Lucid Dreams
09-26-2004, 07:01 PM
heres something i did a while ago...for girls, add on stuff for guys too so...yaa...heres what i have so far
You know you need a girlfriend(or boyfriend) when...
1) Your balls(or tits) begin to turn blue.
2) The sentence "I haven't fucked in two months" becomes part of your vocabulary.
3) The sight of your hand turns you on.
4) The last date you had was with your mom on Valentines Day.
5) Your dog, Betty, was your best Valentine yet.
6) The best sex you've had in a month was with your middle finger, which you ironically named "Fingie."
7) The last time you made out was in third grade...with your friend tommy....
8) The farthest you've gotten with the opposite sex was halfway down the street.
9) The last time you enjoyed time with a girl was when you were talking about your masturbation techniques with your psysicist.
10) Sex is a nickname for the game you play with yourself in the bathroom.
11) Your so desperate that you'd suck a dogs dick to be with a girl(and please, if this represents you, turn yourself into the authorities imediatly.)
12) Sleep is the only thing your doing every night.
13) Rosie O'donnel begins to look sexy
14) You get horny from the thought of a girl eating a hot dog.
15) You consider just putting a paper bag over her head.
16) The thought of never fucking crosses your mind.
17) Your balls are the size of bowling balls(if this is so, please contact the nearest Strip Bar)
18) Using a condom and a ribbed sponge is the closest thing to the real thing you've ever had.
19) Your still a virgin...at the age of 69.
20) Your "Girlfriend" is the vacum cleaner you bought from K-Mart.
21) The best orgasm you've ever had was the time you closed your dick in the car door.
22) You wear a shirt that says "I'm a Sex Machine" to bed every night.
23) Your idea of not having a baby is to stay at home and watch other people doing it...through your binoculours.
24) When you saw Road Trip and actually did try putting peanut butter on your balls and having your dog lick it off.
25) You consider Michael Jackson's way of living not too shabby.
26) Blow Me Up Betty pops and your too tired to blow her back up.
27) The hottest girl you ever had sex with was the girl that dug up from the grave yard the night before.
28) The number 69 means how many cats you've stuffed down your pants thinking they were really "Pussies."
29) You fantisize about filming a porno movie.
30) The closest time you've ever come to seeing a girls pussy and tits was when you played dress up and went into the girls high school bathroom.
31) You tried sticking your dick up your ass thinking it would feel like a pussy.
32) You "accidently" dialed 1-800-ASSHOLE thinking it would be a trucker paid to yell and scream at you.
33) You purposely broke both arms and both legs so a nurse would have to give you a sponge bath.
34) A girls excuse for not going out with you is that she has her period and its contagious.
35) Even your sister won't kiss you.
36) You faked passing out so the lifeguard would give you mouth to mouth.
37) You get a boner from a french girl.
38) Jerking off has become an everyday/every hour/every minute thing(if this is so, please call the following number. :1-800-I-Obsess)
39) Everytime a girl says "Go fuck yourself," you think she's hitting on you.
40) The dirtiest thing a girl has ever said to you was, "Don't fucking come close to me."
41) The local whore house doesn't let you in.
42) Your idea of a good time involves a playboy, a whip, and some choclate cream pie to drown away the sorrows.
43) You consider becoming a priest.
44) You try to get ahold of Michael Jackson's phone book.
45) You get horny from watching the mating rituals of a warthog.
46) The bed sheets are white...and used to be black.
47) Your box of condoms are five years expired.
48) The hole in your wall begins to feel good.
49) Going in front of "Balley Total Fitness" is the closest thing you've come to seeing a girl jumping up and down for you.
50) Fucking the radiator starts feeling good instead of burning.(For you Brit!!!)
51) You have to start getting a cup size for your balls.
52)
You know you need a girlfriend(or boyfriend) when...
1) Your balls(or tits) begin to turn blue.
2) The sentence "I haven't fucked in two months" becomes part of your vocabulary.
3) The sight of your hand turns you on.
4) The last date you had was with your mom on Valentines Day.
5) Your dog, Betty, was your best Valentine yet.
6) The best sex you've had in a month was with your middle finger, which you ironically named "Fingie."
7) The last time you made out was in third grade...with your friend tommy....
8) The farthest you've gotten with the opposite sex was halfway down the street.
9) The last time you enjoyed time with a girl was when you were talking about your masturbation techniques with your psysicist.
10) Sex is a nickname for the game you play with yourself in the bathroom.
11) Your so desperate that you'd suck a dogs dick to be with a girl(and please, if this represents you, turn yourself into the authorities imediatly.)
12) Sleep is the only thing your doing every night.
13) Rosie O'donnel begins to look sexy
14) You get horny from the thought of a girl eating a hot dog.
15) You consider just putting a paper bag over her head.
16) The thought of never fucking crosses your mind.
17) Your balls are the size of bowling balls(if this is so, please contact the nearest Strip Bar)
18) Using a condom and a ribbed sponge is the closest thing to the real thing you've ever had.
19) Your still a virgin...at the age of 69.
20) Your "Girlfriend" is the vacum cleaner you bought from K-Mart.
21) The best orgasm you've ever had was the time you closed your dick in the car door.
22) You wear a shirt that says "I'm a Sex Machine" to bed every night.
23) Your idea of not having a baby is to stay at home and watch other people doing it...through your binoculours.
24) When you saw Road Trip and actually did try putting peanut butter on your balls and having your dog lick it off.
25) You consider Michael Jackson's way of living not too shabby.
26) Blow Me Up Betty pops and your too tired to blow her back up.
27) The hottest girl you ever had sex with was the girl that dug up from the grave yard the night before.
28) The number 69 means how many cats you've stuffed down your pants thinking they were really "Pussies."
29) You fantisize about filming a porno movie.
30) The closest time you've ever come to seeing a girls pussy and tits was when you played dress up and went into the girls high school bathroom.
31) You tried sticking your dick up your ass thinking it would feel like a pussy.
32) You "accidently" dialed 1-800-ASSHOLE thinking it would be a trucker paid to yell and scream at you.
33) You purposely broke both arms and both legs so a nurse would have to give you a sponge bath.
34) A girls excuse for not going out with you is that she has her period and its contagious.
35) Even your sister won't kiss you.
36) You faked passing out so the lifeguard would give you mouth to mouth.
37) You get a boner from a french girl.
38) Jerking off has become an everyday/every hour/every minute thing(if this is so, please call the following number. :1-800-I-Obsess)
39) Everytime a girl says "Go fuck yourself," you think she's hitting on you.
40) The dirtiest thing a girl has ever said to you was, "Don't fucking come close to me."
41) The local whore house doesn't let you in.
42) Your idea of a good time involves a playboy, a whip, and some choclate cream pie to drown away the sorrows.
43) You consider becoming a priest.
44) You try to get ahold of Michael Jackson's phone book.
45) You get horny from watching the mating rituals of a warthog.
46) The bed sheets are white...and used to be black.
47) Your box of condoms are five years expired.
48) The hole in your wall begins to feel good.
49) Going in front of "Balley Total Fitness" is the closest thing you've come to seeing a girl jumping up and down for you.
50) Fucking the radiator starts feeling good instead of burning.(For you Brit!!!)
51) You have to start getting a cup size for your balls.
52)