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#7411
01-04-2019, 06:09 AM
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Happy belated new Year
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#7413
01-04-2019, 10:05 AM
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Oh man... I can't even begin to describe the last 36 hours that have done everything from completely stripping my ego and showing me exactly who I am, what I want, and the way I have been talking to people. I use such aggressive words because I don't take the time to think and when I get angry I want to explode with the most hurtful things I can and I know that's what drives people away because I never learned how to slow down and stop nuclear bombing everyone with all of my emotions all at once when most of the time I don't even know what I'm feeling because I immediately feel regret afterwards.
What I can tell you guys from memory is this. After I Disappeared last night, I ate more shrooms because I did not get the experience I wanted the first time. I was lying on my couch and I had 10000 Days by Tool playing on my stereo and I had on my TV a psychedelic trance video that I was watching as I was listening to the music. If you are familiar with the album, the song Jambi what's playing and it's very upbeat and in the video it was very colorful and the color started coming for me like it was trying to pull me in. It's slowly got closer and closer until the song stopped and the colors and imagery that was coming at me came back into the TV I guess because somehow I was picturing it with the music. And now comes the interesting part. Wings for Marie started playing which is a very low and very dark song with thunder even so naturally different colored dragons start coming at me slowly and creeping up on me and it's like I could see them blowing fire out their nostrils. They were small but there were many of them from green to Yellow to red and the fire was translucent Orange. At one point a golden dragon started flapping its wings toward me and I got the feeling it was friendly. It passed me and disappeared. As the music continue playing I kind of noticed in my head that it seemed stuck like it was just the exact same two or three seconds repeating itself and then as the dragon started getting closer they just pulled back and everything around me started fading to Black. It was almost as if I was dying, which in a sense I was. However, I knew what to expect. I suppose I was able to burn it into my subconscious which is a good thing because it kept me calm. In fact I even remember verbally kind of laughing and being sarcastic and saying something like oh no here it comes. The rest is mostly a blur for right now but I am piecing it together and I will get back to you guys with the rest.
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#7414
01-04-2019, 03:59 PM
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I wrote myself a very frank email...well, that's what I ended up doing anyway...
My intention was to simply lay out my plan for getting fit, losing weight, and document the process along the way so I might be able to hand on advice, recognise what works, what doesn't, and list my challenges along the way. It's funny when you start to follow certain trains of thought, when you're truly introspective. Some of it was actually a bit upsetting to acknowledge, in terms of basically how I feel about myself. Trying, isn't the same as wanting to try, or trying to try, which is basically what I've been doing for the last few years. I think it's important that people learn to draw a distinction between the two. Too much procrastination. Too many excuses and lazy logic. Too many "You're doing well so this allows for that" occasions. The shit is hard, but mainly in my mind...which is way harder to change than your body. So yeah nothing really more to report, I just thought it was interesting that I set out to do one thing and ended up ripping everything out of myself that I could, to lay it all out and be honest with myself...it's not as though I couldn't do it in my mind, but there's something about writing it out. Don't know if this "diary" type thing will ever be seen by anyone else...I'm not the kind to really go that public with things. But it's there, it exists at least for me. So in short, diet changes, more actively taking my dog on longer walks, and actual SOLID, ongoing gym attendance. My first step is that I've paid for an actual session with a personal trainer to write me a program. I'll be attending no less than four times a week for around an hour and a half every time. ...of course, what happened at the beginning of the year? Me and the family got sick with some kinda flu crap. So yeah my PT session is on Monday - and all going well that will be my "real" start point. The dietary changes are already underway. The dog walks are already underway. I just need to stop hacking horrible shit outta my lungs now. Blahblahblah that's me done.
__________________
The door opened...you got in..:rolleyes:
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#7415
01-04-2019, 04:41 PM
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Youtube - Sign in to confirm your age.
Gmail - Never asked for age. Logic?
__________________
The door opened...you got in..:rolleyes:
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#7416
01-04-2019, 05:21 PM
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We have to do that in the states here if it's a video that is considered make sure.
Coincidentally, I went live on Facebook yesterday morning around 5:30 a.m. because I for some reason felt compelled to document my trip, or at least my first one. Around 6 a.m. or so is when they started to affect me, depending on how full your stomach is, it can take anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes to take effect. The reason psychedelics make you feel bad about yourself in certain aspects is because they completely strip away your ego and your subconscious completely takes over and shows you who you truly are. For example, have you ever came out of a trip and then suddenly said to yourself, oh my God I can't believe I've not known this all along about myself? That is because as your ego is stripped and you are exposed just psychedelics heal you and they strengthen you and make you see. I am not sure what all you have taken or experienced but different medicines have different effects. I do like acid but I much prefer natural medicines like mushrooms, DMT and mescaline. The more stronger, the mushrooms and DMT, will render you unconscious if you have a strong enough dose and pull you into a world that that you can clearly understand is not this dimension. Everything moves in spirals, including yourself and as you practically melting away, for me anyway, when the colors from the TV start approaching me and then turn into dragons is when it just felt like everything was becoming a liquid. I don't even remember passing out but I did. Right now all I can remember is some sort of chant that kept repeating itself and eventually it started feeling like I was spiralling upwards, keep in mind at this point my body no longer existed, all I can remember is it was leading up to something that was going to reveal the meaning of life because as the chanting continued it was getting louder and louder like more people were doing it and quicker and more intense. Then all of a sudden I saw all these events Flash before me that I couldn't physically see but I knew what they were and remembered them. Like it was my life flashing before my eyes and it moved so quickly but I comprehended everything and then as all the darkness that was surrounding the rest of me started fading away and giving shape to some sort of open room that I was lying in. I was still not in my physical form but yet it was as if I was. Finally this chant finished and somehow it was in reference to the meaning of life All Along being a joke and the way I perceived it was it's just a cycle as in we die and then are just reborn but not as another human, but into a whole other concept all together. As the room around me was lighting up, I started hearing this voice in my head as if I was speaking for my life. It's like as if I was trying to say everything I could to remain in denial that I was in heaven but finally, inevitably I realized in my mind I was in heaven, I guess maybe because that's the word I have for whatever is beyond considering we don't know yet. Unless something else happened that I can't remember yet, that is when I came out of it but when I did I was extremely disoriented and still tripping my ass off. At this point I was exhausted because I had been up for a long time so I just laid here enjoying the visuals until I finally fell asleep.
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#7417
01-04-2019, 07:32 PM
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Sounds like you got your face stolen.
Next time I get my hands on some a those things I'm gonna sink 'em in some honey for awhile.
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#7418
01-05-2019, 07:30 AM
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This is similar to what the friendly go dragon look like. I'm not necessarily sure the colored Dragons Were evil, they were kind of dancing around me and whenever I breathe out my nose they kind of backed off just a little bit but they were breathing translucent fire that obviously wasn't real but it was just so astonishing. I think they might have been there to guide me.
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