View Full Version : Blow job etiquette
FairyKorpes
11-14-2004, 06:20 PM
A Woman's Take on the Subject:
1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be
grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's
NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk-off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A Man's Rebuttal:
1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?
MichaelMyers
11-14-2004, 06:22 PM
Edit:
Nevermind
The STE
11-14-2004, 06:24 PM
deep throating sounds gross (not the concept of deep throating, the sound made when doing it), so fine, whatever.
bwind22
11-14-2004, 07:05 PM
*Walks in to thread.*
*Turns around and exits thread.*
Chainsaw Guy
11-14-2004, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
A Woman's Take on the Subject:
1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be
grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's
NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk-off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A Man's Rebuttal:
1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well, unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat, and are looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now do you?
very well thought out
Arioch
11-14-2004, 07:26 PM
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*
I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....
But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....
EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....
I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...
The STE
11-14-2004, 07:27 PM
The STE's rules:
1) Don't talk. Just don't talk. No matter what you say it will sound stupid.
2) Got one hand on a hip, one hand on her head? That means you're a dumbass. Go open a vein after you shoot your load. Or preferrably before.
3) Don't slap your penis on her face. It's stupid.
4) Don't slap your penis on her face. It's really stupid.
5) Don't do ass to mouth. It's just gross.
6) Try not to pee.
7) Donkey punch. Always donkey punch.
8) Swallow or don't, just let the guy shoot it in the mouth. It kinda ruins it if you're sucking him off and then he has to beat off into a Mickey Mouse coffee mug (for example). Guys can beat off any time.
9) Snowballing is awesome.
10) Don't slap your penis on her face. If you do, I hope you get stabbed in the foreskin.
The STE
11-14-2004, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by Arioch
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*
I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....
But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....
EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....
I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...
*fap fap fap* More description please
Chainsaw Guy
11-14-2004, 07:29 PM
Originally posted by Arioch
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*
I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....
But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....
EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....
I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and
sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...
Goddamn you're lucky
Arioch
11-14-2004, 07:32 PM
I know guys....i know....i thought i was lucky BEFORE i found this out about her, now its just like....wow...
Angelakillsluts
11-14-2004, 07:33 PM
Some like giving oral sex, some don't. Some like it a little, some like it a lot That applies to both sexes.
OMG FYI
well while were here
i spent last night....
neverfuckinmind. that too embarassing. but ill just say its a true 'love hate relationship.'
and im going back for more tonight. im a moron. ill take pictures cuz im sure ill be bruised and bloodied after tonight, and i know u guys r into that shit
Angelakillsluts
11-14-2004, 07:35 PM
Before everyone starts telling stories of epic oral adventures... Please, think of the children. :p
Arioch
11-14-2004, 07:35 PM
Some like giving oral sex, some don't. Some like it a little, some like it a lot That applies to both sexes.
Agreed....
Im one of those guys that cant give (or get) enough i guess....
The STE
11-14-2004, 07:37 PM
I can't give or get any...:(
Angelakillsluts
11-14-2004, 07:40 PM
*notices Arioch and Kpro are now mods
*wonders if STE is Sam The Egg
<-- needs to use the internet more often
Chainsaw Guy
11-14-2004, 07:46 PM
I like how tonights main topic is blow jobs
ashes
11-14-2004, 07:55 PM
hey, i may be halfway into a bottle of whiskey, but i love giving blow jobs...and sadly, i dont particularly like when a guy goes down on me... it just doesnt do anything for me...
but seriously, when you can do something really well, whats not to love??
and i cant believe you just used the term 'donkey punch'.... lol...
no more drinking and posting for me, g'nite darlings :)
Arioch
11-14-2004, 08:05 PM
hey, i may be halfway into a bottle of whiskey, but i love giving blow jobs...and sadly, i dont particularly like when a guy goes down on me... it just doesnt do anything for me...
You just havent had a guy that really knows what he is doing and/or loves to do it....it makes all the difference...
But every woman is an ENTIRELY new animal....all of them have their own way they like it and EXACLY that way, and it never works on any other girl.....you break up with that girl you gotta start from SCRATCH!!
FairyKorpes
11-14-2004, 08:16 PM
Originally posted by Arioch
My babie absolutely LOVES to do it....to the point sometimes i cant take it....she is the OPPOSITE of your position on the subject, she deepthroats, swallows and LOVES when i push her head down and pull her hair....HARD.....*shrug*
I cant explain it, as most women are right on with what you have said there....
But she is one in a million i guess....im a lucky man....
EDIT: on and BTW, why would you do something you dont like? I love to go down on her and vice versa....if it becomes a chore and something you hate aren't you defeating the purpose....
I dare say if you have to rant online about your forplay and sexlife....your obviously not doing something right...
This isn't my list, it's A list i found and thought it was funny, wow. lol
Arioch
11-14-2004, 08:51 PM
This isn't my list, it's A list i found and thought it was funny, wow. lol
Oh ha, my mistake....
*redirects post in a hypothetical direction*
FairyKorpes
11-14-2004, 09:02 PM
Originally posted by Arioch
Oh ha, my mistake....
*redirects post in a hypothetical direction*
Yeah trust me. I'm all about the hair pulling and getting it on my face, but let's not go there. I just thought...well nevermind lol I'm glad you're having good oral relations let's put it that way.
Hate_Breeder
11-14-2004, 09:14 PM
Im gone for 5 hours and there is a whole thread dedicated to blowjobs......tsk tsk!
ShankS
11-15-2004, 12:30 AM
Originally posted by The STE
The STE's rules:
5) Don't do ass to mouth. It's just gross.
haha shitty breath! ..then give her a big wet kiss with tongues.
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 06:07 AM
true story related to me by a freind while getting hammered at mardi gras in 2000.
"My freind went out on a date with this woman that we all thought was a complete slut. W ehad NO idea how much. the went out for drinks, and never even made it to dinner before she wanted to go back to his place.
Now keep in mind, he was bragging the whole time here.
He says they got to his place, and she was immediatley all over him. they had some missionary for a little while, then she nearly begged him to do her in the ass. He obliged.
after some time in her butt, she asked him to pull out, and she proceded to give him "great" head. No he didnt take a shower first. She even let him finish in her mouth.
At this point, we started getting a little sick, thinking about what was coming next.
She wanted to kiss him. "You didnt do it, did you?" I asked. He got real quiet...
"Well, yes, i did...."
We all laughed and gagged......
Of course, not to be outdone, the cop we roomed with that week related a little tale about how a freinfd of his on the force puked and decided to be a desk-cop when, during a bust, he kicked the door in on a gay man being fisted in the bathroom.
That being said, i am in arioch's boat in having a woman who gives mind-blowing "helmet" (sorry, saw spaceballs this weekend)
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 06:31 AM
The best to be is as simple as 2 words, cum pig.:rolleyes:
urgeok
11-15-2004, 06:34 AM
quite often entheusiasm makes up for skill :)
especially when said performer looks up at you for approval ..
KA-BOOM ! :)
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 06:39 AM
Ever see the SNL with Jennifer Love Hewitt? they had a gameshow for producers, and to signal the new round at one point you hear "look me in the eye when you do that... (exclamation of pleasure).. Get out..."
"That was the sound of a prioducer being pleasured by a hooker, and that signals the end of this round!"
I almost peed i laughed so hard the first time i heard that....
urgeok
11-15-2004, 06:42 AM
i havent seen
SNL since John Beluchi was on it !
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 06:49 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
quite often entheusiasm makes up for skill :)
especially when said performer looks up at you for approval ..
KA-BOOM ! :)
Very hot lol
urgeok
11-15-2004, 07:34 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Very hot lol
Fairy .. if we both started driving now .. where would we meet ? :)
I would be willing to drive at least an hour for a decent BJ.
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 07:48 AM
You people crack me up....:D
urgeok
11-15-2004, 07:48 AM
i like driving for an hour WHILE getting one :)
Originally posted by urgeok
i like driving for an hour WHILE getting one :)
http://www.bastardpowered.com/gif/bj.gif
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 07:53 AM
LOL!
urgeok
11-15-2004, 08:06 AM
monica spewinski :)
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 08:08 AM
The vision of Monica in relation to anything sexual is bad lol
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 08:10 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
The vision of Monica in relation to anything sexual is bad lol No to ol' billy boy! That's enough tomake him spooge on a blue dress...
http://www.frontiernet.net/~lfaehl/lewinsk1.gif
Going by FairyKorpse's avatar...she doesn't swallow.
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 08:15 AM
Originally posted by Vodstok
No to ol' billy boy! That's enough tomake him spooge on a blue dress...
That's great, she just does nothing for me
urgeok
11-15-2004, 08:17 AM
she looked a lot better when she was actually getting the business done ..
she gained a lot of weight after the fact ..
There were one or 2 pics of her where she looked pretty good ..
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 08:41 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
she looked a lot better when she was actually getting the business done ..
she gained a lot of weight after the fact ..
There were one or 2 pics of her where she looked pretty good ..
Fatties need love too ya know
urgeok
11-15-2004, 08:47 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Fatties need love too ya know
not disagreeing with that ... I think there are a lot of extremely attractive women who are far from petite.
In monicas case .. it distorted her looks quite a bit ..
It didnt suit her.
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 09:07 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
not disagreeing with that ... I think there are a lot of extremely attractive women who are far from petite.
In monicas case .. it distorted her looks quite a bit ..
It didnt suit her.
Yes yes there are damnit lol.
Nothing suits her, but maybe a paperbag *shivers*
zwoti
11-15-2004, 09:16 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Yes yes there are damnit lol.
getting no arguments from this corner
urgeok
11-15-2004, 09:20 AM
now, Paris Hilton.
There's a celeb that knows how to give a blowjob !
Better than Pam Anderson, thats for sure.
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 09:46 AM
Well, at least the skinny little bitch serves a purpose....
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 09:48 AM
Originally posted by zwoti
getting no arguments from this corner
That's why you rock lol
That spoiled scanky ho.....I wouldn't let her blow me.
allright.........maybe a little
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 09:50 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
now, Paris Hilton.
There's a celeb that knows how to give a blowjob !
Better than Pam Anderson, thats for sure.
What is it that she does, i've never saw her video.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 09:53 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
What is it that she does, i've never saw her video.
she does the one, then 2 hand manouver while keeping good mouth control.
Then she does the doe-eyed 'how am i doing?' look up at the camera ...
that would be the end of me ...
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 09:55 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
she does the one, then 2 hand manouver while keeping good mouth control.
Then she does the doe-eyed 'how am i doing?' look up at the camera ...
that would be the end of me ...
Pfft oh if only you were here lol, you have no idea:p
urgeok
11-15-2004, 09:56 AM
ok i've got 2:00pm by my watch .. if i really hurried ......
zwoti
11-15-2004, 10:12 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
That's why you rock lol
bless you
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/zwoti/wink.gif
Originally posted by zwoti
bless you
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/zwoti/wink.gif
Keeping on topic...it looks like your smiley got hit in the eye.
Ya ever notice in videos...the girl always gets it in the eye.
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 10:16 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
ok i've got 2:00pm by my watch .. if i really hurried ......
I'm a bit full from last night, but i'm sure i could make an acception lmao
urgeok
11-15-2004, 10:17 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
I'm a bit full from last night, but i'm sure i could make an acception lmao
well, dont swallow, just let it run out :)
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 10:20 AM
Originally posted by newb
Keeping on topic...it looks like your smiley got hit in the eye.
Ya ever notice in videos...the girl always gets it in the eye. I always cracked up when they would get it in the throat a little sooner than they expected then *gag* *cough*
urgeok
11-15-2004, 10:24 AM
Originally posted by Vodstok
I always cracked up when they would get it in the throat a little sooner than they expected then *gag* *cough*
the eye is the killer though ... thank god it was the last thing you were gonna do anyway because the door's closed locked and barred after that
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 10:37 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
the eye is the killer though ... thank god it was the last thing you were gonna do anyway because the door's closed locked and barred after that LOL! good point.
And you can ruin the fun for everyone by saying "Oh my god, i am so sorry..."
Once you do that, you no longer have any dignity, and she thinks she just got popped in the eye by a wuss.....
Ahhh.... the trials and tribulations of head....
LOL
Once again we have taken an innocent thread about blow jobs and......er.....nevermind.
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 10:53 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
well, dont swallow, just let it run out :)
Like in that pic?
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 10:55 AM
Originally posted by Vodstok
I always cracked up when they would get it in the throat a little sooner than they expected then *gag* *cough* Oh...But that is NOTTT funny!..........You guys COULD give a little warning.........................fuckers...
lol
But...Seriously:mad:
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 10:57 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Oh...But that is NOTTT funny!..........You guys COULD give a little warning.........................fuckers...
lol
But...Seriously:mad:
Well the fact he is wacking it in your face would be a bit of a hint lmao
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 10:57 AM
I never said it was funny if I did it, just when it happens on film :D
urgeok
11-15-2004, 10:59 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Like in that pic?
thats affirmative :)
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 11:01 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Well the fact he is wacking it in your face would be a bit of a hint lmao LOL...Not what I meant, exactly...But, THAT was funny :)
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:02 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Oh...But that is NOTTT funny!..........You guys COULD give a little warning.........................fuckers...
here's a couple of warning signs to watch for :
1) Eyes rolling back in the head.
2) increased speed of breathing
3) moaning noises .. between the short breaths.
4) a scream like : Daddys cummin BAYBE !!! YOO HOOO GET READY !!! Oh Lordy Its gonna be a TIDAL WAVE !!
OPEN UP ! ITS XMAS TIME !!!!
little hints like that are a big help.
Originally posted by urgeok
here's a couple of warning signs to watch for :
1) Eyes rolling back in the head.
2) increased speed of breathing
3) moaning noises .. between the short breaths.
4) a scream like : Daddys cummin BAYBE !!! YOO HOOO GET READY !!! Oh Lordy Its gonna be a TIDAL WAVE !!
OPEN UP ! ITS XMAS TIME !!!!
little hints like that are a big help.
ITS XMAS TIME?
I hope your not my secret santa when we have our annual HDC Christmas party.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:09 AM
Originally posted by newb
ITS XMAS TIME?
I hope your not my secret santa when we have our annual HDC Christmas party.
ok .. that one made me laugh :)
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 11:09 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
here's a couple of warning signs to watch for :
1) Eyes rolling back in the head.
2) increased speed of breathing
3) moaning noises .. between the short breaths.
4) a scream like : Daddys cummin BAYBE !!! YOO HOOO GET READY !!! Oh Lordy Its gonna be a TIDAL WAVE !!
OPEN UP ! ITS XMAS TIME !!!!
little hints like that are a big help. LMAO...That was hilarious and I KNOW that you had a good time with it :D
BUT...What if he is making noise and breathing heavy the ENTIRE time?...
For those who don't swallow......It doesn't matter how fast you push back (even if you fall off the bed:o ...lmao)...Once you 'gag and cough' some of it IS going to end up in your nose...And THAT really SUCKS!........Okay, it only happened once, but still.....
Anyway...I think that's just about enough from me on THIS subject...
:)
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:12 AM
Originally posted by newb
ITS XMAS TIME?
I hope your not my secret santa when we have our annual HDC Christmas party.
Listen to YOU bein' all picky!
We're the ones who have to act like we really appreciate your ceramic gifts year after year. Well, I'm sick of the charade...THEY SUCK!!!!
Case in point:
http://www.aspencountry.com/aspen/assets/product_images/product_lib/33000-33999/33195.jpg
I mean, seriously...what the hell is this supposed to be??? A banana holder!!??? WTF!??? HOLD THIS BANANA!!
Oh, and uh...Merry Xmas.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:13 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
BUT...What if he is making noise and breathing heavy the ENTIRE time?...
maybe your kid is right .. you have to start dating older guys with a bit more control :)
if you hold it in your hand and you start hearing : ooooo wooooha oooooo oooooo wooooahhhh wooooooaahhh
you may just have a sex NOOB there ! hahahah
unless these are old guys .. with sleep apnea and other respitory problems :)
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
maybe your kid is right .. you have to start dating older guys with a bit more control :)
if you hold it in your hand and you start hearing : ooooo wooooha oooooo oooooo wooooahhhh wooooooaahhh
you may just have a sex NOOB there ! hahahah
unless these are old guys .. with sleep apnea and other respitory problems :) 27...How's that?
Originally posted by Haphazard
Listen to YOU bein' all picky!
We're the ones who have to act like we really appreciate your ceramic gifts year after year. Well, I'm sick of the charade...THEY SUCK!!!!
Case in point:
http://www.aspencountry.com/aspen/assets/product_images/product_lib/33000-33999/33195.jpg
I mean, seriously...what the hell is this supposed to be??? A banana holder!!??? WTF!??? HOLD THIS BANANA!!
Oh, and uh...Merry Xmas.
Fine...be that way....so much for the ceramic clown I was making you.
http://www.collectorsconnection.org/imagesc/29a508.jpg
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:19 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
27...How's that?
hyper sensitive, or first blowjob ever ? :)
and watch about that jumping back in a hurry, you could smash your noggin on a dresser or something !
(out your nose ! that was funny :)
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:19 AM
Originally posted by newb
Fine...be that way....so much for the ceramic clown I was making you.
http://www.collectorsconnection.org/imagesc/29a508.jpg
:D
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
here's a couple of warning signs to watch for :
1) Eyes rolling back in the head.
2) increased speed of breathing
3) moaning noises .. between the short breaths.
4) a scream like : Daddys cummin BAYBE !!! YOO HOOO GET READY !!! Oh Lordy Its gonna be a TIDAL WAVE !!
OPEN UP ! ITS XMAS TIME !!!!
little hints like that are a big help.
<--moist
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by newb
Fine...be that way....so much for the ceramic clown I was making you.
http://www.collectorsconnection.org/imagesc/29a508.jpg
god the detail is amazing !
ShankS
11-15-2004, 11:21 AM
if she's giving you blow....everything goes in the mouth and no dribbling.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:24 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
<--moist
gimme a yell when you hit 'soaked' :)
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 11:25 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
hyper sensitive, or first blowjob ever ? :)
and watch about that jumping back in a hurry, you could smash your noggin on a dresser or something !
(out your nose ! that was funny :) LOL...No...Definitely not his first...Maybe I'm just that good ;) ...lol
I only busted my ass on the floor...And he grabbed my arm and had me back up on the bed before I could even feel it, anyway:D
AND...Not OUT my nose...UP my nose (a little)...But, that was bad enough.....*gag*
Btw...Are they supposed to say "ow" a lot?...hahaha...I have really pointy teeth...Guess I need to try to watch that, huh?:D :D :D
OOPS...I was supposed to end my participation in this thread:o
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:26 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
gimme a yell when you hit 'soaked' :)
I'll settle for the yell.
MichaelMyers
11-15-2004, 11:26 AM
It'd be nice
To have a blowjob
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
From your mom
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:28 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Btw...Are they supposed to say "ow" a lot?...hahaha...I have really pointy teeth...Guess I need to try to watch that, huh
this is what happens when vampires engage in oral sex !
when things really get going the vamp dick gets severely peirced to the point where Zamphir could play a Beatles cover tune on it...
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by MichaelMyers
It'd be nice
To have a blowjob
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
From your mom
Its refreshing to see a guy with absolutely no standards whatsoever !
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 11:31 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
this is what happens when vampires engage in oral sex !
when things really get going the vamp dick gets severely peirced to the point where Zamphir could play a Beatles cover tune on it... LMAO....You're cracking me up....I'm going to be thinking about this shit at the club tonight...I know everyone's gonna see me start laughing for no apparent reason...Oh well, they already think I'm crazy...That's why they love me...heh :)
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:33 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
gimme a yell when you hit 'soaked' :)
Soaked from reading lol stranger things have happened. Only 2 things make me soaked ,,we'll just leave it at that
Originally posted by urgeok
this is what happens when vampires engage in oral sex !
when things really get going the vamp dick gets severely peirced to the point where Zamphir could play a Beatles cover tune on it...
Zamphir play a Beatles cover tune?!?!?
Getting a little Dennis Miller on us, ain't ya urge.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:35 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Soaked from reading lol stranger things have happened. Only 2 things make me soaked ,,we'll just leave it at that
yeah, we best leave it at that .. heaven forbid someone types something a bit rude or personal in here :)
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:35 AM
Originally posted by Haphazard
I'll settle for the yell.
Lmao i'll yell for you to ram that ...nevermind
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:35 AM
Originally posted by newb
Zamphir play a Beatles cover tune?!?!?
Getting a little Dennis Miller on us, ain't ya urge.
the sad thing is i always know every single one of his references ...
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:36 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
yeah, we best leave it at that .. heaven forbid someone types something a bit rude or personal in here :)
Lmao i know these people don't want to be subjected to what gets me off
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:37 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
LMAO....You're cracking me up....I'm going to be thinking about this shit at the club tonight...I know everyone's gonna see me start laughing for no apparent reason...Oh well, they already think I'm crazy...That's why they love me...heh :)
or maybe its cause you're 'just that good' :)
if you really want to get them .. sing the 'Toot-Sweet' song from Chitty Chitty - Bang Bang :)
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:38 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Lmao i know these people don't want to be subjected to what gets me off
if there are more that 2 people here (girls excluded) not interested in what gets you off ... I'll eat my keyboard.
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:38 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
the sad thing is i always know every single one of his references ...
Go to work on this one: I'm :confused:
"In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that's three sized too small. Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Jethro Bodine in the lobby of an Ian Shraeger hotel."
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:39 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
this is what happens when vampires engage in oral sex !
when things really get going the vamp dick gets severely peirced to the point where Zamphir could play a Beatles cover tune on it...
Cover them with your lips. They dent your lips, but no ow's lmao
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:40 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
if there are more that 2 people here (girls excluded) not interested in what gets you off ... I'll eat my keyboard.
I'm interested! Right here! Very interested! You have my complete attention!
Would still like you to eat your keyboard though...I guess it's a fetish of mine...lol.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:40 AM
Originally posted by Haphazard
Go to work on this one: I'm :confused:
"In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that's three sized too small. Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Jethro Bodine in the lobby of an Ian Shraeger hotel."
you could just say : a bull in a china shop
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:41 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
if there are more that 2 people here (girls excluded) not interested in what gets you off ... I'll eat my keyboard.
Okay? now what lmao
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:42 AM
Originally posted by Haphazard
I'm interested! Right here! Very interested! You have my complete attention!
Would still like you to eat your keyboard though...I guess it's a fetish of mine...lol.
luckily i have a fruit roll-up keyboard.
just for these occasions.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:42 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Okay? now what lmao
lets hear it ! before i have to go home ! :)
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:42 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
you could just say : a bull in a china shop
Well, I knew what he was getting at...but I have no clue who those people are :(
Oh well...as long as I get his point, I guess.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:44 AM
Originally posted by Haphazard
Well, I knew what he was getting at...but I have no clue who those people are :(
Oh well...as long as I get his point, I guess.
jethro Bodine is from the Beverly Hillbillies
Heis a big course clumbsy lunkhead.
The hotel chain in question is a swanky hotel chain.
I never heard of it before but once you know Jethro, you funny understand the reference..
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:45 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
lets hear it ! before i have to go home ! :)
You're serious? Are you daring me?:confused:
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:46 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
You're serious? Are you daring me?:confused:
damn straight !
zwoti
11-15-2004, 11:47 AM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
You're serious? Are you daring me?:confused:
people are asking...
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:49 AM
http://www.affichescinema.com/insc_d/daredevil.jpg
urgeok
11-15-2004, 11:51 AM
Originally posted by Haphazard
[IMG]Double-Dare-You.jpg
jesus Hap, not everyone has a 42" screen !
Originally posted by urgeok
jesus Hap, not everyone has a 42" screen !
LOL
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 11:54 AM
Originally posted by urgeok
jesus Hap, not everyone has a 42" screen !
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I was JUST thinking that!!!!
That thing loaded on-screen and I fell off my chair!
Sorry :(
(I have downsized).
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 11:54 AM
Originally posted by zwoti
people are asking...
Okay, uh let's see. Getting my throat fucked, face cock slapped, hair pulled and begging for it in my mouth. Getting it fast and hard in the ass, while being called a dirty, slutty cum fuck. Being treated like a piece of gutter trash and used and left with it all over my face. That's some
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Okay, uh let's see. Getting my throat fucked, face cock slapped, hair pulled and begging for it in my mouth. Getting it fast and hard in the ass, while being called a dirty, slutty cum fuck. Being treated like a piece of gutter trash and used and left with it all over my face. That's some
OH SHIT.......anybody got any tissue?
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Okay, uh let's see. Getting my throat fucked, face cock slapped, hair pulled and begging for it in my mouth. Getting it fast and hard in the ass, while being called a dirty, slutty cum fuck. Being treated like a piece of gutter trash and used and left with it all over my face. That's some
http://www.rocks-and-minerals.com/more-about-rocks/images/volcano.jpg
http://doors.stanford.edu/~sr/california/geyser.jpg
urgeok
11-15-2004, 12:04 PM
how the fuck am i expected to get from my desk to the front door looking like this ?
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 12:05 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Okay, uh let's see. Getting my throat fucked, face cock slapped, hair pulled and begging for it in my mouth. Getting it fast and hard in the ass, while being called a dirty, slutty cum fuck. Being treated like a piece of gutter trash and used and left with it all over my face. That's some Eww....Okay...I couldn't get into ANY of THAT :eek: :eek:
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:06 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
how the fuck am i expected to get from my desk to the front door looking like this ?
Hang your coat on it. Then not only will it hide it...but it will serve a purpose as well.
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 12:06 PM
Or getting the load in my mouth spitting on my tits while me and a big tit chick lick it off together. Omg i'm calling Kelli lmao. Her tits rock.
urgeok
11-15-2004, 12:07 PM
and i'm spent ...
good night everyone !
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Eww....Okay...I couldn't get into ANY of THAT :eek: :eek:
It's all about role reversal. I haven't had sex in months, but the thought of being treat like a slut is totally hot
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Eww....Okay...I couldn't get into ANY of THAT :eek: :eek:
BOO! BOOOO!!!!!
http://www.ruralmissouri.org/Images/RuralMissouri/march01/kidfans.jpg
:)
urgeok
11-15-2004, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Eww....Okay...I couldn't get into ANY of THAT :eek: :eek:
ok, what if you got flowers and a nice spagetti dinenr first ? :)
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:10 PM
Holy shit fairy.... you almost sound like my wife..... And she likes fairies... weird. If you have brown hair and blue eyes, i will be frightened....
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:10 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Or getting the load in my mouth spitting on my tits while me and a big tit chick lick it off together. Omg i'm calling Kelli lmao. Her tits rock.
Ok...I can't take it anymore!
urgeok
11-15-2004, 12:11 PM
i'll see all y'all when i get home.
Thats is i dont spend the night in the can for driving with my unit out the window for the sake of getting some cold refreshing air.
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:12 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
i'll see all y'all when i get home.
Thats is i dont spend the night in the can for driving with my unit out the window for the sake of getting some cold refreshing air.
Rock out with you cock out!
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:13 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
i'll see all y'all when i get home.
Thats is i dont spend the night in the can for driving with my unit out the window for the sake of getting some cold refreshing air. LMAO!
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 12:15 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
Holy shit fairy.... you almost sound like my wife..... And she likes fairies... weird. If you have brown hair and blue eyes, i will be frightened....
Did you see my pic, my hair is dark with blue eyes. Does your wife like chicks?;)
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
i'll see all y'all when i get home.
Thats is i dont spend the night in the can for driving with my unit out the window for the sake of getting some cold refreshing air.
Lmmfao
The STE
11-15-2004, 12:16 PM
*tries to leave the thread*
...I'm stuck to the floor...:(
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:17 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
Did you see my pic, my hair is dark with blue eyes. Does your wife like chicks?;)
Yes, yes she does:
http://scaredyet.net/pics/mefloor.jpg
bloodrayne
11-15-2004, 12:17 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
ok, what if you got flowers and a nice spagetti dinenr first ? :) Hmm.....Black roses...Surf and turf.......Jack Daniels.........and then......*considering it*.......
Hell no.........lol.........Sorry :)
The STE
11-15-2004, 12:19 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
Yes, yes she does:
http://scaredyet.net/pics/mefloor.jpg
*fap fap fap*
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:19 PM
hey, no jerking off to my wife unless you pay up first...
If she sees this, she is going to kill me....:D
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 12:20 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
Yes, yes she does:
http://scaredyet.net/pics/mefloor.jpg
And where do you live? I'm all over that lmao
Wait a minute where is her wedding ring?
I'll be leaving to go home in a few myself.........but I can't get up...well...I'm already up......shit....gonna have to do the tri-pod shuffle out the door.
The STE
11-15-2004, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
hey, no jerking off to my wife unless you pay up first...
If she sees this, she is going to kill me....:D
would that mean that she would then become available?
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:26 PM
Nope, sorry. She is sworn to chastity should i ever die. Hate to burst your bubble like that.
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 12:30 PM
Ok, Fairy...
Kelli with an "i"...
Vod's wife...
Maaaan, I'm gonna have some crazy dreams tonight!
If I could only get the "pet" thread out of my conscious mind.
...AND WHERE THE HELL IS GINGER!!!!???
Death By Jell-O
11-15-2004, 12:38 PM
Wow, I thought I was on Horror dot com but I guess I accidentally ended up at the penthouse letters forums.....Weird...
:o <Smile Like a Donut
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 12:40 PM
"Dear Penthouse:
I never thought it would happen to me.... But i was at a laundromat, washing clothes. My comic store was closed, and it was too late for me to the gym and get buff. then this schoolbus filled with 18 year old cheerleaders with dd tits pulls up, and they ask if i can change their tire for them... I asked them what they would give me for it, and they said, "well, there is one of you and 35 of us, we all could take out clothes off and..."
urgeok
11-15-2004, 12:55 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
"Dear Penthouse:
I never thought it would happen to me.... But i was at a laundromat, washing clothes. My comic store was closed, and it was too late for me to the gym and get buff. then this schoolbus filled with 18 year old cheerleaders with dd tits pulls up, and they ask if i can change their tire for them... I asked them what they would give me for it, and they said, "well, there is one of you and 35 of us, we all could take out clothes off and..."
Great looking wife !
Sorry i just got home and worked the thread backwards ... so i didnt see the 'no jerking off' warning in time ..
sorry ..
The STE
11-15-2004, 12:56 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
Nope, sorry. She is sworn to chastity should i ever die. Hate to burst your bubble like that.
I'd like to burst HER bubble...
Vodstok
11-15-2004, 01:00 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
Great looking wife !
Sorry i just got home and worked the thread backwards ... so i didnt see the 'no jerking off' warning in time ..
sorry .. LOL!
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 01:27 PM
Originally posted by Haphazard
Ok, Fairy...
Kelli with an "i"...
Vod's wife...
Maaaan, I'm gonna have some crazy dreams tonight!
If I could only get the "pet" thread out of my conscious mind.
...AND WHERE THE HELL IS GINGER!!!!???
:rolleyes:
Haphazard
11-15-2004, 01:54 PM
Originally posted by FairyKorpes
:rolleyes:
Don't roll your eyes at me missy!
;)
The_Return
11-15-2004, 02:34 PM
Originally posted by MichaelMyers
It'd be nice
To have a blowjob
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
From your mom
Anytime is a good time for a Blink reference :D
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 02:46 PM
Originally posted by Haphazard
Don't roll your eyes at me missy!
;)
yup
DraculaInDallas
11-15-2004, 06:08 PM
Originally posted by urgeok
i'll see all y'all when i get home.
Thats is i dont spend the night in the can for driving with my unit out the window for the sake of getting some cold refreshing air.
ROTF LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! :D
Heretic_Ideals
11-15-2004, 07:11 PM
Originally posted by Vodstok
Nope, sorry. She is sworn to chastity should i ever die. Hate to burst your bubble like that.
well that doesnt mean she cant give blowjobs and slap her tits on my face!
FairyKorpes
11-15-2004, 07:16 PM
Originally posted by Heretic_Ideals
well that doesnt mean she cant give blowjobs and slap her tits on my face!
Woah look at you lol
Iniquity
11-15-2004, 07:20 PM
*waits for vod to post pics of his black eye when the mrs. sees this thread* lol
^^^^ really?
*waits for mrs. Vod to post pics of her black eye when Mr. Vod is through with her*
MUHAHHAHAHAHHA!! (no im not tlaking about spousal abuse ok just boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyong)
Iniquity
11-15-2004, 07:25 PM
Originally posted by gren
^^^^ really?
*waits for mrs. Vod to post pics of her black eye when Mr. Vod is through with her*
MUHAHHAHAHAHHA!! (no im not tlaking about spousal abuse ok just boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyong)
mushroom tattoo?
Originally posted by Iniquity
mushroom tattoo?
just like u get at the dentist.
Iniquity
11-15-2004, 07:53 PM
Originally posted by gren
just like u get at the dentist.
phew, always wondered about that. I still cant figure out why he just HAD to stick his finger up my ass to pull my tooth though.
Originally posted by Iniquity
phew, always wondered about that. I still cant figure out why he just HAD to stick his finger up my ass to pull my tooth though.
its all about the doctor/patient relationship..
dentists r tired of being so hated damnit.
Iniquity
11-15-2004, 08:00 PM
Originally posted by gren
its all about the doctor/patient relationship..
dentists r tired of being so hated damnit.
I wouldnt hate him so much if he would just remember which hand he was holding the drill in. sheesh talk about an angry anus.
Originally posted by Iniquity
I wouldnt hate him so much if he would just remember which hand he was holding the drill in. sheesh talk about an angry anus.
PUSSY!
insane78
03-23-2006, 01:21 AM
This is just one gay man's opinion: I love suckin dick and will suck as many as I can. Just 2 requirements: You're of legal age and you're somewhat good lookin. I also love to suck balls and I like when a guy fucks my throat and talks dirty to me, and yes I will swallow jizz if that's what the guy wants. And by the way, all ya homophobes and bigots can judge me all ya want and say what ya want, but I really don't care. Fuck you guys!
cheebacheeba
03-23-2006, 02:01 AM
Well, I for one woulda just assumed you were a chick...but hey, knowing you're a guy, feel free to suck all the dicks you like.
Yup, suck a big fat dick or ten. Just leave MY wang outta it, and you're good to go.
slasherman
03-23-2006, 02:05 AM
:rolleyes: ok insane78....but please dont tell me more.....
...that said there are are lot of girls out there who could need some practice...no biting !...
SKOOFx
03-23-2006, 07:31 AM
I just read the first post, and the guy is actualyl wrong.
I question the cleanliness of the girls he licks.
Yes, when its NOT taken care of, the pussy can smell and be VERy..VERY unpleasant...you can be fucking doggystyle..and the smell will just attack you. So licking that is very very nasty.
(this usually happens after a long along hot summer day--which leads to fucking.)
BUT..its rare...when im going to fuck. I know it. Or at least i take the proper precautions(either way).
My partner is expected (and usually does) the same.
So when i go down...i smell nothing but soap...body lotion..and all that yummy stuf..the stuff that makes me want to work on her for hours.
same with us guys.
If we dont keep it clean. with baby powder..lots of showering and cologne.
WE REAK..nasty ass grundle...just as bad
its give and take.
and for the record.
I LOVE IT FREAKY.
Facials and all.
ItsAlive75
03-23-2006, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by SKOOFx
I just read the first post, and the guy is actualyl wrong.
I question the cleanliness of the girls he licks.
Yes, when its NOT taken care of, the pussy can smell and be VERy..VERY unpleasant...you can be fucking doggystyle..and the smell will just attack you. So licking that is very very nasty.
(this usually happens after a long along hot summer day--which leads to fucking.)
BUT..its rare...when im going to fuck. I know it. Or at least i take the proper precautions(either way).
My partner is expected (and usually does) the same.
So when i go down...i smell nothing but soap...body lotion..and all that yummy stuf..the stuff that makes me want to work on her for hours.
same with us guys.
If we dont keep it clean. with baby powder..lots of showering and cologne.
WE REAK..nasty ass grundle...just as bad
its give and take.
and for the record.
I LOVE IT FREAKY.
Facials and all.
That was so unnecessarily informative...
The_Return
03-23-2006, 03:44 PM
Insane78, I dont think I even want to know how you managed to stumble over this relic of a thread.....
Spallalala
03-23-2006, 04:06 PM
Fuck blow jobs.. That goes the same with going down on a chick.
I will always say this. Fucking will always win over the above..
Marroe
03-23-2006, 04:24 PM
There's etiquette? If I'm in love with the person attached to it, and it's clean...it's whatever.
Spallalala
03-23-2006, 04:25 PM
Ya should be clean anyway.. I mean.. ewwwww. Too many images..
Marroe
03-23-2006, 04:28 PM
well, yeah...but according to what I just read, some people may not know that.
Spallalala
03-23-2006, 04:30 PM
sick sick people
Haunted
03-24-2006, 05:12 AM
They do make handy little wipes to freshen up a bit, but there is definitely a great bit of eeew factor in this thread.
Skoof, honey, TMI, babe, TMI.
darth rosenberg
03-24-2006, 08:02 AM
Good God people, a real lady would never call it a BJ.......I always use the term "PUFF CHORE":o
Haunted
03-24-2006, 09:16 AM
For some reason I like the expression "going down" on someone rather than bj's and what not. There's really no "graceful" of discussing it. Even the term "fellacio" is sort of...dirty.
Does this make me a prude?
Marroe
03-24-2006, 09:35 AM
Originally posted by darth rosenberg
Good God people, a real lady would never call it a BJ.......I always use the term "PUFF CHORE":o To me that one sounds worse, haha. Makes me wanna stay away from those cream puff horns:o
tachii
03-24-2006, 09:38 AM
ever hear the one about the girl who cannot get rid of a mouth sore? it just keeps getting worse. eventually she decides to see a doctor about it. he decides its best she not know what the problem is; after much insisting he informs her that she had a maggot embedded in her mouth. the only way that would be possible, he informs her is if she or someone she knows works with dead animals or persons.
her boyfriend worked at a morgue.
always found that funny. also funny how some urban legends to repeat themselves in actual life events :D
slasherman
03-24-2006, 11:15 AM
Originally posted by Spallalala
Fuck blow jobs.. That goes the same with going down on a chick.
I will always say this. Fucking will always win over the above..
does that mean you never going down on Cheeb ? ...poor guy :p
Dante'sInferno
03-24-2006, 11:18 AM
Anybody here eat tuna!??!!??!?!?!
Smell's like tuna but tastes like chicken.:D :D :D :D :D
Dante'sInferno
03-24-2006, 11:27 AM
I hate myself.
hellfire1
03-24-2006, 11:48 AM
Originally posted by tachii
ever hear the one about the girl who cannot get rid of a mouth sore? it just keeps getting worse. eventually she decides to see a doctor about it. he decides its best she not know what the problem is; after much insisting he informs her that she had a maggot embedded in her mouth. the only way that would be possible, he informs her is if she or someone she knows works with dead animals or persons.
her boyfriend worked at a morgue.
always found that funny. also funny how some urban legends to repeat themselves in actual life events :D
ok... really... i just gagged. ewwwwww
DraculaInDallas
03-24-2006, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by Marroe
There's etiquette? If I'm in love with the person attached to it, and it's clean...it's whatever.
Ahhhh Sugar Butt.....you're my kinda gal :p ;) :D
cheebacheeba
03-24-2006, 01:44 PM
does that mean you never going down on Cheeb ? ...poor guy
Nono...it's still a here and there thing...my needs are fully
taken care of, I'm easy.
Haunted
03-24-2006, 01:44 PM
Originally posted by slasherman
does that mean you never going down on Cheeb ? ...poor guy :p
That's not as uncommon as it sounds. I never went down on one of my exboyfriends, because he was uncircumsized. I realize that is a cultural thing, but still, unless the dude is really clean, this little Witch ain't goin' down town.
tachii, that was foul. Really foul. Abominably foul. And sorta kinda amusing too.:D That's one of those tales you might need to be in the mood to read. Might want to go back and put a disclaimer on that one. You know, like: Don't read this after eating or Don't read this unless your sense of humor is rather "creative" at the mo.
DraculaInDallas
03-24-2006, 01:45 PM
Originally posted by slasherman
does that mean you never going down on Cheeb ? ...poor guy :p
LMAO :D That may explain why cheebs is a little testy now and then ;)
Haunted
03-24-2006, 01:49 PM
I'm just going to rush headlong into this. It surprises me how many of my girlfriends in the past didn't understand that while taking care of the shaft is always nice, spend a goodish amount of time on the tip. It's very sensitive and from what I've heard from my own satisfied men (sorry gang :p I'm trying really hard to be sorta polite) that it's very nice.
dewaholic
03-24-2006, 06:57 PM
A Woman's Take on the Subject:
1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be
grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's
NOT standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls. If you're that desperate, go jerk-off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
Disagree except for # 7
Marroe
03-24-2006, 07:16 PM
^^ that's what the very first post in the thread was.
Haunted
03-24-2006, 07:31 PM
And it's mostly as true now as it was when it was first posted.
Marroe
03-24-2006, 07:34 PM
Nahhh....not most of it is true, and the stuff that is....well, that's how guys are. They shouldn't get picked on so much.
Haunted
03-24-2006, 07:36 PM
I would have to agree that they are pretty handy, and sometimes even nifty.
Marroe
03-24-2006, 07:38 PM
awww, c'mooooonnnnn....they're adorable all over:)
monalisa
03-24-2006, 07:41 PM
Originally posted by Marroe
awww, c'mooooonnnnn....they're adorable all over:)
They're fun to play with! ;)
Truth be told.....most guys HATE blowjobs.
bwahahahahahahahahahah
tachii
03-24-2006, 07:49 PM
Originally posted by hellfire1
ok... really... i just gagged. ewwwwww
no sense of humor :(
Marroe
03-24-2006, 07:54 PM
Originally posted by tachii
no sense of humor :( I heard a worse maggot story:)
So it seems some girl and her man messed with food during sex. A few weeks later this girl was having orgasms out of no where in class (the guy who told me this said they were in high school at the time). It got so weird she went to the doctor to see if this was "normal", only to find out she had maggots moving around inside of her because apparantly she's dirty and didn't dig all the food out of her.
Sounds like a bullshit story to me, but gross all the same. Enjoy.
tachii
03-24-2006, 07:55 PM
Originally posted by Haunted
tachii, that was foul. Really foul. Abominably foul. And sorta kinda amusing too.:D That's one of those tales you might need to be in the mood to read. Might want to go back and put a disclaimer on that one. You know, like: Don't read this after eating or Don't read this unless your sense of humor is rather "creative" at the mo.
at least someone appreciated the story :)
disclaimer! where's the fun in that?
kind of ruins the effect
still funny tho :)
monalisa
03-24-2006, 08:08 PM
Originally posted by Haunted
I'm just going to rush headlong into this. It surprises me how many of my girlfriends in the past didn't understand that while taking care of the shaft is always nice, spend a goodish amount of time on the tip. It's very sensitive and from what I've heard from my own satisfied men (sorry gang :p I'm trying really hard to be sorta polite) that it's very nice.
My God woman, you're making ME horny and I'm female (and het all the way). But from the sounds of it, we have similar techniques. ;) Never had any complaints. But don't forget about Mr. Shafty either, don't want him getting too lonely. I can't believe I just said that.
WHAT.......the balls get NO respect.
http://poetry.rotten.com/testicle/eleph4.jpg
tachii
03-24-2006, 08:14 PM
Originally posted by Marroe
I heard a worse maggot story:)
So it seems some girl and her man messed with food during sex. A few weeks later this girl was having orgasms out of no where in class (the guy who told me this said they were in high school at the time). It got so weird she went to the doctor to see if this was "normal", only to find out she had maggots moving around inside of her because apparantly she's dirty and didn't dig all the food out of her.
Sounds like a bullshit story to me, but gross all the same. Enjoy.
that one's new to me
not too many people can get me to raise an eyebrow
you know she still dug it :p
monalisa
03-24-2006, 08:15 PM
Originally posted by newb
WHAT.......the balls get NO respect.
http://poetry.rotten.com/testicle/eleph4.jpg
Well, that was a disgusting picture.
But of course they get respect, gently though, don't want to hurt the little fellers. I'll stop now.
Originally posted by monalisa
Well, that was a disgusting picture.
Not my best side.
Spallalala
03-24-2006, 09:31 PM
Originally posted by slasherman
does that mean you never going down on Cheeb ? ...poor guy :p
He probably gets more then you do :P haha
bloodrayne
03-24-2006, 10:32 PM
I honestly believe the way we 'do things' is immensely determined by the person we are with...My views and practices concerning this subject have changed DRAMATICALLY...With Dustin...
Elvis_Christ
03-24-2006, 10:33 PM
pics?
bloodrayne
03-24-2006, 10:35 PM
Originally posted by Elvis_Christ
pics? lol...Still won't go THERE, though :)
Elvis_Christ
03-24-2006, 10:37 PM
Prudes :)
bloodrayne
03-24-2006, 10:39 PM
Originally posted by Elvis_Christ
Prudes :) Nah...I just can't get into watching anyone have sex...Not even myself
I honestly could never figure out why people would be into that...I mean, why WATCH sex?...I'd much rather just DO it...
Marroe
03-24-2006, 10:42 PM
tonight I have seen both the biggest nuts, and the biggest bitch I have ever seen in my life.
Elvis_Christ
03-24-2006, 10:45 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Nah...I just can't get into watching anyone have sex...Not even myself
I honestly could never figure out why peole would be into that...I mean, why WATCH sex?...I'd much rather just DO it...
I think most people would. Porno is pretty damn funny tho :)
Originally posted by Marroe
tonight I have seen both the biggest nuts, and the biggest bitch I have ever seen in my life.
The biggest bitch?
Marroe
03-24-2006, 10:47 PM
The biggest bitch? Oh lord yes, go look at the "help help" or whatever is was thread. Yick. She needs a man with a sack like that....I'd hate to see how big this lady's...uh....area is.
bloodrayne
03-24-2006, 10:48 PM
Originally posted by Elvis_Christ
Porno is pretty damn funny tho :)
Ahh...So THAT's why people get into porn...Okey Dokey
I think I'll just stick with Horror.Com for MY comedy...
bloodrayne
03-24-2006, 10:49 PM
Originally posted by Marroe
tonight I have seen both the biggest nuts, and the biggest bitch I have ever seen in my life. Heh...And right here at Horror.Com...Yup...We've got it all:cool:
Marroe
03-24-2006, 10:49 PM
I have a hillarious one on my pc....haha, it's even all about the BJ.
The STE
03-24-2006, 10:52 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Ahh...So THAT's why people get into porn...Okey Dokey
I think I'll just stick with Horror.Com for MY comedy...
no, I watch porn for 4 reasons:
1) Asian chicks
2) Black chicks
3) Lesbians
4) trannies
or, alternately, one reason: masturbation
Marroe
03-24-2006, 10:53 PM
Originally posted by The STE
no, I watch porn for 4 reasons:
1) Asian chicks
2) Black chicks
3) Lesbians
4) trannies
or, alternately, one reason: masturbation Not ALL white chicks are bad....just the blonde ones. Don't hate so much.
The STE
03-24-2006, 10:54 PM
Originally posted by Marroe
Not ALL white chicks are bad....just the blonde ones. Don't hate so much.
oh, I have no problem with the white chicks (even blonde ones), but I watch porn for the above-listed reasons (two of which could include the white chicks)
Elvis_Christ
03-24-2006, 10:55 PM
White Chicks rock :)
Marroe
03-24-2006, 10:57 PM
damn strait we do....er, I do, dunno about the rest.
The STE
03-24-2006, 10:57 PM
Originally posted by Elvis_Christ
White Chicks rock :)
sure. They're no Asian chicks or Black chicks, but they're still awsm
Haunted
03-25-2006, 04:23 AM
Originally posted by Marroe
I heard a worse maggot story:)
So it seems some girl and her man messed with food during sex. A few weeks later this girl was having orgasms out of no where in class (the guy who told me this said they were in high school at the time). It got so weird she went to the doctor to see if this was "normal", only to find out she had maggots moving around inside of her because apparantly she's dirty and didn't dig all the food out of her.
Sounds like a bullshit story to me, but gross all the same. Enjoy.
I have a piercing for those purposes, so I don't have to go the maggot route. I don't know if I buy that either, because I'm just wondering how she didn't notice the flies buzzing around her coochie, but it makes for sick but entertaining story.
dewaholic
03-25-2006, 08:48 AM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
Nah...I just can't get into watching anyone have sex...Not even myself
I honestly could never figure out why people would be into that...I mean, why WATCH sex?...I'd much rather just DO it...
It's not for everyone. It's such a turn on, watching ppl fuck ( in person) specially when u can join in. And it's aldo a turn on being watched.
Haunted
03-25-2006, 09:01 AM
I watched two people have sex before. I got really bored and started reading. I don't think that either of them had an orgasm either.:rolleyes:
I won't repeat that type of experience again. Been in that situation once, and it wasn't cool.
tachii
03-25-2006, 10:30 AM
Originally posted by Haunted
I have a piercing for those purposes, so I don't have to go the maggot route. I don't know if I buy that either, because I'm just wondering how she didn't notice the flies buzzing around her coochie, but it makes for sick but entertaining story.
i've always wondered if the piercings were worth it
maybe she slept nube and wide open :confused:
The STE
03-25-2006, 11:37 AM
Originally posted by Haunted
I watched two people have sex before. I got really bored and started reading. I don't think that either of them had an orgasm either.:rolleyes:
I won't repeat that type of experience again. Been in that situation once, and it wasn't cool.
you should watch ME have sex. I've been told it's akin to watching the 3rd act of the Ten Commandments
tachii
03-25-2006, 11:50 AM
smarmy :D
Haunted
03-25-2006, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by The STE
you should watch ME have sex. I've been told it's akin to watching the 3rd act of the Ten Commandments
Um... I don't want to seem rude, but comparing your sexual activity to a movie that, to me, is tantamount to a big steaming pile of pig shit, is a bit wrong. Try something more Haunted-esque.
Dude Guadalupe
03-25-2006, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by bloodrayne
I honestly believe the way we 'do things' is immensely determined by the person we are with...My views and practices concerning this subject have changed DRAMATICALLY...With Dustin... When she says 'dramatically', she fuckin means it, cuz I rock that hard.........so there
Haunted
03-25-2006, 05:20 PM
You tell 'em, dude!
Elvis_Christ
03-25-2006, 06:22 PM
Originally posted by The STE
you should watch ME have sex. I've been told it's akin to watching the 3rd act of the Ten Commandments
Boring?
The STE
03-25-2006, 06:42 PM
Originally posted by Haunted
Um... I don't want to seem rude, but comparing your sexual activity to a movie that, to me, is tantamount to a big steaming pile of pig shit, is a bit wrong. Try something more Haunted-esque.
Boring?
to be fair, the time they watched is when I was fucking Charleton Heston...
(also, the Ten Commandments was awsm)
ok, Haunted-esque...
Watching me have sex has been described as like watching Suicide Circle
tachii
03-25-2006, 07:11 PM
beginning sequance or entire film
cause some scenes i could do without
too boring
The STE
03-25-2006, 07:29 PM
opening scene
tachii
03-25-2006, 07:32 PM
confidance
that's good
:)
The STE
03-25-2006, 07:36 PM
Originally posted by tachii
confidance
that's good
:)
well, it's violent, there's tons of bodily fluids spraying, and all the hot asian chicks get it in the end.
tachii
03-25-2006, 07:38 PM
Originally posted by The STE
all the hot asian chicks get it in the end.
don't they always
AUSTIN316426808
03-26-2006, 01:20 AM
Lord knows I'm not trying to rekindle any old shit, but reading this thread makes a couple past events here seem pretty ridiculous.
Haunted
03-26-2006, 01:22 AM
The love is at last flowing freely from the faucets of HDC.;)
Thomasgeorge
03-26-2006, 01:23 AM
yeah what she said
Haunted
03-26-2006, 06:18 AM
Originally posted by tachii
don't they always
Yes, they certainly do! All these goddamn petite Asian girls comin' in stealing our good white men. Damn you, anime! DAMN YOU!!!!
:D I kid. It's actually kind of funny. I hear tale that lovely white women are a commodity in Asia. Men.:rolleyes:
Evil~Yum~Yums
03-26-2006, 08:35 AM
Wow lol:p
Originally posted by Haunted
:D I kid. It's actually kind of funny. I hear tale that lovely white women are a commodity in Asia. Men.:rolleyes:
as the rolling stones should have said:
"you can't always get what you want - but you always want exactly what you can't get!"
monalisa
03-26-2006, 01:26 PM
Originally posted by Zero
as the rolling stones should have said:
"you can't always get what you want - but you always want exactly what you can't get!"
"But sometimes, ya get what ya neeeed!"
OK, everyone bring out your air guitars and start playing your hip! :D
Haunted
03-26-2006, 03:12 PM
Officially starts...
Now all I need is the boys choir in the background.
Haunted
03-26-2006, 05:07 PM
This thread is fine.
It's ABOUT blows.
Haunted
03-26-2006, 05:15 PM
I'm sorry, Trippin,' I just have idea what you're talking about. Care to try again. I had a terrible headache today, and I think my brain is sorta mushy. (NO IT'S NOT MUSHY EVERYDAY, SHUT UP!)
tachii
03-26-2006, 08:51 PM
Originally posted by Haunted
Yes, they certainly do! All these goddamn petite Asian girls comin' in stealing our good white men. Damn you, anime! DAMN YOU!!!!
:D I kid. It's actually kind of funny. I hear tale that lovely white women are a commodity in Asia. Men.:rolleyes:
so then...
what sort of men do white/asian (and anyone left out)
women prefer?
Spallalala
03-26-2006, 09:08 PM
Im only gonna say this once....But if imma looking at chicks they gotta have tits. ( not just nipples..they gotta have some backup to haha ) ..
Anyway.. I think we all changed the subject, it went from BJ's to who is fuckable. hehe
tachii
03-26-2006, 09:11 PM
Originally posted by Spallalala
Im only gonna say this once....But if imma looking at chicks they gotta have tits. ( not just nipples..they gotta have some backup to haha ) ..
Anyway.. I think we all changed the subject, it went from BJ's to who is fuckable. hehe
no mosquito bites :)
doesn't who's fuckable always come back around to certain acts?
just making the rounds
Spallalala
03-26-2006, 09:16 PM
Originally posted by tachii
no mosquito bites :)
doesn't who's fuckable always come back around to certain acts?
just making the rounds
haha. mosquito bites..
No offence to anyone here that has only nipples tho ( and guys you dont gotta feel left out. we know the majority of you only have nipples attached. Im talking about us girlys here ).
Its just the direction I head in. If Im gonna look at chicks I wanna see the upstairs goods. :P