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#1
03-10-2006, 02:52 AM
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Relationship Whimsy...From A Female Perspective
My mother sent me these...I thought they were cute...
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." --------------------------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." --------------------------------------------------------------- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ---------------------------------------------------------------- He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ---------------------------------------------------------------- A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ---------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Actually...I had a different answer for that last one...heh Only a man with a great sense of humor can appreciate these;)
__________________
...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be 
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#2
03-10-2006, 03:13 AM
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Re: Relationship Whimsy...From A Female Perspective
Quote:
Helpless to the onslaught? Those are kinda funny and sadly, true for the most part.
__________________
Whatever The Fuck Ever
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#3
03-10-2006, 05:39 AM
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I like those, Rayne. I'm going to have to send them to my mum.
__________________
By the time you're twenty-five they will say you've gone and blown it. By the time you're thirty-five I must confide you will have blown them all
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#4
03-10-2006, 06:29 AM
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http://extremetoysforboys.com/index..../item/Wheelman's%20-%20Bushpig.html
__________________
The door opened...you got in..:rolleyes:
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#5
03-10-2006, 08:09 AM
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To all long suffering men:
SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. STYLE: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. MONEY MANAGEMENT: A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want. HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. MARRIAGE DECISIONS: Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed. MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MEMORIES: A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. WHAT A WOMAN WANTS: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy... - One is to let her think she is having her own way. - The other is to let her have it. LONGEVITY: Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. MISTAKES: Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. THE BATTLE: A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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#6
03-10-2006, 08:34 AM
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Nice one Newb. The only thing in there that I disagree with, is the "Understanding Women" part. But I may understand them because all of my friends are girls....
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#7
03-10-2006, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. its like you were talking about me personally..LOL
__________________
my opinion counts dammit so says my Lord :D
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