Lethal Injection

[Spookhouse]

I wrote this but I'm not too sure about it. Sorry if its really really bad. I don't really spell check or edit my work when I'm done with it. And this was written out of boredom.

Lethal Injection

Did you ever think about not existing. What it would feel like to just be removed from reality forever. One last inhale and then nothing. Darkness, forever. Well I have and I've thought about it everyday for the past 22 years of my life behind these steel bars. For 22 years I've sat in this cage on death row. The thought of death sitting in my mind, only to be replaced with the memories of my crime. My mind is never free from the burden of what I've done and what I will come to reap.

Thoughts of the world continuing to revolve without me flutter through my brain as the guard walks up to my cell. From outside he says, "Hey Frank, whattya going to need for your last meal bud?" I look over through the gray bars and tell him I'll be needing a steak; rare, a baked potato, and aside of green beans with a soda. He nods after jotting my order down on a pad and steps away.

Once I'm alone again visions of her face flash into my skull. Bringing memories from long ago, but still I remember it just like it was yesterday. I remember seeing her riding her bike down the street, a small girl no more then 6 years old. She wore her blond hair in a chignon, something her mother had obviously braided for her. I watched as she pedaled her bike, myself following close behind, but not close enough to cause alarm. My eyes darting around watching and observing. My hands stuck in my pockets trying to control my urge to destroy this beautiful little creation of god.

This little girl, she keeps riding her pink bike, the kind with ribbons hanging off the handles and basket on the front. The late day sun coming down over the trees as I keep my eye out for any passerby, knowing that if I get an opportunity I wouldn't hesitate, wouldn't think a second thought. And then I was running towards this little girl, running fast because I had spotted my opening. She never even heard me barreling down on her till it was too late. I grabbed her off her bike and without missing a beat I darted right into a clearing in the woods.

Holding her while I ran the little girl started screaming and kicking. Tears flowing down her eyes instantly, sliding down her checks and blowing away in the wind. I held her tucked under my arm as my feet ran faster and faster till I was sure nobody could hear her crying and screaming. Once we came to a clearing that I knew was free of reality, free of people's eyes and ears. I put the girl down and sat her on the ground still crying. Tears flowing down her face. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes blurry with water, her mouth open and screaming. Calling for her mother, her screams got louder and louder piercing my ears.

A tap-tap on the prison bar broke my train of thought as I looked up and saw the guard there with my tray of food. Behind him two more guards, only there to make sure I didn't try anything stupid while they opened by cage to feed me. But I'm not dumb enough to try and run from my fate, I know what I did was wrong and I know that I must pay for it. After laying my food down in front of me the guard looks at me and asks, "You gonna need a priest Frank? A Rabbi a minister, anything?" I shake my head no. It wouldn't be any use anyway. I didn't deserve salvation, and if there was anything after that dark empty void it sure as hell wasn't some shining light. Not for me, not in this life time.

The guards turned and left slamming the door shut behind them. I started on my steak first, since I wasn't allowed proper silverware I used my hands. Picking it up and using my central and lateral incisors to tear at the red meat, my canines passing it to my first and second molars then my tongue passing it down my throat. I take another bite and that crying little girl flashes into my head. And I'm back standing there in the woods, her on the ground crying and screaming, louder and louder.

I couldn't stand it anymore, that sound made my head pulse. I dove on top of her and wrapped my cold sweaty hands around her small neck. My lateral incisors tear another piece of meat and chew. My hands squeezing harder and harder, her screams and even cries becoming silent. He face turning blue as he head dipped to one side and her eyes closed. I swallow the meat and quickly take a bite of my baked potato. I remember jumping up off of her body thinking she was dead. But I could tell she was still breathing, her chest moving up and down but barely. I nudged her with my foot and she only moaned passed out on the dirt floor.
My molars mash my baked potato round and round in my mouth till I swallow it. I grab a green bean and toss it into my mouth. Chewing it I remember how while she laid there passed out, close to death. Her French braid tattered and loose laying on the dirt around her head. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and knelt down close to her, my mind was racing and I knew I couldn't just let her go. She would for sure run back home crying and within hours some uniforms would track me down. The best way to deal with this was to finish what I had started, it was my only choice. My arms reached for her neck and I slowly coil my hands around her jugular. I squeeze harder and harder and her eyes pop up, her hands grab at mine clawing at them to get air. I toss the last piece of steak in my mouth and chew it deliberately with a sigh.

Her struggle for air only last a few seconds and then nothing, existence was null and void. All her dreams had been suffocated and taken from her, removed from reality by my hands. There knelt down over her body, I cried. Tears streamed down my face as I stared into the blue face of this young girl. Tears rolling down my check and falling onto her blue and purple lips. I caressed her face and wiped away my tear drops from her mouth then wiping my eyes with my shirt sleeve. I hoped up and took off after that, and while I ran through the woods all I could feel was a sense of self disgust from what I had just done. Later on that evening they found the body and it was only a few days before they caught me. I toss another green bean into my mouth and chew it slowly resting my head against the concrete wall. At the trial I didn't say two words, I had confessed right away so there was no need for me to go through the process again. And I've been sitting in this cell ever since, same blue mattress and the same white porcelain toilet.

I reach over and open my can of soda and take a long sip. And with a refreshing sigh I let out a long belch my lips forming a tiny smile at the crook of my mouth. I shake my head and cross my fingers over my head resting my hands atop my hair. My tongue runs over my teeth trying to free pieces of meat from between my molars and in my mind I'm picturing the next ten minutes of my life. The cops, they'll come to the cell and open the door. After handcuffing me and going through the usual drill I'll be escorted down the hall to what us inmates call the bed of nails. There I will be strapped down to a white gurney with brown leather straps, and out side the plexi glass will be the family of my victim. My brain will most likely be flashing thoughts of her face through my head, her blue pale face, her purple lips, her candle snuffed. My candle soon to be snuffed as a needle would be injected into my arm holding a deadly dose of some type of barbiturate, which is a central nervous system depressant. Could be 5 grams of sodium thiopental, 5 grams can put you under in about 10 seconds. 10 seconds till you are removed from this place and pushed into the dark. Or it could be a 100 milligrams of pancuronium bromide,which is a non-depolarizing muscle relaxant ,a paralytic agent, that blocks the action of acetylcholine at the motor end-plate of the neuromuscular junction. Binding of acetylcholine to receptors on the end-plate causes depolarization and contraction of the muscle fiber; non-depolarizing neuromuscular blocking agents like pancuronium stop this binding from taking place. With a 100 milligram dose, the onset of paralysis occurs in around 15 to 30 seconds, and the duration of paralysis is around 4 to 8 hours. Paralysis of respiratory muscles will lead to death in a considerably shorter time.

Its that easy, one simply prick in the arm and then sleep. Darkness, the void, forever. No way back to only a way forward. I've been thinking about this for 22 years and now its finally my time, my time to take the journey, to be removed from reality. No point in kicking and screaming, no point in last rites, no point in trying to save my self. I drink the rest of my soda letting it pass over my tongue and down my throat in one easy gulp. Her dead face passing behind my eyes, the darkness, then my hands around her neck, then darkness again, my tears on her face, and once more the empty void. And then a tap-tap on the steel bars and I'm snapped back to reality, its my time to take the journey. And for the 22 years I've sat in this cell, rotting, living with what I've done. I've never once said I was sorry for what I've done.