#1
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here is some more of my loving..........
poetry. lol . ok he is a poem about school.
i like going to school but the kids are a drag i like learning its cool and i dont mean to brag but i am pretty smart by getting awards and honors i feel like someone throwing me like a dart i feel my energy getting taking away like those blood donors sometimes i am happy sometimes i am sad people give me a look of disgust which makes me feel crappy and they make fun of me which makes me mad this poem was about my school and i would like to know what you think so was it cool or is this poetry alot of bull should i keep going just give me a wink if i shouldnt give me a look of sadness and crazy but i dont really care, but its time to go read a book or just be completely lazy. what do u think?!?!?!?!? |
#2
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i think that would have worked out better if you hadn't tried to make it rhyme
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You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. ' Til one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere, and you've forgotton what shit even looks like. Welcome to the Layer Cake, son... |
#3
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Two tips:
- Dont focus so much on rhyme scheme - Longer is rarely better Here's a poem that I wrote that you might like: Have You Ever...? Have you ever sat down With nothing to do, simply An intent to write Have you ever stared At the blank page, wondering Why Bother?
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"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche |
#4
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It's not bad. Not my taste in poetry though.
Here's one..... Re-Awakened to the darkness Black is all I see Standing in the corner A shadowy figure staring back at me How did I get here And what are my options In this black abyss I am at a loss of thoughts Knowing my time is near Heavy breathing is all I hear Finding nothing to bring the light I will not find myself in this darkness ^^^^ That I just wrote sitting here. Here is a shorter one. Somtimes poem's should be short. It makes them better a lot of times. In my heart, I feel a pain Painted wrists, With dried Bloodstains Hear my cries, And leave me alone Your true innerself, You have shown These are more of my style. |
#5
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Long poems can be good as well. Here is one of my all-time favourite poems. I think we all could learn from this, and I know I try to live this way as much as possible.
If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! - Rudyard Kipling
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"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche |
#6
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Yours arent bad VC...however I must say, not my taste.
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"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche |
#7
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Quote:
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#8
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Quote:
The painted wrists thing..... I picked that style up from one of my Ex's. No, I'm not a cutter......She was though. |
#9
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heres a song i wrote
I saw shining star in his eyes i felt a warming glow in his arms but when we kissed.. i knew...I'd miss The freind , I turned to for love.. The words he spoke had me in a trance his warming touch took me to paradise when we were through i knew ..i'd lose.. the freind i turned to for love I never meant for this to begin em sorry now i let my heart win the price i'd pay to turn back a day and have him as a freind once again I feel so out of place out in the cold... if only he were here for me to hold.. I'd let him know I need him so .. take me..how we were before god .. now hes gone for sure .. He's my freind...i lost for love .. lost for loveeeeeeeeeeee ..ohhh no ... lost for loveeeeee.. 'pant pant...bow'
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my opinion counts dammit so says my Lord :D |
#10
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scaryminda15
ok this one is for my dear friend panada. nice poems guys. ok here wer go.......
you think life is a real fat stink but listen to me and ill tell u what our friendship means to me this is what i think that u got to see that i am here for u and many others of course you can always make me smile when im down when i need help or comfort your my source so next time you got a big frown u better come to me and i will help you just give me a pm or email our friendship will always be kept true. and when you have a tale ill listen and bring a smile to your face because you always do it for me and when your too fast in pace just calm down and u will see that i can help you when u hate the universe which is often that you want the world and people to disappear so when ur down just come to me and we will have a converse and for this poem you are my very best friend so remember to smile you my friend to the very end so ill say smile just for a while. ok smile for me and when u need me i am here for you. :) |
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