|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
#1
09-13-2005, 03:07 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Death in the Woods [Working title]
I really dont like that title, but it's the best I could come up with for the moment. Anyway, here's the introduction to a short story I just started writing, hope ya'll like it!
“It started out as such a great weekend,” thought Kyle to himself, knowing he likely wouldn’t live to see the end of it. Only the day before, a Friday, Kyle and 3 of his friends, went out to the local woods for a weekend of fun and solitude, as they’d done countless times before. But this time had been different right from the start, and the 4 friends all noticed it. It was like there was something in the air that weekend, something...strange. Each of them felt uncomfortable in the woods that had been like their second home since childhood. Now, less than a full day later, Kyle was the only one left, and he knew he wouldn’t survive much longer. The gaping wound in his side was throbbing, and he knew he couldn’t hide from those....those things forever. With his pocket knife drawn, Kyle rushed the hideous beast in a last attempt to save his life and avenge his friends. It simply stretched a blood-crusted claw, and before Kyle could even take another step, his life swam before his eyes, just as his blood swam out of his body. And just before he slipped into the eternal darkness, the terrifying revelation swept through his dying mind...
__________________
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche 
|
|
#2
09-28-2005, 10:10 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
well? go ahead and deliver, man! it's a good setup, the prose is good. the exposition may be a little weak, but that's what first drafts are for, right? that's really all the constructive criticism i can give right now. there's a sense of mystery, the timing is good, things are revealed just right. finish it!
|
|
#3
09-29-2005, 09:08 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hmm... Seems quite interesting. I'd like to see more.
"... his blood swam out of his body." is a wonderfully evocative turn of phrase. Kudos for that.
__________________
And no matter what I say I cannot resist or betray it. No one could do so because there is no one here. There is only this body, this shadow, this darkness.
|
 |
|
|
