#11  
Old 10-28-2007, 04:03 PM
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Thanks I really appreciate.

Gonna start some re-writes.
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  #12  
Old 10-28-2007, 04:07 PM
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Thanks I really appreciate.

Gonna start some re-writes.
you're welcome.

hope it turns out the way you want. :)
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  #13  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:16 AM
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Ok, I haven't read it all yet, but I have a few critisisms...

Instead of saying what seems to be a joint you should say what it is, it's a screenplay and needs as much detail as you can give it... so it should read "They are smokeing a joint" maybe even with more detail again..

Also you wrote "she pulls out a big bag of coke" then when she is putting it away it is a vile? it needs to be one or the other...

I'll read on.
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  #14  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:43 AM
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  #15  
Old 10-29-2007, 11:03 AM
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Thanks everyone so far for reading it.
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  #16  
Old 10-29-2007, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by GorePhobia View Post
Vince
Still?! Still you lie?! I was going to give you everything you ever wanted! We swore to each other that we would be together forever! How could you do it?! HOW!!!!
Personally, I liked this dialogue but if my boyfriend was sleeping around I'd be a lot more pissed. He kills her, right? So shouldn't there be more rage or if this supposed to show that he's a calm, calculated killer?

I'm getting mixed signals.
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  #17  
Old 10-29-2007, 05:00 PM
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Killing someone in my eyes is the ultimate pissed. He freaks out because she lies and then he killers her. What more can he do? He then kills the others.
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  #18  
Old 10-29-2007, 07:03 PM
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private review? laaame.
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  #19  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:07 PM
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private review? laaame.
Yeah, lets thrash it out here......
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  #20  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:37 PM
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Yeah, lets thrash it out here......
exactly, now I'm just curious.
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