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Pet Sematary ( 2019 )
** Major Spoilers ** First off, I’ll go ahead and disclose that Pet Sematary is in my top three fav Stephen King books. Secondly, I will also be up front about the fact that I do enjoy the 1989 Mary Lambert film in spite of its flaws and (valid) criticisms. So I was pretty hyped to see a more contemporary take on the story, and thought the cast looked good ( particularly Jon Lithgow as Jud ). Boy, was I disappointed and, upon further reflection, kinda pissed. First and foremost, we all just have to accept that most book to screen adaptations lose a lot during the transition. But we can appreciate and overlook this when they still manage to hit the main beats, with the occasional inclusion of other less important details sprinkled in as a nod to their existence in the source material. But, we are well within our right to dispute changes that heavily impact the overall narrative, as well as ones that result in important plot points being left on the cutting room floor. That is the case here. The decision to swap Ellie and Gage’s places in the story lessens the impact ( no tasteless puns here ) of their death. Gage getting hit by a truck is just about one of the most gut wrenching and awful things King has ever written, and the reason for that, is because he’s a toddler. Not organized enough to realize the danger of the road and incapable of getting out of the way, which makes it all the more tragic and terrible. But Ellie’s death in this version is ridiculous, over the top, and borderline funny. She’s “ lured “ into the road by Church, and basically just stands there while a giant, loud as fuck truck flips and the trailer slides into her. The kind of death where plot demands a character lose control of all motor function and forget that they exist in the third dimension, in order for it to even happen. If you’re wondering why I started with the climax of the film, that’s because the first half is the cliffs notes of everything else that happens in the book. The gravest offense, imo, is how the character of Jud is handled. First, Norma ( his wife ) is cut, she is already dead and barely mentioned. Second, instead of having him be the one to tell it, all of the backstory on the town and the land is either rushed or left to a quick Google search in one scene. In the book, Jud takes on an almost surrogate father role in Louis’s life, and really seems like family by the end. Whereas, the remake relegates him to the role of an old curmudgeon that lives across the street who suddenly decides to let Louis in on the secret of the burial ground, cuz plot. Also, the burial ground itself is green screened and comes off looking like Mordor, as realized by the CG artists from The Asylum. Oh, and btw, the little funeral procession you see up there on the poster and in all the ads/previews, y’know the one with the kids in the creepy masks? Yeah. It has nothing to do with anything and is not explained or referenced again after it happens, it exists solely for one scene and trailer bait. The last half of the film, and the ending, are where it truly deviates from both the book and the 89 film and ( to me ) are the final nails in the coffin. Ellie isn’t scary. Period. She’s a 9yr old girl with a droopy eye and some veins on her face. If you’ve ever seen a horror flick with an evil little girl in it, you’ve seen this and probably seen it done better. As for the ending, the book’s is creepy, the 1989 one is grim, but the remake’s? Head-scratchingly lame. The whole affair of this remake smacks of missed opportunity. They could have gone for the throat in terms of both gore and representing the overall theme of the novel better, which is what a devastating loss and seemingly bottomless grief are capable of leading us to do, even if we knew the consequences. The gore is also inconsistent and unaffective. Pascow is hit by a car, and looks like he went through a meat grinder. But Ellie is hit by a truck trailer at high speed, and not only dies a bloodless death, but comes back essentially looking the same. If you’re gonna hit a kid with a truck, fucking go for it. Horrify us with an accurate depiction of what would happen to a child with that kind of damage. The original film didn’t, either because of budget/the age and ability of the actor/or the fact that in the late 80’s/early 90’s the MPAA still loved to turn horror films into Swiss cheese over content. They could have updated and expanded on both of these things ( and so much more ), but instead opted for bad cg and lame jump scares that don’t land. Overall, I’d lump this remake in the with weak, forgettable, and entirely unnecessary likes of Suspiria 2018 and Poltergeist 2015. 2/10 |
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Glass (2019)
6/10 Entertaining for Mcavoy's performance, but the writing is terrible. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) 9/10 I loved this movie. Funny, fantastically animated - my favourite movie of the year so far. Burning (2018) 8.5/10 Brilliant in its ambiguity, as well as frustrating for it. There's a tonne to be dissected here, and it's a movie that lingers on the thoughts for days after, but I'm unsure if there are any solid answers. The Favourite (2018) 8.5/10 A very entertaining film with great performances.
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