool:

[bloodrayne]

Thanks, Vamp and Angra...This should help a lot...I can use some of these:cool:

[kpropain]

Not something you say, but you shouldn't fart when a chick is going down on you..:D

[Angra]

Originally posted by kpropain
Not something you say, but you shouldn't fart when a chick is going down on you..:D

Hey thanks! I shall try to remember that. LOL ;)

[orangestar]

Originally posted by kpropain
Not something you say, but you shouldn't fart when a chick is going down on you..:D


I remember that story

lmao :D

[ShankS]

Originally posted by kpropain
Not something you say, but you shouldn't fart when a chick is going down on you..:D


especially if it's a bubbly runny one.

[Gren the cake]

i love you

[ShankS]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
i love you


I love you too ....

thats only pillow talk baby, lets get down to business ;)

[Gren the cake]

i like how u go RAH RAH RAH RAH RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH when were making love

[ShankS]

the Rahhhing gets progressively louder and faster, the more you turn me on.... you want it loud?!?

[Gren the cake]

YES YES YES!!!

but.... im not quite sure how to please you europeans??? :( twood be my first time.

[urgeok]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
YES YES YES!!!

but.... im not quite sure how to please you europeans??? :( twood be my first time.

just boil everything you feed them .. that aughta do it :)

[ShankS]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
YES YES YES!!!

but.... im not quite sure how to please you europeans??? :( twood be my first time.



don't worry lovie, you're doing just fine :D...... now move that hand round a bit, no down, thats better :D

...lift ya leg up will ya :D



Originally posted by urgeok
just boil everything you feed them .. that aughta do it :)


you got it... 'boil-in-the-bag' everything :D

[Gren the cake]

so THATS why u so frisky... u havent slept any!

i get frisky when im sleepy 2... as for urge..???? i dunno what his excuse is!

[The STE]

Here's $10, never do any of those things again

[Gren the cake]

sam no likey teh shanks/fluff/urge 3some?

HATA....

come to think of it... ill take the $10.... :D

[ShankS]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
sam no likey teh shanks/fluff/urge 3some?

HATA....

come to think of it... ill take the $10.... :D


:( thats it you creap out at the crack of dawn, and leave without saying anything :mad: just cos I was still kipping


pffft you can take your skanky $10... but you know you'll be back for more.








:D :D ;)

[urgeok]

can someone loan me 10$ ?

[Vodstok]

I hope you arent talking $10 canadian.... You couldnt get a pubic hair off a hobo for that much :D

[urgeok]

Originally posted by Vodstok
I hope you arent talking $10 canadian.... You couldnt get a pubic hair off a hobo for that much :D


of course you couldnt ... can u imagine HOW MUCH you'd have to pay someone to get the pubes off a hobo ?

[The_Return]

Originally posted by urgeok
of course you couldnt ... can u imagine HOW MUCH you'd have to pay someone to get the pubes off a hobo ?

That was the most disturbing thing Ive ever imagined

[Kitty]

this thread freaks me out:eek: :(

[EXTR3MIST]

During: "Say, you've got a massive fanny"

After: "I've got AIDS"

[ShankS]

Originally posted by EXTR3MIST
During: "Say, you've got a massive fanny"

After: "I've got AIDS"

or alternatively...

During: "You've got a bucket cunt"

After: "Here's a shotgun"

[Kitty]

okey what about this

During:you suck my bro was better

After:that was the best you've done in 5 yrs.:rolleyes:

[EXTR3MIST]

"You've got a bucket cunt"

Like a welly top, or a wizard's sleeve.

[EXTR3MIST]

Or a clown's pocket, come to think of it

[Kitty]

never mind then

[EXTR3MIST]

That's just friendly pillow-talk where I come from, baby!

[kpropain]

Anybody ever heard of a rodeo fucking?












































































































It's when you are fucking a chick from behind, grab her by the hair, lean close to her ear and whisper " you are the ugliest bitch I have ever fucked" and then try and hold on for the ride...

[EXTR3MIST]

Tantamount to rape - cool.

[Kitty]

nope i've never heared of one nor seen\been in one

[kpropain]

Originally posted by kpropain
Anybody ever heard of a rodeo fucking?






It's when you are fucking a chick from behind, grab her by the hair, lean close to her ear and whisper " you are the ugliest bitch I have ever fucked" and then try and hold on for the ride...

[EXTR3MIST]

nope i've never heared of one nor seen\been in one

Tip: don't ever have sex with kpropain, then.

[Kitty]

i'll take that worning and when he asks i'll run far away.....okey kpro?:rolleyes:

[kpropain]

Originally posted by Kitty
i'll take that worning and when he asks i'll run far away.....okey kpro?:rolleyes:

I'm not a pedophile, so no worries...

[EXTR3MIST]

Are you an astronaut?

[Kitty]

i have no idea!!!!!!!!EPP:eek: i'm not suppose to**runs away crying do to being punched in my arm by bro**

[EXTR3MIST]

Not you - him.

[Kitty]

**still crying and rubbing arm looking for a knoife to kill my brother w/**
oh okey then

[EXTR3MIST]

Hit him with your sludge hammer.

[EXTR3MIST]

lol - "SLOP! HAMMER TIME!"

You can't touch this.

[Kitty]

can't i broke it last night attempting to hit him with it ***running at bro holding a skife wonderingyou skreem im busted and i'll rot in jail and when i die will i just tortcher you or haunt you???hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?***

[EXTR3MIST]

Stop it, you're killing me.

[Kitty]

really? i say-to the electric chair you go***bro says-Oh shit ***

[urgeok]

christ i'm tired of this juvenile nonsensical shit.

if you're gonna be wasting posts, at least make it funny ..

FUCK !

[DraculaInDallas]

Originally posted by urgeok
christ i'm tired of this juvenile nonsensical shit.

if you're gonna be wasting posts, at least make it funny ..

FUCK !

LMAO!!!!! :D I hear ya urg.....I think we need another folder on this site for everyone to young to drive to post in ;) :D

[ShankS]

lol funny shit

[urgeok]

Originally posted by DraculaInDallas
LMAO!!!!! :D I hear ya urg.....I think we need another folder on this site for everyone to young to drive to post in ;) :D

actually ... that would be nice to have on another forum ...another site .... far away.

i'm seriously sick of the shit...

this will drive away people faster than the bickering that used to go on here.

[ShankS]

Originally posted by urgeok
actually ... that would be nice to have on another forum ...another site .... far away.

i'm seriously sick of the shit...

this will drive away people faster than the bickering that used to go on here.


what we need is the

[urgeok]

Originally posted by ShankS
what we need is the


what we really need is those clubs they use on the baby seals ..
the ones with the no-slip grip

[Gren the cake]

stop... PAJAMA TIME!

[ShankS]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
stop... PAJAMA TIME!

whats that?

[Death By Jell-O]

Wow....I haven't been fucked like that since grade school......

[Elvis_Christ]

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... this is so about horror (which gets so much discussion on here anyway) This whole site seems to be about Friday The 13th, Halloween, Exorcist (+ anything obvious), miget's cocks. Fuck it's no wonder anyone from a couple of years ago comes here anymore. It's seems this place is all about how many post you've had (despite substance....)

But I like comming here maybe I just need more fucking booze in me.....................I type so good when I'm drunk.

[ShankS]

if you don't like it, you could always go on a long walk in search of Isengard.

[urgeok]

it disturbs me that in this day and age people would still have that midget prejudice.

[EXTR3MIST]

Hey, chill the hell out -

Any comedy sex-related thread is apt to go a little off the rails - so far we've had suggested rape techniques, sludge hammers, peeping toms and a fantastic MC Hammer gag.

God bless cyberspace.

[Kitty]

yea i would proablly stop after that!:(

[wood_elf_pansy]

What was your name again?
O I lied about my age... I am only 14.
Oops.
How long has that been there?
Um... that makes me feel like I have to poop.
Now where is your brother?

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by wood_elf_pansy
Um... that makes me feel like I have to poop.
That one actually made me laugh :D

[wood_elf_pansy]

its a little crooked.
my father touched me like that once. he is still wearing orthopedic shirts to this day.
don't make me touch that.
i forgot i put it in there.
hahahahahaha. that was funny.
look what i found.
do you have a dog? if yes--> then tell it to stop licking me there. if no--> then what feels like sandpaper?
do you have any popcorn?
get out!

[The STE]

During: Lets try something different. Get me a flashlight and a wet suit.


After: Oh, God, I smell like woodchips and grandmas now