#11  
Old 02-17-2006, 08:48 AM
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wood_elf_pansy wood_elf_pansy is offline
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I am so not sober!! the above posted by Newb was so funny to me.
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Life may be hard and you may get scared,
But, that is how it is so, be prepared.
I want you to know that the world is mean,
On the other side of the fence, grass isn't always green.
Look to a friend or someone you trust,
Holding them close is kind of a must.
You'll need to be strong and not too proud,
If you are afraid, just get loud.
Stand up for what it is you believe,
If you fail, dont give up and leave.
Be yourself and don't let anyone change you,
To yourself always, and I mean always, stay true.
Follow your heart where ever it leads,
But, remember life goes on when it bleeds.
No matter what happens I will always care,
Give up on you is something I wouldn't dare.
"Everybody needs a little wood"
peace and out... ~The Wood
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  #12  
Old 02-17-2006, 09:20 AM
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newb newb is offline
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On a tour of Alaska, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the campground in
the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of
the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the
Whales"

T-shirt and a Tree Hugger Hat, was struggling frantically, thrashing
around trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came
racing up. One quickly fired a 338 magnum into the bear's chest. The
other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from
the bear.
Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death and two
of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly
placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give
you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there
was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now
I've seen with my own eyes that that is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was
that guy ?"

"It was the Pope," another replied, "he's in direct contact with God and
has access to all God's wisdom"

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he
sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..............is the bait
holding up okay or do we need to go back into town and grab another
one?"
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  #13  
Old 02-17-2006, 09:23 AM
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filmmaker2 filmmaker2 is offline
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This is how the tyrannosaurus scene in King Kong originally played out before they changed it:

********************************

TREX: I'm sorry but you look just like a little olive to me.

ANN: Noooooooo! Noooooooooo!!!!

TREX (bending down to grab her): Oh this is gonna be good. Oh yeah!

ANN: Oh my God, oh my God!!

KONG: Hey! What are you doing?? GIMME that!

(KONG GRABS ANN AND EATS HER REALLY QUICK.)

KONG: Womp! Mmmmph, mmmph, glgmmmmph, munch munch. Mmmm, hey that was good.

TREX: You ruined my day. You suck.

KONG: Ahhhh, shaddup.

TREX: Oh all right.
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  #14  
Old 02-17-2006, 09:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by filmmaker2
This is how the tyrannosaurus scene in King Kong originally played out before they changed it:

********************************

TREX: I'm sorry but you look just like a little olive to me.

ANN: Noooooooo! Noooooooooo!!!!

TREX (bending down to grab her): Oh this is gonna be good. Oh yeah!

ANN: Oh my God, oh my God!!

KONG: Hey! What are you doing?? GIMME that!

(KONG GRABS ANN AND EATS HER REALLY QUICK.)

KONG: Womp! Mmmmph, mmmph, glgmmmmph, munch munch. Mmmm, hey that was good.

TREX: You ruined my day. You suck.

KONG: Ahhhh, shaddup.

TREX: Oh all right.
Stick to special effects.....your screenwriting needs work:D
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  #15  
Old 02-17-2006, 10:12 AM
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ItsAlive75 ItsAlive75 is offline
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Ahem...

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose penis was shaped like a bucket
His gal liked his dick
but they broke up real quick
cuz she tried but she just couldn't suck it
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DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest.

SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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  #16  
Old 02-17-2006, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Ahem...

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose penis was shaped like a bucket
His gal liked his dick
but they broke up real quick
cuz she tried but she just couldn't suck it
I should introduce him to my cousin Sophie.

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  #17  
Old 02-17-2006, 10:46 AM
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ItsAlive75 ItsAlive75 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by newb
I should introduce him to my cousin Sophie.

hahahaha
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MISINTUPITATED- The act of removing the spine by use of fire.

DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest.

SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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  #18  
Old 02-17-2006, 11:11 AM
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Real or Fake

This is a boob test....the link WILL show you boobies....if you are too sensitive to see a womans breast.....don't click.

Its also a pretty easy test....i scored 19 out of 20.


http://transload.net/~zaphod/text/silicon.html
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  #19  
Old 02-17-2006, 11:25 AM
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stubbornforgey stubbornforgey is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by newb
Customer Service Call

This is supposed to be actual Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. I can't believe someone could be this stupid.

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?" "They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall! ." "Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."


"Dark?"

"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
hahahahahahaha..
yes this is an actual phone conversation...the customer services
person got the sack for it.
This happened about 7 years ago ..
GO THE AUSSIES !!!!
fucking funny .
Theres another one ..customer service
Rheem hot water cylinders.
track that down...thats fucking hilarious too.
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  #20  
Old 02-17-2006, 12:18 PM
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The Mothman The Mothman is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Ahem...

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose penis was shaped like a bucket
His gal liked his dick
but they broke up real quick
cuz she tried but she just couldn't suck it
I have no idea why i found this as funny as i did.
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