Descent

[The_Return]

I wrote and titled this before Id ever heared of "The Descent" movie. I tried to think of a new name, but this just fits it so perfectly. I dont know why I wated so long to post it here, but I think it's by best work. Ive written two other stories of compareable length, but not nearly as good. I might post them eventually as well. Without further ado...

The Descent


The rain was cold that night, but Victor would have given most anything to feel it beating down on his face. He must have blacked out, he couldn’t tell where he was or how long he’d been there. It seemed like a small pit, or a grave of some sort. The lack of oxygen was wreaking havoc on his mind, and suddenly, as though watching a movie, he saw himself less than a full day ago, happily at his home....

When Victor opened his door on that fateful morning, he felt an ominous presence pass through him. Although he couldn’t quite place what it was, he suddenly felt ill, and decided not go outside after all. He rested on his couch, and soon fell into a fitful sleep, full of disturbing images of himself unable to breathe. In one that particularly stuck in his mind, he was covered by snakes, crawling across him for head to toe, finally entering his mouth, impeding his breath. He woke up hours later, cold and disoriented, in a completely different room of his house. When he first awoke, he could hardly see, and when his sight finally did return, he was terrified. His house had been broken into! He realized that he was in his office, and all his important files were scattered over the floor, as though someone had been looking for something but couldn’t find it. As he wandered through his house, he realized everything was in a similar disorder, much different from the neatly organized house that he had fallen asleep in. Victor immediately called the police, and they were at his door within minutes. Two detectives, Presario and Wolverton, proceeded to examine the house, and to question Victor.
“So Mr. Cooper, would you mind running that past us one more?” asked Detective Presario.
“Whatever you want officer...I was feeling ill, so I lied down in the den. When I woke up, I was in my office, with my stuff all over the place. Now, not to offend, but shouldn’t you guys be checking for fingerprints or something? I’m not much of a detective but I know questioning a guy who was asleep the whole time can’t help much!”
“Please stay calm Mr. Cooper,” said Detective Wolverton in a flat tone, “Just following regulations. Now you say the doors and windows were all locked? And no one but you has a key?”
“I locked everything last night, and haven’t bothered to open anything yet. Just the front door of course, but it locks automatically.”, replied Victor much more calmly.
“Well there was no sign of forced entry...we’ll send a team down tomorrow morning to check everything out.” Presario told Victor.
“Tomorrow morning!” Victor exclaimed in shock, “It’s only 2pm!”
“Please calm down Mr. Cooper”, said Wolverton in the same flat tone as before, “Just procedure. I think we’ve heard all we’ll profit from, let’s go Presario. Thank you Mr. Cooper. We’ll be back with the crew tomorrow morning, if you have anything else to talk to us about.”

After the detectives left, Victor went to the kitchen to fix himself a lunch; he hadn’t eaten all day and was starting to get hungry. When he opened the refrigerator, he almost passed out in shock. Rotten, moldy food filled the fridge. Everything was spoiled, and the stench was awful. Just as he turned away, something smashed in the next room. A china vase was laying in pieces on the floor. Because he was tired, and still feeling sick from the stench in his fridge, he decided to leave it for later, and went upstairs to read and rest. After not long, he fell asleep once again...

Victor lies in the pit, fearing what must have happened while he slept. His air supply was getting lower by the second, and suddenly he saw another flash of memory in front of his eyes, however this didn’t look familiar. It was he all right; he watched has he got out of bed, while he believed himself to be sound asleep. He watched in horror as he walked as though in a trance towards his tool shed. He almost began to sob as he witnessed himself remove a shovel, and began to dig. In the cold, wet night, he dug a hole with almost unearthly strength and speed. Victor finally realized what he was seeing...and as he watched himself jump into his own grave, he began to cry. Only one question remained to him...how did the hole get filled in? He didnt have much time to think it over however, for he passed out, and this time, never woke up again....

[The_Return]

Originally posted by The_Return
I wrote and titled this before Id ever heared of "The Descent" movie. I tried to think of a new name, but this just fits it so perfectly. I dont know why I wated so long to post it here, but I think it's by best work. Ive written two other stories of compareable length, but not nearly as good. I might post them eventually as well. Without further ado...

The Descent


The rain was cold that night, but Victor would have given most anything to feel it beating down on his face. He must have blacked out, he couldn’t tell where he was or how long he’d been there. It seemed like a small pit, or a grave of some sort. The lack of oxygen was wreaking havoc on his mind, and suddenly, as though watching a movie, he saw himself less than a full day ago, happily at his home....
When Victor opened his door on that fateful morning, he felt an ominous presence pass through him. Although he couldn’t quite place what it was, he suddenly felt ill, and decided not go outside after all. He rested on his couch, and soon fell into a fitful sleep, full of disturbing images of himself unable to breathe. In one that particularly stuck in his mind, he was covered by snakes, crawling across him for head to toe, finally entering his mouth, impeding his breath. He woke up hours later, cold and disoriented, in a completely different room of his house. When he first awoke, he could hardly see, and when his sight finally did return, he was terrified. His house had been broken into! He realized that he was in his office, and all his important files were scattered over the floor, as though someone had been looking for something but couldn’t find it. As he wandered through his house, he realized everything was in a similar disorder, much different from the neatly organized house that he had fallen asleep in. Victor immediately called the police, and they were at his door within minutes. Two detectives, Presario and Wolverton, proceeded to examine the house, and to question Victor.
“So Mr. Cooper, would you mind running that past us one more?” asked Detective Presario.
“Whatever you want officer...I was feeling ill, so I lied down in the den. When I woke up, I was in my office, with my stuff all over the place. Now, not to offend, but shouldn’t you guys be checking for fingerprints or something? I’m not much of a detective but I know questioning a guy who was asleep the whole time can’t help much!”
“Please stay calm Mr. Cooper,” said Detective Wolverton in a flat tone, “Just following regulations. Now you say the doors and windows were all locked? And no one but you has a key?”
“I locked everything last night, and haven’t bothered to open anything yet. Just the front door of course, but it locks automatically.”, replied Victor much more calmly.
“Well there was no sign of forced entry...we’ll send a team down tomorrow morning to check everything out.” Presario told Victor.
“Tomorrow morning!” Victor exclaimed in shock, “It’s only 2pm!”
“Please calm down Mr. Cooper”, said Wolverton in the same flat tone as before, “Just procedure. I think we’ve heard all we’ll profit from, let’s go Presario. Thank you Mr. Cooper. We’ll be back with the crew tomorrow morning, if you have anything else to talk to us about.”
After the detectives left, Victor went to the kitchen to fix himself a lunch; he hadn’t eaten all day and was starting to get hungry. When he opened the refrigerator, he almost passed out in shock. Rotten, moldy food filled the fridge. Everything was spoiled, and the stench was awful. Just as he turned away, something smashed in the next room. A china vase was laying in pieces on the floor. Because he was tired, and still feeling sick from the stench in his fridge, he decided to leave it for later, and went upstairs to read and rest. After not long, he fell asleep once again...
Victor lies in the pit, fearing what must have happened while he slept. His air supply was getting lower by the second, and suddenly he saw another flash of memory in front of his eyes, however this didn’t look familiar. It was he all right; he watched has he got out of bed, while he believed himself to be sound asleep. He watched in horror as he walked as though in a trance towards his tool shed. He almost began to sob as he witnessed himself remove a shovel, and began to dig. In the cold, wet night, he dug a hole with almost unearthly strength and speed. Victor finally realized what he was seeing...and as he watched himself jump into his own grave, he began to cry. Only one question remained to him...how did the hole get filled in? He didnt have much time to think it over however, for he passed out, and this time, never woke up again....

Sorry it got all jumbled together...give me a sec, Ill try to fix it.

EDIT - I made it a little better...

[The_Return]

I'll post another if anyones likes this...

[Posher778]

Not bad at all. Did you read my newer idea? Not sure if its good enough to fully write.

[alkytrio666]

Very cool, Return, very creepy.

It's got a lot of Poe style, but made modern, and the ending was very good, leaving questions unanswered and us to wonder. I'll be thinking about this one all day.

Post another!

[The_Return]

Thanks guys!

I'll make a new thread for my next one...it's not nearly as good though. Called "Eyes of the Forest".

great story!!!!!! im proud that the descent is british ;)

[alkytrio666]

Originally posted by $cale$e
great story!!!!!! im proud that the descent is british ;)

Wrong.

This one's Canadian. :)

[Thomasgeorge]

better than the movie

[bloodcreature]

I liked the concept. But not to be mean, it was a little confusing and I think more details would clear it up.

I enjoyed reading it though, it had me wondering through out what was going to happen.